The original question from Zhihu: Such names have a strong patriarchal stigma, and such names seem to tell the world that your parents did not want you to be born. Would you want to change such a humiliating name? Or will you choose to reconcile with this name and your family of origin?
There are more than 2,000 responses to this question, and here are a few of the most popular ones.
@AnonymousUser: There are a lot of friends around who play Zhihu, but if you find out it’s me, just brush past them silently. I’ve actually been thinking about changing my name every day lately, and I’m going crazy because I’m called Ying Di.
I am 24 years old, born in a central province, a 211 graduate student in the first year. I am a left-behind child and I did welcome my brother, my brother’s name is Shu Chang, four years younger than me.
When I was a child when I started to realize the meaning of my name, I kept clamoring unsuccessfully to change it. Whenever I clamored to change my name, my grandfather would say that it couldn’t be changed, that it couldn’t be changed. I haven’t always hated my name very consistently, I haven’t fought it particularly consistently and vehemently, and I love my family very much.
Both my brother and I were named by my grandfather, and we were both connected, welcoming a younger brother and really ushering in a soothing mood. This is not my guess, this is my grandfather’s own words. I really hate them, although my grandfather took the name, but my grandmother, my mother and father also did not express a person opposed. I once strongly requested to change my name when I said, “Even if you call Ying Di my nickname and give me a name with a good meaning. I asked them why I couldn’t be called Shu Shuang, or Happy, or Happy, and they answered me that it was because I wasn’t happy to have you at the time.
When I was young, I didn’t really think there was any difference between my brother and I. I was the only daughter in the family and my brother was the only son in the family, except that I was called Ying Di and he was called Shu Chang. My family loves us, although sometimes I do have to give in to him, I also feel that as the eldest should bear. Now that my brother and I are slowly growing up, the differences are only becoming more and more apparent. I have a second undergraduate degree and decided to go to graduate school after my undergraduate degree, my parents are strongly opposed, looking for my aunts to oppose me together, and I said a lot of very hurtful words, such as: do not look at their own level, you such students we have seen a lot, the eyes of the low and so on. After I clearly expressed that I must study, my father said, anyway, you take the test, I can not afford you, you look after it. I replied to him: now the national policy is good, I student loans can also go to school. I know the reason they don’t want me to go to graduate school, because I happen to graduate, my brother happens to be in college, they have said so want me to supply my brother to college. I was really chilled and angry, I said to my parents at that time: his parents are good to live, why should I pay for his education? If the family is dead, we are left, I will definitely pay for my brother’s education even if I don’t study. I was lucky enough to get into graduate school with the first major.
I wanted to learn to drive when I was in undergraduate school, I told my parents about it, my mom let me work and then learn, and then my brother just started his freshman year this year, my mom kept telling him to learn to drive. I’m just confused? During the epidemic, there was more free time at home, and I enrolled in a driving school at home, all with my own money saved. Then told my mother, my mother said: I support you. I joked: you can’t just verbally support me, you can reimburse me for the registration fee. My mother immediately said: I do not have money, you ask your father. My dad didn’t say a word next to me. But next month they are going to take out hundreds of thousands of dollars to buy a house for my brother in our city. When I studied in graduate school and stopped asking my dad for monthly living expenses, I realized that we can be so fatherly and filial.
I also met the first time in class, the teacher called me up to answer a question and asked me if I had a brother. I also had the experience of a classmate asking me if I had a sister, and saying that if I did, I would be called Zhaodi or Laidi. I also had a teacher ask me what my name was and say, “I didn’t think there was anyone in your generation with that name. I’ve had all the other embarrassing experiences that Ti Ti has had.
The saddest thing is that I never believed that my family was patriarchal, and when people asked me why I was named that, I said it was because my grandfather wanted a grandson. In order not to let others look down on me or something, I added: I am actually very favored at home, because I welcomed my younger brother, my family thinks I am a little blessing, so I am quite favored at home. I cried for a long time after returning to the dormitory because no one had ever said that I was a blessing to my family. I was even more upset because even if I was loved and spoiled, why should I be spoiled because I supposedly “welcomed a younger brother”? I’m not the only one who is worthy of love. Can’t I be worthy of being loved in my own right?
The reason why these names are abhorrent is that they look directly past the girl and directly behind her, who is not expected.
