preface
According to the 2016 Report on the Development of China’s Floating Population, there are 18 million elderly migrants in China, of whom 43 percent come to take care of their younger generations, and the number is increasing. These elderly people are known as “old drifters”. There are many such old people around me. They have left their homes for decades and come to a strange city. They are incompatible with their living habits and feel lonely when they are far away from home. My third aunt Lu Xiufen is such an “old drift”.
Lu xiufen, 56, used to get motion sickness whenever she got on a bus, no matter whether it was for a long or short ride. Pills, tablets and garlic clogs in your nose have all been tried, but to no effect. You have to take a break for two or three days to recover from a car crash.
But this time it was different. During the four-hour drive from the city to my hometown, I didn’t even feel dizzy, let alone vomit. The afternoon sun was warm but not harsh, and the great river at the edge of the village ran tirelessly, as before.
The elder and the elder came to the station to meet Lu Xiufen. Sisters 3 people with luggage, through the manshui bridge, back home, open the lock, into the door, Lu Xiufen felt the heart that kind of floating feeling finally slowly landed. Sitting on the kang at home, looking at the familiar floor tiles and walls, she felt suddenly like a dream, nose sour and tears streaming down her face.
It’s been four years, and I’ve come back safely.
1
Lu Hongxia, the younger of lu’s seven brothers and sisters, stayed in the city after graduating from college. Once she established herself, she planned to do something for her brothers and sisters — like bringing their children to the city to see the world.
Lu xiufen’s only daughter was taken over by Lu Hongxia. The daughter struggled, and before long, she not only had a stable job, but also met her husband. Lu xiufen’s son-in-law is a city dweller whose family owns a delicatessen selling chicken and duck, which is well known in the local community. Originally Lu Xiufen also feel that their own conditions are not good, always worry about the marriage, did not expect that the father-in-law is very open-minded, and did not object, think the young couple had a good life.
After her marriage, Lu’s daughter quit her job to run a deli with her son-in-law, and had a good time. The only catch was that she hadn’t been pregnant for two years. Lu Xiufen anxious, have no matter to make a phone call with her daughter, “hurry up to want a child”, but her daughter is always a few words to take to the past, said that this is not in a hurry to solve the problem.
In this way, Lu Xiufen look forward to look forward to, finally in the fourth year of her daughter’s marriage, the little baby to look forward to.
His mother died when he was young. His father was busy with his family’s small business and did not marry again. Lu Xiufen naturally took care of the pregnant woman. After the daughter married to the city, rarely go home, thinking about paternity and daughter can stay together for a long time, Lu Xiufen much joy, muddled muddled will go into the city.
But to the city, the son-in-law said that the daughter pregnant period what index is high. Lu xiufen did not understand, but understood that the meaning of diet should be careful, do not eat too rich and salty food. She eased her temper a little and prepared the pregnant meal according to what her son-in-law called “proper diet.”
Afterwards listen to son-in-law to say again, the daughter last time check when fetal elephant is a bit unstable, let every morning with fetal heart listen to. But such “advanced” things, Lu Xiufen how also do not understand, finally can only be measured by the son-in-law to his daughter before going to work. During the test, Lu xiufen sat on the sofa in the living room, sometimes half an hour or even an hour before the test, Lu Xiufen would break out in a sweat.
When the baby was born, the whole family was overjoyed. Lu’s job changed automatically from “taking care of pregnant women” to “helping with the baby.” After the daughter gave birth to a child, the body is particularly bad, take medicine for a long time to do massage. Lu loves her daughter dearly, so most of the time she takes the baby by herself.
Children are not easy to take, Lu Xiufen thought. But there are still differences between children, and the way young people look after children today is completely different from what it was in her day.
Lu Xiufen said that his grandson should use diapers, using good cotton cloth to do, soft, not hurt the bottom, but her daughter laughed and said, buy a good urine is not wet can, save trouble and clean; Lu Xiufen also said that the child to sleep on the board, but also gaiters, so grow up hind legs straight, sleep also honest, but the daughter said that gaiters will let the leg blood circulation, not conducive to the child’s growth.
One to two to go, Lu Xiufen also did not give advice, how the daughter said how is, his right as a thug.
