Shang Jing is a male prisoner in his early 50s in the detention center where I work.
Before the attack, he was the owner of a private enterprise and was detained on charges including loan fraud and embezzlement. Due to the complexity of the case and the long litigation time in the first and second trials, Shang Jing spent nearly six years in detention before being sentenced to nine years in prison.
Shang Jing told me that because of the length of time he spent in detention, he served as the head of the detention unit for several years. I met with a variety of prisoners, the most impressive of whom was an inmate on death row.
Living in a room with a condemned man gave him a chance to observe closely the other’s actions and “get a real feel for the desires, cunning and twisted nature of a condemned man’s struggles”.
The following is a summary of shang Jing’s description.
1
One Day in April 2014, after breakfast, the room was cold and damp and silent. The prisoners tucked their hands into their sleeves and huddled listlessly on their little stools. There was a row of them against the wall, and another row along the edge of them against the passage.
At 8:30 in the morning, Lao Li, a discipline cadre, came in on time with the key to the lock of the room. After a clanging sound, he opened the iron door of the room no. 2002.
A roomful of prisoners rose to their feet and shouted in unison: “Good cadre!”
Lao Li glanced around and paused casually in the corner of the room. In the corner was Sun Huakui, in a red vest, shackled and handcuffed, his eyes drooping without light.
Sun Huaikui had been in the hospital for nearly three years on suspicion of murder, rape and robbery. The cases were reviewed by the first and second trials and the Supreme Court, and the verdicts were death sentences.
Lao Li walked up and down the hall. “It’s a fine day today,” he said. “When you go out to the air, take all the dingy parts of the room to the air yard and bask in the mold. Then he turned to Shang Jing, the leader of the group, and said, “Wait a moment, you can arrange someone to help Sun Huaikui move the things.” Shang Jing hurried to answer.
Soon, everyone will be in accordance with Lao Li’s requirements, the heat to work.
“Sun Huaikui, come out!” The door suddenly rang with shouts of the cadres for trial. Sun Ho-kui shuffled to the door, dragging his fetters. Outside the door came three policemen, one of whom was a familiar officer for questioning, and the other two had strange faces. The strange policeman was dressed in the standard police equipment, all neatly dressed. The pistol holster hanging at his waist looked heavy. A sense of awe filled his face, and Sun Huaikui’s face turned distinctly gray.
As Sun Huaikui walked out of the door, two strange policemen hurried forward and took Sun Huaikui’s arms between them. Lao Li, the discipline cadre, also came and asked everyone to wash the room as quickly as possible. Then He asked Shang Jing and three “old men” who had been in the room for a long time and had behaved well in normal times to go to the talking room.
Shang Jing followed the cadre through the corridor of the detention house. He saw a policeman with guns standing every five meters apart on both sides of the corridor. Then he suddenly realized that today was the execution day of the prisoners on death row.
2
One summer day in 2011, at midnight, Sun Huaikui, who was less than 1.6 meters tall, fat and more than 50 years old, was about to pry the door into the house of a single woman in a community when he was caught by two policemen on patrol.
The neighborhood, located near the provincial capital railway station, is so old that most of its original residents have moved out and are now rented by migrant workers. In the past three years, there have been a series of home invasion rapes, robberies and killings in several nearby communities. Among them, there were 5 homicide cases. The victims were all single women who came to the provincial capital from other places to work or do pyramid selling. The killing methods were basically similar — the murderer entered the house, strangled the victim’s neck with female stockings, suffocated him to death, and then robbed the valuable things in the room. The victims all have obvious traces of sexual assault, but the effective clues left at the scene are extremely limited.
Have 3 rob indecent case additionally, the murderer also is to take advantage of a woman to be asleep during, enter quietly, seal the mouth of the woman with duct tape, after stripping the woman’s clothes, tie its to go up on the chair. The victim later described him as short, chubby and older, with a one-shoulder bag containing a flashlight and a tool knife, and a silk stocking over his head that he could not see.
During the crime, the killer took a knife and used a fake voice to order the victim to masturbate for him, and then cleaned out the valuables in the room and walked away. And the victim of 3 robberies indecent case, all be after be being informed by friend or relative, persuade again and again just to report to the police, among them two victims already did not leave any effective evidence, the essence spot that only one person remains on the body of murderer. This allowed the public security authorities to extract the killer’s DNA, which would provide hard evidence for a later case.
