This is the story of a girl named “Zhaodi” who went through a lot of obstacles to change her name.
The name “Zhaodi” was given to her by her grandmother, who preferred sons to daughters. At the moment of registration, she was 6 years old, but did not know that in the next 20 years of her life, this name meant endless ridicule, humiliation and dislike.
After she understood, she was unable to open her mouth to introduce herself to others, and became sensitive, inferior and unsociable.
I thought this name was going to be with me for the rest of my life, until I saw a quote from a blogger on Weibo, she said she hated such names and hated the girls who still called them by these names, disgusted by the girls who would rather endure humiliation and let such names follow them for the rest of their lives, because they were contrary and did not know how to fight for themselves ……
With a breath of fresh air, she was determined to go out and fight hard for herself.
The journey to change her name was obstructed everywhere, her parents’ obstruction, the household registrar’s lack of understanding, rejected for non-compliance …… She did not resign herself to fate and continued to fight for herself, taking three months, after exhausting various methods, on July 22, 2018, the 25-year-old finally changed her name.
Her new name, called Qian. It is lush, calm and natural. She can finally introduce her new name to people openly, and she has become more determined, fearless and clear about what she wants.
Qian said, “I can almost assume that changing my name is one of the most meaningful things I did at the age of 25. “
She wrote her name change strategy online and influenced more people. Each time she receives successful feedback, she is particularly happy and heartily to those girls to say: wish you a brand new life from now on. In the name system, you can find 16,557 girls named “Zhaodi” just by searching for the big surnames of Li, Wang, Liu, Zhang and Chen.
I hope that names like “Zhaodi” will disappear and that every girl will have her own name and a life full of blessings.
The following is Qian’s own account –
I am the one who was “classified” out
My name is Zhaodi, I was born in 1993 in the rural area of southern Anhui. Yes, I do have a younger brother.
In fact, after giving birth to my brother, my mother also tied, but did not tie tightly, pregnant with me. Grandma said, this child can come to you like this, it means it is destined by God. My mother said that in order to avoid the punishment of the second child, I was 2 months old when I took me to my grandmother. The other five children all died prematurely, so they were given to them to raise, so they could feel a little more lively.
Later, I learned that my mother was an only child and could have a second child. The next year, my brother was also born, encouraged by the idea that “daughters are better than others” and the idea of having more children.
I spent six years in hiding at my grandmother’s house, where she raised me on rice flour and soup.
My grandmother’s house was in a small mountain village, and in the summer nights of my childhood, there were a lot of fireflies in the countryside, and I would fight fireflies with my grandmother. Grandpa would also take me with him to visit the teahouse …… have many such fine and fond memories, often thinking that if I could travel back in time, I would like to go back to live with my grandparents when I was a child.
The first thing you need to do is to get a good idea of what you’re doing. Our place on the account was before we started elementary school. I clearly remember that evening, the village sister came to my house to register the household registration information, my grandmother reported, the name she also took – Zhaodi. Her explanation was, “In ancient times, when you were a big official, people’s wives were called by this name”.
The logic of my name Zhaodi is not quite the same as others. Grandma did not want a boy (my brother was 5 years old at that time), it was purely patriarchal, regardless of whether there is a boy in the family, you as a girl is not welcome.
In fact, before going to school, my father gave me the name “Qian”. My mom and dad worked outside from my elementary school to high school. At that time, my family did not have a telephone, and I had to go to someone else’s house to answer my parents’ phone, and they only called once a month. My parents would only come home for New Year’s Eve, and sometimes we might not even know them after a year.
If my parents had been home on the day of registration, I would not have been called by that name, or at least “Qian”.
My dad later blamed my grandmother to her face for the name “Zhaodi”. But he only wanted me to have a “good” name that would make me rich and prosperous, not realizing that this name was a symbol of patriarchy and a label for girls You don’t deserve to have a name.
