preface
I’m a psychotherapist. Worked in a psychiatric hospital, providing psychotherapy to people with mental illness. “To be a normal person” is the direction of every patient here. The patient is receiving treatment and trying to gain recognition from the family and the society, looking for the hope of returning to a normal life. And we get along with them day and night, every word and action may be a candle in the eyes of a patient, or the rain. I also want to record these stories that I hear and see. I hope that those friends who are willing to see these stories can see them as normal as they are. They also have seven emotions and six desires. That’s why I want to tell these stories.
1
In 2016, I just came to the mental outpatient clinic of the mental Department from school as an intern. In a teaching audit, I know the first time to psychological clinic for help sister, she was just working.
‘I just can’t stand it, not for a moment! Sister’s features were almost huddled together. “If there was a little confusion, I would go mad.”
The elder sister said she had “crazy demands” on the cleanliness of her bed. Whenever anyone – including herself – “touched” her bed, she had to throw everything into the basin and rub it “inch by inch.” For this reason, The elder sister often with “without any reason to come in and out of their own room” family members fierce quarrel.
Later, whenever she was not at home, she would always worry about the “safety” of the bed. When she got home, she washed everything, whether or not anyone had actually touched her bed.
The teacher asked, “Did your family ever mention anything to you that would affect them?”
‘Who told them to touch my bed! The elder sister’s eyes went sideways, and then she carefully hushed her voice. “I really don’t want this… You are a doctor. Please do something.” The elder sister took her left hand as a knife and slashed her right arm mercilessly, leaving her eyes to stare out of their sockets. “I want to cut off my own hand!”
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), a relatively common mental problem, is mainly manifested by recurring obsessive thoughts, compulsive impulses or compulsive behaviors. Most patients find these beliefs and behaviors unnecessary or abnormal, but they cannot get rid of them and are deeply distressed. In general, after a few conversations, the therapist and the client have established a strong relationship, more or less digging out some useful information, and the treatment has a direction.
But the elder sister was different. In several conversations with the teacher, she just described her symptoms and how painful they were over and over again. When the teacher asked her something like “why”, “Did you have any memorable experiences with beds when you were young? Have you talked to your parents?” The elder sister immediately stopped talking. If the teacher continued to ask questions, she would cover her stomach with her hands, sway her head from side to side, and purr, as if she were so ill that she stopped talking.
After four or five exchanges, but still no progress, the teacher finally had to give her advice – either to try the psychiatric department, a psychiatric examination; Or find a therapist you trust and try hypnosis.
“Hypnosis?” “The hypnotists on TV are so bad that they can ask anything. No, absolutely not.”
“Then go to the inpatient department and see a psychiatrist. It might be better.”
The elder sister’s body suddenly darted straight, tone straight up octave: “I am not insane! See what mental department!”
Fruit elder sister is right, her circumstance does not need to see psychiatric department really. The teacher is to “frighten” her, see if “set out” point to the treatment beneficial words out, did not think that fruit sister completely do not eat this. Time to talk, the teacher put the fruit elder sister out of the door, low voice said: “this face is lost, next time for someone else to answer, I can’t deal with.”
Sister never came back. After graduation, I stayed in the hospital and became a therapist, and I did not see her again for a long time. I only occasionally heard the teacher mention that she had tried all the therapists in the hospital. “I have no clue, but I just said I felt so bad”. Finally, the teacher “self-summary” way, “so helpless is not not encountered, the habit is good.”
2
By the end of 2018, much of the south was still clutching the autumn tail. Every time the season changes, more people are admitted to hospital. One day, Dr. Lu from the inpatient department wrote a medical order asking the rehabilitation Department to send a therapist to do psychological intervention for one of her patients.
I’m the therapist, and the patient is Sister.
After knowing the basic situation of Her now, I drew up a plan to stabilize her mood in the initial stage, cooperate with the remission of her illness, and then take the exercise of a specific ability as the mid-term goal and growth as the ultimate goal. Dr. Lu glanced at the plan. “Go ahead and look at it. Do it this way.”