The child is really not difficult to take, but between generations, sometimes small grandson vomiting milk, anger or stomach discomfort, Lu Xiufen followed anxious anger, always feel that he did not take good care of. Her daughter often explained to her that it was all right and that it was all right. But Lu Xiufen still can’t completely relax, a fire is not mouth ulcer, lips outside the big fire pimple, sometimes the child’s disease is good, Lu Xiufen fire pimple has not recovered.
2
In fact, Lu Xiufen always fell in love with fire, is not all the reason for the little grandson.
Originally she lived in the countryside, with her own big yard, a push to open the door, the world wide. Together with her wife, she had a leisurely life planting and harvesting, coming to the door to plant flowers and serving vegetables and fruits in the yard. Wait until the season of mountain goods, go to the mountains to pick wild vegetables, mushrooms, collect some hazelnuts, very fun. Next, the whole village knew each other. In spring, we discussed buying seeds together, in summer we enjoyed ourselves under the shade of trees, and even in winter, when we slaughtered pigs for New Year’s Eve, we ate from one house to the other with great excitement.
Can come to the city, don’t say and people lively, is a door are difficult. Lu Xiufen usually take care of the children at home, the dishes are son-in-law to go to work to buy and bring back, occasionally so several times son-in-law forgot, Lu Xiufen went out to buy.
It is not too busy to take care of the children, but Lu xiufen just doesn’t want to go out. She often said that she felt open in her hometown in the countryside and suffocated in the city. My daughter also grew up in the countryside, naturally understand this feeling, so often advised her to go out and walk around, know a community of old ladies, together in the evening to dance square dance, more than good.
But Lu Xiufen a fear of his daughter tired, two always afraid of losing their way, or hold in the home, accompanied by a small grandson, Lu Xiufen heart is always happy.
There is also a “not happy” people, that is still in the rural home lu Xiufen’s wife.
From the time of her daughter’s pregnancy to the birth of her grandson, Lu stayed in the city for two years, except for a few days during the Spring Festival in her hometown.
The farm work in the family all fell on his wife. A man planted corn and harvested corn, planted potatoes and peanuts. In order to have pigs to kill for the Chinese New Year, and also to send his daughter some local eggs from time to time, his wife declined like chickens, ducks, geese and pigs and raised some of them. Not tired, but lu Xiufen is not around, his wife always feel lonely in the heart. There is no one to talk with when we are busy with farm work. After a busy day, we still have to cook for ourselves. When the farm is idle, you can go to the village shop to chat with everyone, but in the evening, going home has become his wife’s biggest fear: the door is cold, the house is cold, only one TV to accompany him, the home is quiet uncomfortable.
When Lu Xiufen came home during the New Year, she looked at her wife getting thinner and thinner, and said with great sadness, “Maybe I should come back.”
Hearing this, the wife advised her: “Well, you stay in the city. I heard the little guy gets sick when you leave. It’s a habit you’re around. He’s not used to it when you’re gone. Well, I’ll wait till the children grow up.”
Lu Xiufen listened, also nodded, asked: “That you eat a good meal at home, don’t always eat noodles, eat more meat, want to eat what buy more, don’t be short of mouth. I’ve come back to see you’ve lost a lot of weight.”
The wife smiled: “you rest assured, oneself at home is good.”
Fortunately, the old couple this dual separation days did not last too long, in the city of Lv Xiufen go with children at the beginning of the third year, son-in-law of the house of deli has a temporary workers quit, in a short period of time again to find a person, originally couple was wondering how to find an excuse to Lv Xiufen wife also connect to, it doesn’t, in the archives mouths, just the logical conclusion.
My wife, who lives near the deli and handles the morning’s purchases, also arrived. Usually, Lu xiufen in the daughter’s home to look after the children, his wife in the shop to make money to help, although not always see each other, but much better than before the separation.
3
After two years of recuperation, the daughter’s body recovered well, back to the shop to work, take care of the little grandson of the matter all fell on the shoulders of Lu Xiufen.
More than two years old children, it is difficult to take, can walk and run, curious about what, but also like to climb things, no daughter to help, Lu Xiufen nervous up again, at the moment can not see the little grandson on the flustered.
But even so careful, it is inevitable that there will be times when we are not able to see. One day, Lu Xiufen was busy collecting clothes, the little grandson himself playing with toys, accidentally did not sit steady, knocked on the toy, the right face was quite a big black, and a little swollen. Lu Xiufen scared not light, and got angry, the fire pimple on the mouth one after another to drum up, what medicine is no use.