Today at noon I asked my grandfather, I said: I want to change my name, you recently give me another name, I am still willing to listen to your opinion. My grandfather said: you nonsense, simply can not change. I said: the General Principles of Civil Law stipulate that every citizen can change his or her name. My grandfather said: I don’t care about you, you can do whatever you want. They actually thought it didn’t matter, it was no problem. If they found out, they would have changed my name after so many protests since I was a child. I was actually willing to listen to them, expecting to get the blessing from my elders that I didn’t get 24 years ago, and I kept expecting them to apologize to me and say I’m sorry, your name really wasn’t well thought out. But I never got it, never waited, and when I cried and cried about my name being bad, they would still say, “Why is it bad? What’s wrong with it? It’s better than the flowers, the flowers, the flowers, the flowers.
I’m 24 years old, I finally came to my senses and realized that my family is patriarchal.
I’m torn, I want to change my name, but I’m worried that I can’t get my school registration and my various certificates. I am torn, although I am sick of this name, but I have a sense of identity with these three words, not with its moral, but with these three words alone equal to me. I’m torn, and I’ve been thinking about it every day lately.
Will everything change after the name change?
–May 8, 2020
I asked the school’s school registration section, and they said that they would be able to help change the name on top of the school registration system as long as the household ID card was changed successfully
I just went to the registry office to ask, the registry police did not directly say you can not do, just keep telling me how much difficulty, and even if the name change is successful in the future after looking for a job to do a variety of documents will encounter a lot of problems, he said if you really want to do it, go back to prepare the information
It is difficult to say what feelings, just out of the police station on the cry
—-2020May 12, 2020
Really special thanks to everyone for the encouragement, if it wasn’t for everyone, I might not have acted so fast, I really appreciate it!
Recently prepared some materials that need to be submitted to the police station (there are also small partners asking), many of the material templates are also borrowed from other friends who changed their names inside the answer.
- Copy of ID card
- the original household register + copies (head of household + yourself)
- Application for name change
- proof of school registration
- proof of the village committee
The final stamp of the village committee certificate was not yet stamped, so after it was stamped, I submitted it directly to the police station to see if it would be approved.
When I started preparing the documents, my grandfather was reluctant because he was the one who gave me my current name. He is an arrogant person who is an authoritarian dictator in my family, and he thought that my name change was a denial of him, and his pride couldn’t take it. However, the rest of our family: my grandmother, my mom and dad, and my brother were all either supportive or not opposed to my name change. My grandfather and I had a big fight, and he didn’t find help, and I couldn’t convince him. The next day, my aunt came back and heard about it and gave my grandfather a hard time.
As we all know, people in the village council are usually older, and I don’t actually know them. I came back from practice at noon, my grandfather asked me if the information is ready, I said ready, just short of the village committee chapter. He said he wanted to see how I prepared the certificate, so I showed it to him. After reading it, he told me: you put it on my desk, later I have time to take it to give you a stamp.
In fact, this is also figured out in support of me, right hahahahahahaha at this stage I also got the temporary happy
The school’s certificate opened and its smooth, I first called and consulted the academic registration section, replied that our school is a change a modification, is possible to change the name, and then the materials needed to change the academic information told me; then found our counselor said the situation, and I directly drafted the college’s certificate sent to the counselor, the counselor helped me stamp the same day mailed to me; then I contacted the After that, I contacted the Graduate School and got a certificate of enrollment mailed to me. All of the above went well, and I hope the rest will go well too!
Some of my friends have questions about my statement “I love my family too. Some of you may question my statement “I love my family too.
I actually think that sometimes it’s hard to have a straightforward love-or-hate relationship between family members. I have been hurt from them, and I have been loved by them. Maybe in their hearts, my brother comes first, but in theirs they also put me ahead of themselves and I am second.
I think of Deok-sun from “Please Answer 1988”, mom and dad loved his sister and brother more, only two eggs left would be given to his sister and brother, only two chicken legs would be given to his sister and brother, mom gave Deok-sun chicken wings, but neither mom nor dad ate that fried chicken. I have no way to evaluate this kind of eccentricity, I can’t bear it in my heart, just like some people in the comments also say I am soft-hearted and cowardly.
——2020May 14, 2020
I went to the police station today to turn in my materials and my feet were drifting.