The bed of The elder sister was on the inside side of the ward, separated from other patients by an iron gate. The gap between the iron bars was sealed by thick transparent acrylic sheets. Looking at her from a distance, she was not in bed, but lying on the ground on one side.
A pair of dark grey velvet trousers, a pale yellow coat, and a small white square pillow were spread flat on the ground in a human shape. Her whole being lay close to the hem of her dress, silent. As I got closer, I slowed down a little. There was a slight quiver in her limbs, and a discordance in her abdomen; she looked as if she were a bad actor “going about her business” as a corpse.
The nurse shrugged her shoulders and gave me a helpless look.
“Sister, open your eyes and see. Do you remember me?” I squatted down and asked softly. She was unresponsive, her eyelids quivering delicately. I softened my voice. “Can you get up first? I just want to talk to you.”
Her eyelids shook harder, her mouth and nose moved with force, as if to seal her features completely. Her two palms stretched into an inverted arc and pressed tightly against her trouser legs. As I tried to speak again, the nurse grabbed my shoulder and shook her head. I saw what she meant, and it seemed that Sister was not going to communicate with me.
I stood up helplessly, ready to leave with the nurse, and turned to see her bed, which was, indeed, delightfully neat — the blue and white striped sheets, laid flat on a horizontal table, with patterns stretched out straight. Suddenly, an idea flashed into my mind — should I deliberately mess up the bed to see if I could “activate” her?
This was certainly an anachronism, but at that time My idea was that Sister came to the hospital for treatment. At any rate, let her have a “definite” contact with me first, and see if I can get a general idea of her present situation. To say the least, she is now in a hospital, with nurses, doctors and therapists, and can deal with any situation as soon as it happens.
With a jolt to my wrist, I deliberately swung the splint holding the therapy book over the edge of the bed. “Pa!” Neat sheets, instant pressure up an airbag, hanging from the bed sheet slightly swaying, raising a few strands of guo Zijie’s hair lying below. The “dazzling” mess, like a crowbar, slowly and powerfully lifted her eyelids, looked from us to the bed, and the expression on her face, which seemed to be between tears and smiles, became more and more abundant.
‘Oh, you! Fruit elder sister double palm hit the ground, shake waist instantaneous sit up, “you make my bed why!”
I stopped the nurse approaching. Just like the statue of the fruit sister, but at this time like a bouncing squirrel to pick up fruit, quick to remove the quilt cover pillow, bed sheet, hands quickly pull it into a ball, embrace in the chest.
“Open the door, open the door, open the door,” the elder sister ran to the isolation door, “thump-thump-thump” with her elbow poking at the door plank, and shouted to the nurse, “I want to get the washing powder!”
“Are you ill? !” The nurse glared at me angrily and pushed me away. She quickly stepped forward to hug the sister and bowed her head in a whisper, trying to calm her. I squirmed in the same place, not knowing how to get out of the way. I tried to find a space to say something, but The elder sister was in the nurse’s arms all the time, wriggling and dodging uneasily. I kept asking myself if I had done something stupid.
Looking at the sister’s mood slowly stabilized, I felt at ease, quickly picked up the splint, from the other side of the ward of the small door to escape.
For several days, I was afraid to go to the ward, but Kuko’s treatment plan was there, and it was impossible not to go. On the fifth day, with my freshly printed plan in hand, I went to See Dr. Lu again. Seeing me, she scratched her hair and let out a wry smile.
‘It wasn’t in the plan, was it? She was halfway down the hall, snapping her fingers with her right hand, and she asked me, “What, do you come up here and do systematic desensitization?” (Editor’s note: when the anxiety and fear stimuli appear in front of the patient, at the same time, apply the stimuli opposite to the anxiety and fear, so that the patient gradually eliminate the anxiety and fear, no longer sensitive to harmful stimuli and produce pathological response.)
I scratched my forehead and grinned awkwardly. She saw through my cleverness and said gravely, “Don’t do that again. My advice is clear. Just help from a therapist to calm her down.”
I bowed my head and rubbed my fingers without answering.
“Alas……” Dr. Lu sighed and leaned toward me. “What the hell were you thinking?”
“I know her. Before, she was just an OCD. I don’t know why she’s like this now.
