The early summer of 2012 was extremely difficult for me.
I was dragged into an ambulance with acute abdominal pain and had an appendectomy the night I was admitted to the hospital. I was hospitalized for more than 20 days, and my wedding scheduled for May 1st was delayed. I was sent to the Gastrointestinal Surgery Department of Hubei Provincial People’s Hospital for treatment of intestinal obstruction, but I tried injections and intubation …… all over again, but still had no effect.
After a month of observation, the condition lingered and I was pushed into the operating room and received another cut.
1
The anesthesia subsided and I gradually regained consciousness in the hospital room. Although my head was exploding with pain and my eyelids were too heavy to open, I could still feel myself being exposed to the blinding incandescent light, and there were groups of people surrounding me going over and checking me out and walking around.
Dad asked, “Does it hurt?” I drew a breath from my lungs and replied in a dumb voice, “Yes.” He said with relief, “You’re awake.” Following that, the bedside bell rang and the nurse came sniffing.
With my skin bag imprisoning my internal organs, I began to have a fever, shivers, and uncontrollable shaking. The bedside doctor said it was normal to have a fever and to cool it down physically before observing it.
Not long after, an unfamiliar male voice rang out in the ward: “So young, is this your girl? How old is she?” Without waiting for my father to answer, he probably saw the name tag at the end of the bed, “Tsk, 29 years old, so young oh.”
A strange female voice was very close to me, probably right next to the pillow, and she said to my dad, “So white, like you.” Dad and the two of them picked up the conversation, you and I, and the monitor rang evenly as I passed out from the pain.
The next morning, I opened my eyes and felt my whole body stiffen up. I tried to roll over, but was bound by various tubes, and the female voice from last night rang out again, “Wake up wake up.” I glanced out of the corner of my eye to my right, and there was a patient, whose features were not yet visible, sitting against a pillow and surveying me.
The nurse came in response, and she wet my lips with a water-soaked cotton swab, and I fought to open my mouth, wanting the swab to go deeper and wet the skin of my mouth that had become stuck to my teeth. “Good grief, you can’t drink yet.” The female patient observed me, as much with emotion as with explanation.
At that moment, the smell of sesame sauce, my favorite hot noodles, wafted into the ward, but mixed with the smell of sterile water and the stench coming from the bathroom, it became distinctly weird. “It’s awful, really, I don’t know what’s so good about it.” The male voice came indignantly from the end of the bed.
Dad entered the ward before the doctor checked in, and he first gave me a big smile, chanting like a leader doing a summary: “A big hurdle has been passed, a big hurdle! It’s all about recovery from now on.” Then, he nodded to the right side of the bed and the end of the bed respectively.
The man and woman on the right called Dad “Lao Jin” affectionately, and Dad introduced to me, “This is Sister Lin, and that is Brother Liu, from Xiantao, whose family has an auto repair store.”
In the ward where people became code names, I was “No. 37” and Sister Lin was “No. 38”. There is a “No. 36”, because of the long-term gastric tube, it is difficult to make a sound.
Every day, the doctors came to check on me, and the bedside doctor read out what surgery had been done on such-and-such a patient, what symptoms he had yesterday, and what treatment he was doing. The chief surgeon then asks, “Bed xx, how are you feeling?” The patients then secretly listened to each other’s conditions and sized each other up.
Lin, who is 5 years older than me, was transferred from the gynecology ward. She had undergone hysterectomy and oophorectomy for a malignant tumor, and the doctors found that she might also have a tumor on her intestines, so she was immediately transferred over for a second surgery.
After suffering so much, Lin’s face was still full, but there was little blood, and it always seemed to linger with an air of obscurity. I think that I, who also had two surgeries, was probably similar. But compared to that, I was a little worse – after the operation, I had an extra fistula on my stomach, with a plastic stoma bag to catch the excrement.
The nurse came once to train me how to change the ostomy bag, but I was lying flat on my back and couldn’t see it. After that, I called the nurse twice to help me, but it was difficult to hire someone to replace the bag. Liu asked me, “Xiao Jin, did your family stuff the red envelope? Did you find a relationship?”
