1
in accordance with the agreement, xiao Lin and a rise nervously to about, they thought xiao Lin’s parents will take into account the blood and affection, may be able to sit down to talk about, but did not think of, but the family played a fist “emotional card”.
The street meeting that day was chaotic.
Three strong men rushed up and threatened to take Xiaolin away, but of course Xiaolin would not listen. The two men, alone, fought in vain. One was pinned to the ground and held still, and the other was severely beaten by two grown men. The passerby saw it and called the police.
“What a shame.” Later, A Sheng said.
A party of five men entered the police station. Three big men offered cigarettes to the policemen gallantly, and two children stood by with their coats on their backs. A Sheng hurt a bit more seriously: his glasses were broken, his shoes were kicked off, his feet were covered with blood, and he was lame when he walked; Xiaolin was slightly injured. After all, he was from his own family.
The story is too convoluted, the children’s expressed wishes go unheard, and the police treat them like household chores. They decided that Xiaolin, an underage child, must have been tricked, had taken the medicine and left home. Maybe the police don’t want to meddle in this business. They should let go. They should go home.
The policeman said to Xiaolin, “Listen to your parents.”
The three strong men were Xiaolin’s father, Xiaolin’s uncle and a relative whom Xiaolin did not know what to call.
At that time, the adults had already drawn up a plan. They suggested that Xiaolin had “already contacted the psychiatric hospital” and threatened her: “You can either come home with us and stop taking your medicine, or we can ask the psychiatric hospital to arrest you. We will call now and the car will come in a few minutes.”
Xiaolin was sent straight home, or rather first to his aunt’s house, the family gathering point in town. All the main members of my father’s family were in place for the night of the critical Assembly. There was Xiaolin’s mother, who had married again after the divorce and was the most expressive person at the meeting that night.
“Other people didn’t hit my things, just my mom, she hit my phone, she hit my glasses, and other people were watching.”
Enraged at his mother’s violence, Xiaolin grabbed her by the hair in a fit of rage. Friends and relatives who do not attack begin to help, “How can you hit your mother! She’s your mother — ah!” In the tone xiaolin mimicked, he dragged out the word “mother” as if he were seriously condemning himself again.
“I felt very mentally retarded.”
After a long argument with his relatives, Mr Xiaolin finally recovered his belongings, including a mobile phone.
That night, my uncle secretly said to Xiaolin, “Actually, Xiaolin, I am forced to do so. I hope you don’t blame me, because I am also proud. I have no choice but to force us to hold up our heads in front of our relatives. Oh, your aunt has been crying all day. She wants me to get you back and stop taking this medicine. So you don’t have to go, you just keep it. If you’re afraid your father’s going to bully you, you can stay with us first.”
Xiaolin promised to do so, but he and his father went home that night.
2
The next day, my father went out and locked the door, leaving my grandmother to watch him. Seemingly unaware of what was happening, Xiaolin asked his grandmother for a key and, using his computer to surf the Internet, found the phone number of a “friend”.
“Can you come out and give me a ride?” She had only one cell phone and no phone number in it.
The “friend” is here, outside the door. He seemed confused and guessed that Hyorin must have done something wrong. Hyorin denied it. “I owe a lot of money recently. Why don’t you lend me some money?”
The battery car sped on the way to the bus stop, Xiaolin sitting in the back seat. “Hurry up, hurry up,” she urged.
Her mother used to drive her down the road in this small town.
After his parents separated, Xiaolin lived with his father. Once, as a child, she had diarrhea that left her dehydrated. She told her father all day that she wanted to see a doctor, but he didn’t take her. He told her to eat pine pollen and drink more water, but it didn’t work. My mother drove all the way over and took her to the hospital. The hospital in my father’s town was a big hospital, but my mother didn’t want to go, so she went to the hospital in her town.
“What is the purpose, do you know? My mom she hasn’t seen me in a while, she wants me to spend the night at her place, and then she drives me to her place at the hospital. But it was an emergency. I was dehydrated, I was going to faint, I was going into shock.”
It took him more than an hour to reach the hospital. By the time he hung the water, Xiaolin was numb and losing consciousness. The world before him was a blur. When she was sober she screamed, “I don’t want to spend the night with you. Why have you brought me so far away?”
Two medications taken daily
Sitting in the back of an electric car, Xiao Lin used his mobile phone to buy a ticket to Shuicheng by surfing the Internet. Arriving at the bus stop, she gave her “friend” the two hundred dollars she had agreed to, then hid in the men’s room, bolted the door and waited until the check-in time.
The coach carried her to a more unknown future. The destination was Shuicheng, where there were many friends just like them, waiting for Xiao Lin’s Son, A Sheng, who was getting out of control…
Xiaolin remembers that as a child he hated travelling by coach. Throughout elementary school, my parents were divorcing. In 2008 separated, the father did not want to recover, three days two times with her by coach to the mother there run.
“The long journey is actually quite boring and boring. It’s not like a high-speed train or anything like that. You can sit for four hours and be comfortable. You get carsick. You feel sick.”
Her father dragged her to her mother and fought in front of her, like a chip to be used. My father found a hotel and stayed there. The next day, he followed my mother like a pug and said, “Go back and get on with your life.”
