Two years ago, I saw in the circle of friends a civil affairs bureau to recruit “marriage counsellor” notice, times feel novel, so I took their psychological counselor’s certificate to the scene to understand the situation.
It turns out that this is an “innovative measure” implemented by the local civil affairs bureau since 2016. Free on-site counseling services are provided to couples who agree to divorce to help them view their relationship more rationally, find the root causes of problems in the family and try to solve them, so as to improve their ability to deal with intimate relationships.
I signed up immediately, and after an interview, training, and internship, I got on the job quickly. Since I still have my own work on weekdays, I apply for a part-time job for half a day every Saturday. Each time I come to work, I will get a transportation subsidy of 50 yuan. Meanwhile, I will register the volunteer service hours at the volunteer service platform of The Municipal Civilization Office by the hour.
The persuasion and talk room is located in the civil affairs service hall with simple decoration. This small room has received nearly 4,000 couples in the past four years, and nearly 600 couples have reconciled on the spot or stayed on divorce, with an effective persuasion rate of 15%. There are now 16 counsellors, including me, who are part-time volunteers recruited through the community. All are women, ranging in age from 35 to 65, working as civil lawyers, university professors, Internet writers, neighborhood directors and stay-at-home moms.
Here, Too, I’ve received over 300 couples, counseled 19 and suspended 27.
1
In early March, offline counseling was suspended for epidemic prevention. April received notice, persuasion to online voice or video mode, the concrete process is: before getting divorced couples formalities, need to contact our service hotline to make an appointment, a social worker on the phone after understanding basic family situation, and the table (similar to resume, involving both sides of husband and wife’s immediate family, work, simple experience, etc.) to our marriage counseling work groups, who have time order, time is like before the scene face-to-face counseling services, every time 1 hour or so.
As a result of the epidemic, my work became even busier. In the whole April, I received orders at a low frequency and all of them were conducted through online voice service. Two couples because of infidelity; In another case, it was because the husband could not accept his wife’s endless support for his mother’s younger brother. In the end, all persuasion failed.
At the end of the month, I received my fifth “assignment”. The couple are in their forties, and judging from their family situation, they are doing well. I connected them by voice at the appointed time. As soon as I was connected, the man strongly requested the video. I was surprised, but Agreed.
When the lens of the phone was turned on, the couple sat side by side in front of a white wall. The beige dining table below the lens was wiped clean, with a tissue from a black paper box, a transparent plastic toothpick cylinder and several square-mouthed glasses neatly placed. His wife, Ali, wore a simple white shirt, buttoned neatly at the collar and cuffs. Her skin was white, her face thin, her tattooed eyebrows somewhat faded, her hair neatly combed back into a ponytail, a little bit of broken hair at the temples, and now and then she pulled it back from her ears.
I was about to introduce myself, Ali was speaking to the camera first, tone calm: “My husband must be like this, in fact, there is no need.”
Her husband, Lao Zhang, immediately stood up and leaned close to the camera. With a bitter face, he said in a loud voice: “That, I want to try again. She insisted on a divorce. Oh, I can’t bear it. I have no choice but to listen to her.”
Zhang was a large man with broad shoulders and thick arms. His faded black T-shirt stretched tight over him. His hair was cut into a crew cut, and his whiskers were badly shaven and covered with bluish stubble. Now his ten stubby fingers were twitching nervously among themselves, like a boy bewildered by a sudden question in class.
The lesson of offline persuasion in the past is that the first few minutes are the most difficult. Most of the divorcing couples walked into the persuasion room with a reluctant face and sat down without saying a word. I had to open my mouth and use all my strength to ask, encourage, and guide me from every Angle, before they managed to give a few short answers, sometimes irrelevant answer, and avoid my eyes. In short, most couples refuse to communicate and just want the process to go through as quickly as possible, so I can write down “No persuasion, divorce granted” on the form, sign my name and go to another office to get the divorce certificate.
Lao Zhang and Ali took the initiative to open their mouths without my effort to guide them. Although they only had two short sentences, they revealed a lot of information. Experience tells me that there is a way! As if the police found a clue to solve the case in general, I was vaguely excited, but on the surface had to keep calm, as if nothing had happened to smile and asked: “So, Mr. Zhang himself do you want to divorce?”