The couple spoke straightforwardly, but I tried to answer seriously, “No, I didn’t.” They tilted their heads and were skeptical.
There was an even more embarrassing situation – Lin asked me, “Xiao Jin, why did you call the man who delivered the dinner at night Auntie ah?”
I said my mom was gone, and that was my stepmother. Sister Lin then looked at me with puppy-like round, bright eyes, then forced the laugh lines at the end of her eyes to tense and smooth out. Looking at her innocent face, I felt that even if she said something odd, it was hard to get upset.
2
I had a section of intestine cut by the doctor, 18 centimeters long. My father gestured with two fingers in front of my eyes and took the opportunity to explain the cause in a jealous manner, criticizing my past: “The doctor said you can’t eat and drink anymore. The roadside stalls ah, McDonald’s KFC, these can not!”
Sister Lin and Brother Liu took over: “It’s useless! My son every day to the stomach to fill cola, eat barbecue, are junk food, how to say it is useless. Promise is also bullshit, go out and forget.”
If I still had the energy, I could probably “fight” them for 300 rounds, but now I can only lie flat and let people mock me. The doctor said the sooner you get out of bed and walk around, the faster you recover, for the time being, even turn over have to rely on foot stirrups bed board I do not think, the third day after surgery, Lin sister can not wait to try, she said: “small gold, see I give you a sample.”
That day, Liu squatted at the end of the bed to shake the upper part of the bed, waiting for Lin to sit up, a short break, he ran over to her waist behind the stuffed pillow. After that, he pushed his left hand into the bottom of the cushion, holding Lin’s waist, leaning forward and straightening his neck, like a goose ready to go.
Sister Lin put her right hand on Liu’s shoulder, also inserted needles in the left hand to hold the edge of the bed, waist bending, two feet try to step on the ground, but struggling to get up just two seconds from the mattress, and then bounced back to the original place. Perhaps the wound is torn, Lin side of the bed panting, resting on Liu’s shoulder hand quickly fist, punched twice, scolding: “Why are you so short?”
Liu also grunted back, “Hospitalized for so long, not thin ah!” After that the two looked at each other and actually laughed.
They both tried recklessly, and in the afternoon, they finally succeeded. Lin was helped by Liu to the end of my bed, she propped up on the plastic bed frame, topped with sweaty bangs lamented joyfully: “Stand up and find the air is much better, and my head is not dizzy.”
Liu proposed to go outside to see, my father was busy persuading: “The doctor said to go inside the ward first, to be gradual.” Liu waved his hand, the two moved to the corridor, the nurse also came to join the fun, got up and leaned on the door frame to survey their backs.
When they all went out, my dad leaned his head over and whispered, “If people ask you later, you can say that’s your mom, anyway, in the hospital.”
I thought my dad might be afraid that I would be talked about and bullied, but I was too old to be upset by outside judgments, and lying would hurt me more than admitting the truth, so I stared straight back and said, “No.”
That night, Lin had a sudden high fever and her temperature shot up to 39.8 degrees Celsius. She gasped and shivered, shouting in a faltering tone of pain, and the bedside doctor rushed to explore her stomach with his hand, and the stethoscope went over his chest, tilting his head in thought.
Liu came up to explain, “Maybe it’s walking hard, in the afternoon, still not used to it.”
After learning of Lin’s exercise that day, the bedside doctor did a backward pose and scolded, “The wound has not grown, what do you want? Tell me in advance if you don’t want to stay, there’s a big queue of people waiting to come in.” Liu was scolded and his breath shriveled up, and he hurriedly bowed his head and admitted his mistake.
When I regained a little strength, Lin urged me to get out of bed and walk around. But I ignored it, let the nurses pull the bed curtain, and surreptitiously studied the ostomy bag hanging on the stomach. I thought to myself, “That’s a lot of exercise,” as the smallest movement made me sweat.
