Why no matter what you propose TA will be rebutted? It is obviously a good intention to remind the TA but think it is nitpicking?
–I hurt my knee.
–How did it happen? Does it hurt?
–Why are you prying into my wound? How did it hurt? Do you know how to respect me!
……
–I hurt my knee.
–Do you have any purple salve? Smear some. Go to the doctor early.
–I don’t need you to tell me what to do! Don’t I know what to do!
……
–I hurt my knee.
–Can I bandage it for you?
–No need.
……
–I hurt my knee.
–Poor thing. Last time I ……
–(interrupting) Please don’t say that. Your situation doesn’t help me at all.
……
–I hurt my knee.
—Fucking hell the weather is like that.
–Talking to you won’t help my wound. Bye-bye.
……
–I hurt my knee.
–I’m sure it will get better. Go for it!
–This kind of vague talk doesn’t work for me.
……
It’s very common for both men and women to rebut whatever you suggest. In short, it’s a classic “yes…, but… , but… ” response. You give a response that you think is very logical, the person does not necessarily oppose it completely, that is, the “yes…” part. ” part, but the TA will just have a “but… ” part, pointing out how you say how inappropriate, how how can not do, etc., so that people feel very stifled. There is a feeling that no matter how good advice you give, TA can use a baseball bat to give you a bat to hit back. This reaction is common in both men and women, especially when the person needs to make changes.
Why is that? Because the person does not need your advice, the TA needs to listen and understand. This one also does not distinguish between men and women. For example, a man comes home and complains that his job is hard and his pay is not good. His wife replied, “If the job is not good, you can change it. A man replied, work is not easy to find ah, or a new job may be more tired ah, etc.. His wife was speechless. The next day, a man came home and continued to complain about how bad the work, how the leadership level is poor. His wife continued to make suggestions, what kind of mentality should be used to treat the work, and how to communicate with the leadership is better. A man replied, our leader is like this, XX last time with him said XX, the results to wear small shoes. The topic was spread out. The third day, a man still complained. His wife was angry, gave you so many ideas, one will complain without, you deliberately it, you are not motivated ah (referring to the unwillingness to find a new job). A man actually did not deliberately disobey the advice, nor was he unmotivated. What he needs is his wife’s understanding and concern rather than advice. For example, hand over a cup of tea, say “husband you have worked hard”.
How to resolve this situation? You can try listening. Listening skills (listening skills) is a must-have skill for counselors and psychologists. In everyday life, you can also try it. Simply put, listening skills are about giving someone your full attention with a compassionate heart and giving them feedback on the emotions (feelings), meanings (meaning) and content (content) of their words, which alone will have a very good healing effect and make them feel comfortable with you, not necessarily pleasant (you didn’t tell a joke), but just very comfortable.
An example to explain the five types of feedback (reflective skills)
1, feedback emotions (reflection of feelings): the focus is on the summary or speculation of the person’s emotional feelings
–A man complained about long working hours, overtime, low income, and bad-tempered leadership level is also low.
— Do you feel that your value is not valued, quite angry?
2, feedback meaning (reflection of meaning): the focus is to summarize or speculate the person’s ideas, values
–A man complains about long working hours, overtime, low income, and a bad-tempered leader with a low level.
— Do you think it is quite unfair, income and ability is not proportional?
3, feedback content (reflection of content also known as paraphrasing): the focus is to summarize the specific information given by the person concerned, can seem to repeat
–A man complained about long working hours, overtime, low income, and bad-tempered leaders with low level.
— Is your company’s working environment and treatment not very good ah?
- Echoing: selectively repeat the key words and phrases given by the person concerned to encourage the person to give more information.
–A man complains about long working hours, overtime, low income, and a bad-tempered leader with a low level.
–Your leader?
5、Summary: Summarize the specific situation given by the person concerned, psychological feelings, etc.
When you seem to be an echo board (sounding board), give positive feedback (active listening), the person often understand their own situation, and can accordingly propose solutions. If you want to offer your own opinion or solution, there is usually no more “yes…, but…”. , but… “say anything to give you a stick to hit back the situation.
Friendly reminder.
— I hurt my knee.
— poor. Last time I ……
–(interrupting) Please don’t say that. Your situation doesn’t help me at all.
- Don’t just relate your own experience or someone else’s situation. Reasons that may invite annoyance: 1) the center of the conversation has shifted away from the person in question; 2) your story and the TA’s will not be exactly the same and have no value to learn from; 3) just you can! You’re the only one who knows!
If you have to think outside the box, connect to the person’s own past experiences, such as whether the TA has been in this situation before and how it was resolved at the time.
–I hurt my knee.
–I believe it will get better. Go for it!
–This kind of vague words won’t work for me.
2, do not just promise or predict the future. Because it may hit you in the face, and even if you can predict the future, you have to give a reason for people to believe it is not.
3, feedback on other people’s information, emotions and meanings when not too sure. We are not the roundworm in other people’s stomachs, guessing wrong is normal, be prepared to be denied.
4、Self-deprecation and humor are excellent interpersonal lubricants. But when others are in an emotional state, be careful to master the scale. If you are not sure, say less and be less wrong.
5, if really confused about the person wants you to be a listener or give specific advice, ask! Ask TA directly, do you want me to make some suggestions or be a good listener? This question looks pretty silly, but can effectively reduce the “yes…, but… but… ” phenomenon to free half a day of energy results in two people feel aggrieved in their hearts.
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