It took me 4 years to prepare for my sister to attend elementary school when she was 7 years old.
If she was a Mainlander, I would not have had a problem. For “lot students”, the school’s fame is just the icing on the cake, and there is always a school for her to attend. But my sister is not a “lot student”, her status is different from mine, and different from our parents, she is a “doubly non-permanent resident child”. If she doesn’t go to school in Hong Kong, no place on the mainland is obliged to take care of her.
When I thought that my little girl might not have a school, my mother was as anxious as an ant on a hot pot, and every day when she opened her eyes, she urged me to find a way. As long as I did not answer as well as she expected, she preemptively accused me of being cold-blooded and heartless, and then slammed the door and threatened me, saying she would take my sister “back home”.
It is reasonable to say that such an important matter as my sister going to school should not be returned to me who is studying. Since the birth of my sister, I have suffered a lot, the most embarrassing time, I can only eat one dinner a day – when the chest said “regardless of gender, born in my care” people, now do not care, why not go to him?
I was very angry, but such angry words, I could not bear to say to my mother.
1
I was born in 2010 when I was 16 years old, and at that time, the separate two-child policy was still not a thing, let alone a comprehensive two-child. My family is in Guangdong, and there are many people like my father who are still determined to have a boy when they are older. They can’t wait for the country to liberalize its birth policy, so they create their own opportunities.
My father’s friends, but a little money, they took their wives to Hong Kong to give birth to two children, the birth of two children is not enough, three children four children continue to have, until the birth of a boy, they are satisfied.
Why choose Hong Kong – the United States and Canada are too expensive, and the language barrier, Hong Kong and Macau is a good alternative choice. The group of people encouraged my father to tell him how good the welfare system in Hong Kong was and how convenient it was to be a Hong Kong citizen, making the clay Bodhisattva a living Buddha.
Seeing that my friends’ sons were being born one by one, and that the quality of service in Hong Kong’s private hospitals was worthy of wives who took the risk of having children at an advanced age, my dad listened with enthusiasm. He felt that business would get better and better, his money would get more and more, and the future children to Hong Kong and Macao to study and live is not a problem. Even if they stay in the mainland, they feel that “Hong Kong and Macao compatriots” will be superior.
When my mother was 40 years old, my father took her pregnant to Hong Kong and asked someone to find a private hospital, but my mother was not able to give birth to a son as my father had hoped.
Then, there were many other things that didn’t work out. My dad’s business fell apart, and he divorced my mom. They divorced not because of money, but because they didn’t have a son.
Thus, my family was left with only my mother and sister. Although they dislike each other, but we have been each other’s last dependence, leaving one less one. So, my sister’s school thing, even if I don’t know what to do, I’m not willing to say those useless truths, so that the already broken single-parent family more broken.
2
The insecure women in our family noticed early on that the wind was changing: it used to be easy to enroll children born in Hong Kong, but not anymore.
It used to be that fewer doubly non-permanent resident children were born in Hong Kong, and it was easier to study in the big cities on the mainland, but it cost a little more in sponsorship fees than for children with household registration. Many parents of doubly non-permanent resident children treated that sponsorship fee as a school choice fee, as if they had paid for a good school place and were not losing money.
But around 2013, the situation was very different. The woman who once liked to brag in front of my mother about how she had taken advantage of having a child in Hong Kong no longer boasted about the high “gold” content of her Hong Kong ID card – in September of that year, her youngest son turned 7 years old and was due to start elementary school. She was full of hope that her son’s “Hong Konger” status would get preferential treatment, and she was not slow to enroll everyone, but the teacher at the admissions office told her that money was no good: the new policy came down, school registration must first meet the lot of children with household registration. The implication is that they don’t want her child.
If only one elementary school, the woman did not have to panic, because there is always more than one elementary school near her home. But she asked several elementary school, all the same response. The woman got a little panicky and complained when she caught someone, rushing to call an acquaintance for help, saying that she would be willing to spend tens of thousands of dollars more if she could find a good school for her child.