“No, no,” Xiaolin recalled her mother’s reply. Divorce for many years, the court really received divorce leaflets, Xiaolin has been to junior high school.
His father always believed xiaolin’s poor grades were due to her mother, who ran away without fulfilling her duty of care. Xiaolin thought no. “It’s because my mother always beats me.”
Xiaolin’s mother was a very competitive person, but after leaving them, the economic conditions gradually improved. According to Xiaolin, the reason his mother insisted on divorce was that Xiaolin was “mentally retarded” and a “fool”. “The boy is so stupid that he has no future.”
“My mom said my dad was out looking for a woman, and I haven’t seen that woman yet. My mom did find a man.”
The mother later became a factory director and formed a new family with an uncle who had a boy. They have a big house.
3
Xiaolin ran away from his father’s family without an ID card.
Late last year, they contacted xiaolin’s family by phone. They lied and said they wanted to go home for the lunar New Year, but were unable to take the train without an ID card (in fact, they could get a temporary ID card at a railway station even if they did not have one). the family will be sent out the IDENTITY card, under the arrangement of a rise, the identity card was express to a number of intermediate addresses, finally sent to their hands. But Xiaolin did not go home for the New Year.
After several Internet contacts, A Sheng agreed to be interviewed.
In the early stage, we contacted through a very small number of apps. For security reasons, this is the only contact information that A Sheng accepts. Before that, she asked me what system I used my phone on.
A Sheng once anonymously wrote an article on the network to analyze a famous news and information APP in China. This software has a lot of unnecessary little actions in the background to collect user information.
A sheng only virtual number, a taxi number, a point takeaway number, a bank card number; She has several phones, one of which is a chinese-made replica Android phone with the advantage that you can change the phone number. She swipes the Android CM system and controls the access to the APP. She changed the password to a four-by-four matrix with an unusually complex pattern. Her usage habit is that she installs foreign apps downloaded from Google Play on her Android phone, and all domestic apps are installed on her iPhone. She turns off all permissions that can be closed and refreshes background apps.
When Xiao Lin ran away, the only mobile phone on his body was given by A Sheng. It is said that it uses the processor of a computer, which is very fast in processing speed, but the disadvantage is that it consumes a lot of power. Xiao Lin clever, at the station to buy a temporary charging treasure to avoid losing contact on the road.
For security, A Sheng set up a very complex VPN, four-tier structure, the purchase of foreign servers, so that people can not track her real IP address. In different online accounts, there are also different names, and passwords are randomly generated combinations of characters and numbers.
She was in charge of arranging everything for her and Xiaolin, cautious and unsparing, with a sense of stubbornness.
A Sheng is a programmer. Before the interview, she gave me a lecture on information security and the hidden function of the iPhone — how to check the information of nearby base stations. Sometimes, she would simply show off her knowledge. At this point, she looks like a typical technical geek, a bit childish.
A Sheng has devised a number of security schemes to prevent them from being found.
For the next two days, she plans to install a monitor at the door of her rented house. The control panel has been programmed and equipped with a camera and wireless Internet module. She even considered adding a set of CDMA and battery modules to prevent power cuts in her home. The idea was not carried out because of Xiaolin’s strong protest.
A Sheng used the phone’s search function to locate Hyorin, which he said was an invasion of her privacy. “However, she doesn’t pay attention to the numerous domestic apps in the phone that are really collecting her privacy.” A Sheng defended.
They are careful not to give away any information about their residence. The results of their previous credulity have made them less trusting of anyone.
4
Everyone is a drop in the ocean of big data, but A Sheng does not want to do such a drop obediently. She tried to hide herself in the middle of the ocean. It meant nothing to any other water, but it was not like any other.
Asheng and Hyorin are one of the few people in the population who are transgender, biologically male, but psychologically identify themselves as female (MTF). In the past year, both women have started taking private hormone drugs and hormone replacement therapy.
Hormone replacement therapy, or HRT for short, where the people who use it are known to each other as “medicine women,” has allowed them to alter their physical gender identity, bit by bit, to fit their psychological perceptions.
“They” becomes “they”.
I sat opposite A Sheng and Xiao Lin. They seemed to be two young girls, not beautiful, plain looking, not conspicuous in the crowd, not deliberately feminine.
But even in an unrefined state of life, without makeup and in tracksuits, one can still feel their natural femininity.
The hormones soften their facial lines, redistribute fat around their arms and buttocks, soften their skin, and close enough to see a hint of translucent hair on their lips, a slight rise in their breasts, and, like most women, a steady, calm mood. Maybe to the outside world, they’re just sisters who don’t dress well.
Xiaolin wanted to be a girl when she was very young, ever since she knew how.
Around 2009, when she was in primary school, she found a post about “transsexualism” on the Internet. This bar forbids new people to speak. At that time, she was young, she clicked in, wanted to join the group, wanted to talk to them, but at that time, she could only read the post silently behind the computer screen.
People with similar needs have gathered in tieba to discuss how to take the medicine.
Back then, the world of self-administered hormone replacement therapy was in its infancy. You do your own experiments, you try all kinds of strange drugs, you feel your way through the dosing, you record the adverse reactions. By the time Xiaolin reached junior high school in 2013, this kind of online community had gradually matured, and with the help of more overseas experience and materials, people began to take more “serious” medicine. But at the time, she was still afraid to get involved.