“Can you what?” Dr. Lu interrupted. “Do what you have to do, understand? Doesn’t she have a family? Let you do what you want? ! Remember, cure cures, cure first, cure later. I know you don’t have a bad heart, but the main thing right now is to get this under control. To help her to wait until there is a proper way. Wouldn’t it be worse to have a therapist like you?”
With my head pounding and my mouth saying, “Uh-huh,” Dr. Lu’s expression softened and his voice dropped. “You don’t want to think to yourself, why is she living alone on the first floor?” In my reaction, most of the patients arranged in the ground floor had the behavior or tendency of wounding or self-injury, and a few of them were involved in illegal problems.
“She was suffering from an acute mental disorder and stabbed her father during the attack. The police brought her in.” “You’re not afraid to stir her up. What’s going to happen to you? Worthwhile?”
Seeing my frightened face, Dr. Lu patted me on the shoulder and stepped back into the office.
I understand that no matter what kind of illness She had before, she is now a mental patient confined in the isolation ward of the psychiatric department for hurting people. My primary responsibility is to assist the doctor, stabilize her mood during the treatment and prevent all kinds of bad situations. It’s just that the question was bumping around in my head: “How did she do this?”
What started as an OBSESSIVE compulsive disorder that could not stand a messy bed developed into a hurtful psychopath? The reason for this, whether it will be the key to help her.
3
The next day when she entered the ward again, sister did not play the role of “corpse” any more. She sat against the wall on a small pillow and looked out of the window through a slit. I followed Dr. Lu’s advice and stopped trying to “dig deeper” about the “reasons for the change” in The elder sister. For the next few days, I held a yoga mat and took her to relax every day. Once in a while, I chat with her about gossip, which she doesn’t resist but is very talkative.
“Have you ever tried tea cakes on Lushan mountain? They are delicious! Cantonese chicken wrapped in paper, you know, meat is the soul of the tea…” Fruit elder sister said he had done a tour guide, domestic “no have not”, snacks around, customs can say a. I never went to the place she said “I will go in this life”. I just cooperated with her patiently.
“Hey, really?”
“Ooh! I’ll try it if I can!”
A small talk, fruit elder sister is very happy, has been taking the initiative to find topics with me. I secretly evaluated her performance as clinically “emotionally stable and relevant.” I smiled and said to her: “See you so happy, I am happy, when I am discharged to go out with my parents to have a look, will be ok.”
The elder sister’s laughter suddenly stopped, her mouth slowly closed, her upper and lower teeth gradually tightened, and the betel nut horn on her cheek bulged out three rims. Other patients’ voices kept coming out of the isolation door, reflecting our silence, which made the sudden emotional change of The elder sister even more “terrifying”. I held my breath and didn’t dare to breathe out — I might have said the wrong thing.
“Let’s talk about something else…”
My sister waved her hands at me fiercely, like a troublesome gadfly driving away. Then he took off his coat, laid it flat on the floor, and lay it down with his eyes closed, breathing hard and angrily, and tugging at the corners of it, as if hoping to make it fit better. I could not help thinking of the first time I had seen her in the ward, and it was the same, but this time she was clearly angry with me.
I was at a loss what to do, not understanding how to offend her, had to silently “escape” out.
Doctor Lu said, clinically, as long as the elder sister after returning home to take the medicine step by step, regular review, is not can not lead a “normal life.” But the elder sister is determined not to leave the hospital, more refused to visit the family.
“Like an enemy, I don’t like to see her face. Her family won’t say anything. They’ll let her stay here and come back when they want to.” Dr. Lu was also frustrated. The elder sister had been living there for almost a month. According to the regulations, she had to pay for one hospitalization. Considering her stable condition, Dr. Lu asked her family to come over to discuss whether to stay in the hospital or to leave the hospital.
Her parents and sister are here. As we talked on the phone before, The parents of Her sister had been nondecisive about her daughter’s return home. Dr. Lu called me to the office, hoping that I could help persuade her parents to take her home. “Advise,” she said, “that you leave the hospital as soon as it is time for you to do so. Such a young girl cannot behave like an old patient who has no one to look after her…”
In the anteroom, her father, sitting on a bench in the anteroom with his right arm sadly folded, nodded stiffly at me as I entered. His right arm is covered with gauze, and the outer layer is permeated with brown liquid medicine, a large area. The mother and sister sat on a separate bench, away from their father, their eyes looking in different directions, their bodies close together.