I came prepared and the registry police didn’t give me much trouble, so I asked the police of our village committee to open an investigation report.
The police officer was not in, and the aunt in the cafeteria next door told me that the police were out, so I sat at the door and waited. During the process of waiting, the police and the canteen aunt were persuading me to think about it, saying that after the name change, looking for a job, joining the army, the party and public examinations are particularly troublesome.
About 20 minutes later, the police car came back, down a car of police, the result is not my piece of police my piece of police to work tomorrow. Then there is a group of police officers to persuade me, I am really weak and humble and helpless
I still think that even if the name is changed, there is no they said that the future work life encountered many, many problems. Tomorrow into the police station, I hope this matter finally have happy ending
——–2020May 15, 2020
I went to the police station again in the morning and also found the police officer in charge of our village committee. After I gave him the materials, he looked at them and said that my application was not well written and there was no way to prove that I had been insulted and misunderstood and hurt. Then he and another police officer have been persuading me, said I have been studying people, why do not understand that the name is just a code name; the original name is very good ah; our jurisdiction has never had an adult successfully change his name; you change the name will be very troublesome, including your future job search employment; you are now living a smooth life, proving that you now this name good fortune, after changing the name is not Definitely 。。。。
Finally: you are the bull’s-eye, you go back and think about it.
So I was sent out, very disappointed.
But I will write another application and go back to him.
——May 22, 2020
Finally got my investigation report from the film police today!
I revised my new application for name change and was very apprehensive to go back into the police station. He saw me and said, you can’t change it. I then said, I always try. He said, you will regret it. I said, “I’m an adult, and if I do regret it in the future, I’ll pay the price for my actions today. He said, you will pay the price.
The police in the registry office told me to go to a deputy chief of the police station to sign the investigation report. Because our township’s police station is actually considered a branch office? To find the chief you have to go to another township to find it. It’s Friday and I’m going to see him next week. Hope all goes well!
—- June 20, 2020
This step of the update has dragged on for a long time.
I’m really grateful to all of you who know that during this month, I often sneak online and often see the support and encouragement I receive from everyone.
In this step, I walked for a month. In this month, I hesitated and hesitated countless times to look ahead and back, and I did not understand why I just did not want to go to the director to sign. Many nights, I made up my mind to go the next day, and in the morning I found that it was raining outside, and I actually breathed a long sigh of relief.
I was afraid that the director would give me a hard time when signing, I was afraid to go and flounder, I was afraid of super stuff.
I returned to school the following week and I hadn’t gone to the director to get my signature. During the daytime I would think, “I may not get a signature even if I go, and I may not be approved even if I send it up, so I’ll give up; at night I would think, “I’ve come this far, and I’m just a foot away from the door, or I’ll try not to give up like this, and I’ll regret it later.
My heart has given up 70%. When my grandmother, mother, aunt, my good friends asked me, I would run away, including seeing the support of many of my friends, I would feel ashamed.
The night before last after dinner, my grandmother asked me when you were going to sign the papers. I said I wouldn’t have time to wait for the results to come in. She said, “Then you have to go, too. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to pay the 800 or 1000 travel expenses to come back for the ID card.
I was shocked, very shocked. Because my grandmother is a person who is particularly concerned about money, she will feel that it is okay to spend money for this matter.
So, I went to the director yesterday. Rode 10 miles by battery, transferred a bus, to that public security bureau. However, people are in a meeting. This wait, from 9 o’clock until 12:30. I was surprised that the signing went smoothly, and he didn’t say anything, so I went to get a stamp. The officer in the office went to eat, and I waited a while to get the stamp. A kind lady dropped me off at my electric car by the way. After eating lunch, I did not do two things directly to the family registry office where we are, not open. Find a milk tea store, wait until the family registry office is open to go.
The police asked me: what business to do?
I: I am the one who wanted to change his name last month, I came to fill out the form today.
I handed him something, he let me add the information on the China Executive Information Network, corrected the previous piece of police opened a survey report with typos. After waiting quite a long time, I finally got the form below.
I finally got this form.
After signing, he told me I could go home. When the results are available, I will be notified by text message to change my hukou ID card.
Now, although I still don’t know what the result will be, I don’t know if it will work, but in the end I didn’t give up, and I won’t regret it later.