A Sheng is different from Xiaolin. As a child, she was not like a girl. She played computers, games and programming all day, just like other boys.
It wasn’t until his second year of junior high school in 2011 that He officially decided he wanted to become a girl.
She grew up with her own logic and independence, and the onset of puberty forced her to think seriously about gender. But at the time, the information she got from the Internet was sparse and biased.
She hears, soya-bean milk has estrogen inside, drink soya-bean milk in great quantities then, drink when water. But it had no effect; Later, she bought a capsule of soy isoflavones. It seems to work this time, but it doesn’t work very well. Frustrated by her increasingly masculine features, she has even done some extreme things, such as tying down the bottom with a rope.
“I wish the damned place had gone bad because of the lack of blood supply. But it really hurts.”
Both A Sheng and Xiao Lin believe that the sensation of an erection is unbearable. They have no control over their inner revulsion towards physical masculinity and male sexuality.
‘I hate it when you sit on a bus with your bag on your lap and you jerk it around.’
“The feeling of wanting to have sex made me feel really sick. When I couldn’t stand it, I ran to the toilet with a kitchen knife,” said Ah Sheng. But in the end, she didn’t dare, for fear of arterial bleeding.
A Sheng is disgusted with male sexual desire and has self-destructive behavior. In the second year of junior high school, A Sheng is very naive to tell his family that he wants to be a girl. But her family thought she was having fun and didn’t take it seriously. It was around November and December 2015 that A Sheng first managed to get a real hormone drug.
After taking it for three months, A Sheng went to the hospital to have her hormone levels checked, which showed that the drug was real and that her testosterone levels had dropped.
For the past year, they had taken two pills a day.
“It’s a two-part process. The first part is to knock out the testosterone in the body, and the second part is to take estrogen.”
“One makes you wilt, and one makes your breasts bigger,” Xiaolin added.
Prescription drugs, three or four hundred dollars a box, fifty or one hundred milligrams. The seller claimed it was imported from Turkey.
“It works best, but it’s also very expensive, and it’s actually very difficult for people who don’t have their own source of income to buy it.”
Fast to eat, a rise alarm clock rang, remind her to take medicine.
“Hormone levels are relatively stable because they are hormone-related drugs. If you don’t take them regularly, you may damage your liver and kidneys.” After a pause, He added: “What I said has no scientific basis. It’s just based on other people’s experience. It’s very loosely based.”
In 2017, A Sheng was 19 and Xiao Lin was 17.
5
A sheng decided not to give in to her mother, she thought, if the choice to go home means that you must give up taking medicine, but she can not do without medicine, it is better to let her die.
“I know my mother pretty well. If I’m cunning for one thing, she’s cunning for five.”
“If I continue to live like a man, I will go mad.”
1
in accordance with the agreement, xiao Lin and a rise nervously to about, they thought xiao Lin’s parents will take into account the blood and affection, may be able to sit down to talk about, but did not think of, but the family played a fist “emotional card”.
The street meeting that day was chaotic.
Three strong men rushed up and threatened to take Xiaolin away, but of course Xiaolin would not listen. The two men, alone, fought in vain. One was pinned to the ground and held still, and the other was severely beaten by two grown men. The passerby saw it and called the police.
“What a shame.” Later, A Sheng said.
A party of five men entered the police station. Three big men offered cigarettes to the policemen gallantly, and two children stood by with their coats on their backs. A Sheng hurt a bit more seriously: his glasses were broken, his shoes were kicked off, his feet were covered with blood, and he was lame when he walked; Xiaolin was slightly injured. After all, he was from his own family.
The story is too convoluted, the children’s expressed wishes go unheard, and the police treat them like household chores. They decided that Xiaolin, an underage child, must have been tricked, had taken the medicine and left home. Maybe the police don’t want to meddle in this business. They should let go. They should go home.
The policeman said to Xiaolin, “Listen to your parents.”
The three strong men were Xiaolin’s father, Xiaolin’s uncle and a relative whom Xiaolin did not know what to call.
At that time, the adults had already drawn up a plan. They suggested that Xiaolin had “already contacted the psychiatric hospital” and threatened her: “You can either come home with us and stop taking your medicine, or we can ask the psychiatric hospital to arrest you. We will call now and the car will come in a few minutes.”
Xiaolin was sent straight home, or rather first to his aunt’s house, the family gathering point in town. All the main members of my father’s family were in place for the night of the critical Assembly. There was Xiaolin’s mother, who had married again after the divorce and was the most expressive person at the meeting that night.
“Other people didn’t hit my things, just my mom, she hit my phone, she hit my glasses, and other people were watching.”
Enraged at his mother’s violence, Xiaolin grabbed her by the hair in a fit of rage. Friends and relatives who do not attack begin to help, “How can you hit your mother! She’s your mother — ah!” In the tone xiaolin mimicked, he dragged out the word “mother” as if he were seriously condemning himself again.
“I felt very mentally retarded.”
After a long argument with his relatives, Mr Xiaolin finally recovered his belongings, including a mobile phone.
