preface
I met Jiang Qixia when her husband was seriously ill. As I was walking through the lobby at work, this familiar woman came up to me in embarrassment, pulled out her phone and asked sarcastically, “You work upstairs, don’t you? Could you please forward me a link?” I’ve worked in this building for four years, met her a few times, and had the impression that she was a cleaner. She opened the link and showed me two pictures of men in hospital gowns. The rest was a medical record. “I work here too. I was in a hurry to press the elevator, so I nodded in agreement, added WeChat to each other, and asked her to transfer the link to me. I got into the elevator and heard her profusely thank me. After I donated 200 yuan, I redirected the link to my colleagues, but there were only a few donors. The other day the group had just donated money to the child of a colleague’s classmate, who always seemed more deserving of pity than the adults. She put her trust in me only because of that little help. A few days ago, I had a chat with Jiang Qixia and offered to write her story. I think she had too much bitterness in her stomach. Finally she came to me and asked me what to write.
Jiang Qixia’s hometown is a small town on the north bank of hubei province’s middle Yangtze River. She describes life there as simple and peaceful, moist and green with the purified air of the river wind and the mountains, and people habituated to talking about the daily life of oil, salt, sauce, vinegar. Although the impetuous atmosphere often appears in the face of young people, but the older people are still calm, orderly to continue to live for a life.
Habitat has been Peter jiang man sometimes sigh, say maybe at the beginning insist on his own ideas, or listen to the advice of his father later, this time she should also be safe to live in this town, will be just like most middle-aged women, with one or two sets of house, do the salary is not high but stable job, a marriage is more than ten years already became the husband of a loved one, every day to worry about two daughters studies, individual before in-laws do the daughter-in-law, often go home to see his parents, and they play the woman felt as a child.
But in reality, she may not return to this town permanently until the day when there is no turning back.
1
More than 20 years ago, jiang Qixia, 18, graduated from a secondary school and was assigned to work in a local state-owned textile factory. The 90 s workers or especially enviable occupation, no access and background, can get such an iron rice bowl, easy work, Jiang Qi xia heart is very satisfied.
Due to her carefulness and responsibility, Jiang Qixia was arranged to be the workshop recorder in the factory. She read the meter of the spinning output of the bumper worker, weighed the output of the doffer worker, made records, made unified statements at the end of the month, and submitted them to the finance department.
In 1998, the old generation of textile workers in their 40s and 50s were laid off with tears of “glory” and replaced by young people who could be made. Jiang Qi xia so under the workshop, a block.
However, speaking of the past, Jiang Qixia was grateful for her textile work in those years, which taught her at least a craft and provided her with a skill to make a living later. She even stressed to me that “one should have a thankful heart.”
When jiang Qi Xia was young, he had a handsome face, a tall figure and black hair. Even though he was usually dressed in a simple way and acted with a restrained personality, he still attracted many suitors and received dozens of love letters. About half of the love letters were sent by Chen yong, who lives near Jiang’s home and has long known him.
In the beginning, they often met two other friends when they had nothing to do. The four of them dropped in on each other, played cards and talked, but did not talk about love. place for a long time, Jiang Qi xia felt Chen Yong was good, “quite diligent, can endure hardships, do not smoke, do not gamble”. The two grew close by mutual affection.
For the sake of life, Chen Yong went to Hangzhou to work, but the relationship between them was not estranged because of the distance. A phone call once a week and a letter half a month became a fixed way of contact. Jiang Qi xia is immersed in the happiness of love, enjoying the happiness of loving and being loved.
However, the good times did not last long, half a year later, Chen Yong telephone did not play, the letter also did not receive, the good feelings suddenly stopped, suddenly like a wonderful flower.
Jiang Qi xia strong, and did not take the initiative to ask, “the other changed the heart, what is the meaning of force. The door of feeling closed slowly, and she felt that no one else knew, so she kept her face as though nothing had happened.
Before long, have a classmate to jiang Qi xia introduced an object, said the man thick eyebrows big eyes, handsome very. although jiang Qi xia still want to leave a place for Chen Yong in the heart, but there is no news for half a year, probably love has done. think of here, Jiang Qi xia also did not flick students a kindness.
