Recently received several friends emotional advice, in their emotional troubles have a common problem, is that they are in the life of the boyfriend or partner is always constantly picky, they passively follow the other party’s rhythm forward, constantly according to each other’s requirements to question themselves, change themselves, but always can not make each other satisfied, and finally make the relationship into a gray, dull situation.
Not only women, men may also encounter such problems. Those who are always being counted by their wives in life, what their wives feel do not meet their standards of men are often seen. And women’s biggest worry is also why men will be the more said to be stupid, the more said not to take the initiative, and finally life like a woman’s own monologue.
Browse the past emotional stories, plus a little personal life experience, there is a sentence I want to tell such friends: do not and always pick on your people together.
This category includes friends, colleagues, lovers, and family members. If a person for a long time and those who constantly pick on their own shortcomings, rarely will praise each other together, living in a negative negativity, that will not only affect the person’s perception of their own, gradually brainwashed, accept the implication that they are useless, but also make it easy for the person to be in a passive position in interpersonal relationships.
There is no perfect person in the world, friends or lovers, the biggest mission is to show a spiritual encouragement and support, even if we are too many flaws, they are still willing to accept us, that’s enough. We do not need anyone to tell us how bad we are, someone has chosen us must be grateful, we need a healthy healthy help and reminders, the basis for common growth must be the basic recognition and acceptance.
In fact, many from the outside of the pick and put down are not terrible, because you can distinguish, and give a certain degree of return fire. What is scary is the situation that these friends encountered, where nitpicking and dissatisfaction are hidden in the so-called love of a person presented as if it is part of love, making you feel that you must be better and more perfect to deserve each other.
He accuses you, he denies you, he blows your confidence, making you become more intimidated, desperately looking for your own mistakes and shortcomings, trying to try to keep up with him, and slowly start to fall behind. This is all done unknowingly. When you find yourself without confidence and feeling doubly depressed, you don’t even know where the problem is.
Many people like to put a veneer of love over their nitpicking of each other so that it appears more divisional, but the essence of nitpicking is often not enough love. I remember I had this analysis in a previous blog post: a girl confused about why she always wants the other side to be better, always keep asking the other side, why it is difficult to enjoy the sweetness of love, in fact, looking into her heart, the source is not enough love, because it is not into the relationship, so only to raise the standard to appease their own hearts, through the other unconditional satisfaction of their own to fill the love The hollow. The first thing you need to do is to get a good idea of what you are getting into.
There is a so-called perfectionist people, what are high standards, used to let others in accordance with their own requirements, hoping that the other more perfect, as long as the lover can obey their own, he will show very tender and considerate, and the other must force the other to change. On the surface this seems to be a personality problem, but in fact it is a lack of security in a person to gain a sense of power. This is the only way to ensure that he can better control the other party, so that they realize the gap between themselves and him, and completely obey his arrangements.
There are examples everywhere in life of this negative psychological implication to achieve the purpose of controlling others, such as a wife jokingly saying that her husband is so lazy that no one can stand it, but in fact the purpose is to make the man grateful for his ability to accept him, and then realize the importance of marriage and themselves.
Sometimes, picking on others also hides a person’s dissatisfaction with his own life, fate and ability to survive, because he is not satisfied with himself and can not achieve everything he wants, and with it, he is also full of anxiety and dissatisfaction with the person around him.
If you have such a friend, give up on him; if you have such a family member, distance yourself from him; if you have such a lover, change him; if you have such a partner, confront him. Those who are always putting us down are just trying to say that they are more important than us. The negative effects of having such a person lurking around you are like the night that slowly stains you, gradually eroding your self-confidence, undermining your dignity, and preventing you from achieving self-awareness and emotional equality.
A truly balanced and healthy relationship, no matter what kind of emotional relationship it is, should be full of healthy, positive forces that allow us to see the good side and bring us confidence in life. Don’t be superstitious about love, love that doesn’t make you proud and brave, that doesn’t give you the freedom to smile, that it’s a little too complicated with all the inner feelings.
That is not good love.