We often hear the motto given to us by previous generations: “Don’t bother others with nothing. There are many good people who take care of everything themselves and never like to ask for help, they think it is wrong to bother others. However, the network of these “good people” is often quite thin. Because, when we don’t need help, we lack a reason to build relationships.
At one party at 10:00 p.m., I saw that Mr. Wang couldn’t take the subway anymore, so I told him that I should drive him. He said, “You’re a bit of a detour, so I won’t bother you. “
I said, “You know, good connections are made out of trouble with each other. “
As soon as he heard this, he immediately got over it and got into my car with a big grin: “OK, pull me to Chengde. “
So, we became friends who were “trouble” for each other.
This idea did not come from me, but from someone else. It has been called the “Franklin Effect” because of an anecdote about Franklin, the American Founding Father.
At one point, he really wanted to work with a member of the Pennsylvania legislature, but the legislator was a tough, hard-headed character. If you were Franklin, how would you handle it? Let’s see what the congressman needs. Looking for a middleman? Or do you want to fight him without a fight? Franklin used a different tactic.
He knew that the congressman had an out-of-print rare book in his private collection, so he asked the congressman if he could lend him the book for a couple of days. The congressman agreed, and what happened next is described by Franklin: “When we met again, he spoke to me (which he had never done before), and was very polite. Later, he also made it clear to me that he was always willing to be of service. “
Franklin boiled his success with borrowing books down to a simple principle: “Those who have done you a favor once will be more willing to do you a favor again than those you have helped. In other words, to make someone like you, ask them to do you a favor.
The reason for the Franklin Effect is also easy to understand. People are willing to help someone they like, and when asking for a favor, you’re giving them a hint: “I’m the one you like,” and they’re pushed. “And so the other person is hypnotized. And you two become buddies. ……
However, when they see this exciting news, some of their friends will think, “So it’s possible to make connections by bothering others? That’s great. I want to buy a car, and borrow a hundred thousand dollars from someone in charge, not only to drive a nice car, but also to make connections and save a lot of money, really killing three birds with one stone.
It’s a very wrong idea. If you throw this trouble out, it’s really a trouble. People don’t become friends with you because of this favor. Their response is, “Don’t stop taking your medicine. “
Therefore, we need to know what kind of favor we can ask of others.
First of all, the favor will not cause the other party really big trouble. Otherwise, the other person will immediately build up his defenses: What do you want from me?
Secondly, try not to get involved in a relationship of interest like money. Networking is more of a personal feeling, and when it involves calculable benefits, it becomes a relationship of labor, employment, and purchase. Even if you do have an interest, it’s best not to think of the favor as making a connection, but as a contract.
Finally, it must be returned promptly. The core action of human relationships is “coming and going”. In The Walled City, the best way to fall in love is to “borrow a book” because if you borrow, you have to return it. “To and fro” is ambiguous when it’s done. The same way of building a network is true: you trouble a friend once, you kind of lend a favor, and the favor has to be returned, and when it is returned the next time, the relationship is even closer.
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