Dad’s ex-wife died 2 years ago, mom divorced 10 years ago, they got married after being introduced. That day we went to take a group photo of the four of us. Dad nailed the photo on the wall in the living room, in which Mom and Dad wore suits and wedding dresses, and my brother and I cowered behind our respective parents, as if hiding in two camps.
The day I hung it up, my parents asked me with some excitement what this string of English meant.
“I love only one woman in my life. ” I explained. After saying that I looked at my parents and the atmosphere instantly became awkward.
The first factor that dissipates the love of a remarried couple is the economy.
Before Mom and Dad remarried, the first problem they worried about was how to divide the estate after their death. The final opinion reached is that each to their own, clearly divided.
The first thing that you need to do is to get a good idea of what you are getting into.
The money for the renovation is not clear in the future. The house belongs to the mother, from the purchase to the sale will never have anything to do with him, the renovation costs he should not pay too much, so he only contributed 20,000 yuan, the mother contributed 80,000 yuan. This is the first time I’ve ever seen a woman in the world who has been in a position to be a part of a family.
The actual fact is that you can find a lot of people who are not very transparent with each other. Dad’s bankbook and real estate license are kept in his old house, while mom’s are kept under the mattress in my room. The two people often do is to cry to each other, this can save a lot of trouble, but also more decent.
But it’s also troublesome to keep your salary separate. A family has to pay for utilities, TV, gas, property, garbage management, groceries, rice and noodles, share money, visit the elderly on New Year’s Eve, buy new appliances, etc. Who should pay for such expenses? Just like after the snow, municipal avenues and small roads outside the community, the snow can only wait for it to slowly dissipate, someone fell down because of this can not be counted as anyone.
For example, when it’s time to pay the TV bill, the mother will say at the dinner table: “Daughter, when was the last time the TV bill was paid? “
“Last year, I can’t remember. ” I replied cooperatively.
Dad, who was watching TV, was silent.
After a while, Dad went to the drawer and put on his old-fashioned glasses: “Daughter, what number is this? “
I immediately put down my chopsticks and ran over: “Well, December 15th. Soon, today is December 12th. Today is December 12th. “
“Last time I went with you, right? ” Dad asked again.
“I can’t quite remember …… I think so. ” I replied.
Dad tucked the bill into his pocket. When Dad finishes paying the bill in a few days, he puts the new slip in the drawer.
This three-person show is over for now.
When I went to college, at first my dad did not cover my living expenses. Mom was very upset about this dime a dozen behavior of dad and always started intermittent cold wars, and dad knew by reading the situation that he needed to give me money. When my dad gave me money when I came home for the New Year holidays, my mom would say from the sidelines, “Don’t give it to her, she took it and spent it indiscriminately. I nodded my head like a chicken pecking rice and agreed: “Yes, yes I spend it carelessly. “And like a rattle shaking his head refused,” “Do not do not money. “My dad stuffed me again, said:” take take take. “
Dad walked away, Mom immediately reached over and asked me: “How much money? “
I then began to count the money to report the number. A little more mom is happy, less mom frowned.
Once my dad slipped it to me when I was getting into the car, my mom then texted me and asked: How much did your dad give you?
I don’t know. I replied.
You count it. Mom wrote again.
How can I count it in the car? I broke down and said.
Just count. Mom’s impatience came through the screen.
So I counted a stack of hundred dollar bills in full view of everyone, and perhaps in full view of the thief.
Twelve hundred dollars. I replied.
No more living expenses for you this month. Finally, Mom said.
The couple was much like relatives visiting each other at New Year’s Eve, and I was a child receiving red envelopes.
The second factor that dissipated the love between the remarried couple was their families, most notably each other’s children.
The first big fight between mom and dad broke out when my brother got married.
Mom had no right to be involved in her brother’s marriage, no right to decide, and no right to discuss. Dad preferred to discuss it with his own parents and siblings. In Mom’s opinion, it was all hidden from her.
Dad picked a daughter-in-law for his brother that he liked, and bought a house for him with full payment, and wrapped up the decoration, all choosing the best. Finally, before the wedding, my father took me and my mother to visit the new house, as if we were guests of the family, witnessing the sudden “development” of the father’s financial strength.
The day of my brother and sister-in-law’s wedding, my mom had to be the man’s mother to be a guest, and when it came time for both parents to witness, my mom was very reluctant to go on stage, and my dad pulled my mom, who was like a piece of wood, like an ice cube, unwilling to stand with my dad. The rustling on the stage, this decency will not be able to maintain.
After the stage, Mom and Dad began a long cold war. For three months, Mom was as cold as ice and didn’t say a word. Dad hid at his parents’ house to complain. It didn’t take long for mom to hear her sister-in-law’s criticism: “If you can get by, you can get by, if you can’t get by, you’re done! “Really can be said to add fuel to the fire, Mom and Dad broke out a hot war, the two long-awaited tear a big fight, but also did not leave, or so live on.
One day dad pushed open my door, gave me a lady purse, asked: “You see how this bag, or give you carry it. “
The bag was dark blue, with an old-fashioned pattern, but it didn’t look cheap.