I don’t know if you’ve seen “Please Answer 1988”? I can relate to Deok-sun’s experience in particular. Her family had a gas leak and her parents dragged her brother and sister out, but forgot about her at the end. She was a bit of a “fatherless mother” and had to make do with her sister’s birthday cake and wear her sister’s old clothes.
This is how my grandparents treated me. Grandma is weak, can not do any heavy work, always stay at home, personality is also a bit sullen, very indifferent to me.
When I was a child, I slept in the same bed with my grandmother. She slept at the head of the bed, I slept at the end, she slept inside, I slept outside. It was hot in the summer, she didn’t like fans, and when she got up early, she would immediately turn off the fan when she got up. I think back to when my grandmother would fan me all night long for fear that I would get hot, but my grandmother never cared that I was cold or hot.
There was a time when she didn’t like my grandfather. She would put my clothes in a basin with my grandfather’s, and her clothes with my brother’s and my brother’s. She would put my clothes in a basin with my grandfather’s, and her clothes with my brother’s. Grandpa did heavy work and his clothes were very sweaty. I didn’t mind if they were dirty or not, but I felt that at home, my grandfather was not treated by her and I was also not treated by her and was classified. After that, I did all my own laundry.
My grandmother is always suspicious, for example, what is lost in the house, she will be the first to suspect that I stole. My brother likes to stir up trouble. Once walking in front, he fell down and complained to my grandmother that I pushed him. My grandmother turned her head and immediately scolded me. I did not listen to my explanation at all.
We would also fight over snacks when we were young. My brother was particularly domineering, I went to pick up the candy my mother gave to the three of us, in fact, I was picking up for my brother, my brother thought I was going to steal his things, immediately took a knife from the kitchen and cut my hand bleeding. To this day I still have a scar in the middle of my finger. He was only six or seven years old at the time.
My dad was the one who spoiled my brother the most, because he was his youngest son. My brother is in college, buy a train ticket this kind of thing, my father wants me to help my brother to handle well. My parents have been working in Fujian, I only visited them once from elementary school until I graduated from high school, but my brother went there every summer. So throughout my upbringing, I was the only one who had the most lack of fatherly and motherly love, and my brother still enjoyed it at least until he was six or seven years old.
In front of my grandmother, I don’t really seem to have expressed to her, why did you give me such a name, I hate you ah and so on. Of course, my grandmother doesn’t feel guilty about me, and she doesn’t pay attention to my feelings.
Because my grandmother was always biased, when I was young I would fight with her and argue with her. I would go to my grandmother’s house on weekends and only come back the next day for school. When I was a kid, I went to both elementary and junior high schools. Later I went to the best high school in the area, probably because I was living in school, and probably because I thought I was getting ahead, I found that my grandmother was not so patriarchal.
I couldn’t open my mouth to introduce my name to others
The first year I went to school, my grandmother was very sad to see me and visited me often. Every time I would chase out, saying I don’t want to go to school, I want to go home, this is not my home. When I lined up to get out of school at the end of the day, everyone would see a little girl, coming out of the school gate in tears.
The first time I felt as if my name was not so good was in the fifth or sixth grade. The people outside came to promote the vaccination booklet, and one by one, when my name was read, they laughed, and the teacher laughed along with them. What they said exactly, I do not remember very well, only remember that moment, the face went red ……
Before this, classmates also often say, your brother is not you recruited such words, but at that time self-awareness is not so strong, did not feel particularly ashamed. Elementary school is a bit isolated, not exactly because of the name, but because I was a left-behind child, as well as did not receive enlightened education, even their own names do not know, look particularly stupid and retarded people. In those days, teachers liked good grades, and the stupid ones were scolded by teachers, so I would be isolated in elementary school by some of my classmates who had good academic performance and didn’t play with me.
When you go to junior high school, you will have many strange classmates. When the roll call was taken, the new classmates would laugh, a laugh that would allow me to see directly. The teacher not only did not stop it, but also made fun of the name. At that time there was a particularly naughty tablemate, boy, ADHD like, he would laugh at me and call my name very loudly in the classroom. So I became particularly self-conscious at that time and did not like to talk.