Several similar cases occurred one after another, and the effect was very bad. The public security department launched a joint prevention and control campaign among residents, and set up a series of patrols, pits and outposts to keep a close eye on the suspicious people moving around the area.
That night, patrol police accidentally found, appearance characteristics and a few cases before the murderer extremely consistent Sun Huaikui track very suspicious, will take it to the police station, then transferred to the criminal investigation brigade.
Trial, Sun Huaikui admits that his resignation is the original railway worker, do MLM resigned following a gang in the provincial capital, come here at night, is looking for his girlfriend, said he and his wife divorced, with a woman to fall in love, do MLM stroppy, with his girlfriend recently have seen each other for more than half a month.
However, his confession is not only with the room was forced to the hostess confession wind horse cattle and cattle, and then detailed questions, has been vague, in addition to a bite to death is to find a girlfriend, other circumstances do not talk about.
After wait for DNA to check a result to come out, combine relevant person evidence, physical evidence, Sun Huaikui just confessed a crime, a few dead case is solved finally.
3
Sun Huaikui was like frost-beaten eggplant in the detention house. All day long, he lay feebly in the corner of the big board and slept drowsily. He did not wash or wash for a week, and his body was emitting a strong smell.
At that time, there were production tasks in the room, discipline cadres told the boss Shen Cheng, temporarily do not arrange labor tasks for him, this person’s situation is special, do not provoke him, do not stimulate him, pay more attention to his every move, a abnormal immediately report.
In order to appease the “special care” of the discipline cadre, Shen Cheng specially found a set of old clothes, old shoes and old towels left by the person in front of him and threw them to Sun Huaikui. He also took a piece of soap and toiletries opened with the public account of the private room and told him to go to the toilet and wash well and throw away his dirty clothes.
After another week, Sun Huaikui’s mood gradually stabilized, and the discipline cadre went to talk to him alone for several times. every conversation has not started, Sun Huaikui cried the day to rob the ground, Shouting injustice, for a while said that the investigation organ torture, for a while said he did nothing.
Generally speaking, the main duty of the detention center cadres is to ensure that the suspects do not go wrong during the proceedings. Therefore, in order to stabilize the emotions of the suspects, some targeted consolation persuasion work will be done. Therefore, the disciplinary officer told Sun Huaikui that the final decision should be based on evidence. He could ask a lawyer to help him find some favorable evidence. “If it’s really no good, I can defend myself. “This case is taking so long and involving so many people that we need to be prepared for a protracted war, no matter what the outcome.”
“Now that I’ve got you up, it’s not easy to let you go. Now only by settling down and making things clear one by one, can we strive for the most beneficial results for ourselves.”
Unexpectedly, after being pacified several times by the discipline cadres, Sun Huaikui began to believe in Buddhism and seemed to be quite devout. Every day, apart from doing a little work to kill time (at that time, the number room did not quantify his labor task), the rest of the time except sleeping and chanting scriptures.
He had some books on Buddhism brought with him. He also bought a 16-inch Buddha statue in the temple, which he placed against the wall. He got up at 4:30 every morning to recite to the Buddha. At night, after work, he sat down at the end of the board and continued to read until everyone was asleep.
Sun Huaikui said, “and the Buddha reason” : a few years ago, he was riding a bike on the street, suddenly a bus on the rampage, he was knocked to the ground, the bicycle was cast on one side, watching the bus to run over to yourself, juncture, his mind in a flash, as if a hand push him, let him to catch the bus in front of the beam, the accessory dragged on for more than 10 meters, the car stopped, he miraculously emerged unscathed from the car belly. Wait him to stand up, flounce ash, just discover pants back pocket to have a hard thing accidentally, pull out to see, it is a metal Figure of Buddha that he asks in Jiuhua mountain before unexpectedly.
He always said that this time, the Almighty Buddha will bless him.
The last day of the condemned
Indeed, these years Sun Huaikui free, there is no lack of luck factors.
According to Mr. Sun’s case, he grew up in a family of railway workers and later worked as a freight train driver. Opened 3 years freight train, whole day and cinder are together, Sun Huaikui is really unbearable this kind of withered and lonely work, did an inside retreat, make pyramid selling together with a gang of people.
The Sun Huaikui of natural eloquence mixed in pyramid selling circle for a period of time, mastered very quickly “can cheat, dare cheat” basic essentials, rhetoric open mouth will come.