In this matter, I also expressed to my family that I should not have been aggrieved in the matter of the name, and they also admitted it.
Looking back on the past month or so, is it hard to say that it was hard to change the name? I think it’s still hard, but luckily I’m not a kid anymore and I won’t give up because of the many persuasions from the family registry police piece of police. I am bolder and more determined than when I was a child. If I hadn’t hesitated in the middle, this thing might have gone faster and smoother.
I want to tell my friends who have the same experience as me: it is possible, it can be done. It’s not as hard as you think, so be firm and don’t let yourself regret it.
—-July 8, 2020
I got the text message today!
I made it, folks.
I saw a lot of support and encouragement from people in the comments section, so really special special thanks to everyone!
I hope all is well with everyone in the days ahead.
@Rocket: I have a female classmate in the class next door to my high school, called Li Nianer read really nice, the word child lightly read feel super gentle just right this person in the fire, writing is also quite good, I think her parents should be fond of literature, deliberately take the name, may be to miss a person or a thing one day I shared my discovery with my desk, told him I was very attracted to this name, he was confused, and I said. “I previously and her classmates ah, her parents want a son, Nianer, Nianer, gentle what? “A moment of beauty is broken Nianer this name, do not know the true meaning, there may be people like me feel good, but know after all the little gentle feeling. Nianer this name is still so, that so obvious to lead a brother to recruit Ti Pan Ti to Ti? The name is the first step to know a person, called the crowd, may be three people must have my teacher, called Hao Ran may be the gas has Hao Ran, called the cited brother, that must be Mom and Dad want son. Who wants to know their name after the first reaction of others is not how they are, but my parents patriarchal? This time the name is no longer a reflection of the wishes and character of the parents, but rather reflects my family background, there is a feeling of being stripped naked. So I think, can change, or a little change, after all, now patriarchy is no longer common, the call for equal rights for men and women is getting higher and higher, topped with a similar name appears, may attract others to their unnecessary wrong judgment.
@Grant-Kang: How to say it, the board is nailing the remnants of feudalism, right? There are things that normal people are too lazy to criticize, but you can see that it still exists well. The actual fact is that you can find a lot of people who are not able to get a good deal on this kind of things. The first thing you need to do is to let your daughter lose this person? The sister can intervene in the matter of creating a brother, to change their own change, plus buff also have to add their own body effect is not good? The man changed his name to shoot the male, the woman changed her name to give birth to the male, a sound can be born son.
@WangYuan: It is recommended that the name of the one who is called Di and Di, be renamed Jedi. If the person who gave you the name has no other thoughts, it is nothing, if you are looking forward to recruiting a brother, it will be able to gas him. There is a classmate named x Zhaodi, she asked her parents is not patriarchal, parents do not admit, to her that Ti is the female side of the word, is the meaning of beautiful girls, later, she took it upon herself to write her name on the test papers, workbooks are written x Jedi Ti, meaning the only beautiful girl, home was beaten, so what Zhaodi is a common name, said what to change the name is the female fist. Please give birth to a daughter named Jie Di, okay? If you can take this name, I will believe your bullshit.
@TaRosie: Some children are born as a gift that parents expect, some are just wrapping paper that parents expect as a gift.
@MossyCode: Those who whitewash that parents take the name Zhaodi is just a wonderful desire for their children, how have not seen any boys called Zhaomei?
@gambitzero: This kind of name you say is not to give birth to a son and not many people believe …… stand in the parents’ point of view to think about it, if you love the daughter, there is no expectation of having a boy, you will marry such a name for your daughter? So many good sounding names have to find something to cause conjecture?
@ like: the first time I came across this name or the third year to see Mo Yan’s fat breasts, the Shangguan family seven sisters, the vast number of brothers and sisters to recruit a brother to lead a brother to think about a brother to expect a brother to read a brother to seek a brother, the first time I saw nothing to notice what these names mean. There are really girls called this name or change it, in a way, is to put the rotten side of your family, as well as your encounter in the family of origin, nakedly displayed to others to see.
@ anonymous netizen: this would have been thousands of years of deep-rooted patriarchal ideas, so much so that you do not perceive is not equal, if a newborn male child named Ruo female, Asian female, recruiting female, lead female, you will not feel apart should, but why the same replaced with the above question, you feel okay, but also what this is to meet the wishes of parents?
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