1
The day I reported to the university in 2007, he was wearing a tattered high school uniform, carrying a large bag, sweating a face, at first glance, I thought he was a small worker carrying things for others.
He looked at me with a sidelong glance and asked, “Do you know how to go to the ‘One Church’?”
I froze for a moment and said, “I’ll go too, a piece of it.”
On the way, Chen Zhi kept talking, his Mandarin was not very standard, I did not understand much, only that he said he was from Shanxi, just took the overnight train over, and I a professional.
At the class meeting that night, when the class teacher asked everyone to take turns to introduce themselves, Chen Zhi said seriously with a strong Shanxi accent, “I came to Beijing to go to college so that I could become an official in the future!”
The students at the bottom laughed, but after they laughed, they just thought he was joking.
After that, Chen Zhi did not like to talk much, and he did not go to all the parties to eat and drink, so we were not very friendly with him.
For the whole four years, my communication with him was only a few. Once was at the end of the military training in freshman year, various clubs began to recruit, during that time, students always meet each other ask “what club did you join?” Hearing me say I wanted to join the drama club, Chen Zhi said with a disdainful face: “What’s the point of that whole useless thing? Just join a student council.” –Chen Zhi did not join any club, only the school student council, but did not even pass the written test, let alone the interview.
After that, everyone was equipped with computers one after another, and when they didn’t have classes, they stayed in the dormitory to watch movies and play games. One night, I went to Chen Zhi’s dormitory to borrow a coat hanger and found him watching the news broadcast. Later, I heard from his roommate that Chen Zhi watched the news broadcast every night, and even if he missed a few minutes, he would watch the replay.
Since his freshman year, Chen wrote an application to join the party every year, but his grades were average and he failed one subject – in our college, grades are a very important indicator to join the party. When we got to our senior year, it was still because of the party that our relationship slowly got closer.
In my senior year, I was the class president, one day Chen Zhi approached me and opened the door: “This is the fourth year, if I don’t join the party, I won’t have a chance.”
His words put me in a difficult position, and I was not in charge of this matter, so I told him to go to Li Jing, the group secretary. But Chen Zhi said, Li Jing is a girl, usually there is not much interaction, so so presumptuous to ask people to help, it is difficult to say, in case they are rejected again, more trouble.
I thought about it and said: “Let’s do it this way, I’m quite familiar with our sub-committee secretary Wang Hao, I’ll talk to him. Tomorrow you will meet at a time and talk about your ideas.”
That night when the lights went out, Chen Zhi came to me again, and specifically pulled me to the stairs and said, “This …… I have never dealt with Wang Hao, you are familiar with him, what is his temperament, good talk?”
“People are quite good, is our professional work bailout brother, two years older than us.”
Chen Zhi rubbed his hands: “Do you think it’s okay for me to meet people like this tomorrow? Do you need to send something?”
“No, really no. It’s good that you want to join the party, and we’re both students, no need for all this.”
After I finished, Chen Zhi looked a little embarrassed, smiled bitterly and then left.
The next day I took Chen Zhi to Wang Hao’s office and then went out. About ten minutes later, Chen Zhi came out and I asked him how the conversation went, and he smiled and said it was fine.
A month later, Chen Zhi was included in the “investigation target”, the next procedure also went relatively smoothly.
2
In my senior year, everyone was busy, preparing to go abroad, going to graduate school, and looking for a job. I often saw Chen Zhi in the library – I was preparing for graduate school and he was preparing for the civil service exam.
That year, after the national exam, I received a phone call from Chen Zhi, asking me to go out for a “drink”. We met at a buffet hot pot restaurant outside the south gate of the school, 28 RMB per person, and free beer.
The winter in Beijing is very cold, and the hot air from the hot pot has blurred the glass in the room, so you can only vaguely see the blurred lights outside. Chen Zhi’s drinking capacity is average, drinking on the face, usually do not see him dip wine, but that day he raised a glass with me frequently. In less than half an hour, he was a little drunk, but still poured wine into the cup again and again.
“It’s almost winter break, are you really not going to look for a job?” I asked.