See already, a meeting two people all have a little embarrassed get up — this boy is jiang Qi xia’s secondary school classmate, call Qin Jun, same grade different class. Jiang Qi xia went to school when I know him, at that time two people study well, are the class of the study committee, the completion of the homework sent to the teacher’s office can often meet, but never said.
I haven’t seen her since graduation. I didn’t expect to meet her here.
see Jiang Qi xia, Qin Jun moved. From that day, regardless of Jiang Qi xia is willing to, Qin Jun two or three days to run to the jiang house, he will sweeten the lips, deep jiang Qi xia mother like. he is also on jiang Qi xia, often pick her up to work, sent home at night and a person to ride back.
There is another reason for Mr Qin’s gallantry.
At that time, Jiang Qi Xia had another infatuated suitor, who had been chasing after him for more than a year, and his love letter was no less than Chen Yong’s. Jiang Qi Xia had never been in love. Jiang Qi xia felt that this person is the most important point, is “he speaks fluidity”. This person also ran to see Jiang Qi xia parents, begged them to agree to their daughter with their own object, also promised to give her happiness, also was rebuffed by jiang jia parents.
although it did not tell Qin Jun jiang Qi xia, but Qin Jun still feel threatened. Then, just got along for a year, the threshold of Jiang Jia is fast by Qin Jun beat flat, but the door of Qin Jia faces which direction to open, Jiang Qi xia still do not know. not Qin Jun did not invite her to his home, just invited several times, Jiang Qi xia feel and Qin Jun feelings have not yet to see the parents, the timing is not mature, are looking for an excuse to get away.
Finally one day, Jiang Qi xia agreed to go to the Qin invitation. in qin Jun’s room, Qin Jun carefully put forward “want to see” Jiang Qi xia, every possible guarantee just to see, Jiang Qi Xia agreed.
Qin Jun of course did not control his promise, see a bright pool of blood, Qin Jun scared silly, and Jiang Qi xia just to cry.
On the way back, Qin Jun chased her, confessing and expressing his sincerity, and comforting her all the way. Can follow Qin Jun how to say, Jiang Qi xia only think this boy let her disgusting.
More than a month later, she really felt sick, her stomach was churning, her mind was also churning. Conservative and innocent, she had no choice but to have a showdown with her parents and marry Qin Jun — at least she didn’t deny that he loved her.
After marriage, Qin Jun confessed to Jiang Qi Xia, saying that he always speaks boldly, doing things more boldly, like to start first, “at that time there was a boy in pursuit of you, I must get you before I feel safe.
It was only after she got married that her best friend told her that on her wedding day, a boy near her home drank a lot and cried. It should be Chen Yong.
Later, Jiang Qixia learned more: Chen Yong once called her home, but it was her superstitious mother who answered. Her mother said to Chen, “Don’t look for my daughter any more. You two are incompatible and won’t be happy.” Along with Chen Yong after the letter, also was hidden by jiang Qi xia parents, did not give her daughter to see.
But it has come to this, jiang Qi xia can also say what? Can only comfort themselves, about is the life sometimes must have, life without time do not force.
2
Married, plain day is nothing more than firewood, rice, oil, salt, sauce, vinegar tea. Children were born, and money was needed for everything.
When his daughter was just over one year old, Jiang Qixia’s spinning mill closed down and she became a laid-off worker. “A spinning mill is a standard for fifty thousand ingots. At this rate, can it sustain more than one thousand spindles? But the factory in the open accounts that the loss of more than 20 million, this one of the tricky people can see out. Those who could not swallow the breath gathered to petition and petition, and all were suppressed.”
A large number of workers “laid off”, such a big matter naturally escaped the well-informed businessmen. Some non-local spinning mill boss heard the wind came to recruit workers, as long as the young skilled, Jiang Qi xia also about two good sisters went to Fujian. “When I went to Fujian to work, the director of the tube craft factory said that spinning earns the most money. One spindle can feed more than eight people.”
in fact, there are several local private spinning mills, Jiang Qi xia is not want to stay in his hometown to work, but at that time she was angry, is a chamber of anger forced her to choose to go.