That night, my uncle secretly said to Xiaolin, “Actually, Xiaolin, I am forced to do so. I hope you don’t blame me, because I am also proud. I have no choice but to force us to hold up our heads in front of our relatives. Oh, your aunt has been crying all day. She wants me to get you back and stop taking this medicine. So you don’t have to go, you just keep it. If you’re afraid your father’s going to bully you, you can stay with us first.”
Xiaolin promised to do so, but he and his father went home that night.
2
The next day, my father went out and locked the door, leaving my grandmother to watch him. Seemingly unaware of what was happening, Xiaolin asked his grandmother for a key and, using his computer to surf the Internet, found the phone number of a “friend”.
“Can you come out and give me a ride?” She had only one cell phone and no phone number in it.
The “friend” is here, outside the door. He seemed confused and guessed that Hyorin must have done something wrong. Hyorin denied it. “I owe a lot of money recently. Why don’t you lend me some money?”
The battery car sped on the way to the bus stop, Xiaolin sitting in the back seat. “Hurry up, hurry up,” she urged.
Her mother used to drive her down the road in this small town.
After his parents separated, Xiaolin lived with his father. Once, as a child, she had diarrhea that left her dehydrated. She told her father all day that she wanted to see a doctor, but he didn’t take her. He told her to eat pine pollen and drink more water, but it didn’t work. My mother drove all the way over and took her to the hospital. The hospital in my father’s town was a big hospital, but my mother didn’t want to go, so she went to the hospital in her town.
“What is the purpose, do you know? My mom she hasn’t seen me in a while, she wants me to spend the night at her place, and then she drives me to her place at the hospital. But it was an emergency. I was dehydrated, I was going to faint, I was going into shock.”
It took him more than an hour to reach the hospital. By the time he hung the water, Xiaolin was numb and losing consciousness. The world before him was a blur. When she was sober she screamed, “I don’t want to spend the night with you. Why have you brought me so far away?”
Two medications taken daily
Sitting in the back of an electric car, Xiao Lin used his mobile phone to buy a ticket to Shuicheng by surfing the Internet. Arriving at the bus stop, she gave her “friend” the two hundred dollars she had agreed to, then hid in the men’s room, bolted the door and waited until the check-in time.
The coach carried her to a more unknown future. The destination was Shuicheng, where there were many friends just like them, waiting for Xiao Lin’s Son, A Sheng, who was getting out of control…
Xiaolin remembers that as a child he hated travelling by coach. Throughout elementary school, my parents were divorcing. In 2008 separated, the father did not want to recover, three days two times with her by coach to the mother there run.
“The long journey is actually quite boring and boring. It’s not like a high-speed train or anything like that. You can sit for four hours and be comfortable. You get carsick. You feel sick.”
Her father dragged her to her mother and fought in front of her, like a chip to be used. My father found a hotel and stayed there. The next day, he followed my mother like a pug and said, “Go back and get on with your life.”
“No, no,” Xiaolin recalled her mother’s reply. Divorce for many years, the court really received divorce leaflets, Xiaolin has been to junior high school.
His father always believed xiaolin’s poor grades were due to her mother, who ran away without fulfilling her duty of care. Xiaolin thought no. “It’s because my mother always beats me.”
Xiaolin’s mother was a very competitive person, but after leaving them, the economic conditions gradually improved. According to Xiaolin, the reason his mother insisted on divorce was that Xiaolin was “mentally retarded” and a “fool”. “The boy is so stupid that he has no future.”
“My mom said my dad was out looking for a woman, and I haven’t seen that woman yet. My mom did find a man.”
The mother later became a factory director and formed a new family with an uncle who had a boy. They have a big house.
3
Xiaolin ran away from his father’s family without an ID card.
Late last year, they contacted xiaolin’s family by phone. They lied and said they wanted to go home for the lunar New Year, but were unable to take the train without an ID card (in fact, they could get a temporary ID card at a railway station even if they did not have one). the family will be sent out the IDENTITY card, under the arrangement of a rise, the identity card was express to a number of intermediate addresses, finally sent to their hands. But Xiaolin did not go home for the New Year.
After several Internet contacts, A Sheng agreed to be interviewed.
In the early stage, we contacted through a very small number of apps. For security reasons, this is the only contact information that A Sheng accepts. Before that, she asked me what system I used my phone on.
A Sheng once anonymously wrote an article on the network to analyze a famous news and information APP in China. This software has a lot of unnecessary little actions in the background to collect user information.
A sheng only virtual number, a taxi number, a point takeaway number, a bank card number; She has several phones, one of which is a chinese-made replica Android phone with the advantage that you can change the phone number. She swipes the Android CM system and controls the access to the APP. She changed the password to a four-by-four matrix with an unusually complex pattern. Her usage habit is that she installs foreign apps downloaded from Google Play on her Android phone, and all domestic apps are installed on her iPhone. She turns off all permissions that can be closed and refreshes background apps.
When Xiao Lin ran away, the only mobile phone on his body was given by A Sheng. It is said that it uses the processor of a computer, which is very fast in processing speed, but the disadvantage is that it consumes a lot of power. Xiao Lin clever, at the station to buy a temporary charging treasure to avoid losing contact on the road.
For security, A Sheng set up a very complex VPN, four-tier structure, the purchase of foreign servers, so that people can not track her real IP address. In different online accounts, there are also different names, and passwords are randomly generated combinations of characters and numbers.
