Reddit Q&A: What is one moment in the course of a relationship that makes you realize that the relationship should get serious?
- Healing Warning
My husband doesn’t even remember it anymore, but for me it was a sign too huge to escape. I was getting ready to move to a new apartment, and the house was full of cockroaches, which my landlord refused to deal with because of the deposit and the impossibility of changing apartments at that Time when I was financially strapped, all of which made me feel exhausted.
When I was cleaning the fridge and one of the shelves inside was broken, this failure broke through my breaking point and I pushed the fridge over, called my husband (who was still my boyfriend at the time) to howl and vent, then the next day he came to my house, lifted it up and put it in place, measured the inside dimensions and ordered a suitable shelf, telling me I would receive it in two days.
I was so grateful for him, the fact that he just saw my frustration and then helped and supported me was a great relief and showed me what kind of Life partner he could be, and that was exactly what I needed.
Then there were things like when my Parents‘ dog could no longer jump on that favorite chair because of aging, my still-boyfriend husband made a ramp for the dog so he could still climb up and sit there with us, and he even made that ramp to match the color of the dog’s fur.
These are all things he takes for granted, but cumulatively, they constantly speak to me that he is a caring, thoughtful, loving person, and my life is lighter for it, always.
My story can be very embarrassing.
I used to suffer from severe ulcerative colitis, which would cause me to have far more bowel movements per day than my 20-something peers, and I had to do everything I could to control my time on each date, straining to keep myself from sprouting a bowel movement in his car.
One night I failed to do this, and after he dropped me off I opened the door almost as fast as I could run and then hid in the bathroom, turning on the shower to hide my sobs as he asked me from the other side of the door, “Why are you always angry when you drive up to your house? What did I do?
He read the look on my face when I was trying to control my bowels as me being angry.
I had to come clean and admit my condition, stating that I only did it because I wanted to poop and had the misfortune of pooping in my pants today, and that I just wanted both parties to end the relationship as politely as possible.
And his response was, “Oh, so you did it because you pooped, where are your jeans?
“I threw them in the trash.
“Don’t be silly, jeans are expensive, but the laundromat is closed now, do you have a bucket or something, we can soak them overnight and wash them tomorrow.
“You …… really don’t think it’s disgusting?
“It’s not your fault, I thought you had something else before, you just tell me, all problems can be solved that way, got it?
Later developments were tedious, I had a colectomy and never had the same disease again, and he was with me in the hospital because I was married to him.
When he and I first started dating, we went out on a train trip once, and as the train was about to leave the station, he noticed a man chasing the train on the platform, and this time the ticket inspector happened to be in our cabin, and he told the inspector about it, and then the inspector stuck his hand out the window (a signal to alert the train driver to slow down) until the man outside ran onto the train.
It was certainly a much too small thing to do, but it speaks volumes about my husband’s character that he would help a stranger he didn’t even know, and in the years to come, I have always been pleased with my good judgment.
About six weeks into dating him, we were having dinner at my house when my best friend called to tell me that her mother had died of a cancer and that the aunt and I were as close as Family.
I cried for twenty minutes straight while he held me, then I told him I wanted to be alone, so he left, and after a while I changed my mind and called him back to keep holding me, and he came back without saying a word.
He held me all that night and didn’t do anything extra except support me perfectly.
Over the next few months, I was so busy with work that even though we weren’t living together yet, he would still make dinner at my house early and wait for me to come Home. He had never cooked much dinner in his life, and the family we later formed didn’t require him to cook, but this kind of giving — helping a newly dating girlfriend deal with these tough situations and being understanding and accommodating to my needs — was the sign that really sunk my heart into the relationship.
We’ve been married now for three and a half years, and I’m sure it won’t be any different in thirty-five years.
I grew up in a family full of arguments, where every relationship between my original parents and step-parents drifted, where yelling and shoving was as common as drinking water, smashing furniture, followed by a series of apologies, week after week.
I hated road trips because if my mom was driving, once she missed an intersection, my stepdad would get into a fight with her, whether she couldn’t find a parking space or pulled into a traffic jam, there was always a reason for the fireworks in the car to explode.
The first time I met him, we unfortunately got lost on the way to the restaurant, my cell phone signal went out, the map navigation was a blank, and we ended up having to abandon our original plan and settle for dinner at a cheap fast Food restaurant we found on the side of the road.
I apologized to him, my whole chest aching, waiting for him to blame me for my mistake. Instead, he smiled and finished his taco with me, then chatted at the door until the fast food place closed, which made me realize that normal human relationships don’t all resemble my family.
He is so friendly and has always encouraged me to grow and learn to trust and rely on him when needed since I told him everything I’ve been through, he is my soul mate and I’m grateful to be lost in him for the rest of my life.
My my wife was young when we met, so young that she was bored enough to run to the back of the golf course to pick up the abandoned golf balls to pass the time while we were dating.
There was a shallow creek behind the course and if you followed a small bridge across it, you could safely reach the other side. My wife was obviously a little scared and didn’t want to go across, we talked for a while and I told her, “Look, I’m not going to let you fall into the water, I’ll hold your hand and we’ll walk as long as you want.
We had been having a deep conversation about how our relationship was going and I wanted to continue, not turn back or stop.
She was still unsure, so I looked her in the eye again and said, “I won’t let you fall. She locked eyes with me and said, “Never? I said, “Never.
We made it over the bridge, but that was the end of the conversation. She became very quiet and stayed silent until we got back to our car, and when I got in, I noticed that she was almost crying, and damn, I felt like I had screwed everything up.
I immediately apologized and said I shouldn’t have forced her to walk that little bridge with me and she covered her face — tears still dripping down her face — and said, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry ……
I tried to ask her what she meant, but she interrupted me and said the best thing I’ve ever heard in my life: “I just fell in love with you, I didn’t mean to, it just happened, I felt safe and then knew I loved you, please don’t be mad.
We now have 2 children and have been married for 25 years. I’m not mad at all.
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