A teacher in the office liked me and asked me what my name was, repeatedly asking me many times, and I played dumb. I just had a hard time introducing myself to people and couldn’t speak up. Generally speaking, in a new environment, if you don’t even dare to introduce yourself, your first interaction will leave a bad impression on others.
I think this is how I became inferior and sensitive, and eventually became an unsociable person.
I blamed my parents for their lack of care in letting me pick such an ugly name, plus the fact that they were out all the time and neglected our upbringing. I became a bit of a rebel starting in middle school. Although I didn’t spend much time at home, my dad and I never got along. Because he communicated with me, it was never a violent language.
When I was in junior high school, I didn’t eat because of something, and I was determined not to eat. My dad just forced me to eat, and I was determined not to eat. Sometimes studying late into the night, he told me to sleep, I prefer not to sleep, he shouted downstairs, still do not go to sleep, a waste of my electricity, I prefer not to sleep.
I often asked my father to help me change my name, but I heard my uncle, who is the director of the village committee, say that he could not change his grandson’s name, so my father felt that it was completely impossible to change his name. Of course, he did not specifically go to the police station to ask. While blaming my grandmother, but no concrete action, acting helpless, he has always been this attitude.
From the fifth or sixth grade, I became particularly attentive to my studies. Because I think studying with heart is the only way to get the attention of parents and grandparents, and the respect of classmates and teachers. If your grades are poor and your name is so ugly, you deserve to be made fun of. At that time, I had a wish in my heart, hoping to get my parents’ affirmation to change my name during the New Year.
I thought this name was really going to be with me for life
During my university years, my classmates came from all over the province and even the country, and in such a new environment, self-esteem was stronger and the sense of beauty would be a little stronger. I was afraid to introduce myself, afraid to say my name, even to the boys I had a crush on, I usually did not tell.
When I was a freshman, I had a computer and saw people on the Internet who had successfully changed their names, so I wanted to give it a try, and being 18 years old, I met the conditions for an independent name change.
The summer of my freshman year, I took some proof of name change downloaded from the Internet and ran to the police station in our town, and downloaded the relevant legal provisions on my phone in advance, saying that an adult can change his or her name once in a lifetime, and read it to the people at the police station.
The people at the police station laughed at me when they saw me standing there as a little girl reading this. I found the person in charge of our area of the family register, a middle-aged man. He pulled half a day, said your name is difficult to change, will affect the graduation certificate, and then to the top of the layers of approval, especially troublesome. The most ridiculous thing is that he told me that he himself read which novel inside, a heroine also called this name, this name is quite good. While saying that while scratching on the phone, looking for this novel.
So spent more than an hour, he remained indifferent, in the office bubble tea, leisurely. I was feeling that I had come here not to do business, but to carry on with him.
I thought this name was really going to be with me for the rest of my life.
Since I can’t change it, I have to comfort myself. Before each self-introduction, play a lot of belly-laughs in your mind: “My name is Zhaodi, yes, I do have a brother …… “There is a little self-flirtation, but not I really put down, but I think since I can not change, it is better to self-flirt.
I had the first relationship of my life in college.
He was my college roommate’s high school classmate. Although I repeatedly concealed, but he knew my name from the roommate, my heart’s defenses were broken by him at once. Later, he gave me a lot of detachment, so that I think the name is difficult and not so important.
In my opinion, to be able to establish some deep connection, to be able to say something from the heart with each other, first of all, the first hurdle is that I can face the name with people. This is also the reason why I started this relationship.
After graduation, my boyfriend and I both went to work in Hangzhou. Of course, my boyfriend has always felt that my name does not sound good. This name has always followed its own, like a brand, always remind themselves and remind others: this girl’s family must be patriarchal, right?