As a result, enrolling a child in a dual non-permanent resident school became a matter that could not be resolved at any cost. She couldn’t count on a good public elementary school, and she didn’t want her son to study a year later (so he would be a year late for the college entrance exam). Finally, the woman decided to spend 70,000 to 80,000 yuan to send her son to a private elementary school for a year, and she spent the year to give him a good school registration.
The budget for an elementary school came to 200,000, which is unimaginable in the average small middle class family.
When my mother mentioned this at the dinner table, she was obviously concerned, but she couldn’t say it out loud, afraid that she would become a prophecy and tell her youngest daughter to get unlucky too. That year, my sister was 4 years old and had just started kindergarten, three years before she started elementary school. The actual fact is that you can find a lot of people who know that they are carrying a bag of explosives and don’t want to find a solution is either stupid or bad.
My mom told me to call my dad and ask what to do about my sister’s schooling in the future. My father on the other end of the phone, seemingly careless: “It’s still early, when the time comes. If you can’t, you can bring it back to Hong Kong to study.”
Although I was not yet 20 years old, I knew that it was impossible for my sister to “go back” to Hong Kong to study – not to mention the international elementary school in Hong Kong, it was a normal public elementary school, but also requires the family to pay more than 100,000 yuan a year in costs: rent, utilities, food, and an adult to accompany full-time.
My mother is a traditional woman who is willing to do everything for her children, and she does not have a problem with accompanying them throughout the whole process. But the cost of millions of dollars from elementary school to high school, over a decade, is not something that can be solved with a “yes”. My dad’s desire for a boy was not resolved, so where would he get the extra money to invest in his sister?
I understand my dad’s “lack of intention” – he and my mom are divorced, and my mom gets custody of my sister. No matter how much he promised my mother before the birth of the child, the child was not born as he expected, he could still do away with it.
I was certainly able to stand by during those years, but I knew in my heart that if I didn’t take over my sister’s affairs early and prepare more or less, I would be in trouble if my mother forced me to take over the pot afterwards.
3
I had to find my own way.
The children without local registration are usually enrolled in private elementary school, but a decent private elementary school, the interview is like the emperor choosing a concubine, not only to pick the child, but also to pick the parents. The private elementary school in the property, although the requirements for registration are not high, but the annual tuition and living expenses of tens of thousands of dollars, the cost is really not high, not a long-term solution.
After thinking about it, it is still necessary to go to the most resistant path: the public elementary school. The most cost-effective way to go to public elementary school is to spend tens of thousands of dollars in sponsorship fees to manage 6 years of schooling, with good teachers and students, and close to home, so the family does not have to worry if my sister will be bullied at school boarding.
I brought my parents together and told them all the pros and cons. They thought I was right and that it was time to prepare. But when I asked them to find someone, they said that they didn’t know anyone else and that I was the most reliable source.
It’s not a favor to ask someone under 20 to find a source that people in their 40s can’t find, it’s a scam. But I had no other choice than to throw a tantrum and think of someone I knew who could get my sister into a public elementary school.
When I thought about it, I thought of my high school political science teacher.
Because I didn’t feel much warmth at home, I was very active at school, and over time, I got to know the teachers very well. I was the political science class representative, so I had the best relationship with the political science teacher, meet all shouted “sister” not “teacher”. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to its customers.
In the people who have taught me, I can’t think of anyone who has more reason to help me than she does, so I can only look for her.
Because of my thin skin, I couldn’t ask her directly if she could help me find a degree for my sister, so I took all the money I saved for living expenses to invite her to dinner. The most I could do was to complain to her about my sister on the way to the subway together.
The teacher is a very smart woman and very thick-skinned. She quickly saw through my intentions and secretly settled the bill while using the bathroom. Before I could return the money to her handily, she told me that she had a friend in the school board and could help me get my sister into a public elementary school near my home.
“It’s definitely going to cost money.” She added, “The school has to charge a sponsorship fee, and my friend has to give a red packet when he’s done with the job. It’s not too early to start preparing for this when you go back to your mom.”