Baffled by this simple inquiry, his fat face widened into a blank stare, and for a long moment he said: “No. But life is like this, she is not happy, maybe she will be happy after a divorce. She is a good woman, and I will help her.”
As he spoke, he glanced sideways at his wife’s face, as if a little boy were stealing glances at the answers to his deskmate’s test paper in the examination room, then hurriedly drawing back his gaze and drooping his big head.
I was very surprised. In previous attempts at persuasion, though those couples were reluctant to speak at first, when they did, most of them would rush to scold each other, and scold each other. Even in the presence of a stranger, they did not conceal their dislike and hatred for each other.
I adjusted my breathing, looked at Ali, said slowly: “I am very touched, Sir So kind, even to this stage is still for the sake of his wife, this is a good man ah.
Unexpectedly, Ali’s tears fell down and she nodded her head with a choking voice: “Yes… He’s a good man, I know… I also admit that… His relatives and friends, and those who knew him, said he was good.”
Lao Zhang turned to look at his wife, her face helpless. After a while, he held out his hand cautiously. He probably wanted to wipe his wife’s tears, but did not dare. After a moment’s hesitation, he picked up the tissue box and took out a tissue and handed it to her.
In spite of a thousand problems bubbling in my heart, I had to wait, with professional patience and quiet; otherwise over-hasty speculation, over-simplistic preaching, or over-subjective guidance would lead to resentment. I must try to find out the real reason for their divorce.
The reasons for divorce can be as follows: domestic violence, cheating, gambling, alcohol and tobacco, poor relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, hidden diseases causing disharmony between husband and wife, house purchase and economic disputes, or differences in living habits and values, etc. It is rare for a couple like this to praise each other as a good man and a good woman when they are about to divorce.
2
As Ali wiped her tears with a tissue and calmed down, I began to carpet questioning, slowly sorting out their experiences.
They came from the same small town in the north, after college graduation to the local work, introduced by fellow villagers, married 15 years ago, the son is now a key middle school grade one, excellent grades.
Ali is the eldest daughter of the family, there is a sister to stay in the hometown and live with their parents, the economic conditions are reasonable. Lao Zhang was the only child in his family, so his parents came to the city to settle down with their son and help take care of their grandson. They are healthy, easy-going, have a pension to live on and have a good relationship with their daughter-in-law. Ali and his wife work stably, have plenty of money, the loan of one apartment has been repaid, the investment of another house rented out, the rent is also repaid the loan.
I asked all the right questions, and both of them were honest, honest, and not hesitant about privacy — their family life was so normal that there didn’t seem to be any hint of divorce.
“So, what happened recently that made Ali feel compelled to divorce?”
As soon as I say this, just calm down of Ali immediately excited, wiped the tears have been held in the hands of the paper towel “pa” on the table, the mobile phone shock a jump, Lao Zhang hurriedly put the mobile phone, on the bracket put steady. Ali ignored him and shouted, “An umbrella! He’s messing around again. He makes me mad. It was only last night that I quarrelled with him all night, and I was so angry…”
She began to describe how angry she was, her eyes blazing, her features twisted. I listened for a while, lost in thought, and had to interrupt her to ask questions about key details. At last I understood the whole story:
Last night, Lao Zhang worked overtime and didn’t go home until 9pm. After I got out of the subway, it was raining heavily. When I got home, I put my umbrella in the kitchen. Then I went to the bathroom to take a bath. Ali originally in the bedroom watching soap opera to see drowsy, heard the movement, suddenly think of her husband love to eat mung bean porridge, mung bean to advance with cold water overnight, tomorrow morning porridge just soft and glutinous delicious, so from the bed to climb up to the kitchen bubble mung bean. In order to save electricity, she did not turn on the kitchen light, unexpectedly in the dark to kick something, also stepped on a foot of water, startled, hurriedly turn on the light, found that is an umbrella open, on the spot fried hair. Through the bathroom door, Lao Zhang explained that he didn’t think he could use the kitchen at night, so he put the umbrella there. Two people more quarrel more fierce, “simply tomorrow divorce forget”.
I couldn’t help but say, “Why not just an umbrella? How big a deal is it worth getting a divorce?”
After 12 years of marriage, why did you lose to an umbrella
I did not expect that Ali stood up and shouted at me: “How is this a small thing? Things are in the wrong place! He always misplaces it, you know! This is a big matter in principle. Small matters are easy to discuss. I will never give in to big matters.”