Chen Zhi’s eyes were a bit misty, and he waved his hand down and said, “What are you looking for? I’m not looking! In ten days it’s the Beijing ‘city exam’, and I have to prepare for it from tomorrow.”
“This civil service exam is no different from others, some acceptance rates are several hundred to one. Why not find a job first, there is a way out, you can also feel more secure.”
“I have no way back!” Chen Zhi’s tone suddenly rose, “I just want to take the civil service, other than for me no meaning!”
Chen Zhi was silent for a while, his eyes were a little red, I don’t know if it was because of drinking, or because of what he said to me next.
“When I was in elementary school, my parents opened a small restaurant in the village, business was okay, I was the first in the class to use a double pencil case. Almost to the sixth grade, the village change, the original old branch secretary retired, the newly elected often take a group of people to my restaurant to eat and drink, eat after the bookkeeping. The original village is also a bookkeeping, half a year, but this time after half a year my father went to the new secretary, he did not end, said the end of the year, to the New Year and said the end of the year, so it has been delayed, 3 years later owed my family almost 100,000 yuan.”
“You just don’t do his business, thank him for entering the store.”
Chen Zhi stared at me with reddened eyes and said, “Alas, it’s not that I haven’t thought about it, but things are more complicated in the village. Our family occupied a few points of land in the village east of the river, usually planting vegetables, in fact, we all do so, along the river land, you do not occupy others will also occupy. The village clerk has not been settled, our family will not be his business, and sometimes even once you see him to close directly. After about a month, he asked the village accountant to send word to our family to return the few points of land along the river. My father was anxious, shouted to the accountant, we all occupy, why only let me return, this is not clearly bullying people? The accountant said to my father, what does this mean you do not understand? You concede, set a table for the village chief, give him a step down. My father was stubborn and did not return the land or go to the village chief. As a result, that night, the vegetables in the field were pulled out. Later, my father was ruthless and did not want the land.”
“Think of it as buying a peace of mind, in fact, it is good.”
“No, the matter is behind. Our land is next to the road, agricultural and forestry land is not allowed to build houses, but there are still many people in the village will use their own farmland as a home base. For example, if you have a lot of boys – you know, first build, later no one care, even if there is a fine – our family’s land by the highway, has begun to start construction, the foundation are ready, but the village called a halt, saying that my family illegally encroach The village stopped the construction, saying that my family was illegally encroaching on agricultural and forestry land. In fact, the house is for me to build, my father said that even if I live in the city in the future, back to the village also has a place to stay. Once you hear not to build, my father panicked, and began to ask people to invite the village chief to dinner, and the hotel opened up, our family’s house to successfully finish building ……”
Chen Zhi really drunk, elbows on the head, eyes squinting at me, and still keep saying: “Then our family in the village will not be able to raise their heads. My junior year, my father was hit by a car on the country road, quite serious, my father remembered the license plate number, after the police, the county traffic police record finished and left, and then find, always said in the office, and then later, they said the car is a set of cars, not good to check. I went to the police many times, and always did not solve. This car accident almost spent all the family savings, the hotel was also closed as a result ……”
After that, Chen Zhi’s words are disconnected, there is no logic. I helped him back to school, passing the playground, he muttered, “My father is enough of a loser, I can no longer be a loser …… I have to be an official, or I can not hold up my head.”
3
The results came out, Chen Zhi “national examination” did not take the test, the “municipal examination” in Beijing also did not take the test. He then took the Shanxi provincial exam, Guangxi selection exam …… near the last semester of college graduation, he ran around to various places to take the test, rarely see him in school.
Although Chen Zhi’s place is still not settled, but this time, but a good thing came to him – he and our class Liu Yuanyuan fell in love. Liu Yuanyuan and Chen Zhi are hometown, cheerful, can talk and make a scene, once blew a bottle of beer in one breath at our class party. The difference between their personalities was so huge that people couldn’t understand how they got together in the end.
In the summer of 2011, Beijing was very hot and muggy. After a period of tossing and turning, everyone had a job one after another, but only Chen Zhi, who had taken a round of civil service exams, didn’t get one, and didn’t go looking for a job even after the graduation ceremony. I am anxious for him, advised him, civil servants can continue to test after graduation, but it is best to find a job first, to support themselves.