I briefly explained the situation of the elder sister, immediately suggested the family to take the person out of the hospital, there are questions.
My father, his head tilted slightly to one side, made no reply. My mother leaned over and looked at me a little plaintively. “She didn’t… Well, no…”
“Nothing nothing!” My father gave me a sudden roar, which made me jump. Like a child wronged by injustice, he stretched out his injured arm in front of his sister’s mother and said, “My arm was obviously knifed.Is it a fake?” Mother closed her mouth and leaned over to embrace her sister. My father turned to me again, his voice more aggrieved: “You judge me, a daughter with a knife to kill his father, How dare I let her go back. Do you want this home or not?”
‘You’re talking nonsense! Suddenly, the younger sister pulled herself free from her mother’s arms and jumped up, pointing to her father. “How dare my sister kill someone? She was obviously afraid of you.
“Go away! The father’s upper body swooped forward, like a tiger, staring at his sister. Then he turned his head to me and said sadly, “White eyed Wolf! I’m her father, she’s my girl, what can I do to her!”
Looking at the middle-aged man with “such and such” looks on his face, I had no idea what to do, so I turned my eyes to my sister, who squeezed her mouth hard, tears streaming down her mother’s shoulder. Mother held her tightly, as if crouching, tears slowly from the eyes to soak out. The room was like a few seconds before the water was about to boil. Suddenly, the father stood up, his voice suddenly become insolent: “Do not leave the hospital, that’s all. She didn’t want to come out, and I didn’t want her to come back. I have enough money for you.”
And without looking back, she left the room, leaving behind her mournful mother and daughter.
There was so much information in this quarrel that I didn’t know how to digest it. So I calmed down a little and thought of some “conventional words” and said to Her mother, “Your husband is not stable now, so let’s avoid conflict for the first time. And if you agree, let her stay in the hospital for a while?”
“Doctor, may I speak to you alone?” The sister suddenly opened her mouth, and the mother clasped her hands with a frown in her eyes, but she patted her mother’s hands and went on, ‘I must talk to you.’
I could see that what Sister wanted to tell me was not in my business, and I had no right at present to touch the “truth” of the matter. When I hesitated, Dr. Lu walked in. I looked her in the eye and she nodded slightly. So I sent my sister to another anteroom, where Dr. Lu stayed with her mother.
4
In the sister’s description, the “so-called” father, in addition to knowing how to make money, is “inferior to pigs and dogs” in other aspects — “He often does not go home, saying that the family is gloomy and heavy, which affects his wealth. Little things get angry, hit people, hit mom, hit sister, hit me. Doesn’t he just think my mother can’t have a son?”
Lest the conversation turn into a refutation of his father, I decided to steer the subject a little further. “Your sister’s current diagnosis is a mental disorder. To help her recover, you can tell me about the differences between her past and her present, such as relationships, emotional control, whether she is different from before, what has changed her…”
‘That’s him! Sister eyes fire, “he is a shameless rapist!”
When the word “rapist” came out of her mouth, I felt like I’d been hit on the back of the head with a brick. I was silent for a moment, trying first to bring the conversation to a more peaceful atmosphere. “You can’t just say that. Did you see it with your own eyes, or did your sister tell you?”
When it comes to this sort of thing, it’s not just a matter of treatment. Once my sister has a solid “story,” I can’t continue the conversation — it’s a complex legal issue that I have no right to deal with and must report.
But my sister, with a thoughtful look, avoided my eyes, and made no answer.
I followed her “helpless” : “Maybe you have not seen with your own eyes, also did not hear sister said, just simply for the father’s behavior too much hate, so…”
“No, no,” said my sister, looking at me again. “I have not seen it with my own eyes, but my sister has told me so herself.”
Sister in the eyes of the elder sister was not afraid of heaven and earth, personality is very cheerful, “catch frogs, catch crabs, she will not.” But the second year of the summer vacation, should take advantage of the summer passion to fly self, but not normal, all day in her room.