It was her husband, Qin Jun, who made her angry.
When a man is in love, he shows his true colors only after marriage. Qin Jun tail also gradually exposed after marriage, Jiang Qi xia found that he was addicted to gambling.
In Jiang Qixia’s hometown, almost every family has mahjong tiles, and some people have bought automatic mahjong machines. folk customs so, so Qin Jun just started to gamble, Jiang Qi xia did not care.
Jiang Qi xia can be laid off, Qin Jun or do not care, no delay to play cards. Qin Jun in the factory benefit is not good, a few months can not pay the salary, Qin Jun went to work naturally also three days fishing two days drying net, said is working, maybe people on the card table.
once Qin Jun lost a lot of money, go home to sleep, the children do not care, do not do housework, Jiang Qi xia saw this, did not play a place, a lift the quilt, not to let him sleep, the couple quarreled. the neighbor came to persuade, the more qin Jun, in order to act as a man in front of the neighbor, but a slap jilted Jiang Qi xia a reel.
Jiang Qi xia was beaten after crying ran back to her mother’s home, her father was very angry, attitude determined: “must divorce. Jiang Qi xia want to daughter is so small, the heart and soft down – although her heart does not like the child, always feel that this is in her forced pregnancy, is not the crystallization of love, but after all is from her body fell out of the meat, natural mother love or let her choose to endure.
Also at this time, fujian’s boss to recruit, Jiang Qi xia angrily choose to work away from home. to Fuzhou, Jiang Qi xia mood also took on a new look, the gas has gradually disappeared.
Half a year later, Qin Jun also followed to Fuzhou, work in a handicraft factory, with cleverness, within three months when the small supervisor. Worked in Fuzhou for more than two years, how much to earn some money, then restlessness, was persuaded by the three brother-in-law, insisted on going home to do plastic processing plant partnership.
According to Jiang, “those three years were the happiest period of our marriage.” She regards Fuzhou as a lucky place in her life. Even now, when she looks back on her years of working there, she is full of aftertastes. That three years, husband and wife two people work together, the life also gradually improve.
plastic processing plant up soon, Jiang Qi xia was called back by Qin Jun, continue to work in the spinning mill in his hometown. The following year, they bought a three-bedroom house with all their money — because they had enough and because they didn’t know how to borrow. Plans to have another child are also on the agenda.
There were strong zongs and strong unions, and jiang thought he had only “better” or “better” for the rest of his life.
3
Since setting up a plastic processing plant, Qin Jun has never given his family a penny. He said, after the shipment of the money, are used in materials and capital turnover, a note on the book.
“I didn’t know a man owed money until he came to my house to pay for a gambling debt.” so everything is illusion, Jiang Qi xia once again into a panic.
She had no idea that in the past two years, when qin Jun became a small boss, his ego was so inflated that he blew too much at the poker table and his skills were so poor that he could lose more than 20,000 games in a single night. In the eyes of poker players, he is just a piece of fat, everyone wants to have a bite.
How much debt owed people in total, Qin Jun killed not jiang Qi xia said. Soon, the plastic processing plant bankruptcy closed, the machine can sell to take to pay off debts, and finally still owe the family eighty or ninety thousand.
Jiang Qi xia of course regret, if we can get to know qin Jun more before marriage, know his temperament like gambling, in any case also can not be with him. But the man is hateful, the child is not wrong, their second daughter has been three years old, cute, more need to have a complete home with love.
Even so, Jiang Qi xia is still a traditional good wife and good mother, adhering to the “marry chicken with chicken marry dog with dog” concept, married into the Qin family for so many years, never with her in-laws red face.
It stands to reason that you owe money. After the Spring Festival, the big daughter began to go to school, the younger daughter by in-laws at home with, Jiang Qi xia husband and wife can only go out and break a break.