My mom didn’t talk to me about how much she was going to spend on my sister’s education, because it wasn’t my turn to make decisions. But the teacher was already willing to help, so of course I said, “No problem with the money,” and thanked her profusely and sent her home as if it was just a normal conversation.
But when she got into the elevator, I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t control my tears even when someone looked at me strangely. I hated myself for taking advantage of the teacher. For years, I had never asked her for anything because I wanted to keep my relationship with her purely as a teacher and student. Now, for the sake of my sister’s study, I couldn’t care less about all this. Although I was happy that she agreed to do so, I couldn’t help but feel sad: I was forever below her in front of the teacher who had been so kind to me.
Although I had gotten a promise from my teacher, the time between the promise and its fulfillment was too long, and I had to do something to maintain my relationship with her. She is busy teaching, I am busy with school, have to come out again to eat a meal is not realistic, I can only brush up on the social network presence: the teacher posted a circle of friends, I like, something I also chat; New Year’s Day, I will take the initiative to greet, and then offer the amount of auspicious red envelope a.
As far as possible not to disturb the teacher, but I will always appear around the teacher.
4
I thought I could do almost everything, the next depends on my sister’s life is good or bad: if she entered the year the policy is relaxed, then we save trouble; if the situation is not good, then it is inevitable more running, these I am mentally prepared.
But I don’t know what my dad was thinking, he thought that since we all read “high-priced books”, we should make the most of our money: let my sister start school early, in the first grade at the age of 5, so that we can save money on kindergarten.
I don’t know if other places are strict about the age of children entering school, but in big cities it’s pretty much stuck. Many pregnant women choose to have a caesarean section at the end of August, just to get their children to school earlier, and if they can’t make it, they’ll have to spend more money on connections. So, I gave my parents a clear reply: “I can’t do this, whoever has the ability, who can do it!”
Unlike other children, I never found “childhood” enjoyable, nor did I have the idea of returning to it, because I felt that “growing up” would make me more comfortable. After the harsh words with my dad, I didn’t have to cower in my mother’s arms like my sister, powerless to resist, I could get up and leave, and slam the door of my room to the sky.
The pain is painful, my mother said, I went out, my father left a sentence “Since you do not listen to me, then I can not control”, and left. This is not a harsh word, but I know, from then on, my sister can not successfully go to elementary school, it has become my responsibility completely.
Hong Kong sister’s schooling in the Mainland
I had to get information about all the children enrolled in school who were doubly non-permanent residents and then arrange for my family to cope. After all, the most troublesome thing in this world is not what costs money, but what can’t even be fixed by spending money.
The same goes for enrollment and interviews, but the “lot” is just a formality. My elementary school classmates were the lucky ones – one had Down syndrome and would hit people when angry, and another had hepatitis B and couldn’t eat in the school cafeteria. But they got through nine years of compulsory education just as steadily.
However, even if they paid to enroll, the interview was still a disaster: there were so many children who wanted to go to elementary school in the big city that kindergarteners who could not speak English, count, sing or dance were not competitive, and their money was wasted.
Because of the fierce competition, I had planned to enroll my sister in one or two talent classes to practice for two or three years, so that I could use it during the elementary school interview. My mother initially agreed to take my sister to a folk dance course near the neighborhood to see the price, and if it was suitable, I would hurry to enroll to learn. But after my mom read the posters posted in front of the course, she dragged my sister home.
The company’s main goal is to provide a good solution to the problem. When my mother picked her up, she rolled around in her arms, crying while pointing at the girls learning to dance and saying, “I’m not leaving! I want to learn how to dance! I love dancing!”
“And you like to dream!” My sister’s crying drew attention and made my mother furious, “Don’t you see how much it costs to learn to dance in a year! You can learn whatever the kindergarten teaches you!”
I was going to go in and take a look, but once my mom said that, I was discouraged. Poor couples are sad, not only couples, but also mothers and daughters to relatives.