“We grew up in the same room. When I woke up on vacation, she was gone. That summer, she sat or lay with a bundle of blankets. Mother wouldn’t wash it or let me touch it.”
One day, while the elder sister took a bath, the younger sister to shake the group of blankets, found that the elder sister’s underwear inside. The elder sister, who had come back from the bath, saw this and rushed at her sister angrily, trying to snatch the thing back. At that time, the younger sister, thinking that her sister was just the little girl’s anger at being exposed “secret”, so she raised her chin proudly, “I will tell my parents, elder sister, you don’t speak hygiene, shame to death!”
“I did not think she could have burst into tears at once. She would have leaped at her before.” There was a touch of sadness in her sister’s anger. “She told me that if I told her, she would be shot by daddy.”
Then sister told her sister that she had found her father masturbating by stealing her underwear more than once or twice. I cleared my throat deliberately, loudly, because then I had to say, “Did you ever tell mom about this?”
Her sister sighed and looked down. “If she had stopped it sooner, it wouldn’t have happened.” Indeed, from the beginning in the anteroom to the present, the sister seemed to have mixed feelings for her mother. I didn’t follow up.
Fruit elder sister tells younger sister, father since did not get her underwear again, also did not have further behavior. But a seed of fear was planted in her heart — her father was a “stinking poison” in her eyes.
“Sometimes dad would praise her in front of relatives and say she was sensible and had good grades, but she would run away immediately,” added her sister. “I now realize how much she struggled inside and didn’t know what to say.”
My conversation with my sister should come to an end. Her understanding is limited to her own sister, father, but the protagonist is not her. Besides, it was cruel for a teenage girl to keep telling her family woes to an “outsider.” I raised my hand to look at my watch and said to her, “It’s too late. I probably know what you mean. Don’t worry. Go home with your mother first.” A look of disappointment crossed my sister’s face, but she thanked me and got up to go out.
Afterwards, I told Dr. Lu what I had said. “No wonder,” Dr. Lu mused. “Her mother only said she was stupid and killed her girl.”
This time, I did not dare to “arbitrarily” as before. I honestly asked Dr. Lu, “After that, should I continue the treatment according to the procedures or… ?”
“Do what you have to do, if it’s true. Can you do it, can I do it, can the hospital do it? Our responsibility is to ensure the stability and recovery of the patient.”
5
It occurred to me that Her condition was stable at present, but that if she went directly up and exposed what her sister had told me was the so-called “uncertain facts”, it would be very likely to rekindle her illness. Should I ask, how should I ask?
Dr. Lu explained to me that it was common for a psycho to hurt someone, but there was something special about Her. She was hurting her guardian, and as it happened, there might have been an unmentionable “truth” between her and her guardian, her father. If this paragraph of fact is concealed all the time, now fruit elder sister’s situation is not optimistic, whether her treatment, hospitalization depends on the guardian.
Dr. Lu told me to ask as many questions as I could to make Her “less passive.” She did not say how Dr. Lu used that fact to gain the initiative. And how to communicate with the elder sister smoothly this matter, I must think of a breakthrough point — to find a familiar with her, but not disgusted, but also can smoothly lead to the topic I want to understand. After much deliberation, I decided to start with the “source” of Her OBSessive-compulsive disorder — bed.
The weather has been cold, one day, the sun slightly through the clouds, I went to find the elder sister. Still unwilling to sleep on a bed, she sat on a plastic stool, close to the narrow sunlight that streamed through the window. As usual, I took her to stretch her body while patiently listening to her talk about all kinds of local Chronicles, true and false.
After 10 minutes of exercise, she was already sweating a little. I gauged her mood and pretended to admire her bed. “Tut, bro, what a bed you’ve got! Why is it so neat?”
Fruit elder sister nostrils slightly open, grinning, some satisfaction. I strike while the iron is hot: “you have to teach me, my mother always says my bed is like a pig’s nest.”
The elder sister laughed so hard that her flowers trembled. She went to the bed, threw it up with both hands, and said to me, “See, I will teach you once.”