It is possible to hear rustling sounds coming from the bed curtain, and Lin is worried about making me rest, after all, the first thing Liu does every morning is to turn on the TV in the ward, and she often opens her phone to play songs, “If you want to rest, too noisy, just tell me ha.”
“Will not.” I immediately replied. I didn’t find those sounds noisy, but rather scared of the silence – when Sister Lin closed her eyes to rest, the ward was no longer lively, and I could only see a silent, gray face and the cold white around.
One night, Sister Lin dialed the phone and gently asked her son, who had stayed at home, “Did you do your homework properly? What delicious dishes did your aunt cook today?” This time to visit Wuhan, they gave the family’s auto repair store to the young aunt to take care of, and lied to the son that he was coming to Wuhan to play.
The son probably made a scene on the other end of the phone, asking why he wasn’t allowed to come with to Wuhan to play. Liu grabbed the phone and said: “Not fun, the Yangtze River water is muddy, not as big as Hong Lake. The Yellow Crane Tower is a fake, the back of the repair.”
The son still does not relent, Lin rubbed her brow, only to see her eyebrows, the corners of the eyes, the corners of the mouth, the back of the spine drops down one section. Liu became angry: “You do your homework properly and listen! Or go back and watch out for your skin.”
The night is getting deeper, the corridor of the inpatient department lights out in turn, patients, family members, nurses are quietly lying well, the ward suddenly empty a lot. This day, Liu was assigned to the folding bed rust, the bed frame as he tossed and turned, emitting a “creaking” sound. Sister Lin also did not sleep, she whispered to Brother Liu, the two muttered in the dark. I perked up my ears, but I didn’t hear anything.
The next day, Liu woke up early and did not stare at the TV, but guarded the elevator entrance, warmly welcomed my father into the door. When my father sat down, Liu said: “acquaintances have a single big business, no longer open, there is no money hospitalization. Just one day, I go back home, you help look after Xiao Lin it.”
Sister Lin also added: “I do not bother, I can watch the needles themselves and ring the bell, just to help when going to the toilet, just now also do not need to eat anything.” After saying that, the two people gazed at us with a smile.
My caregiver immediately stood up and raised her hand to state, “I can.” My dad still hesitated and asked, “On the doctor’s side, there won’t be anything, right?”
Liu seemed to have thought about this layer and said he would wait for the doctor to finish checking the room before leaving, “Don’t worry.”
3
After Liu left, Sister Lin was like a machine with the pause button pressed, talking less and being quieter. She occasionally shouted to the nursing staff to help take the data line or help go to the toilet, in addition to no sound. My dad poured hot water for her, and she said in a quiet voice, “No, no, thank you then.”
When I asked Lin what she was doing alone, she propped her elbows on the bedside table, her upper body sideways across the aisle, and held up her phone for me to see – a small video Liu had just sent over of their son staring at a computer screen and furiously tapping away at the keyboard.
Lin said, “He hasn’t woken up from playing yet.” After a while he turned sideways again, cupping his phone and silently staring at the wall.
Until the evening almost lights out, Liu did not return. Dad secretly said to me, “Fortunately, it’s okay, they still have a bigger heart.” The doctor on duty that night, surnamed Yu, he came in when it was already 9:30, found that my injection had not finished, said, “transfer faster, you are playing again until late at night to go.”
I said my own blood vessels are too thin, playing fast, half a day to waste a, have to re-tie the needle. “That can’t be helped, no way, there are still needles from the blood vessels on the legs.” Dr. Yu used his fingers to make the action of lancing, he watched at night, the whole thing loosened up quickly. I asked if tomorrow’s medicine will be less, he said, “Guess, see how you perform!”
Sister Lin was afraid that the doctor noticed the absence of family members, has been closed eyes fake sleep, my father was ready to leave, but saw the doctor, and not go. “Dr. Yu, let me give you an opinion.” He pointed to my file card, “It says unmarried, no, it’s married.”
