During the epidemic, my grandmother told me on the phone that an old man with cancer in my hometown had hanged himself because he was worried about dragging his children down. I think that in the past few years, similar tragedies have happened repeatedly in my hometown, and I don’t know who started it.
Grandma said, “I can’t say who started it, but that’s what happened to your great aunt! She was strong all her life, but in the end, in order not to involve your cousin, but also committed suicide.”
1
My grandfather had six brothers, only two sisters, I call them big and small aunts.
The youngest aunt lived in Chafang Village, the family had four large tiled houses and a large yard, the yard against the wall planted a tall row of moonflowers, beautiful. Whenever summer vacation came, my grandmother would take my sister and I to live there, and my sister’s grandmother was always very happy to do all kinds of good food to entertain us.
The home of the great aunt’s mother in the old city of Xiguan county in an alley, only three small tile house, long and narrow hall, against the wall placed a narrow wire single bed, which is the great aunt’s daughter Chunli sleeping place.
During the day, the great aunt’s wife sold fruits on the street, and only on the eighth day of April every year, we had the opportunity to go to her house to sit down. Although it is rare to go once a year, but the great aunt never bought us snacks, even if the family sold leftover fruit can not take one. She used the vegetables my grandmother brought to the noodles, just one bowl per person, want to eat a little more, but no.
Every year, during the autumn harvest, my great aunt would leave her business to go back to her mother’s house. She took turns living in six brothers’ homes, helping with some work, and left with an extra pair of stretchers on her shoulders, with bulging snakeskin bags hanging from both ends, which were sent by each family.
My grandmother is the eldest sister-in-law, love this big aunt, always afraid that they do not give enough things, half a snake skin bag of peanuts, pick out the largest sweet potatoes, fishing a handful of turnip tassels sauerkraut, and then add two bowls of green beans, two bowls of red beans …… big aunt milk mouth excuses: “Oh, you save your own food! ” But the hand has reached over to catch it.
The first thing you need to do is to take out a kudzu vine and string up the pork, pig’s head, pig’s feet and other things, and let my father send it to the county town on his bicycle.
“Your great aunt’s milk is so bitter and cold that she doesn’t have to get a little grease for the New Year.”
It is already well known in the family that my great aunt likes to shout about poverty.
I have an uncle in the provincial authorities to “eat the royal food”, because of the long distance, only once every four or five years back home. Even more tired, he went to the county to drag the luggage first, take tonic, specialties to visit the great aunt father, and each time to give 50 yuan – in those days, this is the uncle half a month’s salary.
When the uncle was in high school, the great aunt father also worked in the county hospital, always save up the hospital waste paper to give him a draft. Years passed, the poor students became decent public family, while the great aunt father suffering from liver disease was fired from the unit, the situation is bad.
The first six days of the first month, the uncle to return, before leaving the usual to go with the great aunt father to say goodbye. I remember one time I also went along, that day I do not know what to say, the great aunt milk suddenly cried – until now, I still remember her cry – first sobbing, and then is a cry, “nephew ah, you do not know Your cousin was so good-looking and studied so well, but he left us! We only have this one son!”
Big Aunt Dad told her to stop crying, “It’s the first day of the month, how bad!”
But the elder aunt cried louder, “Poor your cousin, he died and we don’t even know where his bones are! Your aunt has got this rich disease, he has to take medicine every month, and he can’t work, you say how can I be so miserable.” The elder aunt leaned on her uncle’s shoulder and cried so much that her body shook.
Uncle didn’t know how to comfort her, so he took out another 50 yuan from his wallet and put it in her hand. When I got home, I talked about it, my grandmother seemed to be surprised: “She just wants to cry for a few dollars, she will come back in a few days to pay New Year’s visit, and she has to collect things!”
2
I heard from the elders that my great aunt was not like this from the beginning.
She had been cheerful and capable since she was a child, always singing and beating hogs and pigs, and she was the one who worked the hardest of all the children. She also did well in school, but unfortunately, her mother asked her to go home to take her sixth brother, not to continue reading. She didn’t cry, she just looked at the school and backed up to go home.
