What should I do if I don’t want to keep my promise to my child?

Many parents often make the following mistakes.

1, said to do the homework and let the child play freely, but the child was full of energy to do the homework in half an hour. Parents look, ah? Is the following night to let the child play freely away? What a waste! Here’s another set of questions, let’s do it too. What? I don’t mean what I say? I’m just trying to help you! Do you know how much worse your grades are than the Xiaoming next door?

2, said the child washed the dishes will be rewarded 10 yuan, but the child finished washing the dishes, the parents look, this is also called washing dishes? How come the pot is not washed? How did not wipe the table ah? You wash the bowl as the dog licked, I have to wash it again. You still want money? I did not fine you money is good!

3, said that the child test to XX name will take ta go to Disney to play, originally thought ta that virtue, absolutely impossible, did not expect to really do, ah, forget it, find a way to get rid of it.

4, said that the child is on summer vacation, you can play an hour of games every day, the results really put the summer vacation, oops no, play games too hurt the eyes, can not play. What? I do not count on my words? It’s not my fault, who told you to lose your eyesight so fast this semester!

5, said the child adhere to the running a week, take ta go to eat KFC, the results of the child ran, and finally you said, ah, KFC is too garbage, not good for your health. What? I do not count on my words? I’m not doing it for your own good! You run hard for a week, a KFC will be all back, think about it, is it worth it?


In fact, not to mention others, I myself often have given the child’s promise, when the time does not want to fulfill, because I think it is not good for ta. But I have always believed that parent-child relationships are more important than short-term gains and losses, and that the child’s trust in you is much more important than the bad things mentioned above. So, the promises you make, you have to honor them even with tears.

I have summarized three principles for myself.

1, do not make promises that you can not deliver, such as the above example of that Disney. Do not think that the child certainly can not reach, and children are not stupid, if ta promised to try, it means that ta think it is still possible. Besides, never underestimate your child’s ability. The bigger your promise is to the point that you can’t even deliver, the more tempting it is to ta. As the saying goes, “Don’t make a threat you can’t carry out. “The same goes for promises.

This also includes promises that may backfire when they are kept, such as the example above of playing video games and eating KFC over the summer. Don’t promise everything just to tempt your child, or think through what your ultimate goal is. You can instead use healthy rewards such as buying Lego toys and going to amusement parks.

2, the conditions of the promise to be clear, such as the above example of washing dishes. In the parents’ view, the bowl is equal to not washing, but the child does not think so ah? ta think they are washing the dishes, now is the parents are playing a trick. Similarly, you can go out and play after you’ve cleaned up your room – huh? You call that cleaning up your room? It’s even messier than before! You can go watch TV after you’ve done all your homework for the day – huh? You’ve done all your homework? Did you do your school work? Did you do your piano practice for the class? Have you prepared your speech for tomorrow’s class?

So the conditions must be clear, it has to be the kind of parents and children can not be sophomoric, such as how many points, how many, or which homework is done (even if there are parents can check, and then call back to redo this link).

3, if 1, 2 have done, then their own about the promise, with tears also to fulfill. Like the above example of free play, the child plays a night, how big a deal? But ta if you do not trust you from now on, not to mention the psychological impact on ta, just from the practical point of view, you call ta do things later, much more difficult, because ta will be less willing to negotiate with you, and then you are still there to blame the child does not know, rebellious, refusing to communicate, not knowing that it is your own seeds. Which child does not want to trust their parents?

As the old saying goes, there is no such thing as a gentleman. For children, parents are just as omnipotent as kings. Children depend on their parents for their survival, so they are especially dependent on them. Parents can be trusted, in fact, is a child’s psychological needs, otherwise ta’s psychological world, how insecure, uncertain?