My father recently left me a message: “Be still and patient, my mother’s blood pressure is normal, and my last infusion actually cured the skin on my feet and the ulcers on my toes. It’s called an unexpected gain. Also, my loose tooth came out on its own, without going numb, much less bleeding. Dad misses you and worries about you. “
The last time I saw him was in Chengdu in April of this year, and we spent a belated 2020 Chinese New Year together. Two years no see, my father is still red, but every time down the stairs, my mother has to hold him tightly, afraid that his fragile knees can not bear. And, as soon as I spoke, I realized that the row of teeth below him had fallen out, as if half a black hole, looking at my heart a trembling.
Recently, from time to time, thoughtful readers will ask in the background: “Why is the update so little now? “
After thinking about it, these two seemingly unrelated things, I have to use an article to answer, but also as an early farewell.
By June 8 of this year, it has been four years since the establishment of Socer Literature and Arts. When Hu Lancheng first wrote “Women of the Republic”, he said that Eileen Chang gave him the “shock of seeing his own corpse”. These four years, so many authors, so many words, although not every word is a pearl, but also let me have a “skull blown open” to see the world again.
Yesterday, I also said in my circle of friends: “The reason why the scholar is a scholar, the reason why intellectuals become intellectuals, always have to take some ‘leading If even a minimum of self-reflection is not available, and can not have more than public reverence for words, it will let the demons and ghosts from nowhere destroy the beautiful world of words. “
In the second half of last year, I changed the profile of SocGenius to “elite-led reading.
For more than four years, I have tried my best, within the limits of my control, to push out articles that are more respectful and communicative with readers, more enlightening than ingratiating, more inspiring than inciting.
However, in a secular sense, I have undoubtedly failed. Our so-called A+ round of investors still have a very small portion of the money not coming in, but that no longer matters, the balance left on the account, the bag is shy, people will inevitably be more shy up.
The building will tumble, falling not ash, but boulders on the body, the difference is only in the morning and evening.
Coincidentally, my back fasciitis again, hand infection because of burns, all kinds of discomfort, physically and mentally exhausted, feel like I became a hand can not lift, mouth can not open the “invalid “I felt that I had become an invalid who could not lift his hands and open his mouth.
I think all of this may be suggesting to me that it’s time to say goodbye, time to say goodbye to things I’m not good at, and time to go home to be with my parents.
So far, as far as I know, about all the ways of doing business in self-publishing, the ones with the highest income, still rely on advertising, as for the other ways, I have tried them all, even the cultural fund support, we have also gathered the courage to apply for it.
Probably this kind of business requires a little bit of “luck”: whenever I try my best to make Socor literature and art more influential and advertisers come, we will find that we somehow end up in the market again. I find that we have somehow touched the invisible red line again ……
Of course, I can’t help but feel a sense of relief that the public numbers that started at the same time as the @sevenwriters and did the same at the same time, are now alive and have become big numbers.
In addition, making money does require certain talents, for example, to put yourself completely low, but tawdry literature has never taken ads like p2p, medical beauty, Chinese medicine, face masks, etc., because it does not understand, afraid to betray the trust of readers.
It’s not the right time, and I’m also a little deep inside the terrible “noble”. One time, someone asked me to help find a well-known writer to plan an event, probably I and the elder eight characters do not match, contacted a few times he refused to shirk. If for the sake of the interview, I can lose patience, but in the face of such a situation, I can easily think, “Fuck you, I do not owe you, I do not serve.
So, all in all, it’s my problem as CEO, I need to review too many places, in this road of business, just like an idiot.
Someone always asks, “Why don’t you take more ads? I know an entrepreneur who also came out of the media, his project although not much movement, but his early interviews with several business bigwigs have been unconditionally supporting him; there is another former colleague doing sales, although completely ignorant of the content, but by virtue of the accumulation of customers in the early years, the east wall to earn to fill the west wall ……
These are my weaknesses.
As early as 2019, our angel investment was spent, a great friend appeared like a hero to save us from the fire, even if he now has a very small part of the funds are not in place, he is already a tawdry literary angel.
But since we do not have that kind of secular blood-making function, more angels, also called in vain.
In fact, whether it’s the previous article written for Wang Wusi’s characters, or the promotion of “Businessman Wild Brother”, the effect is quite good. But we are not the kind of 100,000 plus, very chicken soup will be very good at creating emotions of the public number.