Dr. Yu waved his hand, said it wasn’t a big deal, and then went to check the next ward. My dad’s head came over again and assured me, “I’ll keep an eye on him tomorrow to change it over.”
Up until this point, I hadn’t been able to get out of bed and see the name tag at the end of the bed, but I understood my dad; he was afraid that people would see it and think I was unmarried with a disease and look lonely. However, when he reminded me of this, it seemed to create a little more trouble, I turned my head to look at the right side, I don’t know when, Sister Lin’s eyes opened and was staring at me with a gaze: “Xiao Jin, so you got married ah.”
The nurse also rushed to sit next to me, ready to listen to me speak properly. But I didn’t, I urged the nurse to hurry to the shower, and then also pretended to be very sleepy and closed my eyes.
My dad’s mouth is really leaky. As soon as the morning came, he began to talk: “Yes, the girl just got a license in February this year, ready to set up a wedding in May, but suddenly got sick and postponed.” Then he elaborated that he had gone to three places, and finally booked the church in Tanhualin, “a good environment, but small, and may only sit 80 people.”
My dad broke his fingers and counted a large circle, saying that when he learned that I was sick and hospitalized, the pastor was very sympathetic and refunded the deposit and offered to help pray. The florist was which, the hotel was which, all refunded one by one, “There are still many good people.”
Sister Lin and caregivers patiently listened to the end, but still could not help but ask: “What about your aunt?”
My dad explained that because my husband was busy at work, he talked to me on the phone before and after the surgery. And he informed all parties that I needed to recuperate, that’s why not so many people came to visit.
“Ohhh.” Sister Lin and the caregiver looked at me meaningfully.
I understand their point of curiosity. I have a best friend, in love for seven years, both sides met their parents, the girl had surgery for nephritis, and got off the operating table to receive a breakup text message from her boyfriend. The world’s story is mostly circular, nothing new, just after the surgery I did not receive a breakup message, to be precise, there is no message.
The most important thing right now is to get rid of the powerlessness and embarrassment of my body, as if everything else is a luxury. Still, I can’t help but think, “I’m going to have an ostomy bag on my stomach from now on… I wonder if Dad has told him yet?”
4
The next afternoon, Liu finally returned to the ward and winked at Lin dejectedly as he entered.
Liu also carried a green plastic bucket – he smuggled in a wild snapper from his hometown, the hospital did not explicitly state, but should not be allowed to keep such live animals, the same ward I have a sense of nervousness to do bad things together.
Not long after, the nurse suddenly stood up, pointing to the bathroom and shouted: “The king of the eight run out!”
“I’ll do it!” Liu rushed out and grabbed the snapper, then picked up the green bucket and gave me a closer look. The snapper had a long triangular pointed face, black bean eyes, and the black stripe pattern wrapped around the shell seemed to be more complex than the domesticated ones. In order to put it “suppressed” well, Liu also buckled two plastic pots at the mouth of the bucket.
After lunch, everyone was drowsy, the nurse sat next to the needle, eyes closed, head almost down to the chest. I didn’t want to wake her up, so I had to hold my eyelids hard and watch the liquid drip down. Suddenly, there was a rare noise in the corridor, and several figures swung past the door of the ward, followed by the sound of cheeky laughter drifting in.
Liu suddenly snapped open his eyes and ran outside to take a look – the snapper ran out to walk the circle.
The corridor of the big hospital is very narrow, the two sides are still sleeping extra bed patients, everyone gathered to observe, can not bear to block the slow but persistent pace of the snapper, but also deliberately left a channel. Along the way the ward’s family members were guarding the door, waiting for the arrival of the snapper, extra bed patients in a unique position, are poking their heads out to see, someone also carefully reached out and touched the shell of the snapper.
At first Liu was a little anxious, peeled away from the crowd, mouth yelling: “my my”. When he stood in the middle, and not anxious, people like crazy to introduce to everyone: “get over to the wife’s health.”
People are talking about: “Live, where to do it?”
“We don’t like to kill people, but we should let them go.”
