Someone is sick, some friends like this comfort: you see you! Just not careful! You are too weak! I’m all right!
It’s not comforting. It’s adding insult to injury.
Someone stock market defeat, some friends so comfort: early advise you not to fry, this next good, lost? Fry, can’t be too greedy, go in time not good? It’s not a bad thing to lose. Now you can work at ease.
It’s not comfort, it’s doing favors for your friends.
Some consolation, which sounds like either schadenfreude or boasting, may indeed be intended to comfort, but because of the art of comforting, it can not only fail to comfort others, but may actually be harmful. You don’t have to pay attention to yourself, but if you don’t pay attention to this, end a friendship is possible. When others gradually estranged to themselves, also do not know so, think good heart is regarded as donkey liver lung, in fact, at the beginning of their comfort let a person liver son pain ah.
Many people want to comfort people but do not know how to comfort, this is no wonder they, because they themselves in the time of injury, others give comfort, may not be in place, they are used to such intimate comfort, so pass to others, may not be intentional injury, just out of ignorance.
Some people feel like their life is lacking the power that they want to feel for the other person, but there is nothing they can do about it. After all, this cannot be replaced. When comforting the other person, they cannot find the right words and actions, so they always feel anxious.
Simple and rough dry cargo:
1, to comfort people, their own ability to sufficient.
The best solace comes from solving problems. Why are others upset? What do others worry about? Some things may not be able to solve their own, but some things may not be able to solve others but their own. A few fine words are good, but more powerful deeds. You should develop all kinds of abilities in daily life, which will come in handy in critical moments. A friend after the operation worry scar, this matter I also don’t understand, but I asked the doctor friend who is proficient in cosmetic surgery, know a kind of imported medicine effect is good, so bought send her.
Putting yourself in their shoes, offering to help is often the most effective way. If directly ask others “I can do to help? “others may not not bashful say directly, exploration problems take the initiative to lend a hand, will be better.
- Control your emotions.
One friend said that after a friend’s sudden death, the widow was getting phone calls, crying and trying to console others. This is really reversing the role, although sincere, but not to achieve the purpose of comfort, emotional restraint should be restrained.
Some people have marital problems, so a group of girlfriends lambaste women who cheat on women’s feelings how, and urged divorce, the couple later reconciled, and estranged friends. In such a situation, the person concerned may scold, but the other person may not scold. Scolding does not necessarily show loyalty or indifference. There are many ways to comfort the other person, and it is not necessary to scold him or her.
A long time ago, a good friend divorced, accompanied her to walk in the city, walked for half of the city, did not say a word, is silently accompany to walk. She never scolds her husband, and Neither do I. The man slowly faded into oblivion. She went on to organize a family and was very happy.
3, stand in the other side’s Angle to consider.
Frankly speaking, some people like the comfort of performances, just to express “I care about you ”, , “when you are not happy I don’t lack ”, but is there a sweet comfort to the other side, it’s difficult to say. TVB series in the classic “are you hungry? I’ll get you some noodles to eat “, although old, really, is also a real comfort is better than the beginning of the too much. But it’s not enough. Why? Because I just stand on my own point of view, I don’t think much about each other: do other people like to eat noodles? What if you want wontons?
Of course, everything happens for a reason. Don’t be wise after the event, and show your brilliance by blaming the other party for his mistakes. It is of no use to complain about the other party because it has already happened.
- Listen and be there.
Gently holding each other’s hand, hug, listen to each other about, don’t interrupt, nods, help each other to wipe the tears, cook a meal to eat to the other party and give music and books, and do other things to divert attention, don’t complain, don’t show off, if you feel something is not convenient to speak, write an email or written on paper, convey thoughts, help each other problems analysis, proposed solution is given, the connection of the available resources to help each other, stop do injury oneself of matter, when necessary, the hard pull on each other to exercise together, feel the nature.
Everyone in life will meet the difficult times, accompany friends through the difficult times, to warm and meticulous care, help friends through the long night, such a comfort, is really moving comfort.
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