I was a little unhappy, but this is often encountered in the consultation process, so I firmly god, decided not to talk about the umbrella, so as not to be ali’s logic into the chaos of the mire. I changed the subject and asked, “Does Lao Zhang miss other things?”
Ali sat down and took a deep breath, like a reservoir releasing water, began a long talk.
Lao Zhang had been a soldier and his comrades scattered all over the country after demobilization. One summer vacation, when the couple took their son on a trip to Beijing, Ali insisted that they settle in a hotel first and see the famous sights of the Great Wall and the Forbidden City. Mr. Zhang insisted that he should leave on the train for his comrades’ home in Beijing to see them first and then see the scenery — and that was what he had agreed to do on the phone a week earlier, with meals already prepared.
The couple discussed several trips on the train and nearly quarreled. in public, Ali did not want to lose politeness, had to smile, with Lao Zhang to be a guest.
Comrades meet, tears in their eyes, memories of the barracks life, with a myriad of feelings. The wife of the comrade-in-arms is a Beijinger, the whole table of dishes, in and out of busy. A li feel blame Lao Zhang is not aware, harm people with white more so much hard, the heart is very sorry, every more than a minute, the feeling of a grain in the back of one’s ear is increased, no matter what dish to eat in the mouth is not delicious.
The two men drank from noon to sunset. Ali worried, really want to live down? The house of comrade-in-arms home is less than 50 square, two rooms one hall, where still can fill next Ali a 3 people? She began to persuade Lao Zhang to leave quickly, but Lao Zhang hung on, drunk. see the hostess smiled in silence, Ali heart drum, think others are too good cultivation, in the heart angry, but the mouth did not leak a little flaw.
It was already dark, Ali stood up, holding her son in one hand and her suitcase in the other, said goodbye to everyone politely, and walked firmly to the door. Old Zhang comrade-in-arms froze, see A li face ugly, hurriedly pick up old Zhang at the back. Fortunately, there is a hotel nearby, comrade supporting Lao Zhang, has been sent to the room, and ordered a few words before going home. Lao Zhang drunk muddleheaded, A belly fire has no place to hair, gas did not sleep a good night.
“And then?” I asked.
Lao Zhang beat his breast and answered first: “Then she would not allow me to go to Beijing any more. For seven years now, she would not allow me to see any of her comrades, saying that I had no eyes and would only bring trouble to people. When I was on a business trip, I secretly went to watch it by myself. If I let it slip, she would know and scold me for several days.”
My heart sank, hurriedly ask. And sure enough, beautiful work for 20 years, the company from the cashier up to host the accounting step by step, work earnestly, the best performing various testimonials a lot of, but never to colleagues at home to do a visitor, rarely a classmate party, in addition to the relatives and friends of weddings to the place, in addition to this, she almost no social activities, nor any interest such as singing, dancing, reading, gardening, even don’t like to go out for a walk, just want to stay at home, only hobby is to do the housework, home Windows and over a week to clean the floor; Wash and dry clothes, even underwear and socks, and iron them thoroughly. Spare time to ponder over the menu, three meals a day to change the pattern cooked delicious. In addition to buying vegetables and picking up grandchildren, parents-in-law enjoyed their happiness with their clothes on hand and food on hand, and their daughters-in-law praised them into a flower after predecessors.
She was indeed a industrious, virtuous, and demure woman. Unfortunately, under the cover of these labels, Ali already has a mild social phobia, manifested in social avoidance, social obstruction. Such people, even when they go to social activities, are often disturbed by the anxiety of anticipation, just like Ali who has not arrived at the home of Lao Zhang’s comrades to assume that they will be angry, and later develops to prevent Lao Zhang from seeing other comrades.
Lao Zhang’s normal social needs are limited and criticized, which is naturally painful; Ali think Lao Zhang a person to see his comrades-in arms, is to deliberately violate their own rules, deliberately against their own, also very painful.
At their age and environment, they generally cannot accept the concept of mental health. If I speak out, I am afraid that they will be confronted with such an enemy that They will say, “It is so terrible that I should have that disease” or fly into a rage, “Don’t talk nonsense if I don’t have that disease”.
Therefore, I have to use plain language and guide carefully.