At that time, he took a careful inventory of the people around him, but also made a list of three echelons, one by one. He first carefully screened them capable of classmate, colleagues, fellow, recycle their good ladies man, successively invited for a little extra money, the husband often not around cyber-based, starting from the organization they travel together, time to advise others, trying to instill nothing good, arouse the enthusiasm for women’s investment.
Then, Sun Huaikui began to cheat his neighbors and let the spark of wealth burn in the neighborhood and the front street and the back yard. Plus or near or far relatives, brothers, friends, a few times, unexpectedly successful upper level to the regional manager, fully grasp the three levels of “minions” for its sent, there is little not miss yan yan – this is Sun Huaikui strengths – in his own words, is “a woman’s money, play with a woman’s body, a woman’s heart”.
However, among the floating flowers and cores, there were just a few people with a strong sense of friendship who insisted on spending the rest of their lives together with him. But is the sun Huaikui which have this idea? Then, after several similar quarrels, several killings followed.
As the victims are all single women from other places, although the police quickly intervene in the investigation, but Sun Hokui was able to stay safe for a long time after the crime. Such a fearless attitude also makes it until finally caught, still “not give up”.
4
After reading the Buddha for half a year in the number room, the investigation department actually did not question Sun Huaikui once. With the care of the discipline cadre and the trumpeter, Sun Huaikui gradually regained his former charm. Every day, he was like a man without any trouble, eating well and sleeping soundly, thinking only about “how to improve the quality of my life”.
But improving your life in a jail requires a solid economic foundation. Inside the cell, those with “three no products” — no connections, no accounts (money deposited in detainees’ personal accounts to buy groceries and food) and no cigarettes — are generally having a hard time. After sun Huaikui began to do pyramid selling, divorced with his wife, after the original money is missing, in addition to the home has an old brother occasionally asked, basically is a “three no product”. Sun Huaikui decided to take a different approach.
Sun Huaikui’s way of collecting money is mainly two ways: one is to receive his son, the other is the whole head. Sounds a little inconceivable, but Sun Huaikui is by virtue of their own is a well-known criminal, also do not hesitate to take this as an excuse, for their own very “carefree and free” living environment.
According to Shang Jing’s incomplete statistics, Sun Huaikui had received 13 “gan sons” from front and back of the house in recent years. They were all young men from rich families, with large accounts and cigarettes, who were not able to live independently, or who lacked social experience. In short, the core principle is to be manipulative and bring him good days.
People came and went in the cell, some with small cases, and went away without the clothes they had brought from home. The lost things, Sun Huaikui was kindly to collect all, no one with him. Turning his head away, Sun Huaikui used these legacy items as his “working capital” and began the “righteous deed” to collect his son.
Not only can he quickly judge the potential value of the person entering the room, but he can resort to targeted appeals — for example, a pair of shoes, a pair of underwear, a toothbrush, a bar of soap, a few toilet paper and other daily necessities needed by the person entering the room — in exchange for gratitude from the couple.
When Xiao Yi Gang entered the room, wearing a pair of black-rimmed glasses and looking weak, he was sitting on the edge of the big board opposite Sun Huaikui, which was near the toilet and was the exclusive seat for the new couple. And since the small easy into the door, Sun Huaikui’s eyes have not left him.
Sun Huaikui enthusiastically asked after the small easy crime. Small easy to say that they suspect was at my uncle’s gym help, get along, the girl with a art school, one night, two months ago, a little girl with KTV, is the girl’s former boyfriend with two brothers block in the room, one is the hand, a little from the body in the process of fighting, pulled out a small spring knife, with 3 people scarify, soon 3 people be defeated and flee.
That night, 3 people went to the hospital to sew up the wound, then ran to the small easy uncle’s gym clamoring for compensation, opening is 2 million, otherwise the police. small easy uncle immediately called to inform small easy parents came to the provincial capital, and found a local well-known lawyer counsel. Lawyer in the case of the jurisdiction of the public security and court shuttle between a number of back and forth, the proposal to eliminate the financial disaster, let small easy to voluntarily surrender, for a delay in sentencing.
Small easy say, at present the family is the most not assured, is in the detention house he was bullied, the family also had said hello. Hearing this, Sun Huaikui immediately comforted him and said, “Don’t be afraid. Even if no cadres greet you and I cover you, no one dares to bully you. Look at you. Why are you still barefoot? I’ll get you a pair of shoes to put on first. The connections in your family, no matter how fast, will take a few days. Tell me what you need, and then you can have dinner with me.”