“Released? How expensive is this one?”
Until the head nurse rushed over, the crowd was dispersed. The head nurse ordered Liu to immediately hold the snapper back to the ward, Liu explained all the way, but the head nurse still coldly announced, “The snapper must disappear by tonight.”
Liu said Lin could not eat yet, “It will take a few days, I guess at least three days.” The head nurse said categorically, “Mo bargain, I’ll come back tonight.”
When the head nurse finished scolding, the nurse entered the door cautiously, and she came up to me and said, “It’s so funny, I’m laughing.” I also followed the giggle.
Liu crossed his arms and frowned, “Fun the hell. Originally considered to share some of your turtle soup to drink, now can not engage.”
The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to the public.
Liu obediently carried the green bucket and left, I could not help but admire: “Sister Lin, so you are the one who is in charge of your family!”
Sister Lin grinned smugly: “He has a good personality, but a thick heart, I can’t imagine.”
5
During a casual conversation, Sister Lin said I was a blessed person, and I responded in kind, but thought, “Where am I blessed? My mother died and I had colon cancer, and although the sick intestines were taken out, I had to hang a stoma bag on my stomach.
At that time, I was reading a book sent by a friend from Guangzhou. It was a best-selling science book from Japan, where colon cancer is highly prevalent.
The book mentions that permanent stoma patients are disabled in Japan. Although the doctor said I could recover from my fistula, the word “disabled” grabbed me deeply. Is this really a blessing for me?
I drank the tasteless and bland porridge and smelled the fragrant dishes that Liu ate. Sister Lin in the hospital bed enthusiastically listed the dishes to eat after recovery, she said she loves fish, want to get some eel to eat, I said and add some old cucumber together with burn; Sister Lin said long wounds to eat some Cai fish, I said cut into pieces, stewed lotus ……
The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to the market. The first thing you need to do is to go to our side to eat after you get well.
I hurriedly nodded, and Lin echoed: “A large lake, but beautiful, but unfortunately now the more fill less and less.”
“Hong Lake fish that is called the best, unlike Wuhan’s, there is no fish flavor.” After saying that, Liu glanced at the bowl of dishes with disgust, “no matter how to do is fragrant, good fish what to get rid of fishy ah? Casually burned are very fragrant!”
After finishing the dish, Liu was more energetic, stood up and asked everyone, “You know what I’m good at?” I said I was good at fishing, but Liu said he was good at hunting wild ducks, “Wild ducks are not easy to hit, the target is small and fast, I have a good shot! Hey, hey.”
Sister Lin rolled her eyes and broke the stage: “Bullshit, did not see him play!”
Liu smiled mysteriously: “That was when I was young, really handsome, you missed it!”
“Bragging about bragging.” Few words of the nursing staff can not help it.
Through the glass of the 17th floor of the hospital, the evening sun of June gradually turned into a strong red, wrapped in the azure sky, more gorgeous and brilliant. Because of Liu, all of us in the ward laughed.
When I resumed walking upright, my father brought my husband to the hospital in a grand manner.
They first went to the doctor’s office, then greeted the nurses at the nurses’ station, and finally Dad led him to introduce himself to the patients one by one. I wanted to say “loosen up,” but seeing how excited Dad was, I let him be.
Mr. sorry to say, my surgery a few weeks above the inspection, he really can not leave, “but the unit’s leadership colleagues know, are very concerned about you.”
The words were very polite, I looked at his face, suddenly felt very strange – we met on a blind date, although we felt a good match as soon as we met, the journey was also very smooth, but at this moment from our acquaintance is less than 1 year. And I politely replied, “Oh, well, thank them for asking.”
My dad gave the caregiver the day off, and then he too left, leaving the gentleman alone to watch the needles. Neither of us spoke, each playing on our phones, and I suddenly realized that my ears were uncharacteristically quiet, so much so that the hallway was set off by the idle chatter walking around and the ringing of the next bed.
