I corrected an essay for the head of the Chinese Department at Fudan

Yongzhen was killed for ten days (“killed” is not elegant tame), the school has this description (should be named, in addition, there is no such usage as “description” in ancient Chinese, “description” is also no momentum, directly The school has this statement (the school should be named, and there is no such usage as “statement” in ancient Chinese, and “statement” is not imposing, so just use the word “bull”), in order to set the record straight (not strong enough, to strengthen the tone, and to show the sword to the villain).

When the incident occurred suddenly (too vernacular, too powerless), the murder of the time there were no witnesses (words can not say so dead), and the dead have been (nonsense, the dead did not die called the dead?) The murderer in the police, there is no way to ask the facts (meaning that the police dare not ask the murderer? Must remove the “murderer in the police” four words, we change the word. The other, “asked” is better than “got to ask” in line with the grammar of the language).

However, the rumors started quickly (the word “quickly” is awkward), the slander grows day by day, a long story, such as the structure, its rampant, sweeping the entire network (these sentences are too indecent tame). Only the Fudan teachers and students (at this point should be directly bright position, shouting my Dan), not moved. This is not the love of the school, can ignore the facts? (Rhetorical questions used well will have power, used badly will be ambiguous, the brain is not good words are not good people, or positive discourse is more appropriate).

Real Lai Yongzhen character reputation (so written, broken sentences easily broken into Lai Yongzhen, Ma Yongzhen’s cousin? The person’s reputation is so strong that it stands in the minds of the people around him (too indecent and tame). The gentleman’s zeitgeist is not decapitated in three generations (the original text of Mencius is decapitated in five generations, which can be used in the opposite sense, but with respect to the original text), and a mere ten days is not enough. The benevolent person does not live long, my peers mourn (here should strengthen the sadness, but directly say sadness is not infectious enough, let’s have a long life is humiliating, the mood will immediately go up, and let people think about it), seeking benevolence to get benevolence, forever cherished rest in peace! (This sentence is the most groaned, in fact, can be saved, Confucius also has a famous saying, want to benevolence then Siren to carry on, that is, as long as you have the heart to aspire to virtue, you already have the initial virtue, we put this sentence in the “seek benevolence to benevolence” after, it is still about virtue and fate of the sadness, and not to let people misunderstand is dead deserved or something) (…)

Zhu Gang, head of the Department of Chinese Language and Literature (the title should be retained. Don’t be a wimp. (This is the only sentence in the entire text easy a word and can not words.

In two hundred and twenty-one June 18 (not elegant tame, since the choice of the language, we will be a text in the end, to respect the tradition.)

After the change, although still fifty cents article, but at least the language elegant tame, logical and smooth, not so embarrassing. We then use the online traditional and simple conversion, it is more ancient and fragrant. But be aware that the year of the Xin Ugly can not be turned into the year of the Xin Ugly, yo.

As follows.

The benevolent person does not live long, Yongzhen rest in peace

The truth is clear, and those who have evil intentions are not allowed to perform their evil deeds.

In the beginning, the incident started in the middle of the elbow, and all the circumstances were obscure and unclear, so there was no way to ask the truth. However, the rumors rose repeatedly, the slander grew day by day, and the evil people, public dazzling, only I, Fudan, was not moved. This is not because I love the school so much, but because justice lies in the hearts of the people!

Yongzhen’s person, such as the jade and gold, in everywhere, there is a reputation, even if three people in the city tiger, a thousand people pointed out, the reputation of this person can not be polluted! The gentleman’s luster will not be cut for five generations, but a mere ten days is not enough. A benevolent man does not live long, but a long life is humiliating. If you seek benevolence and get it, you will get it. Rest in peace!

Zhu Gang, Chairman of the Department of Chinese Language and Literature, early summer of the year xinchou