Daughter son-in-law said nothing, his wife also let her comfort, said that when he took the children knocked and touched many, normal.
“Can that be the same? After all, this is about caring for other people’s children, and you have to be careful.”
In the past few years, grandma has been depressed
After that, Lu Xiufen looked at her grandson is more cautious, but let himself hurt.
Since had the child, the thing in the daughter’s home is much, each kind of child’s articles for use, the toy has a pile. My daughter bought a bunk bed with groceries on it and slept on it. That day, Lu Xiufen with the child, a look up found the upper bunk was full, afraid of things fall down to hit the child, just want to tidy up — this should be ok, grandson obedient, in the line of sight — so, Lu Xiufen stepped on the windowsill, went to the upper bunk to tidy up.
The little grandson was always honest when Lu was packing. Can be in Lu Xiufen tidy up, ready to step on the windowsill down, happened to see the little grandson with a toy from the small things pulled down to his mouth. Lu Xiufen did not see what it was, anxious not line, while Shouting “prohibit to eat”, hurriedly get out of bed, this one anxious, the foot trample empty, the whole person fell down directly from the windowsill.
Lu Xiufen only feel the whole body hemp and pain, but the brain is still awake, climbed to the bedside to get a mobile phone to her daughter. When waiting, Lu Xiufen would lie on the ground, speaking, comforting the frightened crying little grandson. The son-in-law couldn’t leave the shop, so the daughter came back with her wife. After the door to see this posture, the daughter hurriedly called the car, gave the father a dozen money, let him take his mother to the hospital, stay at home to look after the child.
To the hospital, and take a film, and do CT. Lu xiufen at first unable to move, his wife carried her upstairs and downstairs to run, and then Lu Xiufen slowly recovered, he had to endure the pain down the stairs. The results came out, is the spinal fourth segment knock injury, there is a slight displacement, the body muscle tissue has different degrees of contusion, but only need to take the auxiliary equipment, bed rest reduce walking, slowly recuperate.
The old couple did not breathe a sigh of relief, the doctor said again, this time is lucky, if again up point, knock the spine of the third section is dangerous, do not want to paralyze, so old, later to cherish themselves.
When I got home, my daughter and son-in-law were so scared after hearing the reported diagnosis that their faces changed. Daughter to her husband to take care of the child, he helped Lu Xiufen with auxiliary equipment, help to lie down, is to help pour water to take medicine, toss about sitting in front of the bed red eyes.
“Don’t worry, it’s all right. The doctor said I’d just stay in bed. It’ll be all right. You two have to take care of the baby in the meantime.” Lu soothed her daughter.
“Mother, don’t you worry about it, just get well — do you think I won’t be afraid? This time is lucky, to really like the doctor said, knocked into a serious place, that I have to live up to who? The daughter said and cried, Lu Xiufen did not know how to comfort, but also while the little grandson fell asleep, the son-in-law came to persuade, the daughter slowly calm down.
Although the day of convalescence says need not take a child, it is more boring however. Most of the time, Lu Xiufen would lie in bed playing with her mobile phone, and occasionally get out of bed to walk. Her daughter was afraid that she could not keep well, and then persuaded her to go back. Lu Xiufen this injury, we all get up, the daughter also do not go to the store, stay at home to take care of the child and her. My wife often comes here, but she has to take care of the work in the store and runs at both ends. Even the son-in-law was ruined.
The day after Lu xiufeng fell, her son-in-law went to the nearby TCM clinic and asked if there were any good nursing methods, such as massage. But the doctor said it was impossible to move, and we had to wait for the bones to grow out by themselves. Later, the son-in-law did not know which doctor told him that there was a doctor in another province who had a secret recipe that was good for bone injuries, but it was a little expensive. A small bag of more than 100 yuan was enough to eat 3 packets a day. Without another word, the son-in-law drove to another province and bought medicine for a month. This medicine is really bad to eat, fishy and smelly, Lu Xiufen always feel not to go down, but often think this is the son-in-law’s heart, also pinch the nose to eat.