She was in charge of arranging everything for her and Xiaolin, cautious and unsparing, with a sense of stubbornness.
A Sheng is a programmer. Before the interview, she gave me a lecture on information security and the hidden function of the iPhone — how to check the information of nearby base stations. Sometimes, she would simply show off her knowledge. At this point, she looks like a typical technical geek, a bit childish.
A Sheng has devised a number of security schemes to prevent them from being found.
For the next two days, she plans to install a monitor at the door of her rented house. The control panel has been programmed and equipped with a camera and wireless Internet module. She even considered adding a set of CDMA and battery modules to prevent power cuts in her home. The idea was not carried out because of Xiaolin’s strong protest.
A Sheng used the phone’s search function to locate Hyorin, which he said was an invasion of her privacy. “However, she doesn’t pay attention to the numerous domestic apps in the phone that are really collecting her privacy.” A Sheng defended.
They are careful not to give away any information about their residence. The results of their previous credulity have made them less trusting of anyone.
4
Everyone is a drop in the ocean of big data, but A Sheng does not want to do such a drop obediently. She tried to hide herself in the middle of the ocean. It meant nothing to any other water, but it was not like any other.
Asheng and Hyorin are one of the few people in the population who are transgender, biologically male, but psychologically identify themselves as female (MTF). In the past year, both women have started taking private hormone drugs and hormone replacement therapy.
Hormone replacement therapy, or HRT for short, where the people who use it are known to each other as “medicine women,” has allowed them to alter their physical gender identity, bit by bit, to fit their psychological perceptions.
“They” becomes “they”.
I sat opposite A Sheng and Xiao Lin. They seemed to be two young girls, not beautiful, plain looking, not conspicuous in the crowd, not deliberately feminine.
But even in an unrefined state of life, without makeup and in tracksuits, one can still feel their natural femininity.
The hormones soften their facial lines, redistribute fat around their arms and buttocks, soften their skin, and close enough to see a hint of translucent hair on their lips, a slight rise in their breasts, and, like most women, a steady, calm mood. Maybe to the outside world, they’re just sisters who don’t dress well.
Xiaolin wanted to be a girl when she was very young, ever since she knew how.
Around 2009, when she was in primary school, she found a post about “transsexualism” on the Internet. This bar forbids new people to speak. At that time, she was young, she clicked in, wanted to join the group, wanted to talk to them, but at that time, she could only read the post silently behind the computer screen.
People with similar needs have gathered in tieba to discuss how to take the medicine.
Back then, the world of self-administered hormone replacement therapy was in its infancy. You do your own experiments, you try all kinds of strange drugs, you feel your way through the dosing, you record the adverse reactions. By the time Xiaolin reached junior high school in 2013, this kind of online community had gradually matured, and with the help of more overseas experience and materials, people began to take more “serious” medicine. But at the time, she was still afraid to get involved.
A Sheng is different from Xiaolin. As a child, she was not like a girl. She played computers, games and programming all day, just like other boys.
It wasn’t until his second year of junior high school in 2011 that He officially decided he wanted to become a girl.
She grew up with her own logic and independence, and the onset of puberty forced her to think seriously about gender. But at the time, the information she got from the Internet was sparse and biased.
She hears, soya-bean milk has estrogen inside, drink soya-bean milk in great quantities then, drink when water. But it had no effect; Later, she bought a capsule of soy isoflavones. It seems to work this time, but it doesn’t work very well. Frustrated by her increasingly masculine features, she has even done some extreme things, such as tying down the bottom with a rope.
“I wish the damned place had gone bad because of the lack of blood supply. But it really hurts.”
Both A Sheng and Xiao Lin believe that the sensation of an erection is unbearable. They have no control over their inner revulsion towards physical masculinity and male sexuality.
‘I hate it when you sit on a bus with your bag on your lap and you jerk it around.’
“The feeling of wanting to have sex made me feel really sick. When I couldn’t stand it, I ran to the toilet with a kitchen knife,” said Ah Sheng. But in the end, she didn’t dare, for fear of arterial bleeding.
A Sheng is disgusted with male sexual desire and has self-destructive behavior. In the second year of junior high school, A Sheng is very naive to tell his family that he wants to be a girl. But her family thought she was having fun and didn’t take it seriously. It was around November and December 2015 that A Sheng first managed to get a real hormone drug.
After taking it for three months, A Sheng went to the hospital to have her hormone levels checked, which showed that the drug was real and that her testosterone levels had dropped.
For the past year, they had taken two pills a day.
“It’s a two-part process. The first part is to knock out the testosterone in the body, and the second part is to take estrogen.”
“One makes you wilt, and one makes your breasts bigger,” Xiaolin added.
Prescription drugs, three or four hundred dollars a box, fifty or one hundred milligrams. The seller claimed it was imported from Turkey.
“It works best, but it’s also very expensive, and it’s actually very difficult for people who don’t have their own source of income to buy it.”
Fast to eat, a rise alarm clock rang, remind her to take medicine.
“Hormone levels are relatively stable because they are hormone-related drugs. If you don’t take them regularly, you may damage your liver and kidneys.” After a pause, He added: “What I said has no scientific basis. It’s just based on other people’s experience. It’s very loosely based.”