Chen Zhi said somewhat helplessly, he did not look for a job state, and did not even write a resume, and do not know how to deal with the interview. The key is that he himself did not think about looking for a job and did not know what kind of job he wanted to find.
I gathered a few boys in the class with good relations and helped him to make a pretty good resume, and lent him his formal clothes. Chen Zhi went to the interview for the first time, and I accompanied him there. Although several experienced students in the class had given him a brief training the night before, he was still a little nervous that day.
After the interview, I asked him how he was doing, and he said it was okay, and that if he passed, he would call before 7:00 pm. After returning to the dorm that day, Chen Zhi took off his formal clothes and dragged me out for a drink, and we drank until 10:00 p.m. Chen Zhi’s cell phone was on the table and never rang.
Two days before he left school, Chen Zhi excitedly ran to my dormitory and said, “I found a job.”
“Really?! What company?”
“You know and have seen it, just outside the west gate of our school, that chain house.”
My heart instantly went cold – a graduate of a major national university, to become a housing agent, it is a bit too big, but now it can only be first.
I did everything to become an official
Chen Zhi joined the company the day after he left school, and later he often told me that he was very uncomfortable in the first few days of work: yesterday he was still immersed in the sadness of leaving, and today he was taking customers to see the houses; yesterday he was recalling the beauty of the university, and today he saw the heaviness of life.
During that time, Chen Zhi called me from time to time, complaining about his work and everything in front of him. When it was almost Tanabata, he called me to borrow money, saying that he hadn’t been paid for a month after joining the company, and he didn’t even have the money to buy a gift for Liu Yuanyuan. I gave him 1000 yuan, he said when the payroll to pay me back, I said there is no hurry.
After that, Chen Zhi did not contact me for a long time, I contacted him twice, but he was too busy at work, each time he could not say two words and hung up.
He contacted me again on the last night of 2011, and the phone was very noisy.
“Happy New Year!” Chen Zhi said excitedly.
“Where are you? Why are you so noisy? You’re not busy today?”
“I’m in Sanlitun, I’m just busy, I’m going to quit tomorrow, this shitty job doesn’t make any sense.”
“Why do you want to quit? Have you found your next home?”
“No. I recently figured out one thing, why I always fail the civil service exam? Because of our professional reasons ah! Our profession belongs to the science and technology in the more partial, civil service exams are recruited some economic, financial, legal class, so I plan to go to the University of International Business and Economics to study a second degree in economics.”
“What is your situation? From our major to economics, this is a big span.”
“I have already asked, for the fresh graduates of 985 colleges and universities, do not need to apply for the exam directly, but I did not think of it at that time, now I can only wait for next April to take the test, I asked some brothers, it is not difficult to take the test.”
A few months later, he really got into the exam, and in September 2012 to enter the school.
4
The year we graduated, the job was quite good, but when Chen Zhi’s second degree was almost finished, the employment situation had changed a lot.
Although Chen Zhi’s first choice was still to take the civil service exam, he was also trying to find a good job. During that period of time, Chen Zhi was very anxious, and he still didn’t pass the civil service exam, and he couldn’t find a job. He often came to me for a drink, and I reassured him that looking for a job is like this, constantly hopeful and constantly disappointed.
Near the time of Chen Zhi’s second graduation, I received a message from him: “I’m leaving Beijing tomorrow.”
I didn’t understand what was going on and wanted to ask him out for a drink, but he said he had a lot of things to pack, so he didn’t ask me out.
The next morning, I went to Beijing West Station to see him off, and before I could say anything, he said, “I can’t help it, Liu Yuanyuan’s side has been urging me to go back. The job is almost set, a career unit in our city.”
“That’s good, quite good, finally into the system, you go back, it is estimated that soon get married.”
“Alas …… I have no preparation for this, the preparation has to wait.”
I have been talking with Chen Zhi to 10 minutes before the departure of the train, before he entered the station also turned around and waved at me: “Back, after a while back to Beijing to see you.”
I smiled and waved, but I didn’t expect that we would never see each other again after that day.