3
Time has passed half an hour, before I put cordial tone as a broad, serious and solemnly said: “anyone want to much, beautiful, you are his wife high not happy, just your guess, even if she was angry is normal, everyone has the right to express their emotions, that is not really an issue, more isn’t you of wrong, you don’t have to blame yourself. It is a normal social need and behavior of a man for Lao Zhang to meet his comrades. You should not object because you are worried.”
The husband and wife at the same time wide eyes exclaim, Ali shout is: “Oh, I really blame myself for a long time, too much guilt. Teacher, how do you know that? Is that really not my fault? Really?”
I nodded, and she was relieved and skeptical, lost in thought — so many people are psychologically self-critical because they believe in a strict code of conduct, and the truth, once revealed, is surprising and needs to be slowly accepted.
What Lao Zhang shouted was: “Dear teacher, that’s very kind of you. Let me tell you one more thing, teacher, judge me, and do me justice.”
Lao Zhang is now a civil engineering engineer. He follows the company’s projects wherever they go. He earns a lot of money and has to work harder. Every year home reunion, according to the truth that the couple should meet after a long separation should be sweet, but after he took the door, warm up to hold for half an hour, soon will quarrel, because Ali always dislike him put the suitcase in the wrong place, should not be left behind in the living room.
“So,” I asked Ali, “where exactly is the right place for a suitcase?”
Ali leng, eyes dodge, falter. “You’re the hostess,” I pressed. “You designate the correct location for the suitcase… Since you won’t say anything, let me help you choose: Behind the couch? On top of the wardrobe? By my son’s desk? Under your bed?”
Her face was white and she shook her head violently. “No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!”
I kept asking, “And last night’s umbrella, where on earth should I put it? Let the balcony? Does it affect the clothes you hang? Put the door, the neighbors will be angry? If I put the bathroom in, will I trip during the night?”
She clasped her hands over her eyes and cried hysterically, “Nowhere! I don’t like it anywhere! I’ve had enough of this! I don’t want this life!” She cried tore heart crack lung, let me this bystander can not help but red eyes. Fortunately, in just a few seconds, I managed to regain my composure and return to calm and rational work.
This time, Lao Zhang didn’t give her a tissue. Instead, he turned his head to the other side. All I could see was veins popping out of his neck.
A Li spoke bottom of the bottom of the heart the deepest secret pain finally: “good woman” the label she carry too long, but the beautiful coat of morality correct, from beginning to end cannot fill the grievance that insides and anger. Her husband had been absent for a long time, and she was tired of running a family of four for three generations. She longed to grumble and play coquettish at her husband, as other women did; but was it not sensible to do so? Would it tarnish her image? She was in a dilemma, struggling with herself, caught in a paradoxical situation, unable to say bitter.
Umbrellas, suitcases, and all the other bad habits my husband has, littering, smoking in the house… As a migrant bird who comes back to roost for one month every year, Lao Zhang, like an outsider, has all kinds of bad habits like dirty and disorderly vagabonding, which really destroyed the cleanliness and order of his home which had been maintained for 11 months. So she made an issue of it and publicly accused her husband of disrespecting her and the fruits of her hard work at home.
Such accusations can be supported by her in-laws and sons in terms of emotion and reason. At the same time, her unspeakable secret grievance and anger finally come out smoothly.
Lao Zhang does not understand, separate when two people talk on the phone, video when talking and laughing, workmates all envy him to have a capable and virtuous good wife. But when he did get home, his wife was suddenly a different person, severe and impatient. Everything in the house was put in order by his wife. He made mistakes every time he raised his hand and made every move. He was scolded by his wife from morning till night. Instead of enjoying the warmth of the desired home, I felt that I was a redundant person, rather than being comfortable and happy on the construction site. Is there only peace and love when he does not come home and they are far away from each other?
Lao Zhang asked his parents to burn incense in the temple every year, but it was of no use. Perhaps the suffering of sentient beings is too much for bodhisattvas to cope with? He admitted that his wife was capable and did not worry about anything, but he was not bad either. All the money he earned went to his wife. As a man, it was enough, wasn’t it?
I told Lao Zhang: “No matter how capable a strong woman is, deep down she longs to be a little woman in front of her husband. She yearns for her husband’s gentleness, tenderness and consideration.”
“” But she never said, she didn’t tell me, how do I know what she really think!