Xiao Yi’s eyes turned red.
After a few days, the relationship of small easy home arrived, big zhang also arrived. Has taken the Sun Huaikui as the backbone of the small easy, nature will give everything to sun Huaikui custody.
Similar such routine Sun Huaikui is always successful, at that time, he at least around the same period around three or four adoptive sons.
5
As for the trumpeter, Sun Huaikui’s attitude was even worse.
Usually, when the daily room management selects the number head, the discipline cadre will consider both the human relations, but also will consider whether the person in the room can live in others. If a person can manage an enterprise or an unit well, he may not be able to manage a room well, because the management object here is usually the master who doesn’t follow a routine. Especially in the case of Sun Huaikui, it will test his ability and endurance to be a leader.
In view of the special nature of sun Huaikui’s case, the discipline cadre required the leader to take a proper line, neither too tight oppression nor too indulgenent. However, this line is extremely difficult to grasp, and soon the trumpeters have misunderstood the cadres.
The second horn after Shen Cheng was Su Xiao. Before that, Su Xiao, an investor in Zhejiang province, was suspected of committing loan fraud when the money chain was broken due to bank tightening.
When su Xiao took the lead, he followed the normal routine of disciplining cadres and professors, “grasping both ends and leading the middle”, while for Sun Huaikui, his strategy was “mainly influence, supplemented by discipline”. In addition to giving Sun Hokui special care in his bunk, he was given a pack of cigarettes from time to time and occasionally bought him snacks at the concession stand.
At first, it worked very well. When someone in the bugle room made trouble, Sun Huaikui would put on an “old man” attitude and actively help the bugle room to manage the situation.
but before long, Sun Huaikui see Su Xiao gentle and friendly, he pushed himself up, asked Su Xiao bluntly to help his two sons “arrangement arrangement” — is to let the son do a group leader, participate in the management of the room. Su Xiao arranged for one of them to be responsible for the management of production.
Room number, the group leader that tube produces still is a bit influential more or less. The quality of the production, the quantity, the complexity of the work, the delivery time sooner or later, are all the words of the team leader. Since Sun Huaikui took control of this power, he became more arbitrary and bullied anyone he wanted. For a time, the timid respect if god, intelligent away from the room, smoky.
Soon, Sun Huaikui began to fool Su Xiao, the cadre let you do the trumpets, is to make you happy, these offend people, let others to do, have no matter you sleep, keep the spirit, nap for more than an hour comfortable. Su Xiao also makes sense to think.
So every noon, Sun Huaikui let his son in the corridor to help Su Xiao played a floor, also said to help him looking at the wind. However before long, the su Xiao that sleeps was discovered by the director of patrol post, Su Xiao was removed quickly, transferred to other room.
The incident happened suddenly, discipline cadres can only from another room to a preparatory number. Earlier, this man had been in the same room with Sun Huakui and had been fighting about his bunk. Sure enough, as soon as the first horn came, Sun Huaikui began to find fault.
At lunch that day, just sell 40 yuan a portion of meat radish, the room several have a large account to buy a few. According to the convention, a few dishes will be put in front of the big board of the number first, by the number first take good, then to the back. Sun Huaikui’s eyes glowed and he stared at the head of the horn. When he saw that he had taken a bit more meat, he rushed up with one quick step and spit up at the dish. Then he began to scold: “How did you make the head of the horn? How can you be so selfish? It’s too bad.” Subsequently, his several sons also joined in the heckling, a variety of tongues have denounced the preparation of the head of the injustice. Caught off guard by surprise the preparatory horn froze, had to call the police.
Although the discipline cadres are very angry, but in the face of the number room one-sided voice is also very helpless. Besides, how can you be serious about a “death row inmate”? He had no alternative but to make peace with the situation. He removed the preparatory horn and replaced it with another who could get by with Sun Huakui.
From then on, every bugle kept sun Huaikui at a respectful distance. As long as he did not go too far, he turned a blind eye to many things, including the later bugle calls.
6
in detention for more than a year, Sun Huaikui’s case finally went to the procuratorate, the lawyer can read the papers, which also means that the court will soon be held.
After doing some desk work, the lawyer went to the detention center and met with Sun Huaikui.
The lawyer told him that there were three main aspects of the case against him:
One is the DNA left at the scene, which is clearly exclusive. In other words, no two people have the same DNA. “Since the DNA found at the scene is yours, the charges can’t be completely overturned.”