As I expected, Chen Zhi went back to his hometown and got married not long after. Unfortunately, I was out of town on business and couldn’t go to Shanxi to attend their wedding. Not long after the wedding, Chen Zhi called me, let me send him the bank card number, but also has been apologizing that so long tight, the wedding received a little share of the money, hurry to just graduate when the borrowed 1000 yuan to return me.
After a long time, Chen Zhi did not call me again, I guess he is doing well. Almost 3 months after his wedding, I received a call from him again.
He was drunk that day, and as soon as he got through, I heard him swearing. I remember that he seldom swears, and after a few minutes he calmed down and said, “Do you know how much I get paid a month now?
“How come it’s only this much?”
“I haven’t been transferred yet, I’m in my internship.”
“That’s normal, take your time, you just started, how can you be so fast.”
“The conversion is far away, our unit has not been converted for several years, the preparation is even more remote ……”
After that, Chen Zhi talked to me about the complex personnel relations of their units, drunk, said nothing logical, east a sentence, I do not understand too well.
After that, Chen Zhi drunk more and more times, a drink will call me, saying what is not adapted to the job, not adapted to the current interpersonal relationships, the days are suffocating, but just can not find a breakthrough. During that time, I had a headache when I received Chen Zhi’s phone calls, and this situation lasted almost a year.
In the middle of 2015, Chen Zhi finally transferred, his salary rose to more than 3,000. At this time, Chen Zhi called me again and rarely complained about his work, but became a complaint about his family life.
According to Chen Zhi, Liu Yuanyuan’s family conditions are a little better, when in love do not feel anything, but after the marriage conflict came, the two have different habits, Chen Zhi always feel Liu Yuanyuan look down on their family.
The quarrel between the two broke out because Chen Zhi wanted to bring his parents to the city to spend the winter. Chen Zhi’s father has been in poor health since his car accident, and the village has no heating and relies on a briquette stove in winter. At first Liu Yuanyuan did not agree, and then Chen Zhi finally did her job, but Chen Zhi’s parents came to live for half a month, was Liu Yuanyuan back, the two cold war for several months.
5
In 2016, Chen Zhi and Liu Yuan Yuan had a daughter, and Chen Zhi became a candidate for deputy director of their unit office. One day he called me and said that he still wanted to take the civil service exam – this time he didn’t drink too much.
“Aren’t you doing quite well now? The salary is also high, the career has also started, you get into the civil service shall not start again from scratch?”
“How to say it, our unit, it is an administrative unit of the subordinate institutions, I do not have the establishment, now is a contract worker, and then up no way to rise, identity problems are not solved, will always be a small soldier.”
Chen Zhi is not simply talk, he really bought a set of “public exam” tutorials. During that time he quit drinking and concentrated on preparing for the “provincial exam”, and did not call me, but only occasionally sent messages. The day before the exam at 2:00 am, he sent me a message: “I feel that this time should be almost.”
Out of the score, Chen Zhi still did not take the test, I reassured him: “It’s okay, anyway, you now have a job, take your time, maybe one day your job preparation will come down.”
Chen Zhi smiled bitterly: “I’d better fight again next year.”
Later, “civil service” has become a topic of banter between the two of us, he “public examination” before sending a message: “I’m going to the battlefield.”
I replied to him: “To be the denominator again?”
One night in March this year, I received a phone call from Chen Zhi in my sleep, and I was woken up by his loud voice: “After so many years, this is finally finalized!”
This voice immediately shouted me spirit, I feel more excited than Chen Zhi – from the university to now, Chen Zhi this civil service examination almost catch up with the war: “to which step now?”
“Today has finished the political examination, I took the new unit of the leadership to our unit, talked to our leaders, our leaders are quite powerful, said a lot of good things about me, and now waiting for the public announcement.”
“That’s basically settled, have gone to your unit to visit, that public announcement is just going through the motions.”
That night Chen Zhi was very excited and kept talking, recalling a lot of interesting things from college. The last time I heard him chatting so freely was before I graduated from college.
The next few days, Chen Zhi no longer distressed about work, but also bought a train ticket for the next Saturday to come to me for a drink.