“Your sister-in-law bought it for your mother, and you see that your mother never uses it, and throws it in the cupboard without looking at it. “Dad stammered.
I did not answer, only two naive laugh.
Sister-in-law does not understand mom’s hostility towards her. Dad treats his brother and sister-in-law as his own, and she is just an outsider. Whenever mom sees her sister-in-law, she remembers the time of her brother’s marriage, the time of her humiliation and the time of her disillusioned love. She was badly hurt and understood that there really is no love for a halfway house.
Then my sister-in-law got pregnant, and I was unaware of it. I didn’t know until one day, my father served soup to make my sister-in-law more tonic. This family has to guess everything. After my sister-in-law gave birth to a child, my mother did not help bring up a day. Perhaps children can also be very sensitive to the subtle atmosphere between adults, she does not like my mother and I touch her, a touch will cry.
When the child’s birthday, Dad only took me to attend. The door was opened by the sister-in-law’s mother’s family, and the atmosphere was immediately subtle and anxious, no one invited me to sit down, no one talked to me, and the sister-in-law’s mother’s family treated me like air. I think maybe they want to make up for the loss that my sister-in-law endured by doubling back from me.
I turned my head to look at my father, who was playing cards with someone else and didn’t see my embarrassment, or possibly deliberately ignored it.
In fact, it is difficult for halfway couples to have love, and even their children are difficult to have affection. To escape this torture of remarried families, I left home to work.
Sickness and Fear
So why did the halfway couple stay together anyway?
Before the marriage, my mother found out that she had a lump in her breast. The doctor said that the situation was not very good and did not rule out the possibility of malignancy. Mom hugged me and cried bitterly, lamenting her miserable fate. Dad’s ex-wife died of cancer, and it was too embarrassing to let him go through it again.
Dad was very righteous and did not say that he would not get married. He accompanied mom to the oncology hospital for surgery, fortunately it was benign, so the latter part of their relationship was spent in seeking medical advice. When mom’s wounds grew, it was summer, and mom and dad got married with a banquet.
I found that the high point in their later married life was when the two were sick.
A few years ago I went away to school and my mom wanted to put some food in the packed suitcase, but opened the wrong zipper and something fell out of the suitcase. The window was closed and I said hatefully, “What a pig.
I watched in silence and felt that my father’s temperament had changed drastically; he used to be a very gentle person, but now he was rude and irritable, which was scary. I didn’t want to care about him, and I didn’t call to say hello after I left home.
Then one morning I dreamt that my dad had died. In my dream, paper money was floating around and I was crying.
My father thought I was making a big deal out of it and reassured me that it was nothing. In the morning, my dad felt panicky when climbing the stairs, and his heartbeat was twice as fast as usual when he took a test. After going to the hospital for tests, the doctor diagnosed him with hyperthyroidism. The reason for Dad’s drastic change in temperament was also found.
The sick dad was given VIP treatment. Mom accompanied Dad to the hospital, advised him to take his medication, did not cook fish and shrimp, and made a separate “sick meal” for Dad to prevent him from eating onions, ginger and garlic. In order to prevent him from eating onions, ginger and garlic, mom would make a separate “sick meal” for dad. A year later, Dad’s hormone levels were stable and the doctor praised him for his fine cooking and advised him not to take any more medication.
As he passed the age of 100, he was always sick and had many difficulties. Dad was recovering from hyperthyroidism and had an intestinal polyp that needed to be operated on. When I went to visit him in the hospital, he was lying on the hospital bed, not even looking at me, his eyes only following his mother. I had to be helped to go to the toilet, I had to be fed to drink water, and my mother had to take care of my food and living. The surrounding area is full of digestive tract patients, some are minor patients with open stitches, some are terminal cancer patients who need chemotherapy, and it is the happiest to have a wife with you, to know when you are cold, to know when you are sleepy, to have someone to talk to when you wake up, not to be lonely.
Later, one night, my mother had asthma, and the more she coughed, the worse she felt, she couldn’t breathe and was about to suffocate. After she recovered, the two of us lay in bed all night without sleep.
Mom said to me the next day, “I almost passed away the night before, but luckily your father was there.
The pain of growing old without a companion is loneliness, isolation, or the fear of illness and death, especially late at night. After the death of grandpa, grandma lived alone, at night grandma did not dare to undress, she was afraid to undress to sleep, the next day naked and died, it was not good to be seen.
Halfway couples like Mom and Dad, perhaps the original intention of the union was to ward off fear, fear of growing old alone, fear of disease and death. When facing fear, two people are better than one. But when it comes to real life, it’s all chicken scratch. Two people eating together, walking together, calculating this month’s utility bills, dissatisfied with their son and daughter-in-law, deploring the cost of living for their daughter.
The combination based on the minimum desire and all the flaws, it seems to be not up to the standard of modern young love, or not about love at all.
I will not call it love, just righteousness. The halfway house is full of despicable disagreements, occasionally dotted with some human light, they agreed to abide by the moral bottom line, full of human care when necessary, hungry when there are meals, sick when there is care. Now I also have a boyfriend, we buy each house, but also clearly divided, even the cost of renovation will not conflict, but he has to promise me that wages can not be used separately, I do not want to go the old way of Mom and Dad.