The second disadvantage is sun Huaikui’s own confession, “to several people killed all confession”. Hearing the lawyer say so, Sun Huaikui quickly and excitedly explained: “That is all extorted confession out of!” Lawyer hands a booth, you said that the case handling units to coerce confession, also have evidence ah.
The third disadvantage is on-the-spot identification. Sun Huakui cursed again. Seeing that the lawyer did not say anything, he asked in despair: “Then am I doomed?”
“No! That was the disadvantage, and the advantage.” The first advantage, says the lawyer, is DNA. The physical evidence so far does not support that “you did all five deaths”. That is to say, from the point of view of the evidentiary material in the lawyer’s possession and understanding, there is no mortal sin.
Hearing this, Sun Huakui became excited and asked, “What are the other favorable factors?”
The lawyer added that the testimony of the parties and witnesses in the case is still contradictory. The height and voice of the murderer described by witnesses do not match your own.
The lawyer told Sun Huaikui to think again about the favorable aspects. At the end of the meeting, the lawyer comforted him, saying that He still had confidence in the case, but it was not up to the lawyer to decide what the court would decide. The lawyer could only defend the letter of the law and the facts and strive for the best result for the client.
After more than a year of repeated investigations, the public security organs have enough evidence to prove that five homicide cases and three indecent robbery were committed by Sun Huaikui. But from the point of view of prison management, lawyers are expected to give some hope to detainees, especially those who may be sentenced to capital punishment. Because the trial lasted a long time, the detention center did not want to overreact.
But obviously, Sun Huaikui was not aware of this layer.
After seeing a lawyer, Sun Huaikui’s mood is good, not only the analysis of the lawyer to exaggerate again, more threatened to say in the future how to help the sons make a fortune. These far-fetched fantasies really made a group of people happy for a long time.
7
After several more visits from the lawyer, In early 2013, The first trial of Mr. Sun’s case began.
A few months after the trial, the sentence came down — the death penalty. The cadre was informed of the result in advance. On that day, before Sun Huaikui entered the cell, the cadre took all the fetters and handcuffs of the condemned prisoners to the door according to the regulations, and specifically reminded everyone that when there was a condemned prisoner in the cell phone room, everyone should manage their own affairs and not stimulate him.
After returning with the verdict, Sun Huaikui appeared at the door of the cell and was immediately shackled, handcuffed and dressed in the red waistcoat marked as a death-row prisoner. Sun Huaikui seems to become very listless, and before the state of a different person, even the son is not very reason.
On the third day after receiving the judgment, the lawyer came again and comforted Sun Huaikui by saying that he should not be hasty. There was also the second instance and the Supreme Court reviewed the case. The thing to do now is to calm down and look for holes in the verdict.
After that, Sun Huaikui’s life changed again. He had no more or less daily work and no longer had to take turns at night. All day in addition to chanting, sleeping, is lying prone on the small table made of instant noodles box to write defense materials, words are not said.
By the end of 2013, the second trial was held and the first trial was upheld. The lawyer came only once and seemed to have nothing constructive to say. Sun Huaikui, however, continued to do the old three every day step by step — chanting, sleeping and writing defense materials.
A few months later, the court reviewed the case via video session. According to Sun Huaikui’s disciplinary officials, the staff of the high court persuaded Sun Huaikui to confess to murder and had a good attitude, which might have given him a reprieve. But Sun Huaikui said, “I will not be fooled.”
Then came April 2014.
After Sun Huakui was taken out, only his elder brother saw him for the last time. The meeting lasted only five minutes.
Lao Li and Shang Jing discussed how to arrange the order of the room for a while. Mr. Li said he wouldn’t be able to hit the road until about 2:30 p.m. That means he will have to stay in the room for more than four hours. During this period, the institute will be highly concerned, non-stop watching the video, to make sure everything is safe.
There was a noontime meal, a haircut, a bath, clothes from his family, and a suicide note, all stitched together without the slightest deviation.
Lao Li also insisted that no one could imagine how people would react at the last moment, and that was why the room was ordered to be emptied in the morning to leave nothing that could hurt anyone. Then it dawned on everyone.
Lao Li then directed the group, placing empty boxes of instant noodles on a large board, making a square table for the final lunch and arranging the seats for everyone in the room.