A small detail: almost every time we open a selection meeting, or edit the manuscript, we are trying to avoid incitement, sensationalism, we hope to put ourselves in a position of equality with the reader, mutual respect, but in fact, there is so much traffic number, it is easy to receive advertising public number, precisely do not have to judge whether it is appropriate, how to sensationalize how to kind.
I can not, DNA decided, even if you do a bird, but also to love their feathers.
Zhang Dai’s “Lake pavilion to see the snow”, write white earth really clean, “the lake shadow, but a trace of the long embankment, Lake pavilion a little, and the rest of the boat a mustard, boat people two or three grains only” In those days, there was no such thing as the end of the world. In that kind of end time, there is no grieving, but setting a pot of hot wine in front of your knees, and the hot temperature leaps up to your heart from between heaven and earth, and everything has never been so clearly presented in your heart.
In the past four years, as an entrepreneur, this is how I step by step towards the “birds on a thousand hills fly away, ten thousand trails are extinguished”, that is the kind of ancient battlefield Li Hua hanging That is the kind of ancient battlefield that Li Hua hung, “the vast, flat sand is boundless, and the customs do not see people”.
When a person is lonely to the extreme, what can be seen is not such clarity, but the disillusionment of all things. Of course, Zhang Dai is not a complete recluse, a really good era, should allow a “Shi” can maintain the solitude of the world, but also occasionally enjoy the fresh clothes and horses. The life of the fire.
Recently, I talked with Mr. Lien Qingchuan about the fate of Chinese intellectuals and came to a rather saddening conclusion: we just want to live a slightly more decent life, that’s all.
Two days ago, I saw on social media that a Shanghai couple calculated the monthly expenses of a family of five in Shanghai, it takes about 50,000 to maintain a modest …… If I struggle to maintain the socalled literary arts, my original ordinary life can only become increasingly undignified.
Finally, I must thank the countless writers and friends who have provided thousands of good articles for Socerwenyi; I must thank Dong Xiao who has served as the editor-in-chief of Socerwenyi, Yu Shaolian, Zhang Feng, a knife in the body, Yan Zhi Ao who have served as the editor-in-chief of Socerwenyi, Qu Fei who has served as the editor-in-chief of Socerwenyi (editor Daliang Ruji), and especially I must thank the editors who have been with me since the beginning of @SevenWriters.
This morning, I woke up suddenly, hesitating whether I need to follow up with the recent hot social topics, but to be honest, there is already an unspoken sense of boredom in my heart.
Regular readers of SocGen will notice the shift in our style, from pure literature in the early days to social hot topics in the later days. Because every one of them praises the beauty of the text, but hesitates to click on it in front of the beautiful title.
So to speak, almost ninety-nine point nine percent of the self-publishing media, will involuntarily be wrapped up in the flow.
I’m tired of being what Mr. Xuecun calls a “dragonfly eater” (knowing that the food is not nutritious but barely swallowing it), and I can only say that I have tried my best to stay a little bit in the mud of traffic. I can only say that I have tried my best to maintain a little independent posture in the mud and sand of traffic.
A few months ago, one of the angel investors came to our office and said that at the worst time he had to go to the rooftop, we could not help but be gloomy.
I didn’t know what to say back to him, because he said, “I found that all the projects invested in you literati, none of them succeeded. “
He probably didn’t know what to say about what investors should say harsh words, all along, they are really forgiving enough, once again kowtow to all investors.
While talking, he knocked over a book on the shelf, the book leapt down, and smashed a box of I don’t know who put it there, more innocent patchouli liquid, jade broken tile is not complete, the liquid spilled to where it is.
It was not a night of thinking about you, but a day and night of head breaking in front of reality.
The actual fact is that all of the “righteousness” will eventually be liquefied, not into the flow, and will be evaporated.
Years later, I will probably write this sentence: “Failure has a taste, that is the taste of patchouli liquid. “
In the fourth year of Shaosheng, Su Dongpo, who had been relegated to Huizhou, had lost his wife Wang and his beloved concubine Chaoyun. He threw himself into his mundane life, planting land, making wine, and pottery poetry, and spent all his savings to build a house in Huizhou, intending to end his life there. However, he soon received another imperial decree posthumously deported to Qiongzhou …… by Huizhou and Leizhou and Danzhou Su Dongpo was already 62 years old, and his life had gone to the end of the earth, far from any further.