But I didn’t expect that a week later, on the public webpage, Chen Zhi searched for his name several times, but he couldn’t find it.
That afternoon I got a call from Chen Zhi: “I screwed up. It was announced, but not me. I called and asked, and they said I applied as a second degree, when they thought I was a general four-year undergraduate in this major, and then they checked it out and said I didn’t qualify.”
“How does that work?”
“I don’t know. Now our unit all know that I want to go, last night to send off the wine are drinking, now I do not know how to do.”
Chen Zhi said this very calmly, so calm that I was a little afraid. I was silent for a while, persuaded him to stay in the original unit, anyway, the procedures did not go.
Chen Zhi sighed: “Shame on you.” Then hung up the phone.
I called him again, he has not answered. When I got off work, I found Liu Yuanyuan’s phone – I never contacted her after graduation – and to my surprise, she had no idea about Chen Zhi’s affairs, and talking about him, she was very emotional: “I don’t I don’t know if he’s alive or dead, it’s better if he’s dead!”
6
After that phone call to me, Chen Zhi has been out of touch.
In the middle of May this year, Li Jing, a member of our class, got married and had a banquet in Beijing. After graduation, we classmates have not gathered, that day came a lot of people, Chen Zhi did not come, Liu Yuanyuan came.
The first time I heard Liu Yuanyuan’s crying, at first it was a small sob, then it became a bawl. The students at several nearby tables quieted down, some muttered in private, some simply went over to comfort.
“It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m just happy to see you guys today.” Liu Yuanyuan started to try to hide it.
At this point, everyone chattered on.
“What’s wrong, Yuan Yuan? Is there something wrong?”
“All classmates, encounter difficult things to talk, give a hand or something ……”
“Where is Chen Zhi? It’s not like that, is Chen Zhi bullying you?”
When it comes to Chen Zhi, Liu Yuanyuan cried more mournfully: “Chen Zhi he is not human, no human heart!”
Five minutes later, Liu Yuanyuan’s emotions settled down a little, and the guests at other tables had already left, leaving only the two tables in our class.
“When the university, Chen Zhi is determined to take the civil service, I was quite supportive of him, and then he has not been able to take the test, saying what our profession is too marginal, can only apply for those who do not limit the professional, the pressure of competition, he had to read a second degree in economics. At that time, I was a bit opposed to it, you can study for employment or to increase knowledge, but purely for the purpose of civil service, is not this crazy?
“The employment situation was particularly bad that year, so he didn’t get into the civil service and couldn’t find a job.
I tried to comfort Liu Yuanyuan, but I didn’t know where to start. It was then that I realized that I didn’t really know anything about Chen Zhi’s life. For so many years, I knew almost nothing about him other than that he was taking the civil service exam. I held my tongue for half a day and said something unpleasant: “It’s all in the past, it’s better to look ahead, and now Chen Zhi is doing well.”
Liu Yuanyuan did not look at me, then said: “After graduation, I waited for him for 3 years, probably these 3 years Chen Zhi only existed in my memory, only existed at the end of the phone, after marriage I realized that I did not understand him at all.
“He just arrived at the unit when the salary is very low, but after joining he still bought good cigarettes and wine, said to see my uncle, after all, helped so much, I also feel that this is a matter of course. But then he often proposed to see my uncle, and each time to buy some good cigarettes and wine, that kind of expense is not at all our family can afford to support. Finally my uncle could not stand it and said to him, nothing more to see both parents, I am quite well, there is no shortage of anything at home, do not need to come over.”
Liu Yuanyuan blew her nose with a tissue.
“Before getting married only know that he wants to be an official, after marriage only know that Chen Zhi’s pursuit of power is pathological! In order to unit sesame size an official, all day long with the leadership, accompanied by the leadership of the drink, night after night to play mahjong. At that time I was pregnant, he often came home at two or three o’clock in the middle of the night, no matter what time, as long as the leadership of a phone call, immediately go, I do not know how many times I cried …… I gave birth to the fourth day, just returned home from the hospital, he ran out, but also lied to me that the unit has a matter, only later learned that the leadership of the son’s wedding, on the leadership of the family The help went! That night several high school classmates came to see me, the family did not even have some hot water ……”
Liu Yuanyuan said more and more excited: “when married, the house and car are my family bought, he wanted to bring his parents over, at first I was reluctant, but later agreed. But the concept of life is not the same, there is no way to live together. I love cleanliness, his parents are good, every day make the house dirty and messy, his father also wipe the snot on the door, I was pregnant and smoke all day, the child a week I went back to my mother’s house to live.”