When she was old enough to get married, she married her great aunt’s father. In 1979, their son Xiaoliang was born, and his grandmother said that Xiaoliang was very good-looking, with “shiny eyes, tall and long legs, like a poplar tree.”
Six years later, she became pregnant again. At that time, family planning was so tight that only one child could be born in urban areas, so she hid and hid before giving birth to their daughter Chunli.
The family could not hide the over-birth after all, and not only was a large fine imposed, but the great aunt’s father was also expelled from the Chinese hospital. The family’s most difficult time, even the great aunt father to eat daily hepatitis medicine can not afford to buy. The good thing is that the great aunt father has an ancestral craft, and soon opened a small pharmacy in the family. He only charged a little money to see people, the great aunt’s milk is too small to charge, he said: “the patient loves the patient”. He also used to let the children stick out their tongues for him to see and check their pulse, and then said, “You are very healthy and have plenty of qi and blood.”
Relying on the care of the neighbors and old patients, the reputation of the small pharmacy gradually did up, and two or three years later became more and more prosperous. The day is good, the great aunt’s wife learned from the TV stars perm hair. She is already cheerful, talking to people also learned the accent of the city people. However, such a comfortable life did not last forever.
In the summer of 1991, the great aunt’s father and grandmother were busy in the pharmacy and did not notice that their children had followed a group of children from Xiguan Street. When it was almost dark, Chunli ran home crying, with one of her sandals running off her foot, “My brother was washed away by the big water!” It turned out that the children were competing at the county river to see who was deep, and after Xiao Liang went in headfirst, the upstream reservoir opened its floodgates.
The big aunt’s milk and big aunt’s father scattered their legs and ran to the river, the neighborhood has long been full of people watching, they are kowtowing and bowing, a few men who can touch the water for a long time, but did not touch the small bright.
This summer, the great aunt’s family fell into a great deal of grief, the great aunt’s father worried too much, liver disease more and more serious, the face began to swell, the prescription for medicine is also absent-minded. Some people who often come to the needle said that the great aunt father will take the needle when the time comes, since Xiao Liang died, he often forget.
The big aunt also no longer the old smile, gradually, the patients also dare not come to see the doctor, big aunt father also afraid of their own accident, coupled with poor health, so the small pharmacy closed.
Since then, the great aunt took up the burden of supporting the family, she cut a long permed hair to sell money, and began to sell fruit in the streets of Xiguan.
I remember one year on the eighth day of April, my grandmother and I went to the county fair, as usual, to take a basket of fresh potatoes to send to my great aunt. Just walk to the place where the stall, you can see five or six city police to the vendor’s agricultural cart to throw bills, those stall owners are hanging face, shaking from the money box to get money.
When they threw tickets to the fruit stalls, the great aunt wrapped her arms around the carton containing the money and asked in a stern voice: “City management fees, how do you manage the city? Is it to sweep the streets to clean up, or for our small vendors to set up stalls? I set up a stall to buy a fruit, one does not steal, two does not rob, three did not occupy the road, four did not throw garbage everywhere, why you write 4 yuan on the ticket I have to give you 4 yuan, where are the rules?”
Several city police froze, after an exchange of glances, two went over to hold the skinny grandmother, she shouted sharply: “You can not say a reason, is to arrest me, I will not give you a dime!”
The remaining few city police pushed up the cart with the fruit and threw it down the county riverbank. After they left, the big aunt jumped down from the high riverbank, dragging the car in the dry riverbed for a long time to get the car up.
Years later, an autumn harvest chat, the great aunt said about this incident: “From then on, ‘strong woman Lu Fengmei’ has become my nickname, other stalls are afraid to set up with me, for fear of trouble by the city police.”
Because there is no peer competition, the great aunt’s business is not bad. But once, the little grandfather who teaches in the county reminded her: “Big sister, I often let other teachers to buy fruit from you, but people say you are always short of the catty, I am embarrassed, you do business this way, do not last.”
Big Aunt Nan is full of concern: “What do you know! The price of fruit is already high, sell expensive, no one will buy, sell cheaper, but you have to be short of two or three to make a profit! Besides, Lu Fengmei is not the only one in Xiguan Street who is short of weight, which of them is not a human being, don’t look at the scales high, none of them are full!