My family is not poor, but the fear of the future makes us look poor. My mother, in order to have a second child, smashed her iron rice bowl, and became a housewife in her middle age. And my sister is only a few years old, all the way to school on the way to spend money, without hundreds of thousands of dollars simply can not go to college.
The whole family, falling apart, only the money spent, no money flowing in, no wonder my mother is so agitated. I try to convince myself that I can understand her, I can help her to do it. In order to save some training fees, I bought a bunch of books from the Internet, a word, a word to teach my sister to recognize, and also my mother set a teaching task: get up in the morning, first listen to a tape of English children’s songs before going to kindergarten; back from school, first to do the arithmetic problems within 100, and then go to dinner.
Just for that matter, my sister hates me with a passion. I used to come home from school, she stood at the door waiting for me, dancing and happy, knowing I would bring snacks to her. Then I came home and she was just sitting in the living room eating, pretending not to see me. I took the initiative to greet her and give her her favorite toy, she said “no” and huffed and puffed her face away.
5
The three years were difficult for us, not only in terms of money, but also in terms of an unpredictable future. The actual fact is that you can’t get a lot of money for your own personal use.
This is the only condition my mother can threaten me with: because I can’t go live in her hometown, and the separation means that our broken family is bound to be even more broken. The children of single-parent families have an extraordinary attachment to “home”, and this is certainly something I don’t want.
The first thing is that my mother has been living in the big city for so many years, the voice of the countryside is lost, back home can not adapt to the rising prices in the big city, rashly sell the house back home, also means selling a future of continuous appreciation, she also can not afford to give up.
Because of my sister’s schooling, my relationship with my mother became particularly tense, and I quarreled at the drop of a hat. I called her selfish because she only cared about her sister and didn’t think about what I would do; she also called me selfish, saying that I didn’t care about my sister and didn’t give as much to the family as she did.
Sometimes she tries to mend our relationship by cooking me a particularly good meal, helping me wash my clothes, or buying me a cake on my birthday.
But just when I’m satisfied and feel loved, my mom never forgets to remind me, “I love you so much, you should help me too and hurry up with your sister’s affairs.”
This makes me feel very uncomfortable, but I just can’t say it.
The year she turned 7, the year she started school, it was time for all her troubles to come to an end.
That year I was graduating from college, and from writing my thesis to looking for a job, I was so busy that I had to keep my sister’s education in mind.
The budget is limited, my mother does not care if my sister’s elementary school is a prestigious school, as long as it is a public elementary school, close to home is good.
The actual fact is that you will be able to watch a variety of things together with my mom in peace during that time. Occasionally, my mom would remember that I was about to graduate and care about me a little bit.
“Have you finished writing your thesis?” My mom asked me during a commercial break on TV.
“Not yet, soon.”
“So are you going to graduate school?”
“I’ll see.”
My mom wanted to ask me something else, but the commercial had already finished and the intro to the variety show music was already playing. My mom said “Oh” and turned her head back to the TV and didn’t say anything else.
I felt content with this peaceful day, but that peace was soon shattered.
“The elementary school you like is small and has a limited number of students, and they don’t want to enroll children who are not from the same country.” The teacher called me, and I could hear the anxiety, “What other schools do you want to go to, while there’s still time, I’ll get in touch.”
I was sitting at my computer, safe, but I felt like a sledgehammer had hit the back of my head, and my head was full of “bam bam bam” – all the peace I had enjoyed before was based on my sister being able to get into the elementary school near my home – if not, my situation would have been worse than before, because my mom would have been more agitated than before.
The wind did not blow as expected, and when I asked a few more elementary schools later, they were either full or not accepting doubly non-permanent resident children. I was upset when my mom told me that the neighborhood committee had called her and said they knew that I had a child without a local residence and could settle with my parents.
The fine is fine, but the fine is not small: more than 500,000 yuan. And my sister was born in Hong Kong, it cost more than 200,000, or Hong Kong dollars.