In 2017, A Sheng was 19 and Xiao Lin was 17.
5
A sheng decided not to give in to her mother, she thought, if the choice to go home means that you must give up taking medicine, but she can not do without medicine, it is better to let her die.
“I know my mother pretty well. If I’m cunning for one thing, she’s cunning for five.”
“If I continue to live like a man, I will go mad.”
There was a drawer in the house that very few people would open. It was full of a mess of wires, parts, circuit boards and the like. There is a secret “vault” in the drawer — A litre of hormonal drugs, stored together like a treasure.
The family went to the drawer for something and found the medicine. How can a student take the same medicine that menopausal women take?
“Why do you want to be a ladyboy?” Her mother quarreled with her for two days, and the two stubborn people could not persuade each other. In a fit of pique, her mother kicked her out of the house. She had just turned 18, and her backpack was thrown outside the door. Before she left, she grabbed some important things: a laptop, a battery pack, a cell phone, an ID card.
Debug the code of a litre on the mobile phone
A Sheng’s mother is a company leader, she had hoped that a sheng grow up to be a diplomat, childhood told her all day: “you will be somebody.”
“My mother gave me nothing to teach me materially, nothing to care about spiritually.”
When he was in primary school, His parents divorced and later remarried. “As a child, I thought it was very sad, but now I think it’s very sad. (233, Internet slang for laughing). I think these grown-ups are so stupid. It’s their shame and not mine when they get divorced.”
“I really hate the traditional view of marriage and the relationship between husband and wife, where the man goes to work and the woman takes care of the children, and the ultimate goal is not to have fun, but to carry on the family line.”
In Asheng’s mind, his father was a dissolute man. At first, my mother’s colleague secretly told my mother, “I saw your husband shopping with a strange woman.”
“Maybe it’s because of the bad impression it gives me that I’m more anti-emotional.”
“You’re happy, but you can’t violate moral boundaries. You’re talking about this, and looking for another one behind you. Isn’t that immoral?” L o said.
In the ’90s, computer companies all over Town could be counted on one hand. A rise father computer major graduates, under the management of the computer company, the business is carried out very smoothly, earn full pot overflowing.
“MOTOROLA mobile phone, BP machine, at that time more than 10,000, my family can afford.”
A Sheng was born, the hand of the toy is a computer. Back in 1999, her computer had only 1MB of RAM, and a big CRT monitor was attached to the mainframe, so Windows 98 wouldn’t work. A Sheng plays on it and writes simple programs. By the time she gets to kindergarten, the family’s new computer will be equipped with Windows XP.
When I was a child, her father repaired computers, she looked at the side, unconsciously learned. She learned the rest of her knowledge on the Internet. “Google was still available in China at that time, and the quality of what was found was very high.” As a child, She went to a bilingual kindergarten and always got good Grades in English. When Wikipedia was still working, she often went to see all kinds of “funny things” on it.
“I started using Linux in 2010, and I thought Windows was the last straw, the bad software ecology, the bad user experience.”
Almost all of Asheng’s knowledge comes from the Internet, neither from his parents nor from the campus.
“Later, when I was in junior high school, I felt bad and had to learn so many useless things every day. Then, I started to skip classes and not do my homework.”
6
In China, the Sixth Hospital of Beijing Medical University can issue a “transsexuality” identification certificate for qualified people, with which they can go to a regular hospital for hormone replacement therapy (HRT) or gender conversion surgery (SRS).
The rise of “transgender” call is strongly opposed to the backward, directly to throw out a wikipedia, published by the apa’s latest edition of the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental illnesses (dsm-v), “Gender anxiety” (GD, Gender Dysphoria) replaced is thought to have negative connotations of “Gender identity disorder” (GID, Gender identity disorder).
She believed that she had advanced and correct knowledge, and that her parents’ knowledge system was too old.
With the rise of e-commerce, computer cities in many cities are in decline. After the divorce, his father and his mistress reorganized the family, and the company gradually became difficult to support. Later, they began to sell the family property. My father is used to living with money and is still a big spender.
“He’s down to being a broadband guy. I’m over 50 and Probably can’t think any more.”
My father’s reaction throughout the whole affair was “don’t ask, don’t ask”. Mother’s new uncle also pretended not to know the attitude.
After being kicked out of his home, A Sheng stayed at KFC for a week and then contacted a friend. Her friend introduced her to a job with a monthly salary of 3,000 yuan. The office was in an underground warehouse, and she was responsible for building the website and maintaining the system for the company. Giving and receiving are not equal, but there is no way, she has no diploma.
Before the exposure of the matter, a sheng’s original life plan is to study abroad. After graduating from junior high school, A Sheng’s exam results were very bad, read N city a vocational high school, computer major. This vocational high school does not attach importance to examination-oriented education and culture course, the special place is that it has an international department. In the regular class, A Sheng was selected by the principal because of her outstanding technical ability. The principal transferred her to the International Department.
The headmaster is very optimistic about her talent, and hopes that she can go abroad for further study, either in Warwick or Edinburgh, which are both favored by the school.
Of course, her English scores have been very good, IELTS 7.
7
As a child, Xiaolin’s grades were not good. She was in a village kindergarten where she had to learn arithmetic and pinyin. “At that time, I was very stupid.” By elementary school, learning arithmetic and pinyin was “like a buff”, and Xiaolin was much better than everyone else.