After that, the great aunt began to say that her daughter had to study, her husband had to take medicine, she lived in Xiguan and did not have an inch of land, “I have rice, flour, oil and grain from my mother’s family, but I still have to buy my own food, right? I’m not stingy, how can I live this day, yo.”
Little grandfather heard, can only shut his mouth.
3
In contrast, the great aunt father is a kind person, although no longer open a pharmacy, but the neighbors occasionally come to ask a prescription, he is still very enthusiastic.
One late night at the end of 1992, the sound of a baby crying came faintly from outside the house, the great aunt’s milk told the great aunt’s father to mind his own business, but he opened the door anyway – a baby girl lying at the door, presumably just recently born, her hair still wet.
“Our son died, God gave us a daughter, more children to our daughter for companionship is good, it is just a matter of adding a pair of dishes!” The first aunt father thought that the child was round-headed and round-headed, so he named her Yuan Yuan.
When she was four years old, she accidentally fell into a large pot of boiling water while playing in the kitchen and was brought to the hospital with only one breath left. Yuan Yuan was very understanding and would say to the doctor, “Uncle doctor, save Yuan Yuan, save your life!” But the burns were too large and the baby died in the end.
After losing two children one after the other, the great aunt’s father’s liver disease became more and more serious, and after crying bitterly, the great aunt’s mother still had to continue to earn a living. She often said to others: “I Lu Fengmei is a bitter person, I am used to suffering, not afraid.”
When I went to high school in the county, the school is only one or two miles away from the streets of Xiguan, but I have never been to the great aunt’s house: one is the school tight control, residential students are not allowed to leave the school; two is I do not want to go, in addition to the limited living expenses, empty-handed to the strange embarrassment.
That summer, the great aunt’s father passed away. The first aunt father was gentle and pure, it is said that when the funeral of the entire Xiguan street, every family sent joss stick money – in our area, the more people come to the funeral, the more dignified.
When I finished my college entrance exams, the always strong great aunt also fell ill, my grandmother took me to the hospital to visit, she was very happy to see us, let her daughter Chunli go to the corridor to cook some noodles for everyone – at that time, Chunli early twenties, in a hotel in the county as a waiter.
The oldest aunt was lolling on the hospital bed, lowering her voice and saying she had a lymphoma, “The doctor said it was moderately malignant, I guess it’s similar to cancer.” She paused for a moment, her eyes dimmed, “There are also gallstones and cholecystitis, the gall has been removed, it was my little brother who came to sign the letter, I did not let the baby know.”
The grandmother could not find words of comfort for a while, and asked tentatively, “Do you want to continue to treat?”
“Yes! Why not!” The first aunt raised her voice, “I lost two sons in a row in my early years, and I lost my husband the year before. She raised her chin toward the door, “But for her sake, I have to cure ah. If I die, she will become an orphan. I have to cure Lu Fengmei, even if I have to sell my iron, to live one more year, I want to see her get a son-in-law before I feel at ease.”
After that, the great aunt began a long chemotherapy. Strangely enough, even though her neck was swollen like a pig’s neck and her throat was burning, she survived. One year, she heard that the doctors at the hospital in the neighboring province were even better, so she went to chemotherapy alone and called a distant relative who lived there. Seeing her pity, they not only gave her money, but also took two days off work to take care of her.
For this reason, grandma complained, “This Fengmei is really good at it, how can an aunt bother her sister-in-law’s maiden sister?”
Grandpa said helplessly, “She is used to being poor, if she is thin-skinned again, I’m afraid she can’t even get by.”
4
The condition of my sister-in-law was under control and she never relapsed. After that, she continued to return to her mother’s house every year during the first month and the autumn harvest to work, collect things, and talk about her pain during chemotherapy.
She proudly said that the patient’s family used her as a role model, “Look at the one in that bed called Lu Fengmei, that is a real strong woman, lost two children in a row, and became a widow some years ago, but she gritted her teeth to cure the disease, and suffered much.” The oldest aunt seems to be talking to herself, but also seems to recall what others have said: “This person, living a lifetime is to live a breath.”
And she has been carrying that breath, is for her daughter Chunli.
