♥ Look inside from the outside and see yourself through others. It is through others that you can know your true self.
What you see in others is actually yourself.
Our opinions of others depend largely on what they make us see about ourselves, not on how we see them.
All your relationships are a mirror through which you can recognize your true self.
In the process of discovering the other person, you unknowingly you are also discovering yourself. To understand his feelings and thoughts, you also understand yourself better, you become each other’s mirror.
If you feel that your partner is losing enthusiasm for you, it may be because you are losing enthusiasm for him; as one marriage expert said, “If our marriage is becoming boring, it may be because I am boring, or worse, I am boring as a person.”
The truth is that the person who turns you off is helping you; he helps you understand yourself and allows you to discover your dark side. That’s why when we get closer to someone, the more likely we are to become disgusted, because they show you your true colors.
What annoys you most about other people is usually what you can’t stand about yourself.
♥ The kind of person you are, is the kind of person you think others are. The parts of you that can’t tolerate others are the parts of yourself that you can’t tolerate.
The most important thing is that you will be able to get the most out of your life. A person who has an illicit desire for other women, naturally, will also be suspicious of their own women. The old encounter with the nasty things, often annoying people. Like to pick people’s problems, in fact, they are the most problematic; like to talk about the people, in fact, they make the most not three or four.
If you love to lose your temper, you will think that others often make you angry, every thing may become the reason for your anger. It’s not that everything is wrong, but you will project, you will project what is hidden inside yourself onto others. You will condemn everyone and everything, and because you have so much anger, even the smallest thing can ignite anger.
Likewise, what others say to you reflects who they are and their inner world. They are probably criticizing you because they are unhappy with themselves, or even because they themselves are the “kind of person” they are criticizing.
As you move toward goodness in your heart, you will stop criticizing others and reacting to their criticism.
If you throw a stone at a tree full of apples, the only thing that will fall is the apple, no matter who throws it. A truly virtuous person, no matter what you do to him, will only appear to be peaceful and virtuous, because that is what he is.
♥ What you are on the inside is what you will be attracted to. What you reject externally is what you reject internally.
Generally speaking, those people we get along well with are a reflection of our inner self orientation that we like and accept, and those people we don’t like are a reflection of our inner self that we don’t like and accept.
It is better to teach both parties to be in harmony than to teach them to be in harmony within themselves, and then they will naturally be in harmony; it is better to teach them how to improve their relationship with each other than to teach them to improve their self-growth, and then their relationship will naturally grow.
When someone asks me how to improve a relationship, I always tell them, “First you have to go deep inside, unless your inner problems are solved first, you will not only fail to improve, but you will create more problems.”
A person who is controlling cannot let go of others or free himself unless his inner emptiness is filled; a person who is full of resentment cannot stop resenting unless his inner resentment is expressed (look up the word in the dictionary if you don’t know it, lol); a person who loves to be jealous cannot stop being jealous unless he can find confidence in his inner self and stop comparing himself with others.
Everyone’s external words and actions are the presentation of internal thoughts. If you cannot trust yourself, it is difficult to trust others; if you cannot respect yourself, it is difficult to respect others; if you cannot affirm yourself, it is difficult to affirm others; if you cannot illuminate yourself, it is impossible to illuminate others.
When partners run out of love and hurt each other, I don’t tell them how to try to love each other, but I ask them to learn to love themselves first, because hurting each other is actually hurting themselves.
The relationship you have with each person reflects the relationship you have with yourself. If you are constantly in conflict with your own inner self, then you will constantly be in conflict with others; if you struggle emotionally within yourself, then you will also struggle emotionally with others. The problems we experience in our relationships are our internal problems.
The relationships we attract are reflective of the traits we possess, as well as presenting our inner selves. Therefore, people who have relationship problems should not only review your relationship with others, but also reflect on your relationship with yourself. Here are some questions you can examine yourself.
“When I look at the me that you reflect, I feel ＿＿＿＿＿.” (Feelings such as anger, fear, loss of control, confusion, etc.)
“Which of my selves are you reflecting?”
The problems that bother us “outwardly” are the parts of us that are not integrated “inwardly”. If you want to improve everything on the outside, you have to start by changing what’s on the inside.
♥ If you bind others, you will be bound yourself. The more you hate, the more bound you become, and the more you love, the freer you become.
When you control others, you are controlled at the same time; if you bind others, they will bind you. Think about it, when you control people and forbid them to do this or that, what if they don’t do what you tell them to do? What would happen to you? You would be unhappy, wouldn’t you? Do you think they are controlled by you when your happiness and sadness are determined by others? No, actually you are the one who is in control.
An eye for an eye results in everyone going blind
If you keep regurgitating old hurts in your memory, you are giving the people and things that caused the hurts in the first place the power to hurt you again and again. That’s why I say that when you resent others, it means that to some extent, you resent yourself.
How do you destroy your enemy completely? Turn your enemies into your friends!
You will find that the people who are the hardest to get forgiven are the ones you need to forgive the most; the people who are the hardest to let go are the ones you need to let go of the most.
♥ If you are repulsed, it is the subject you must learn. If you appreciate it, it can morph into love.
Our main relationships constantly reflect what the subject is that should be learned.
Whether it’s your boss, co-workers, deployments, friends, lovers, spouse or children, the personalities, thoughts and behaviors you don’t like about these people are often the parts you need to learn. They will reveal your shadow and repeat what you dislike over and over again for you to learn.
When someone points out your mistakes, you are angry at that person, but is it his fault? No, he just helped you get the “moldy shadows” out of the sun.
You don’t get mad because someone says you tried to steal a whale shark from the oceanarium, because that’s something you wouldn’t even think about doing. However, if your wife says that you are traveling for business to take the opportunity to “steal”, you may argue and even get angry. Why? Because it can happen, or has even happened. Yes, in general, the closer to the truth of the accusation, the more likely you are to get up and defend and get angry.
So, in the future, when someone accuses you, instead of immediately attacking or fighting back, as you used to do, you need to start asking yourself, because what they are saying is probably true. If it’s not true, why would you take it so “seriously”, right?
The reason they are placed around you is “for a reason”. So don’t reject or try to avoid them just because you don’t like them, because they are “God-given” and you should make good use of this opportunity to transform yourself.
During the study period, something happened. I had an appointment with a friend, and changed my schedule for the day. This friend did not show up for a day and did not answer the phone.
At this moment, if you follow the pattern of the past, you may have many reactions.
Anger: How can he do this! Not trustworthy! Not worth being friends with!
Grief: I was ignored, people do not take me seriously. I was hurt.
But reading is meant to be practiced in life. So there was an opportunity to reflect on my own shadows.
It’s true that I’m late for appointments, and sometimes I’m too embarrassed to tell people directly, so I find an excuse to send a text message.
It is easy to feel that being ignored is a long-standing problem, and the root cause is the wounded inner child.
So today’s incident is a reminder that I am rejecting the part of myself that is unpunctual and untrustworthy, and that I need to pay more attention to being punctual and trustworthy, and pay more attention to the feelings of neglect caused by my inner child.
Reading is only a pastime/killing time if you don’t use it in your life.
How to use it?
Some suggestions for you.
Make a list of your main relationships and what you can’t stand about those relationships the most.
Later write out how you feel whenever you are confronted with these unbearable traits (feelings such as anger, fear, loss of control, confusion, etc.)
Quietly go deep inside and reflect on whether these traits that you can’t stand the most are also present in you.
Then record your reactions and feelings when you interact with these relational people in your life.
Doing so will be a tremendous help to you in understanding your shadows and integrating them, making yourself more whole, accepting yourself, loving yourself, and improving those relationships.