Life if has been poor, or quiet and inactive mode, rather easy to pass peacefully, and like Su Dongpo, at the age of only 22 years old, the world’s fame, ranked third in the exceptionally difficult system examination (since the founding of the Song dynasty, “system lift The highest ranking of the “countermeasure examination”), at that time he was in front of a prosperous road paved by flowers and envy, and the position of prime minister seemed to be only a step away.
After the highlight of his life, it was a strange fate that neither genius nor hard work, nor effort nor dedication could dominate. Displacement, wandering in poverty, depression, loneliness, despair and sighing, these obscure words soon filled his life.
He was sick, alone, and in a place where “there was no meat to eat, no medicine for illness, no room to live in, no friends to go out, no charcoal in winter, no cold spring in summer”. I am afraid he himself felt that the road had come to an end. However, his poetry and writings are still open-minded, with a bamboo stick and mango shoes, and a straw of smoke and rain.
In recent months, I have been exploring Su Dongpo’s inner world. Sometimes, in the dark, I try to put myself in his shoes and enter that chaotic and complicated era, and unconsciously, in a blur, a scene will appear.
If we can really get to know another person gradually, even to a small extent, it is only to the extent that he is willing to be understood. As the saying goes, “Like a fish drinking water, one knows how warm it is”, what a true expression.
On Father’s Day, I once wrote about my father, “He does not compete, does not follow the crowd, always has a kind of youthful innocent fun, he is rich in knowledge, treats people with honesty, always full of love for life, and never follow the clouds, independent thinking, not pedantic to hold a single value, in this He is the benchmark of intellectuals in my mind”.
Probably only in this sense, I am not a failure.
This week, thanks to my injury, I sometimes enjoy sitting quietly at my desk by myself and thinking about the first half of my life. I used to complain that compared to my peers, I was a person who was often forgotten in the pits of fate: I was bullied by my teachers and bullying by my classmates since I was a child, I worked as a low-end person in Beijing, I lost my job countless times, I was displaced, and I could not easily find a career worthy of trusting in my life, but I became a broken egg under the overlapping nest …… Are all the intellectuals of our generation so fond of entrepreneurship? We probably just want to have a quiet desk after having a hearty meal and a drink.
In Beijing at two o’clock at night, the scene of “Jing Ke has the sadness of cold water, Su Wu has the farewell of autumn wind”; in Houston at two o’clock in the morning, the scene of “the birds are silent and the mountains are still”. The two o’clock in the morning in Houston, “the birds are silent and the mountains are still, the night is long and the wind is pattering” the empty silence; and two o’clock in the morning in Shanghai, a person gazing at the dark abyss, clinging to the inner cliff, so as not to fall down the kind of gloom …… I have tasted too much.
Is it that I have not tried hard enough? This year, I also variously considered pushing myself as a product to the market, wanting to continue the previous “Lotus Sports” in LeTV, and wanting to undertake some marketing PR projects that I am better at. I have even thought about getting back the money that others owe me red-handed, or selling my only house ……
But perhaps this is some kind of arrangement is not known, as if there is always something in the dark to weigh on my shoulders, so that my tiny life is not so light, not so “dance to get clear shadow “The first thing that I can do is to live in the fireplace.
Some people say that this kind of failure is probably “abandoned by the mainstream because of sobriety, in a predicament to show dignity”, I am not so great, nor so noble, just in the cliff I’m not that great, nor that noble, just standing on the edge of the cliff for a long time, a little tired, want to press the pause button, allow me to rest for a while, first temporarily go home to plant sweet potatoes to go.
Goodbye, the muddy public opinion field; goodbye to my readers, although four years since the trolling literature has become my blood and flesh; goodbye to my friends, I said goodbye rather than goodbye, as long as the text does not disappear, we can always reunite in a section of life.
Still want to say, this is not a sad story, thank you to all the friends who have followed us and liked us, I can also remember every greeting, love, and forwarding. Next will send some promised friends to promote before slowly leaving. Perhaps occasionally will also be in @ lotus talk about reading color letter handwriting a few strokes, that may be a more capricious Yi Xiaohe.