The day of Chun Li’s wedding, the family went to the father and uncles, one set of tea to the guests, another set of busy taking people to the hotel – the groom is backwards, but the wedding ceremony or to.
The groom, Jinxiang, is tall and sturdy, smiling with a mouthful of white teeth, I heard that is doing welding. They still live in the three old tiled houses after the wedding, the door was pasted on the red background gold powder double happy word, the hall was cleaned, but the single wire bed was folded up.
“Big aunt, this is double happiness, you will soon be a grandmother!” Several women took one look at Chunli’s bulging belly and said to the great aunt’s milk.
On that day, her high-pitched, trembling voice sounded extraordinarily joyful: “Yes, I’m finally looking forward to this day, I’ve finally made it! The money for the treatment was not spent in vain!”
But the good times did not last long, the great aunt’s milk and the new son-in-law Jinxiang do not deal with, Chun Li caught in the middle of the dilemma, had to run to the grandmother’s house crying: “Great uncle, the big truth, you say my mother this person is not reasonable ……”
The first time I saw a woman, I was a little bit of an orphan. And said Jinxiang has a craft, and he is not afraid to eat, forcing her to send dinner every day, “she said my brain is not open-minded, let me stay overnight in that welding store, said pregnant with a baby after he did not marry me can not, I simply do not want!
Chunli refused at first, the great aunt cried and said she would not live for a few days, afraid that there would be no one to take care of Chunli, “to find you, you still dislike me meddling in the matter, effort is not pleasing, why not just die?”
Chunli could not resist, but the rice was cooked, and the great aunt changed her face, saying that her daughter had a man and forgot her mother. The cause of the conflict is very simple to say, is Jinxiang night with the contractor to play mahjong, the great aunt’s wife suspected him of poor life rich body, always lose money and no interest.
“Uncle listen, so many welding stores on the street, why do people give you work, not to play mahjong to lose a little money to pull the relationship!” Chunli angry and aggrieved, think Jinxiang is the mother’s fancy, she has obeyed her wishes, the result is that she not only always find fault, but also very hard to say, “said people backwards is to figure out the home base, this is not the door to see people? Who sees your Xiguan Street dollhouse!”
5
In the eyes of the people, the great aunt is used to being strong, even if her daughter is married, she still wants to continue to be the head of the family.
On weekdays, the young couple get up later in the morning, she deliberately slammed the door jangling before leaving the stall, no one to pour tea at home in the evening, and she slammed and beat. Sometimes, Jinxiang went to the store to do welding, by the way to hide, she called in the back: “all day and night to run away, follow the fox friends to eat and drink, the soul will sooner or later be outsiders hooked! I’m afraid that after I close my eyes, you son of a bitch will divorce my daughter!”
It didn’t take long for Jinxiang to stop calling her “mom”, and my great aunt’s grandmother was furious and cursed her at home.
The woman’s grandmother complained to me on the other end of the phone, “Your grandfather made four trips back and forth with the sun shining down on him, and he’s over 50 years old, and he’s still calling for help from his mother’s house.
Unlike the grandfather’s fifty boards, the grandmother feels that the fault lies with the great aunt – “people are good to your daughter is, they leave early and return late, work overtime at night to earn money, but not for the sake of the family. And said sooner or later to divorce Chunli, this is not a bridge set fire!”
After that, I graduated from college and went abroad to study, so I had limited time to contact with my family. It seemed that the great aunt’s family was far away from me. The year I returned home, it was autumn harvest time again, and I asked my grandmother on the phone, “Did my great aunt come back to collect things?”
Grandma said calmly, “Your great aunt’s anniversary is all over, and she died almost at this time last year.”
I thought my great aunt’s grandmother was having a relapse of an old illness, so I didn’t ask more questions.
At the end of last year, when the new crown epidemic broke out, I contacted everyone in my old family. During a casual conversation with my youngest aunt, I gradually pieced together the last few years of my great aunt’s life.
It turned out that her son-in-law, Jinxiang, was “shrewish and daring” and had stripped the tiled house and borrowed more than 700,000 yuan to buy the land next door to build a 5-story building. At that time, may be see Jinxiang has the courage, has the brain, also may see their own health is not good, hope that son-in-law later to their own death, the great aunt and his relationship also began to ease up.