She carefully divided the sheets, quilts, and pillows into three areas, one neat, and then put them together, and then she squatted half on the side of the bed, squinting one eye, left and right, to see whether the corner of the bed, quilt, pillow are aligned. Finally, walk from the head of the bed to the end of it, scraping butter, smoothing out every wrinkle. Half an hour passed after this exercise.
During this period, I have been following her left and right to move, not keep nodding, and finally put it in place, I immediately fondle praise: “Learned, learned, fruit elder sister is really terrible!”
The fruit elder sister fork waist, gum all smiled to come out, I see the opportunity already arrived, slightly envy ground to say: “so neat bed, sleep all happy, is not?”
The corners of her mouth trembled a little. After a pause, I asked, “Why don’t you sleep, Sister, with such a neat bed?” Her smile had completely disappeared, and her hands were at a loss, but there was no big mood swing. “Why don’t you touch your bed? What are you afraid of?”
“I don’t know, I don’t know…” Sister shook her head, wanted to cry, but refrained, and sat down on the plastic stool.
I realized that I was asking too hasty a question, and for a moment she could not bear it, so I squatted down and leaned close to her. “Say, Sister… The bed? What do we usually do with them?”
She clutched her knees, a little awkwardly. I repeated the question.
She said, “Sleep…”
“Yes, and what else? Think again?”
She looked up and stared at me quizzically. “For example, couples, boyfriends and girlfriends, in bed…” I suggested. I shut my mouth suddenly. Even though I’m a professional at the moment, it’s a little awkward to talk about.
Sister also bowed her head. I again cruel cruel, clear ask her: “do you have a boyfriend?” She nodded her head slightly. I immediately raised my voice. “Are you afraid of bed when you’re in bed with your boyfriend?”
She stared into my eyes, then lowered them again, her eyelids fluttering.
She stabbed her “rapist” father
“You’re not afraid of the bed at all,” I said, verbatim. “You’re afraid of an experience in bed, a terrible experience that you remember all the time.”
She clenched her fist tighter. In fact, I was so nervous about her mood swings that I even pretended to adjust my posture, but actually secretly put my hand in front of me — just in case. But as it was, I could only add one last flame: “We spoke to your sister alone.”
Say that finish, I still nervously waiting for fruit elder sister, but she was “volcano” and as I expected, but slowly let go of clench fist, caressed his face, cover the mouth, like in weak birds singing of “whoops” sound, changed from small to big, eventually become a tide of sharp hit shore moans.
I didn’t interrupt her. She needed this “normal” sadness, like drilling a neat hole in the bottom of a high-pressure pot full of water through which emotions could flow in an orderly and safe direction.
The winter day was short, the narrow light at the corner of the window had slipped away, and by the time I noticed it, the room was almost too dark to see. I went to the door and turned on the light. The room was bright again. The bright incandescent bulb caught her eye. Leaning her arms back against the wall, she wriggled up, went to the bed, and sank down without hesitation.
I was wondering if I should end our conversation today, when my sister first asked me, “What did my sister tell you?”
I picked up the plastic stool, sat down, and slowly told her what my sister had said. From beginning to end, The elder sister’s face was as calm as if she were listening to another story.
“In fact…” She interrupted me. “He didn’t rape me. Not successfully raping me, exactly.”
6
That summer vacation, after her sister found out her father’s “dirty thing”, she immediately told her mother, “But I don’t know how my mother ‘warned’ my father, anyway, both she and I were beaten.
Fruit elder sister’s father comes out from design institute early work alone, earned a lot of money, its long long “furious image”, still have the identity of his economic pillar, let him look at this in him “nonexistent” thing, pressed hard at home go down.
“He also came into my room and burst into tears, saying that he loved my daughter so much that he begged me not to misunderstand his love.” The elder sister shook her head, her expression of ridicule very evident.
After this incident, my father did “rein in” a lot. But fear had taken root in Her, and she began deliberately avoiding contact with her father in all situations — physical, verbal, even eye contact — which she saw as “an untouchable sore.” The father may realize his “irreparable” mistake and start taking care of his sister in various ways, helping her with her homework or giving her “a lot” of pocket money.
“After all… Ah.” The elder sister stopped, but did not finish.