Xiaolin’s mother was so strict that she almost hit him. This kind of education method backfired, Xiaolin in the late first grade of primary school began to be tired of learning psychology, every day in the school playground “wave”. Her parents thought she had ATTENTION deficit hyperactivity disorder and took her to seek medical advice, which later developed into incense burning and Buddha worship. I took a lot of medicine, but nothing changed in the end.
At the hospital, the doctor gave her an IQ test, and the result was 148.
The whole period of Xiaolin’s school was very dark. On one side of the school, she was hated by her classmates, who thought she was a loner and did not like studying. On the other side are parents who are constantly divorcing.
My father was a factory technician and my mother was a textile factory worker. Father went downhill after the factory closed. At first, my father worked as an assistant police officer, “actually staying in those factories, just like a janitor, except there was no janitor room to stay.” Go outside in the middle of winter and spend the night outside in the cold wind. “Coolies. It’s nothing.”
Later, my father quit his job and joined a direct sales team selling pine pollen for health products. Employees often tout to each other, “This is a very high salary, this is a very profitable business, and direct sales is a great business.”
But my father was even poorer. At the beginning, his monthly salary was only a few hundred yuan, but now it is only 3,000 yuan. Xiaolin remembered that her father could not even take out 100 yuan when the family had to pay the Internet fee, so he asked Xiaolin to borrow her lucky money for the Chinese New Year. I said I borrowed it, but I didn’t pay it back.
“In elementary school, my whole class was a little sissy, but no one ever called me mom because I wasn’t that special in that group.”
“They may have been silly as children and thought it was fun, but I really wanted to be a girl. They just thought it was fun, and now they’re still guys.”
“Isn’t it common sense that gender identity, gender expression, sexual orientation, are totally different things?” Xiao Lin said.
By junior high school, the difference between Xiaolin and others became more obvious, and her inner desire to be a girl became more determined. At the break, the boy’s voice began to sound bad. Xiaolin did not like her voice to become a boy’s voice. She tried to imitate a girl’s voice. By imitating her, she became effeminate in her heart, and her movements and body became more and more feminine. Looks “very weak, very easy to bully.”
Many MTF transsexuals have similar experiences, with a dedicated teaching method on the Internet to teach people how to practice “pseudo-sound”.
At this time, the class of “neutral forces” began to laugh at her as “niang gun”, “evil forces” directly started bullying her. Once they tied her hands with a rope and dragged her around the playground. One day, Xiaolin was so angry that she said, “I’ll rush to the school with a kitchen knife and kill you all.”
The teacher, afraid that things would get ugly, stepped in and criticized and educated the bad students, “and then they quit.” The bullying was finally quieted.
At this time, a new principal of the school was appointed. The new principal was very serious. As soon as he took office, he regrouped all the “bad students” into one class and replaced them with him. Xiaolin was also assigned to this class, and the bullying that had just stopped was more serious than ever before. Because of the nine-year compulsory education, bad students can’t be expelled no matter how bad they are.
At that time, her grades were so bad that the teacher sent her to the office every day to make up for her homework. Because the elementary school writes little, the result does not pass. Things that seem easy to others are difficult to her. I went to school during the day and then went on making up my homework.
“At that time, I was afraid to sleep at night, because Every time My eyes were closed and opened, I began to suffer. I was afraid of sleeping until now.”
Until he entered high school, Xiaolin did not enjoy himself any more. She thinks she is a girl, play with the girl, suffer the envy of the boy. Later in order to avoid suspicion the girl also gradually with her less.
Before entering school, she hoped to change to the computer major. Her family invited the principal to have a meal. Finally, the principal transferred her to the computer graphic design major. These were two completely different majors, and her expectations fell through.
When the computer broke down in class, Xiaolin raised his hand and offered to help. The teacher refused, saying that it was better to ask a professional computer teacher to deal with it.
After six months in high school, Xiaolin dropped out and told her family she wanted to learn programming.
8
A Sheng is described by Xiao Lin as “the one who lifted the quilt”.
After dropping out of school, Xiao Lin met A rise, from a rise there, Xiao Lin got the first medicine of life. At that time, Xiaolin was still in contact with her family. She had not been home for a long time. Once when she came home, she asked A Sheng if she wanted to go back with her. For a few days at home, they had a good time.
Before leaving home at night, Xiaolin’s mother came to look for her and rushed to grab her bag. Mother said, “Let me see what is in it.”
Xiaolin felt that his mother’s action of taking away the bag was very hard and abnormal. It was not like he just wanted to see what was in the bag. She did not let her mother take the bag. Then my mother told Xiaolin to come home and have a talk with her.
“Are you taking medicine?” asked the mother.
“It was out anyway, and then I found out, and everybody knew.”
That day, Xiaolin had a bad stomach and went to the hospital to see a doctor. The doctor called Xiaolin’s mother and said, “You are a very abnormal child…” My mother and a relative scoured the Internet for information. For them, “taking medicine to change sex” was so alarming that the family immediately exploded.
The family conspired and told a group of relatives, who sat around Xiaolin. Xiaolin did not hate the scolding of her parents. What she hated was why she had waited until the last minute to talk to her.