I hate myself for not fighting for myself seriously (completely determined) want to change the name of that period, I often lie in bed late at night, in the microblogging over and over again to search for “Zhaodi” and other keywords, to see some other people’s experience.
One day I found a blogger who said she hated such names, she also hated those girls who still called these names, disgusted with those girls who would rather endure humiliation and let such names follow them all their lives, because they are submissive and do not know how to fight for themselves ……
At that time, after reading the tears could not stop flowing, I hate myself for not having fought for myself seriously once.
These words make me always hold a breath, is to try once more, try once more.
When I was applying for a settlement in Hangzhou, I found that someone was changing his or her age. I asked, “If you can change your age, can you also change your name? ” “You can change it if you meet the regulations. “All of a sudden, the hope inside was rekindled. I went back to Zhejiang Province to check the name change regulations, and learned a lot of very detailed name change techniques.
Told my parents, their first reaction was still against it. From school to now, they are afraid that I because of the name change, affect my diploma, affect my job search, but also afraid that I offend the police station …… my mother has been persuading me, the name is just a code name, let me explain to others, that the name is not to me to recruit a brother … …Why should I explain this to people? People look at your name is to give you these labels, you explain what is the point?
Because there is hope of changing it, my parents still obstruct me like this, I am very angry. In the family group: you did not do your duty as parents and still block me, do not blame me resent you for life.
Probably seeing my determination, they stopped talking.
The first time I went to the police station to submit my application, it was a working day and there were not many people there. I thought that the Hangzhou government was efficient and that it would go smoothly.
I handed my two-page handwritten application for name change to the staff through the window, and was greeted by a female police officer, probably in her early thirties. She looked at it carefully, didn’t say anything, and submitted it. I was relieved, this time reported up, it seems to have a chance?
Within two days, I received a call that the application had been rejected. At that time, I was baffled, how is it possible? Why can’t I change it, why was it rejected, I obviously comply with the regulations ……”, the woman who received me before The female police officer who received me before said, the above is not accepted, you do not meet the regulations, they can not do anything.
Still not satisfied. I’ve been searching the internet for various methods that netizens have tried, and as long as I can try them, I’m going to try them all. Many times call the police station to communicate to no avail, I decided to go again.
This time I went with a purpose. I wanted to convince them, wanted them to put themselves in my shoes and think, “How do you feel if such a name follows you for the rest of your life”. I still found the female police officer from last time and tried to impress her to help me fight for it again. Although the attitude is not very patient, but from her mouth to learn that hurt my feelings, the adverse psychological impact on me need to show proof.
The hospital is nearby, a 20-minute walk. It was pouring rain that day, walking on the road, thinking: no matter how big the obstruction, we have to try.
The hospital is a famous tertiary hospital in Hangzhou, and it was crowded with people. I couldn’t eat, so I waited in line for an hour and registered for a psychiatric unit.
The doctor is relatively thin, wearing a gold-rimmed glasses. I said, because the name is very inferior, no way to introduce yourself to people …… he stared at me, “do not you think you are a little bit of a fuss? “
This person he did not understand me at all, he just thought I was pretentious and had nothing to do …… but also wanted to struggle, “Can you give me a certificate, the police station said it needed a certificate like this “. “Impossible. “He said while taking my health insurance card and swiped it hard, finished, and dumped me a business card for psychological counseling. The whole process took less than 3 minutes.
I exited the department and stood there, looking at the crowds coming and going, overwhelmed …… Am I going to resign myself to my fate?
I don’t think so.
The next thing I did was to keep searching online for ways to try. 12345 mayor’s hotline was called more than a dozen times, and I found the phone number of the public security bureau that made the decision and dialed …… to get the words that did not fit the regulations.
Finally, the most useful is to write a letter. A draft of multiple submissions. (Even cast to the) uptown district mayor’s mailbox.
After two days, received a phone call from the Public Security Bureau, the other side said, our director, want to talk to you.
I saw the light.