Learning that Lu Xiufen was ill, Lu Hongxia also came to see her sister. Lu xiufen is very happy to have her sister to talk with her. The son-in-law finally showed a smiling face to see his mother-in-law, so he discussed with his old aunt (Lu Hongxia) whether he could walk around more in his spare time. If he felt that it was not convenient for him to travel, he could be the driver and deliver the goods by package. Lu hongxia agreed without much thought.
A flash to the end of the year, Lu Xiufen’s illness has been very good, his wife is also in the city, Lu Hongxia with his husband and children came over. Son-in-law to see the father-in-law before thinking about playing mahjong in his hometown, now bought a mahjong machine, with his father-in-law, his father and uncle, playing mahjong for two afternoons, the festival had a good taste.
4
In the beginning of spring, Lu Qingyou, Lu Xiufen’s second brother, came to the city to see a doctor.
These two years, Lu Qingyou has been stomach pain, usually take some painkillers to withstand, but I do not know how, this is particularly serious, painkillers have no use. Lu Hongxia took her second brother to have an examination, but it turned out to be advanced lung cancer. Doctors do not recommend surgery or chemotherapy, “conservative treatment”.
Lu Hongxia understood the doctor’s meaning, with the elder brother’s family to discuss, decided to hide the elder brother. She got her second brother to stay in his home and began “conservative therapy”.
Ten months later in December, the second brother left. At the funeral, Lu Xiufen choked with SOB and complained that her sister-in-law was too careless and did not take him to see the stomachache for so long. On the other hand, she also blamed herself — if she had not gone to the city to see the child in recent years, she heard that the elder brother died of stomachache. Even if she could drag someone to the hospital, she would not suffer from minor diseases.
After that, Lu xiufen and his wife often said, wait another year for the little grandson to go to school, the two will go back. Often listen to the wife, always silent.
The day passed more than two months calmly, by Lu Xiufen complain of the second sister-in-law also checked out the terminal disease, uterine cancer IVB stage. The second brother’s daughter decided not to conceal the illness, told the mother, but did not say so heavy, let the mother decide whether to treat. The sister-in-law has a child in her heart and doesn’t want to give up.
During the period of her treatment, lu xiufen talked to her on WeChat from time to time, encouraging her and hoping to accompany her through this difficult time. Until one day, the sister-in-law cried and sent a message to Lu Xiufen, saying that she could not be cured. Chemotherapy and radiotherapy were so painful that she would rather die than be cured. Lu Xiufen listened, heart clunk.
It may be that she was thinking about something in her heart. That day, Lu Xiufen stepped out of the door and fell down on the stairs. She sprained her right foot and broke her left foot just under her butt. Lu xiufen again into the hospital, began the familiar bed rest.
Nine days after lu broke her bone, her sister-in-law died in her rural home.
Less than half a year later, her elder brother and sister-in-law passed away one after another. Lu xiufen’s sorrow can be imagined. Compared with her second brother’s frequent tears after his death, Lu xiufen seemed remarkably calm this time. The daughter thought it was her mother who became strong, but slowly, she sensed something was wrong
Lu Xiufen spirit is worse and worse, usually talk also is dull, see smiling face rarely even when playing together with little grandson, and, the person is in this period of time thin fierce, sleep time is also less and less, even a few times when the daughter passes the door of Lu Xiufen, still can faintly hear cry.
Daughter a little panic, Lu Xiufen’s performance is a bit like their own confinement in the past understanding of depression. She wanted to take mom to the hospital, but then think, mom is more conservative people, if take her to the hospital, see or psychological department, it will backfire.
Instead, his son-in-law suggested, “Since our mother can’t go, send for the doctor. I remember my aunt didn’t say she knew a shrink. You call her and see how you can do it.” Daughter felt reasonable, busy and Lv Hongxia contact. Lu hongxia heard that her sister was in poor mental state and quickly made an appointment with a doctor.
After the doctor learned about the situation, he worried that his sudden visit would make Lu feel psychologically alert and inconvenient for diagnosis, so he came up with a solution: Let Lu Hongxia wear bluetooth headset to chat with Lu, and keep talking with the doctor’s mobile phone. The doctor guided Lu hongxia to conduct topic guidance in the headset.
everything is ready, Lu Hongxia to find Lu Xiufen “chat”, the doctor and daughter of the son-in-law hidden downstairs to answer the phone. After Lu Hongxia saw her sister, she really felt that her entire aura was different, just like a stream was cut off, holding in a pond, without any waves, lifeless.