At this time, several girls in the class asked Liu Yuanyuan: “What’s the situation with you and Chen Zhi now?”
“I’m still living at my mom’s house with the kids, ready to divorce after a while!”
For a while the restaurant was quiet, probably so long time no see, want to comfort the people do not know where to start.
Almost half an hour or so later we all dispersed, when leaving, Liu Yuanyuan hugged Li Jing and said, “Baby, I’m sorry to add to your good day.”
7
In early June, I received a message from Chen Zhi: “I left my job and am ready to go back to Beijing.”
I called, and this time he answered.
“What are you doing by quitting? If you go back to Beijing, what about Yuan Yuan and the kids?”
“No face in the original unit to stay, all know I want to go, even if I stay is also the joke of others, promotion is certainly not up, the office of the deputy director of the position has now a candidate. Rather than in the unit so suffocating, it is better to change a place.”
“Now the child is still small, when the child is a little older and then come to Beijing is okay.”
Chen Zhi said with a bitter smile, “I’ve been separated from Liu Yuanyuan for almost two years, and she recently approached me about divorce, so I guess I’ll be divorced almost this year.”
I advised Chen Zhi for a long time, he has left Beijing for several years, also has a family, Beijing and not much network, back to Beijing is not necessarily a good choice.
Chen Zhi did not refute me, nor did he agree with me, “I can’t help it, it’s hard for me.”
Last week, Wang Hao, the secretary of the sub-committee during his university days, came to the city where I work now on business. After he graduated from graduate school, he got into the civil service of a unit in their provincial capital, and a few years have passed, his body has become fat.
I want to take him to eat seafood, he said, let’s not do the whole useless, find a roadside stalls jerking it. We then looked for a large stall nearby. He is now really able to drink, less than an hour, we two have almost finished a case of beer.
Suddenly he asked me, “By the way, that Chen Zhi of your class, do you still have contact?”
“From time to time, I’ll contact him, what’s wrong?”
“Oh, nothing, I just remembered that he joined the party. At that time, you called me the day before, then we chatted, chatted quite well, but when we left, Chen Zhi insisted on giving me a flash drive, I do not want, he forced to give me and ran away.”
After that, Wang Hao immediately explained: “I’m not receiving gifts, ah, his conditions are good, but also positive, at that time, even if he did not come to me, it is possible to pass.”
I do not want to talk about Chen Zhi: “How are you now? I heard that you are also like a fish in water in the unit.”
Wang Hao let out a long sigh: “How can I say it? At that time, I felt that the civil service examination, decent work, a good way up, but look at the situation now, it is difficult. After having a child, the expenses suddenly became large, but the salary is so little. Back then I was a passion, but now the state is similar to muddling through. There were two promotions that could have been made, but there were temporary situations. This is how many years, I am not even a deputy section. In fact, to be honest, I envy those who are outside the system, into a company, dry unhappy can jump ship, and work hard to do some performance can also earn more money. I now this job, how to jump ship, how to earn more money?”
“But you are a decent job after all, ah.”
“That’s all an illusion. If you don’t earn money, how can you be decent? Children are waiting to pay for tutoring, parents are waiting for money for medical treatment, can’t get money out, decent?”
That day, I talked with Wang Hao until late, and when I sent him back to the hotel, he took my hand and said, “I don’t know when I’ll see you again.”
I wanted to take a taxi back, but decided to take a walk. the night in July was a bit sultry, and there were few people walking on the street. I had drunk a lot of wine, my head was a little dizzy, and occasionally a breeze blew, feeling very cool. At this time, my phone rang a little, it was a message from Chen Zhi.
“Have arrived in Beijing.”
(All the people involved in the article are pseudonyms.)
Recent Comments