The memories of childhood hurts are always particularly deep.
I received a private letter late at night.
The sender is a 38-year-old lady, a foreigner in Hangzhou, struggling to reach the middle class.
Recently, her mother’s health is not good, so she received her mother from her hometown to Hangzhou and got along for six months, but it made her feel twice as painful.
She said her feelings for her mother, very complicated, and love and resentment of the kind, especially at the age of 5 years old when an incident occurred, will still torment her.
She is an only child, when she was young, her parents had to work, so she let her grandmother take her, because her mother and her grandmother do not have a good relationship, they often quarrel over whether the grandmother should help take this matter.
One time the argument was so fierce that her mother said, “With whose surname is the family to bring, not to bring it is better to get killed,” and in anger threw her into the well at the door. Luckily, the neighbor uncle was there to jump down and save her, otherwise she would not be the person she is today.
She said she still remembers the suffocating feeling when the water from the well reached her ears and eyes, and after all these years, she still has nightmares about falling into the well. Because of this incident, she resents her mother to this day, especially after she became a mother, more can not understand why her mother also do such things to herself.
She thanked her mother for her birth, but also resented her mother’s cruelty back then and doubted whether she really loved herself. Such conflicting emotions tormented her physically and mentally, and the relationship between mother and daughter was very screwed up.
I don’t know how to relieve myself after hearing that childhood misfortunes take a lifetime to heal, and there are some hurts that I think we may not be able to let go of until we leave this world. The only thing we can do is to say that when we raise our children as parents, we try to avoid becoming the creator of such harm, and do not do unto others what we would like to do to ourselves, which is probably a way to heal ourselves.
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