At that time, Jiang Qixia’s brother-in-law opened a building materials store in Beijing and was short of a storekeeper — this was Jiang Qixia’s first job after coming to Beijing. Beijing project is much, pincher, water electrician which all need, Qin Jun also had use place.
Since then, jiang Qi xia husband and wife has become a veritable marginal people, doing the occupation of seeing light, but live in the residence of not seeing light. With their meager income, they had to live in a basement to pay off their foreign debts.
Half a year later in Beijing, jiang Qi xia’s position, she began to go out to find a variety of things to do: as a waiter in a restaurant, in the rented community to drive the elevator, if there is spare time and do some part-time. The previous basement lease expires, and then move, or basement.
Her job at the time was to clean a building at regular intervals. Probably is jiang Qi xia performance is good, the word is also written well, will also do account, the superior leadership feel “such a person when cleaning a shame”, half a year later will her for the foreman, responsible for the daily release of cleaning supplies, do a good job of registration, check the building patrol.
Jiang Qi xia “promotion”, let cleaning supervisor smell the dangerous smell, deep afraid to go down like this, his seat is not protected, so everywhere suppress Jiang Qi Xia, to her shoes, upper and lower get along extremely unharmonious.
Jiang Qi xia don’t want to curry favor with the director, not to flatter, just the lack of property canteen people, just go. Although the work is hard, but not intrigue against each other, every day talking and laughing, but also simple comfort.
Under the pressure of life, the relationship with Qin Jun seems less important.
4
A few years in Beijing, from leaving home in dejected debt to paying off the last penny to holding a bank card with 150,000 yuan in it, had restored Jiang Qixia’s confidence. She wanted to return to her hometown with good fortune, smiling in front of her family and giving her children a happy life.
But did not think of, the husband drags his life into the abyss again however.
In the past two years after he got rid of the debt, Qin Jun was in high spirits again. He ate and drank irregularly and played cards again. The table was full of smoke. Before the Spring Festival that year, Qin Jun was working when he suddenly felt a sharp pain like a tear in his chest and back, which then spread all over his body. His workmates sent him to the hospital in time, and the doctor diagnosed the structure as “aortic dissection”.
In order to walk the number of health insurance to save some money, Jiang Qi xia accompanied Qin Jun transferred home to Hubei province to do stent surgery. the doctor told her, Qin Jun this disease within 48 hours of the death rate of 50%, looking at the surviving husband, Jiang Qi xia angry, sad, and distressed.
Qin Jun did not dare to joke with life, after a lot of honesty, life, diet, medicine are in accordance with the doctor’s advice, it seems to recover pretty good. When it came time for the reexamination, the doctor told Jiang Qixia a sad news, “We suspect that Qin Jun has kidney cancer.”
a bolt from the blue, Jiang Qi xia originally thought that the worst case is not optimistic about the recovery, did not want to be the husband found a new terminal disease – this is to her life.
in the face of Qin Jun, Jiang Qi xia can only make efforts to behave naturally a bit, a bit more natural: “there is no problem with the review, there may be a kidney problem, the doctor let back to Beijing to review again.
The husband and wife returned to Beijing and were admitted to hospital for examination. The result was the same as that of their hometown in Hubei province: kidney cancer was on the verge of death and the left kidney had to be removed as soon as possible.
But the cost of medical treatment is two or three hundred thousand.
Jiang Qi xia meng, she only felt himself trapped in a bottomless bog, eager to grasp what to pull her up, even if it is a straw. She used up all her savings, but not by much; Relatives and friends also put up some money, but still not enough; The leaders and colleagues of the canteen donated more than 20,000 yuan, which is not enough. Guided by someone, she sent Qin Jun’s medical record to a crowdfunding platform and raised 10,000 and 20,000 yuan.
Each method effect is not big, but Jiang Qi xia understand who are not easy, she is still grateful.
When she signed the “Risk Notice”, she could no longer control her signature hand, and scribbled her name on the paper with trembling hands. In her mind, she repeated what the doctor said: “Even if the operation is performed, there is no guarantee that he will walk off the operating table.”