Jinxiang originally intended to leave the bottom 2 floors for rent and self-occupation, and sell the top 3 floors to pay back the money, but that year more rain, construction work to do stop, the house has not been sold, some creditors to force the debt. He had no choice but to go out to work, while hiding from the debt.
At that time, the great aunt has experienced a minor brain infarction, numbness in the limbs but also out of the stall to earn money. Chun Li is pregnant with her second child, pregnant with her daughter, smiling all day long to make amends to the creditors. Stumbling, the building was easily built, the great aunt went in to live for two years, and then fell and was admitted to the hospital.
At that time, she was already very sick, her mouth was crooked, paraplegia is bedridden day and night, urination and defecation need to be waited on. Chunli held the older one, carried the younger one, and had to go to the hospital to take care of the older one, so she had a very hard time. Jinxiang is also a kind-hearted person, once the great aunt scolded him, cursed him, but he did not shout to the face of the mother, but the hospital bill out of pocket, but also behind the scenes told Chunli: “Do not worry about the money, what the mother wants to eat to buy her.”
The first aunt once said to the youngest aunt who went to visit: “I dragged the child, but where I can stand to take the baby, my daughter will not live so sinful.”
At that time, Jinxiang borrowed money to build a house did not finish, someone ran to the hospital bed to force the debt, “money to half-dead people hospitalized, why can not pay me?”
The great aunt had been strong all her life, and in the middle of the night that day, she suddenly drank rat poison. The drug was probably prepared before she entered the hospital, she was afraid to die at home, the house could not be sold. When people in the same ward found out in the second half of the night, it was already too late.
The helpless Chunli rushed to the hospital with her two children, the doctor was washing the stomach of her great aunt’s milk, and relatives who got the news rushed to the hospital. At dawn, Jinxiang also arrived, he hugged his great aunt’s milk, let her lean in his arms, while crying and kept saying, “Don’t you go, don’t you go ……”
The two people have a grudge for many years, the great aunt’s milk strained neck looked at Jinxiang, and then looked at Chunli, pulled his daughter’s hand with all his strength, into his hands. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on the right one.
Jinxiang hurriedly shouted: “Mom yeah, mom yeah, mom yeah -“
Strange to say, at that time, the great aunt’s mother has been spurting blood, but heard the call, her throat whimpering sound changed, “ai ai” two times and then breathed, and finally died in Jinxiang’s arms.
Epilogue
In my hometown, old people have different attitudes toward death, some are afraid, some are looking forward to it.
In some people’s opinion, the great aunt survived chemotherapy, lived so many more years, and saw her daughter get married and have children, so she can close her eyes. Not to mention the injustice disease has been tormenting her, “is the time to die.” If we don’t leave sooner, one day we will drag our daughter’s family down, “it would have been a hard time for them.”
This is a bit cruel to say, but it is the choice of many rural elderly.
I know some of the past, but one thing I never understood was why my great aunt treated her chosen son-in-law that way and interfered in her daughter’s marriage. “Was it because he gambled?” I asked my sister-in-law.
“That’s not true,” said my sister-in-law, lowering her voice: “When Chunli was pregnant, your sister-in-law delivered food to Jinxiang and always saw a woman in the welding store. She thinks that Jinxiang may have an affair outside, afraid of Chunli know the heart sad, only with his son-in-law.”
I froze for a moment, the little aunt continued: “Jinxiang came to my side of town to do work when living in my house, I found him every night and a woman on the phone for a long time, but not Chunli.”
I asked if Chunli is informed, the little aunt milk is not clear, “anyway, I did not tell her, she is now with two children, at home to collect rent to live quite well.”
These things in the heart of the little aunt for a long time, she could not help but feel: “Your great aunt is worthy of the street stall in Xiguan for many years, visionary, accurate. When Jinxiang started the house, she said she was afraid that in the future her girl could not lower the baby, so she only wrote Chunli’s name on the property certificate.”
“This is not, after the death of your great aunt’s milk, Jinxiang really have a situation again.” The little aunt said quietly: “worried about a lifetime, and son-in-law trouble for many years, in the end it is still an empty ……”
Recent Comments