Part III The Struggle for Justice
Chapter 13 Where is Man Ping?
I stood dumbfounded, my two eyes searching around the driveway, except for the PLA standing guard in the distance, only to see my goddaughter XI walking toward me with both hands outstretched.
“Man-ping is dead! That’s why she’s not coming to get me out. Manning is dead! Man-ping is dead! ……” My ears perked up, my eyes were hazy, I felt a blur before me, and although deep in my mind I still wanted to hear a definite explanation as to why Manning had not come for me, my grief made me weak and I could not move my legs. Xi took me in his arms and helped me into the waiting cab.
“Where’s Man-ping?”
I was afraid to hear an answer, but I asked anyway.
Xi didn’t answer me, but just held my hand tightly. I didn’t have the courage to say “Is Manning dead?” I didn’t have the courage to say the whole sentence, for fear that it would confirm the truth.
As the car sped through the streets I knew so well, we were both silent. My release from prison brought me no relief, but only a new melancholy to replace the old one.
The car stopped in front of a narrow black wooden door embedded in a concrete wall, and Xi paid for the car and went up to knock on the door. A middle-aged woman opened the door, wearing a blue blouse and a pair of wide-fitting pants, like a maid. She helped Xi carry my luggage inside.
There was an open space in front of the house, which probably used to be a small garden, but now it was covered with broken bricks and stones, except for the only elm tree, which stood alone in a pile of broken bricks and tiles, and there was only a clump of weeds everywhere. The house looks old, unrepaired, looks very dilapidated. There is no occupant on the ground floor, and dust has accumulated on the terrace. A small foyer led to the front door, and we went through there and up the escalator. The stairs and foyer had been cleaned and scrubbed with a wet mop, but the walls around them were still wilted with dust. She led me upstairs into a large room with a bed with clean white sheets and a quilt. A five-drawer cupboard, a small desk, a square table, four chairs and a comfort chair. The furniture was of the mass-produced, uniformly shaped, popular type, generally for the use of newlyweds.
“These two rooms are assigned for you to live in. The Public Security Bureau approved the certificate and asked me to buy you a few pieces of furniture.” Saying that, Xi hugged me tightly and said from the bottom of his heart, “Heh! It’s so good to be back.”
She pressed her face against mine for a long time. I knew that it would be difficult for her to talk to me about Man Ping, and I had to give her some time. She didn’t mention why Manning hadn’t come to pick me up, no doubt because Manning was dead. I felt a great deal of sadness and sorrow, but I had to wait for Mat, at a moment she thought was appropriate, before talking about it.
“They allowed me to withdraw five thousand dollars in the name of your account. I’m afraid to spend them all, and I think you still need to keep a little for living expenses. That’s why I didn’t paint the house, and the curtains, too, are this mass.” Xi explained to me, “Mom was supposed to come with me to pick you up, but while waiting for a cab, she gave notice to go to a meeting to hear a report on the Lin Biao incident. You know, that’s what happened.”
“He made a mistake, because the newspaper didn’t see his report anymore.”
“He’s dead. The plane crashed as he was fleeing to the Soviet Union in a plane. Now Premier Zhou is second in command to Chairman Mao, and that’s why everything has improved. And that’s why you were saved. Ah! I’m so glad I got to meet you, if only ……” She couldn’t go on and started sobbing, tears dripping down her face as she put her head down.
I think she was ready to tell me about Man-ping, but then the maid came in with two cups of hot tea and our words were interrupted again.
Xi quickly pulled herself together and held back her tears, as if she was wary of the maid.
“She’s Auntie.” Xi introduced her to me, “She’s here to take care of you, she can sleep in the other room.”
“Thank you, Auntie.” I said as I took the tea from her hand. She was about fifty years old, very thick and robust looking, with rough skin and very muscular and strong hands. As she brought the cup of tea to me, she kept looking me up and down.
“Do you want to boil some hot water to take a bath.” She asked me.
“No, thank you. I don’t want to wash right now. I’ll let you know when I want to wash.”
As she closed the door and left, I asked Xi, “Can you still hire a babysitter?” “Of course, there are many unemployed people now. If you have a child or a sick person at home, you can hire a nanny and no one will gossip. We are now the Public Security Bureau suggested to find a nanny for you. They said you were very sick and needed an operation. From what they say, it sounds like you are in very bad health, much worse than you actually are. Although you look a little thinner than you used to.” Xi looked at my slim body and the wrinkles on my forehead and said.
“It’s okay, it’s just because of the diet. It will get better slowly. Where did you find this aunt?” I asked Xi. I was afraid that the aunt was sent by the Public Security Bureau.
“Mom got it from her friend. But,” Xi said in a lowered voice, “she’s not the same as Chen’s mother, so be careful when you talk to her.”
I nodded.
“Things are different in the center now, and I think the government will treat you better. They’ve assigned you these two rooms, and a bathroom for your sole use. And yesterday, while I was hanging the curtains, a person in charge of landscaping at the housing office came by and said she wanted to plant some trees in the garden for you. She also asked me what kind of trees you like.”
Since I was allotted two rooms with a private bathroom, and the greening office of the housing office wanted to plant trees in the garden for me, Xi concluded that the government wanted to give me preferential treatment. Because the government is the only god that rules our destiny. The Chinese people are very sensitive to any small gesture from the government, as it reflects our position in the hierarchy.
Xi seemed to loosen up a bit and started to talk and laugh. So I decided to mention Man Ping to her: “Can you tell me about Man Ping now?”
She looked at me with a measuring eye, as if she was still hesitating, guessing whether I could bear all this. Then, she seemed determined to tell me everything. “At that time, I was not in Shanghai. As you know, I had graduated from the Shanghai Conservatory of Music since the beginning of the Cultural Revolution in 1966, and I couldn’t even attend Man Ping’s birthday party in August, waiting for my assignment. In December of that year, I was assigned to Guiyang. After arriving there, I was sent to a rural commune near Guiyang to receive ‘re-education’. In the summer of 1967, my mother told me that Man Ping had committed suicide.”
As I suspected when I received her clothes at the First Detention Center, Man Ping had really died. However, at that time, I still hoped that I would see her still alive when I was released from prison, but now my last hope was dashed, and everything was over. It would have been better to die in prison, and now I would not feel the pain, and would never know the fact that Manning was dead. I tried my best to survive and pay the price and suffer all kinds of hardships, instantly lost all meaning. I just feel like I’m surrounded by an empty void, seemingly hollowed out all at once, so I don’t know where I am. Xi wrapped his arms around me, and we both cried together for Man Ping.
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