When they had finished talking, Xiaolin went back upstairs to his room. At this point, according to Xiaolin, A Sheng, who knew what had happened, “was in an explosion of victimization paranoia, very explosive.” Ah Sheng said, “We have to run, we have to run, we have to run, your parents will kill me.”
“Forced by her, we ran away,” Xiao Lin said. Then my parents were in a hurry.”
Desperate parents even called the police. Under pressure to save face, relatives turned out en masse, even those who did not invite them to dinner.
A Sheng is described by Xiao Lin as “the one who lifted the quilt”. A Sheng is described by Xiao Lin as “the one who lifted the quilt”.
A Sheng’s aunt is the only one of her relatives who supports her. Her aunt tries to smooth the relationship between her and her mother and help her find a place to live — her aunt supports her, but her uncle does not, so A Sheng cannot live in her house.
Later a rise just know, aunt because stand in “understand a rise” on the position, suffered from a lot of pressure from the family, even do not take her for dinner during the New Year, because she supports a rise.
“My mother liked to beat me when I was a child. Anyway, I started to fight back when I could beat them.”
After being kicked out of the house, ashen kept in touch with her aunt on WeChat. Before last year, Ah Sheng’s mother came to Shui Cheng to visit Him and Xiao Lin with the help of her aunt. A sheng and his mother about the famous shopping mall in watertown, did not let his mother know the address of living.
“I am very stubborn, very stubborn,” She said, feeling that some of Xiaolin’s assessments of her were very objective. She sees her mother as a big part of her personality.
“There’s been such a fuss and everyone knows it. My mom, she’s not gonna like it. So I probably got that from my mom, who was the kind of person who liked to make things bigger.”
According to asheng, my mother made a concession, apologising at WeChat and all that. My mother said that when the house they were renting expired, she would give them some money for a better one. Now, the relationship between their “mother and daughter” gradually eased, a sheng is still observing.
9
In Watertown, where winter is cold, the mall has a Christmas tree decorated with tacky decorations. Asheng’s mother bought new clothes for her and Xiaolin, and sweatshirts from Adidas and Nike, both male and female. “My mother always thought the clothes were good and bought them for me when I was a child,” said A Sheng. Her mother also carefully brought them a gift — a mask imported from England.
After coming to water city, introduce through friend, a rise found this job now, weekday is very busy, work overtime late into the night everyday, but earn also much. After seeing his mother, A Sheng put his alipay record to his mother, mother saw twice his salary, seems surprised.
A Sheng believes that part of the reason why his mother now accepts him is that he is doing well, even better than the children of relatives, neighbors and other families who have been admitted to key universities.
A rise to prove that he is now living well, she said ostentatiously, weight again. “Xiaolin ate, drank and played well with me without being mistreated.”
She wants to go abroad with Xiaolin to have an operation, so she works hard to earn money. Domestic surgery requires a lot of testimonies and family support. She wants to emigrate in the future in search of a more relaxed social environment. She had so many things to plan, to teach Hyorin programming, to teach Hyorin English…
Xiao Lin often went to and from The Company as A sheng’s sister, and joined the company’s group construction together. The photos appeared on the photo wall. Xiaolin occasionally has headaches and feels ill after meals. She went to many hospitals, each with a different prescription, but nothing worked. She told her doctors that she was taking medication, but she didn’t think many doctors understood.
Xiaolin is only 16 years old and unable to work or support himself. A Sheng thinks her priority now is to study. Xiaolin’s English is good enough to know just 26 letters. Many challenges lie ahead for her.
Postscript:
While writing, Xiao Lin recommended an online article and an animated film to me.
The content of the article is “Blue Whale game”, a young and desperate teenager can only get a little affirmation from others in the online death game; The animated film is your Name, the only film that Asheng and Xiaolin have seen in the last six months, in which the main characters swap bodies across genders. Xiaolin rubbed his chest and found that he had breasts. “The strange surprise was exactly the same as in the movie,” he said.
There is a plot: after the exchange of the body, the protagonist’s grandmother has been able to tell whether the soul in the granddaughter’s body is his granddaughter, the father looked carefully to find that the child’s body is not a child but someone else — only the family raised from childhood, living together day and night can know what the child’s soul should be.
“If a child is raised by his own hand, is his heart a girl or a boy? Did the parents never realize it at first? If a parent forcibly twists a child’s mind into submission to the body, it is equivalent to replacing the soul in the body. All say that the love of parents is selfless and unconditional, in the end is only love a flow of their own blood body? Or do you love a soul that has grown up and seen it for itself?”
Xiaolin is a small UP host on B’s site and is also active on other emerging social networking sites. There are a lot of friends like her in the circle, and they all cheer each other up. A friend said: “For the drug mother, the fatal effect is not ‘hormone side effects’, but’ hormone abuse without endocrinologist guidance ‘and more frightening’ family and social pressure caused by depression and even self-harm suicide ‘.”
“Homosexuals and transsexuals, don’t you ever blame your parents for having you born this way?” one person asked on the Internet.
Xiaolin replied: “To be alive itself is a kind of lucky, at least to be able to work hard, to work hard to achieve their dreams.”
(The third-person pronouns for MTF transgender people are all “she”. People interviewed are pseudonyms.)
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