“In fact, he’s trying to make up for it. After all, you are still parents. Is it possible that you misunderstood something?”
The elder sister looked at me in surprise. “Misunderstanding? Misunderstanding? !” Then she stared sharply ahead. “Dogs can’t change shit!”
One weekend, my father suddenly said that he would take us to the zoo. He even bought the tickets a day in advance. Fruit sister was, after all, a child, and her fear of her father was immediately tempered by the excitement of her play. When the father gave the ticket to the elder sister, the younger sister was taking a bath. When the younger sister came back, the elder sister straightened up, raised two tickets with pictures of lions and tigers, and shook them ostently at the younger sister.
But the sister paid no attention to the elder sister, and crept into bed with her head bent down, and tucked herself into a ball on the side close to the wall. The fruit elder sister thinks the younger sister intentionally does a pair of sad face to play with her, go up suddenly to lift quilt, discover younger sister’s tears lian lian however. “Just as I expected,” said The elder sister, clenching her fist again, “he is the dog! Don’t change! And so did his sister.”
It turned out that when my sister was in the shower, she found her father was doing the same “dirty thing” to her underwear. At this point the elder sister stopped. The left hand and right hand are held in a ball and make a “gurgling” sound.
As I calmed down, I remembered conversations with other people — many of whom, when recalling painful experiences, tended to avoid the truth and tried to put a conventional-looking explanation on it — as if they were a kind of “rationalization” defense mechanism. In fact, as a therapist, I will not focus on digging out the specific “truth” of the visitor, but try my best to guide the visitor to face this “truth”. For her sister now, strong memories and rising emotions may prevent her from facing up to the “facts.”
I decided to stop talking again, because there was too much information coming out. Although I didn’t know whether it was true or whether it was a “fantasy” based on her illness, her increasingly agitated appearance made me very worried about her illness. I deliberately patted the knee, issued a “snap” sound, got up and stretched, said: “it’s a little late, or…”
The elder sister tilted her head and looked at me sideways. “Do you think I’m going crazy?”
‘No, no! I waved quickly.
“I was calm, and now that I decided to speak up, I would finish.”
I had to sit down again.
Since then, father in the eyes of the elder sister, thoroughly became a group of fear and disgust “rotten meat”, “no matter how he in front of people, how much love to us pretend, but I know he is a rotten meat, domestic violence, son preference, molesting their own daughter!”
Here, I realized a problem: Her opinion of her father was based on two “dirty things” he had done to his two daughters. Of course, I’m not defending the father, but one thing is clear — Gongzi mentioned vaguely that his father sometimes tried to make up for his mistakes, but why, as a daughter, gongzi hated her father so thoroughly.
And there is another thing that cannot be ignored here. What is the connection between Her fear of “bed” and this thing? In her next description, I see a more “reasonable” explanation.
When she was 19, she proposed to move out with her sister. “I think, after all, mother is still his wife. Then I’ll go out with my sister and escape.” But their father strongly disagreed.
“At dinner, he broke the bowl and went out,” the elder sister hissed, “as if he had suffered a great insult, hehe.”
The mother said to her sister, “Don’t provoke him, will you? I beg you.” Sister was so cold that she could not sleep at night. In the middle of the night, I felt a person pressed against me in a daze. “I… He slapped him, “said the elder sister in a broken and loud voice.” He held me down… Press my mouth, eyes like… The Wolf… Trying to shove my whole self into bed.”
Obviously, I felt that The elder sister’s mood had reached the verge of collapse. Immediately, I patted her hand to comfort her. “Ok, I know, I know, don’t say any more.”
“But he let me go at last. Perhaps my appearance frightened him, or perhaps it softened him.”
In fact, here, basically very clear, if what The elder sister said is true, then, her obsessive-compulsive disorder, her anger, have a source.
Since that night, She says, she has had an “extraordinary fear” of lying in bed, and it has only deepened. Finally, anything to do with the bed can cause her “deep anxiety,” a kind of generalization. (Editor’s note: generalization refers to a reaction formed in connection with one stimulus that, in severe cases, induces a specific response to other similar stimuli.)