At that time, her tears fell down, “never felt time pass so slowly as that day”, so slowly that every turn of the second hand was enough to “make ten blows” in her heart.
“This has been the most painful, desperate and difficult year of my life.” Jiang Qi xia later concluded, the tone is still heavy. “Now I can only say that I have a love-hate relationship with him.”
In those days of tears and sweat, she went on a long journey between the hospitals of the two cities and went through all kinds of procedures. She had been sleepless for a day and two nights. I do not know how many tears she shed and how much pain she suffered.
5
Tortured by illness completely out of phase Qin Jun life hard, and from the door of death to go, or go under the operating table. But the daily cost of hospitalization was prohibitive. after leaving the hospital, Jiang Qi xia has no extra money to buy supplements, only told her husband timely medication, with warm words to enlighten him, “one must be lucky to survive.
Like every serious patient’s family, Jiang Qi xia to her husband to always keep a secret — after surgery, the doctor told Jiang Qi Xia, Qin Jun can survive is a miracle, but to have psychological preparation, “there may be four or five years at most.”
nothing, new debt, Jiang Qi xia had to go out and struggle again, but the work has to change – the canteen is the building boss of the kitchen, open in the building underground three, belongs to illegal open, only for internal staff dining. As soon as there is a fire inspection, the door of the canteen immediately off a lock, before long, the canteen closed.
After leaving the canteen, she got a job as a supermarket sales promoter. Embarrassed life, forcing her not good words again and again to take pains to attract customers. Once she won a big prize of five hundred dollars, which was the happiest she had been in a long time.
Imperceptibly, it is the Spring Festival, 2017 Spring Festival, Jiang Qi xia still can’t go home, she will continue to sell wash and care products.
This year’s spring has not arrived, Jiang Qi xia moved home again.
The landlord said that he had received a notice that the basement was unsafe and had fire hazards, so he moved out within a time limit. Qin Jun’s physical condition is far from the past, just a fellow hubei hardware store ready to transfer, the couple dish down. Jiang Qi xia in his mind, selling hardware can have a little income, Qin Jun can also pick up the work in the store, plus their own work income, the day can also get by.
Qin Jun owes a lot to his wife and children. May be conscience, when Jiang Qi xia said to go out to work, Qin Jun did not let live, as stubborn as a donkey, also swear to say “I will make money to support my family”.
Jiang Qi xia thought, this time he is truly repentant.
But in front of the reality, face can not eat. Hardware store operation after a period of time, jiang man found before the estimate of too optimistic: bedroom, stores and shop after five square meters in total monthly rent six thousand yuan, can store income has more than one hundred a day, if Qin Jun received maintenance work, will make three hundred a day, “but it’s basically weather, the life is dry, without live idle”. No way, Jiang Qi xia had to register on the Internet housekeeping services to do hourly workers, 30 yuan per hour.
For a working family, Jiang Qi xia has exhausted the effort, but still stretched. Those who have not experienced it themselves may not understand it at all.
when Jiang Qi xia again from the Internet to see the renovation of illegal construction news, she knew that things were not good. Now the landlord of the hardware store is a “secondary landlord”. He rents a few rooms from the original landlord and invests money to build three storefronts to rent out profits. It is definitely an illegal building.
The “principal landlord” got a flu shot and said he might not be able to live in the house. Then he came back two days in a row, saying that all the stores, including the hardware store, would not be open and that the “bedroom” would not be able to cook and sleep normally. The first day asked the tenant to put away all the POTS and pans after finishing the meal, and the next day asked the tenant to “put away the bed, make the floor at night, and hide the bedding after getting up”.
in order not to show traces, Jiang Qi xia cleaned up the whole morning, the room is too small, how tidy.
Once, she could go back to her hometown in a breeze, could live in peace and stability, could accompany her children happily, she never believed in life. Now, in middle age, people are struggling, she says. A little bit of faith.
In the end, or should be that sentence, life is not forced.
Jiang Qi xia has not gone home for three consecutive years, the upcoming New Year, she said must earn enough money before the Spring Festival, determined to go home for the Spring Festival, she missed the children, parents.
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