I have encountered many requests for help, some to help and some not to help. I, myself, have also asked for help from many people, some were helped and some were not. The reasons for not being helped, I have also summarized, such as people are small and useless to others, this is one, such as the matter sought and the other party’s style is different, not easy to do, this is also one.
The key reasons for being helped or not, I think it is no more than this.
1, polite
Asking for help, the posture should be low, that’s for sure. So I write emails, usually very polite, “please”, “can”, “please” are common words, at the end, usually “good luck with the spring “It is not important that the other party understands this old-fashioned etiquette, but it is important to feel my sincere attitude.
Courtesy comes from sincerity, and etiquette is all about details. When someone asks me for help, they call me “Mr. Xiao”, although my real surname is not Xiao, but in any case, it is not a professional enough performance to change the surname of someone.
Whether or not others have helped, thank you, this is also a matter of courtesy. No one coveted that thanks, but this represents the quality of a person.
2, professional
The aforementioned change of name is one, if the content of the request for help is written incoherent, both so that others feel unable to start, but also let others feel that this person is not professional, unreliable – although, immaturity will lead to the need for a lot of help, but to help people, is to see the professional or not, because such people may help the more smashing, ultimately, the help The people who help also to trap. Moreover, because of the lack of professionalism, many times, such people will be dependent, such as giving a resume to you to look at, you gave advice, and eventually, he may let you directly to change. You propose to make a PPT for illustration, he can’t do it, and eventually, he wants you to do it.
No one wants help to be a firestorm.
To ask others to help, with a short and clear statement, describe what it is, why you need help, how you need others to help, it is best to do all the preparatory work, so that others can measure in a short time to help, rather than others need to check a lot of information to be able to determine, many people will not be willing to check the information. Especially some background, they are clear, others are not clear, and you can not ask others as clear as you.
3, time management
In fact, time management in the help and courtesy, professional are inseparable.
It is very rude to arrive late or even not to arrive when you have an appointment. I have met a friend who asked me to help introduce people in a hurry, I was also very attentive, early about the time, to the time, they went, about the introduction of friends to go, only the initiator did not arrive, the phone call to ask, said it was a cold early in the morning, can not come out. There is no way not to be annoyed by this, a cold early in the morning, can be cancelled by phone early in the morning, and so on people have arrived, and then apologize late. That thing, I invited my friends to eat two meals in a row to forget the matter. As for the friend who asked me to help, I am afraid to treat him as a friend again.
Another misconception of time management is: to put their own things first, regardless of what others are busy, making requests, rushing.
4, utilitarian
When you use people, enthusiasm. When you can’t use people, lukewarm. Such people, can help once, dare not help a second time.
Once someone powder me, ask me questions, I answered, the other side did not hear back. After a while, I saw someone turn his microblogging, my intuition was that this person had unfollowed me, looked, and sure enough. Maybe my answer can not make him satisfied, but I am also serious and responsible answer – I can not recognize people offline, but the memory of the digital ID will be more profound, but now I really forget who this person is, only remember this thing, things can be done case, because there is enlightenment, people can forget, because it does not matter.
5, bring others trouble
People who make requests are often simple, just ask, help people but often need to put into action. For example, from place A to place B, how to get there? How long it may take? People will measure the input-output ratio, if I have to spend four or five hours to help a favor, it takes four or five hours to travel to and from the two cities, which I really do not see to do, the cost of travel is a small matter, I have to measure the effect of these hours used in other places.
6, a small benefit to induce the
For example, please eat small gifts or something, may be to see more “influence” it, so will feel that this is the skill, but ignored: who is not lacking a meal, no emotional basis and with a clear purpose of eating, will make people wary, the so-called eat people’s mouths soft, if you simply do not want to help, it is better to refuse directly, not to mention that dinner also takes time. For many people, time is really worth much more than a meal – it seems snobbish to say so, but time and money are indeed also analogous.
The opposite scenario is also there, that is, the meal never know how to pay the bill. I once had several meals with a child, each time I paid the bill, the only time said to treat me, I ordered the food and the other party has been complaining that this is not good that is not good, in order to avoid future opportunities to eat together, I rushed to grab the bill. I am older and earn more than the children, it is normal to pay the bill, but I also want to avoid others to rely on me.
7、Upward mobility
I think this factor is very critical, namely: whether the person is worth helping or not.
A progressive person, help him not want to get anything from him, help, but also may be out of the community to give back, who are happy to see the progressive young people, this is the hope of the world, such people, is willing to lose money and time and energy to help, like “Pay it Forward”.
Some people seem to be humble, in fact, can not listen to the views of others, said a few sentences will be annoyed, in a humble tone of rebuttal, for such people, want to praise and encouragement, can not mention the opinion, mention the opinion, good intentions may harvest antipathy.
Buddha to the people who have a destiny, that is the truth.
Many people help me, I think also because I am an upwardly mobile person, know progress, understand the proportion, positive, enthusiastic, and I help a lot of people are also the same, most of those who have helped have forgotten to help, but believe that they will know my goodwill to help more people, which is a kind of transmission, light and heat dispersion.
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