I’ve heard this a lot in couples mediation and asked, “What if she says it?”
Lao Zhang scratched his head and hissed like a toothache. I guessed it. Even if she did, he didn’t know how to give it. Because he was a construction guy, he knew how to work with bricks, cement and steel, and he was not afraid of complicated architectural drawings. However, he could not understand women’s little thoughts, so he became angry and shouted more loudly than his wife. So, if the divorce happens, he plans never to get married again, because he really doesn’t know how to get along with women day and night.
The first time the two had an argument was when their son was 1. Lao Zhang returned home to visit relatives, too late to wash hands for slippers, suitcase thrown away, tightly picked up his son on the kiss, Ali grabbed his son, scold Lao Zhang do not speak hygiene dirty son, Lao Zhang felt that Ali made a fuss of unreasonable, the son was two adults roar scared to cry. I can’t stop making such a noise. The idea of a divorce had been around for a long time, but it was delayed only because the son was too young and the parents of both sides objected strenuously.
Under the guidance of Ali, my son is very good, clean, polite, and can understand the adult’s eyes, not a little boy of the same age common naughty, always gentle, good grades, so by the teacher like, from the first grade to now, has been the monitor.
Last Spring Festival, the son solemnly advised his parents: don’t quarrel, divorce. Exhausted by their efforts, their parents agreed, so the couple wrote a divorce agreement: Zhang only wanted the smaller of the two apartments, and Ali gave the rest to him, including the family savings and the larger apartment. The son lives with A beautiful, because son and mother feeling are deeper, and Lao Zhang’s occupation cannot take care of son well at all. Lao Zhang’s monthly alimony for his mother and her son is very generous.
In this way, Lao Zhang is indeed a kind man.
The next day to the civil affairs bureau to do the formalities, did not think of a marriage counseling link, never heard of, but since free, the couple decided to try. Under the guidance of my colleague, another marriage counselor, the couple wept together and decided to listen to the advice, cherish each other’s good character, and try again.
This Spring Festival, due to the epidemic prevention, Lao Zhang’s holiday unprecedented extension, as long as three months. After going to work in April, because it is not convenient to go out, I changed to work in the company’s headquarters, doing engineering design, 20% off the salary. In these months, the husband and wife from three days a quarrel developed to three a day, Lao Zhang spilled cigarette ash on the floor, littered to the bed under the dirty socks, can let Ali’s anger like a volcano, Lao Zhang could not help but talk back, so the more noisy the more fierce. The two old people did not know who to help, and who to let shut up, the son once again advised his parents to divorce.
In desperation, Mr. Zhang thought of a marriage counselor and asked for the video.
4
In the last 10 minutes, I discreetly offered my advice: My husband should change his work style, stop working outside the office, end the long separation and start building a normal family life once and for all.
“No!” The two men spoke with determination.
So I know there is no way to recover, but still undead ask why. The two men scrambled to answer.
“Out of sight, out of mind, I don’t want to see him. Wouldn’t it be nice if I took care of the kids by myself? I hope…” Ali gushed.
“Living with her is a lot worse than living on a construction site. I’d rather…” Lao Zhang also gushed.
As I listened, I realized that in addition to the aboveboard reasons such as “more money in the field”, the real reason was that the husband was a vagabonder and the wife kept the house by herself. Both of them were both happy and disgusted, dependent and resistant, with their hard lives separated from each other. With a desire for a better future and a fear of the pain and risk of change, they maintain a fragile balance of contradictions that, once broken, make it impossible for them to confront their true selves, which are covered by life’s surface trivialities.
I find this in many divorced couples as well. Just bystanders see, see, I can do nothing.
So I had to give up and make another suggestion. Since Ali loves and is good at housework, “Next time, could you offer to help my husband pack his suitcase and umbrella?”
Ali objected: “Packing the suitcase and umbrella is his own business, his own things to do, is a child understand the basic principles of life, many difficult and complicated things I have to solve alone, I can do, why he can not do it? So I wouldn’t have helped him in the past and I wouldn’t have helped him in the future. He had to do it himself.”
I asked Ali: “Your colleagues in the company, someone in the room smoking? Is there a black line of greasy hair and a greasy collar? Can you tolerate them?”