I took a look, Lin leaned back on the pillow half-squinted eyes, Liu stared at the TV that had been muted, apparently on purpose. I was both amused and touched, and at the same time inspired by their tacit understanding of the old married couple a touch of inexplicable sourness.
At noon, Liu took the initiative to greet my husband and help him bring a box lunch. Lin asked him again with the tone of an elder: “Where are you from? Work is so stressful now. Look at Xiao Jin, he’s been stabbed twice, young people still have to pay attention to their health.”
The gentleman echoed, “Yes, she’s suffering from old age.”
In the evening, Dad asked Mr. to go home to sleep, but he refused: “Since I’m here, I’ll keep the night watch.” The nurse was in a difficult situation, the folding bed for each bed was done when she was hospitalized, and there was no extra one. If she did not sleep in the ward, there was no place to go.
Liu hurriedly got up, a moment of effort, I do not know where to move a folding bed. Since the “snapping turtle incident”, Liu has become famous, some small nurses and cleaners probably find him interesting and like to deal with him. If we need thermometer, cotton swabs and other small things during the day, Liu twists and turns to go out and get it done in one trip.
Late this night, I suddenly wanted to throw up and started calling for someone. The gentleman lying on my side didn’t wake up, the caregiver lying on the aisle did.
The nurse was trained to grab a plastic basin and hold the rim of the basin to the edge of my bed, with the bottom of the basin right on my husband’s face. I threw up for about 5 minutes, but by the time I finished rinsing my mouth, my husband was actually still snoring, without even changing his frequency.
The nurse surveyed his face and said in amazement, “He’s sleeping so soundly.” I looked at the unshaven stubble on his chin and thought he must have had a hard time too, though not as much as I did.
“Yeah, he’s been sleeping really well.” I couldn’t help but laugh. Even without knowing how this relationship would march in the future, the moment he walked into the hospital room, I gained comfort far beyond what I had imagined in the past.
6
Sister Lin was discharged ahead of me, and because of the cost, she chose to go home to a hospital in her hometown to continue chemotherapy. Before she left, Lin patted my shoulder and chanted, “Little Jin, little Jin!” She wanted to say something, but finally whispered in my ear: “In fact, your brother Liu will also be impatient. The days are long.”
The same woman, Sister Lin knows very well in her heart, I once envied her.
Spring Festival, I spoke with Sister Lin on the phone. I said, “I wish your family happiness and good health.” Sister Lin shouted over the sound of fireworks, “I also wish you all the best, and ask your father your husband good day on your behalf!”
I heard that my patient recommended me to go to an oncology hospital in Guangzhou for immunotherapy, Sister Lin was very interested, but she felt that a course of treatment would cost 10,000 after reimbursement, which was very expensive, so she asked me to do it first and see the effect before telling her.
I did not feel any discomfort after three courses of treatment, but there was no special effect either. This had never happened before, so I was anxious. After two more days, Sister Lin sent me a text message, saying that the previous phone was used by Brother Liu.
When I called, Liu picked up and said, “Jin, take care of your health, you hear?” He changed his usual lively, his tone actually became somewhat stern.
I asked if Sister Lin was well lately. Brother Liu said, “Sister Lin is not here, but she and I wish you well.”
That was the last time we spoke.
After another year, I had my stoma returned and finally got rid of the embarrassment of living with a plastic stoma bag, but at this time, there was no longer a good piece of skin on my stomach. Mr. comforted me, saying that if I felt ugly, I would get a tattoo of a plum or something, but it didn’t seem to matter.
Later, we made up the wedding banquet in Wuhan, because the time interval is too long, embarrassed to call it a wedding banquet, called “thank you banquet” instead. I wore a simple red dress that day, and stood with my husband in front of a pink wooden board with a heart painted on it, taking pictures with my friends and family.
I remember when I made the reservation, my father asked me if there was anyone I wanted to invite. I wanted to invite the caregiver who was taking care of me, but her number was not available. Of course, the phone may have been lost.
As I look through my address book, my fingertips linger, and these are still the entries I can’t bear to delete.
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