Anyone who can do the math can understand the difference, but I asked my mom, right for confirmation: “So what do you think? If you settle now, you still have time to enroll your sister. The fine may seem like a lot, but it won’t cost less in sponsorship fees if my sister wants to go on to higher education later.”
My mother gave me a decisive reply: “After all that effort, just for her to get a Hong Kong account. Now that the Hong Kong ID card is in hand, you still want to go back?”
I sighed and didn’t say anything more.
6
From then on, my phone calls to the teacher became more frequent. At the beginning of the phone call with the teacher, I also a few pleasantries, asking her whether she is busy lately, how is the health. The first thing I did was to get straight to the point. Fortunately, the teacher was very understanding, as long as she saw that I had called her, she would call me back.
“I understand that you are very anxious, I am also thinking of ways, but this year’s double non-permanent children enrollment is really hard to get. If your sister was from out of town, I would have gotten it done a long time ago, but your sister is from Hong Kong.”
It was a long sentence, but I felt that the teacher was only halfway through her words. As a teacher, it seemed a professional habit to stop in the middle of a sentence; she didn’t want to come down with a stick and confuse her stupid student. I held my breath and waited for her to say the second half.
As expected, she went on to say, “Now it happens to be the census, the household registration is very convenient, you hurry to give your sister to the household registration, this matter is closed, we all save energy.”
The teacher’s proposal made my head spin. After a while, I said, “The fine is too high, it costs 500,000 yuan, so I might as well spend it on sponsorship fees.
“It seems that you are not willing to change your account?” The teacher also sighed.
After this phone call, the teacher called me more often. No matter when she called me, I answered: when I was in class, when I was sleeping, even when I was interviewing. Time waits for no one, the interview failed, at most no job, delayed my sister’s school, I have to be nagged by my mother for the rest of my life.
One day, just after the interview, I received a phone call from my teacher, who said to me in a hurry, “Let your parents bring your sister and your bank card tomorrow, and go to XX Primary School for an interview before 9:00.
I was so relieved to hear the news that I immediately called my mom. My mother was very happy to hear this, but when she heard the name of the elementary school, her mood changed: “Your sister doesn’t need to go to a provincial elementary school, and this one is too far away! It’s too far to go without a half-hour drive. If there is a typhoon and a rainstorm, your sister will not suffer for six years, but your mother will.”
My mom was right, but I was angry because we didn’t have any room to bargain. I didn’t want to anger my mom because time was running out and I should have told her to go ahead and bring up the money and put it on the card, and I should have told her to give my sister another review and to take it easy on the adult child during the interview.
So, I reasoned with my mom as calmly as I could: “Mom, you know, I asked 10 elementary schools in the neighborhood, no matter what level they were, and they didn’t want ‘doubly non-permanent’ kids. This school is the only one in the whole district that is still willing to accept children with dual non-conformity. I had a hard time getting the principal to accept my sister through a teacher. Mom, if you really want my sister to attend a public elementary school with her Hong Kong identity, tomorrow is your last chance!”
Mom was silent for a long time and finally spoke, “How much money do I have to bring with me? I don’t remember the time and address, so hurry up and send it to me.”
I was relieved and said yes, and after a moment’s thought reminded my mom, “Take my dad with you and tell him to dress decently. After all, it’s an interview, and it’s better to have two parents than a single parent.”
My sister’s interview went well – if you don’t count the fact that my sister was too nervous to speak, everything was perfect. It wasn’t until my mom got the invoice for payment that she happily called me: “The school is nice and beautiful, the teachers are polite, and your sister loves it here.”
I finally smiled.
A big stone in my heart, finally I can put it down, I can go on with my own business – as for her to go to middle school and high school after that, it’s all for later – later, then I can think about it later.
But I was happy for less than three minutes, and then I couldn’t help but think: Although it is said that my sister’s further education is a matter for later, but even if you are in a hurry to hold the Buddha’s feet, where will there be a Buddha willing to pay attention to you?
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