After Sun Huaikui was escorted by the police and hobbled back to the cell with no expression in his eyes, several leaders of the school followed him. Lao Li motioned for Sun Huaikui’s two sons to help him onto the board and sat down near the inner corner. One of the two sons followed him on each side.
Shang Jing to sun Huaikui light a cigarette, a tall suspect then quietly sitting behind Sun Huaikui.
Lao Li said to Sun Huaikui, “There is still time. Have a haircut and shave your beard after you finish smoking.” Then he took a new suit of black clothes and black shoes and socks. “Your brother gave you the clothes, shoes and socks. Take a bath and put on your new clothes.”
Sun Huaikui did not answer, the two sons slowly and carefully helped his face with razor repair clean, and carefully combed his sparse hair again. The next time he took a shower, two of the suspects stood next to the toilet, watching him under the guise of “preventing him from slipping.” After that, Sun Huaikui put on new clothes and went back to his private seat.
“What have you to tell me? There is still time. Write it down. Or, you say, let Shang Jing help you record.” Sun Huaikui was smoking with his head down and began to speak incoherently. He kept saying that he had nothing more to say. Shang Jing on the side of the hint, guide him to recall memories.
According to Sun Huaikui’s complaint, Shang Jing wrote and revised several times, and sorted out three letters to Sun Huaikui’s elder brother, his ex-wife and his son. Shang Jing finalized the letter, one by one read to Sun Huaikui, after listening to sun Huaikui nodded, and then he copied the three letters one by one stroke, and signed his name properly.
During the whole process of the letter, Sun Huaikui was deeply immersed in the memories. More than three hours passed quickly, and the four dishes and one soup prepared by the detention house were already cold. A pot of soy bean braised salted duck, a pot of braised pork in brown sauce, a pot of green pepper stir-fried dried silk, a pot of stir-fried cabbage and a pot of water and bean curd soup were on the side. Write a good letter, Sun Huaikui picked up water tofu soup to drink a big mouth, then no longer move chopsticks.
Soon, the executing police arrived.
Lao Li walked into the room and asked, are you ready? This question, as if suddenly let Sun Huaikui from the just mind back to reality. Poop-poop! He fell on his knees on the big board and burst into tears. Kowtowing to Lao Li, he shouted without any clue, “Cadre Li, I’m sorry for you! Thank you for taking care of me for years.” “I only killed two men. I didn’t kill the others. There are still bad people at large!”
Lao Li advised: “Don’t say it! Bad men will have their deserts. You are well to go!” Then he motioned for everyone to help Sun Hokui up and take him to the door to the police.
Sun Huaikui was soon taken away, and the room was filled with awe.
Lao Li looked at us, sighed, and said: “come to this step, there is no chance to reverse, it is better to end as soon as possible.”
In order to relieve the oppressive atmosphere, Lao Li found a seat and sat down. He took out a pack of Chinese cigarettes and gave one to a person smoking in the room. He explained that they were now executed by lethal injection, usually by making the person unconscious and then stopping their breathing and heartbeat. Death takes a minute and a half at most. After the death is confirmed, it is sent directly to the funeral home for cremation, and the family members receive the urn.
“Just a moment, pack up some of Sun Ho-kui’s things in his room. Someone from his family will come and fetch them. And his suicide note. Put it away. Tonight, everybody sleep well.”
Afterword.
Sun Huaikui’s three suicide letters, although written by Shang Jing, are generally an outpouring of his true feelings.
In the letter to his elder brother, he mainly expressed his gratitude to his brother for taking care of him for several years. Blood is thicker than water, which can be really reflected when people are in despair. In the letters to his wife and children, he expressed his penance for the past and his love for his life. Shang Jing remembered his letter very well. Sun Huaikui wrote:
Son:
Today, when I met my family for the last time, I craned my neck to get one last look at you, but I couldn’t find you. I know you do not want a father like me. I am a drag, a burden, a reproach to you. But you are my son, and nothing can change that.
I am not qualified to give you any education. At the last moment, I just want to tell you that your mother was a good person and that I ruined a life that could have been happy for her. It’s not easy for her to pull you up all by herself.
You’ve grown up, son. Your mother, who has served you all her life, is now in her thirties, and it is time for you to begin your filial duty. Your mother will not need you to give her much materially, as long as you are safe and free to spend more time with her, she will be very satisfied. I think you’ll do better than I thought.
Son, today I will end my sinful flesh and use my life to cleanse my karmic hindrance. Forget me and live your life.
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