The most beautiful futility

When we are very young, there is a very favorite person living in our hearts. Although the first love is infinitely beautiful, and we always think it can last forever, but unfortunately, the first love can go to the end, really only a few. So today, I would like to share with you a fruitless, unendurable, full of futile love.

My first love happened in the fifth grade when I fell in love with the girl behind me. She sat behind me, but instead of poking me in the back with a pen, her interest was in pinching and squeezing my back with her hands like crazy. Whenever she called me, she would always pinch me so hard that I would turn around and scream in pain, “You’re nuts!” She then looked smug and smiled and said, “What, I just like to pinch you.”

However, every Time I was pinched, I was actually very happy because she was the cutest girl in the class. I was always careful not to let my joy in it be noticed by her, lest she lose her sense of accomplishment.

She pinched me every day, and I was no slouch. I would sneak up behind her while she was wiping the blackboard, pull her ponytail hard, and start running, yelling, “Hahahaha, hurry up and come after me.” Then that cute girl was right behind her, screaming frantically, “I want to report to the teacher, I want to report to the teacher.”

Luckily, she was very righteous and didn’t run to report the teacher all at once. She just very calmly walked over to my seat, picked up my book bag, walked over to the window, and threw it from the fifth floor to the first floor. Sometimes I would have a carton of milk in my book bag that would explode in a big way and blow up my textbooks and pencils in a big mess. She actually stood on the balcony and waved at me, then smiled as she watched me pack my bag.

Sometimes she pisses me off, sometimes I upset her. When she was so angry that she wouldn’t talk to me, I drew a lot of cartoons and gave them to her, and signed them with my name “Ke Jingteng” in the bottom right corner. Whenever she received those cartoons, she thought it was unbelievable and asked me, “Ke Jingteng, why do you need to sign?” I said, “Because I’m going to be a very, very good cartoonist in the future, and you have to keep these cartoons in a safe place, and they will definitely increase in value in the future.” She said, “Really?” I said, “I promise.”

And so we played and played until we graduated. That day, I wrote a long love letter to her. I managed to get up the courage to put it in my pocket and slowly walked towards her, not knowing what to say. She looked at me and said, “What?” I said, “Nothing.” She said, “Well, this is for you.” And she took out two glasses and gave them to me. The two glasses each had a cute little frog on them. I took it, but the love letter remained in my pocket.

After graduation, she went to a faraway place to study, and later, actually ran away to Europe to study, I lost her news. The two glass cups she gave me were accidentally broken by me after a few years. And the love letter I was going to send her, I do not know to which corner I hid.

When my movie “Those Years, The Girls We Chased Together” was about to be released, I found her on top of Facebook. I was so excited that I kept asking her online, “I’m Ke Jingteng, do you still remember me?” She said, “Of course I do, who could forget you?”

Just when I was about to use my super memory to tell her all about the past, she preempted me by saying, “I was very, very surprised when I found out that you started writing novels, publishing books, and actually became a director and made movies, because I always thought that you would become a comic book artist in the future. I still have the pile of comics you gave me in my drawer. There, your signature is on it. I’m waiting for them to increase in value.” Hearing her say that, my tears almost fell down.

I always thought that in love, only one person would be responsible for preserving each other’s memories and remembering how much they loved each other, while the other person would move on with no attachment. I always thought that I was the one responsible for preserving the memories. I never thought that I was wrong. It turns out that this girl, she also always remembered. She remembered my Dreams, remembered that she liked to throw my school bag from the fifth floor to the first floor, remembered that I liked to draw and give it to her, she remembered everything …… she even remembered that I liked her. Although, we were not destined to be together.

Like in the fairy tale, she is now the mother of two children, living happily ever after with her husband; and in her drawer, she still secretly put the pile of cartoons that I gave her back then.

Love, there are many, many regrets. Let’s take this gentle regret, imperfect perfection, stubborn, happy Life.