After chatting for more than two hours, the doctor felt that it was about time and finally asked Lu hongxia what she wanted to do most.
“What do you want most?” “I want to go home now,” Lu muttered, her eyes brightening. Since the elder brother and sister-in-law left, I do not know how, I can want to go back. Plant some corn, raise a pig to kill and eat for the Chinese New Year, have no matter still can go up the mountain to pick mountain vegetables… That’s what home feels like. I always feel so bottled up in here that I want to cry.”
Lu Hongxia patted her hand and said, “Good. Now you are well, and when your foot is well, we will study the matter again.”
Listening to her sister’s uncertain tone, the light in Lu Xiufen’s eyes disappeared again.
5
The doctor hung up the phone and said to the disconsolate couple, “You don’t have to worry too much, and you don’t have to blame yourself too much. I’ll tell you what the results are, but normally, a diagnosis of depression requires a face-to-face meeting with a doctor, and then some tests to be done. Because of the particularity of the patient, it is normal for us to take this approach. From what we’ve been talking about, this woman does have a tendency to get depressed, and if she adjusts during that time, she’ll be fine, and if she lets it go, and it gets worse, she’ll be completely depressed.”
“And now what? Medicine or something?” “Asked her daughter.
“No, no, no medicine at all. In fact, whether people with depression or patients with depression, the root is what I do against my heart for a long time. I think you are also rural elderly to take care of the children, I feel like here for several years. It may have been repression, exacerbated by the recent death of a relative.
“Of course, you don’t have to blame yourself. There are many such cases in the society now. I think you are also very filial and can detect the abnormality of the old man. Many other elderly people simply can not get such treatment, plus our country’s people lack of awareness of depression, elderly suicide everywhere…
“Well, that’s a long way to go. In general, my advice now is to let the old man go back if your children can bring their own. If that doesn’t work, maybe a therapist will have to intervene.”
The son-in-law sent away the doctor and came back to comfort his weeping wife, “In this case, let our mother go home and put the matter of buying a house for our parents aside for a few more years. The old man’s opinion is the most important. Don’t cry, didn’t the doctor say, it’s nothing serious, and you’re not well, so don’t cry.”
“I’m fine. I just feel selfish. I think we should lighten up when mom comes to see the baby. My mother had said several times that she wanted to go home. I thought she was not used to living with us. I also wanted to buy a small house or something for my parents to live in. It’s my fault, I was careless…”
“Well, well. You didn’t expect that, you are also kind, think parents so old, don’t want them to go back to farming. Nothing, mom want to go back to go back, home over there our mom’s brothers and sisters, will be ok.”
After this matter, the daughter is also relieved, so in Lu Xiufen foot injury after good again proposed to go home, she readily agreed.
Lu Xiufen went home, his wife is sure to go back. Unexpectedly, Lu xiufen and his wife said, he refused: “I want to work here for a few more years, save some money to buy an insurance. When we are old, we can open more than 2000 yuan of insurance a month. We don’t need to bother our children. We can live a good life in the countryside.”
Lu Xiufen how also did not think of his wife is such a mind, surprised and then said: “you like this plan is good, then stay here. But you can buy it for yourself. I’m not fit enough. I know I won’t live long enough to get the money back.”
His wife glared at her and did not speak.
Four days later, Lu finally returned home.
Afterword.
When I went to three aunt to send dumplings, she was sitting on a pony eating corn, see me to, wiped his mouth happily came to meet me: “Two treasure son, how did you come?”
“In the evening my mother made dumplings, call you to let you eat, you do not go, we have dinner together more lively ah. “Said, I raised my hand in the plate,” Ah, think you did not eat I will give you sent over, small cabbage stuffing, can be sweet. Look to see if there are any empty plates and pour them out.”
“Wait a minute, I’ll just go inside and get it.” She took the plate and turned the dumplings. “I muffed corn today — did you taste it?”
“No, no, I’ll be home soon.”
I said goodbye to her, leaving the yard to close the gate, she was holding corn in her left hand, right hand chopsticks with a steamed eggplant, dipped in their own egg chili sauce, into the mouth. After eating, he smacked his lips, his eyes narrowed, his face full of comfort. A wisp of the late autumn sun threw a long shadow over her side face.
I think a better ending would have been two people sitting there, eating corn and talking about parents.
Recent Comments