After realizing her problem, she went to a psychological clinic alone in 2016.
Only one thing remains unclear: why she stabbed her father and was thrown in as a psychopath. The answer she gave me, however, was “absurd” and even made me feel that the reason for her to cut her father was in line with her current “identity as a psychopath”.
One noon, when the whole family was in the living room, my father took off his coat because it was too hot. His naked appearance reminded Her of that night. Fear, irritability, anger flooded in like a flood. The elder sister couldn’t bear it any longer: “Can you put on your clothes?”
“Look at the sun outside,” said his father, wronged, rubbing his hands under his armpits and stretching them out in front of her with a puddle of sweat. “Look at this hot weather!”
The elder sister’s eyes widened in an instant, and she stepped back quickly. The father kept his aggrieved expression and did not take it any further. From fear to temporarily recover, the elder sister looked at his father, only to feel an uncontrollable rage in the body up, a kick turned over the trash can.
“Rebellion! Who do you face with!” My father clenched his fists and held them high. Sister drew herself up, her eyes fixed. Suddenly she saw the sweat from her father’s hands trickling down his arms and back under his arms.
“Disgusting, really disgusting!” The elder sister says here, cross clench a tooth, the body keeps shaking, describe at that time scene, “he does not know how disgusting he is, rapist!”
Sister got up and began to back up slowly, groping her way toward the kitchen door. “In fact, I hide in the heart, only fear.” “Fruit elder sister said here, eyes a little dim. She didn’t know if she was going out or if her father was going to rush in.
‘So I took a knife! Her eyes lit up again. She took a fruit knife several inches long and hid it behind her back with her left hand to make up her mind. After she went out, as long as “that lump of rotten meat” dared to rush up, she stabbed him and then killed herself.
My professional habits remind me again what to say. I interrupted and said, “Have you ever thought coolly that you were a little overexcited?”
In fact, I wanted to remind her that at that time, her practice and ideas had tended to some “mental problems” in the medical sense. But The elder sister was obviously unable to read me now, and was completely absorbed in her own memories.
“Open the door, and there he is, and I can’t blame him, and since he has done it over and over again, I’ll poke him, I’ll poke him! Tong! Tong! …” The elder sister constantly with his hand gesture, toward the air to make the action of prodding.
My worst fears still happened — Sister had a mood swing and had another attack.
I quickly wrapped my arms around the elder sister, who was gradually losing control, and called out loudly to the doctors and nurses on duty. Three nurses rushed in and held the sister down, trying to calm her. Dr. Lu arrived, too. I looked at her and gave her a wry smile. Dr. Lu said nothing, but nodded and went out.
The next day, Dr. Lu came to me. After a long silence, she spoke to me and said, “What did you say… Well, tell me if it’s true.”
I took off my glasses, rubbed my face repeatedly, hesitated for a moment, then nodded sharply.
“All right,” Dr. Lu said. “I see. True or false, the girl must have been wronged. The world.”
Later, Dr. Lu talked with her family for several times. About 20 days later, Her mother came to the hospital and took her out of the hospital. When she left the hospital, she was still diagnosed with acute mental disorder, but it had eased off a lot, except that when she didn’t have an episode, her cognitive speech emotions were still in the ordinary people’s category.
“I talked to her father,” Dr. Lu told me. “His father has promised to let his mother stay out with the girls.”
‘Finished? ‘I asked in surprise.
But Dr. Lu, looking tired, shook his hand and motioned me out.
Afterword.
In fact, many patients with mental illness are similar to The elder sister, drifting between normal and patient identity, unfortunately, it seems more unfortunate. He was able to persuade Her father to let them move out. I think this was the result of Dr. Lu’s “negotiation” with her father within his own responsibilities, which was also the limit of what a psychiatrist could do outside of treatment.
As a confirmed psychopath, In this case, The elder sister has no empirical evidence, nor can her words be used as accurate and legally effective “evidence”. In this case, the father still controls the absolute right of speech. Moreover, even if the elder sister went to the police, considering her identity as a mental patient and the opinions of psychiatric specialists, most of them could only be used for reference and could not be of great help to her.
There is no “answer” to many things. This is really a very helpless thing.
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