A li is surprised to see me, do not understand why I suddenly ask an 8 straight dozen not of question, but still polite answer: “of course, leadership, subordinate all have, man, this kind of phenomenon a lot of very normal, have what can’t tolerate of.”
“If I can tolerate the shortcomings of my colleagues, why can’t I tolerate my husband?”
Ali long moan 1, 10 fingers cross to the mouth nibble bite, shoulder shiver slightly, voice shiver, incoherent say: “how to do? I I I found it too. I suspected that I really, really had that problem. Oh, my God, I-i… Don’t know what to do.”
Alice found myself, she is very polite to colleagues, and the neighbors tolerance, treat Lao zhang is not in the same standard, because they feel he is her husband, should be different with other man, you must all things listen to your own, share all do your best, so he has little to do bad, Alice will lost his temper. She knew clearly that it was wrong for her to ask her husband so. She would get angry easily and be a little unreasonable. However, she could not control herself every time and regretted herself after losing her temper. The cycle is so vicious that it almost breaks down.
She told me all this, her face full of fear and helplessness, like a little girl who woke up from a nightmare and found her mother not by her side.
I said: “Yes, like the folklore of the evil, how can not get rid of that cycle, very painful, is it?”
She nodded, tears falling silently. Lao Zhang turned sideways to look into her face, shook his head in disgust, folded his arms, and turned his head once more deeply to the other side, ignoring her. Across the screen, I could hardly resist reaching out and handing Ari a tissue.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder is a kind of pursuit of the perfect performance, the average person only know repeated hand washing, repeated behavior forced several stairs, but there is another is the concept of “force”, is at a certain idea on the idea of the pursuit of absolute perfection, and think, and think that the notion of the absolute perfect is not correct, so eager to get rid of, but they can’t do that, endless cycle, so abnormal pain.
I weighed my words and tried to persuade Ali to get counseling — if the counselor found out that one of them was going to get a divorce because of mental health problems, he would refer her to a counselor, who would provide free counseling at the beginning and negotiate for the rest. Last year, I received a couple with obsessive-compulsive disorder, which required him to take photos and report his whereabouts in real time, up to 20 times a day. He couldn’t bear it and asked for a divorce. Later, I referred her to a counselor, and a year later, her symptoms eased and the relationship between the couple became normal.
Unfortunately, Ali refused. Lao Zhang remained motionless, expressing his approval of his wife’s decision with silence.
Marriage is a mirror, reflected from the spouse, but also a part of oneself, and an imperfect part. There are cases, but not many, of people who naively assume that divorce makes them all better off. More often, they find that their lives have not been made any better by divorce. When they get into their next marriage, nine times out of ten they will repeat the same mistake — because their own problems haven’t been fixed.
I sighed and asked one last question, “Do you love him or her?”
Both lowered their eyes and shook their heads, slowly but surely.
They added in a few words what had happened during their courtship: at that time, both of them felt that the other was not their ideal lover, but because their own conditions were not so good, and they were both nearly thirty years old, they could not afford to delay any longer, so they made do with getting married.
After more than ten years, two people with their own good character, but also to maintain the family like a model. Even if the quarrel, before is just to each other’s anger accumulated to the outbreak of the “critical point”, Lao Zhang’s holiday ended, two people are relieved, say goodbye to each other, with the distance for peace. But this time as long as 4 months of day and night together, let the thin emotion was finally worn away by intensive quarrel.
This is not a rare situation this year. The epidemic has trapped people at home, leaving many couples with marital problems unable to escape and exacerbating tensions. A few of us counsellors privately said that these couples usually went to work separately, so busy that they had no time to quarrel. They stayed at home for too little time, out of sight, out of mind, and unable to quarrel. Now every day in front of the shake, hide hide not to fall, more see more come gas, anyway idle in the home have nothing to do, just as the new account old account calculate together, “divorce” process also accelerated.
I’ve tried my best. Marriage persuasion is not all about persuasion. If we really can’t live together, we will let them get together and part. It’s time for me to conclude by saying that I hope they can still be friends after their divorce, and that they can learn from this failed marriage and move on to a better life.
After I turned off the video, I typed on the platform: persuasion was invalid, I agreed to divorce, and then I signed my electronic badge. Later, I asked the staff at the divorce office and learned that Ali and his wife had officially gone through the divorce procedures the day after the video ended with me.
(All characters in this article are pseudonyms)
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