I found a noon time to go over, in a small inconspicuous store next to a bowl of noodles. The store hung a nice calligraphy words: food delicious clean. I was full of anticipation and took a picture.
At first a middle-aged female staff member took me, she printed out my letter and said, “This received one, this another one …… “It felt a bit hopeless for me. She took me to another window with a camera and told me to sit upright and that the person receiving me in front of me should be the director. Forty-five or sixty years old, not fat, not thin, with a little baldness, looks very mild-faced, and speaks slowly and methodically.
He initially also wanted to persuade me that the name does not meet the regulations on name change, and harmless, change, then there will be many, many troubles.
I said that I had suffered a lot of bad influences because of my name since I was a child, and that there was a humiliation in carrying such a name in my own life and not being able to start a real life. I also said some more practical situation, soon to learn driving license, in Hangzhou also have to buy a house, and later to change more things more trouble. Finally, I said that no matter what, I would definitely change.
He saw that my attitude was quite firm, and slowly seemed to understand. He also looked at my personal information and asked me what kind of work I do and what kind of education I have. Because I was a resident of Hangzhou, he probably thought I was a good girl and would have a good future.
Talking about it, he said, you can change it, but you have to provide some information. Later, he explained to me why the Public Security Bureau was so cautious about changing the name. He was the first person who seriously explained to me.
Finally, after three months, forty to fifty phone calls and a dozen contacts, on July 22, 2018, my name was changed.
When I came out, I felt a light in my eyes and walked down the road and saw that everything was extra nice. Right. I felt that I had a high moment in my life. I felt that coming to Hangzhou was a very good choice.
I was finally able to untie a knot that had existed for more than 20 years. I was no longer troubled by my name and no longer had low self-esteem because of it; I could openly introduce my new name to people; I was no longer labeled as a bad person because of my name for the rest of my life; I tried to do what I wanted to do against all odds; I became more determined, fearless, and knew clearly what I wanted.
I can almost conclude that changing my name was the most meaningful thing I did at the age of 25.
May you have a new life from now on!
My new name, a single character “Qian”.
I’ve always had the desire to change my name since I was a kid, but I’ve never really thought about a new name, so suddenly I had the right to do so, and I thought about it over and over again for a month.
I looked for names in the Book of Psalms and rated names online. My dad also gave me some, but I didn’t think it was as good as the one I gave myself.
Qian, who likes plants, in the forest
The word “Qian”, for one thing, keeps the consistency of our siblings’ single names, and for another, it means vigorous vitality and also has a symbol of peace and nature. In my opinion, it is a name with spirituality and a good meaning, and it is also my hope for my life.
I took the new ID card to the family group, and my parents were happy for me. I could feel that after I changed my name, they had a whole new understanding of me and thought I was pretty good. Originally they thought it was an impossible thing to accomplish.
In the past few years, under my persistent “brainwashing” by forwarding various articles on son preference and left-behind children, my parents’ mindset slowly changed a little. I have also been telling them that I will give them a pension in the future.
Recently I bought a house in Hangzhou, my parents emptied their pension to support me. Whether it is considered compensation or not, for me, the heart is warm and grateful, but also learned to understand them.
My grandmother, at the time of her death, I did not blame her. I can understand the limitations of her mind as an illiterate old lady in the countryside.
There is no need to keep holding a grudge because this has already happened. For me, it was solved by changing it. What I want to do now is to not treat my own children like this in the future, as well as hopefully help girls with similar experiences to me, within my capabilities.
I always like to read books that focus on women’s growth and development, including my first choice of university, which was China Women’s College. My wish at that time was to do something for girls in rural areas, especially for children left behind.
I would like to share my story here, because I wanted the name “Zhaodi” to disappear, and I wanted every girl to have her own name, not just to welcome the birth of my brother.
I later wrote about the process of changing my name as a guide on the Internet, which has influenced more people. Every time I received successful feedback, I was especially happy and would say to those girls from the bottom of my heart.
May you have a brand new life from now on.
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