What is deepest in a child’s heart

Yesterday mom said on the phone that the blue flower you took before was beautiful and I was going to paint it. Mom is more than 50 years old and now she is learning to paint. On days when I don’t have to attend classes, I sit in the garden downstairs and draw while taking a cool break. There were many children downstairs, some of them were curious, so they came around and asked: “Auntie, where did you buy your brush? Auntie, you draw beautifully! Auntie, what are you drawing?

Mom said that you can tell from the children’s actions which ones really like to draw. Some children come to look and then quickly leave, or they just play with the colored pens, or they can’t sit still after looking at them. These children do not like to draw. There are other children who look fixedly at the strokes, or look quietly with their cheeks, or keep asking how to draw, and are eager to draw. These children really like to draw, or at least have an instinctive love and curiosity for drawing. A kind of natural expression, direct and natural.

I saw a post on Douban saying that parents work so hard to create richer living conditions and let their children attend different classes for the good of their children. I disagree with this, very much so. If we follow this line of thinking, I can’t imagine what will happen to Chinese children in the future. From my own experience, my parents also let me attend different classes, including: dancing, calligraphy, painting, ice skating, swimming, playing the piano, and so on. For example, when I had to practice the one-line horse in dance, other children would stick to the ground, but I would lie on the ground half-crouched and look around without the teacher seeing me. As you can imagine, I couldn’t learn how to dance. Fortunately, my parents didn’t care whether I learned or not, so I didn’t have such a painful experience.

What is the most positive influence on a child and what stays with them the most? At almost 30 years old, what has stayed with me is the gentleness, patience and inspiration that my parents showed me.

The first thing a parent should do is to check themselves and be a good role model. My mother never cursed a word at me, she was objective, admitted her mistakes, kept her integrity, never did harm to others, and never lost her temper even when she was working hard. I was always sick when I was a child, and my mother ran around with the hospital, home and work. I still remember my mother’s haggard but gentle face at the hospital bedside. My father taught me to read and write, and for me to have a good environment, they didn’t let me watch TV while they didn’t watch it themselves. They told me what to do and what not to do, and they obeyed the same. When I see my parents like this, I have no excuse to be rebellious. The opposite example is my husband’s brother and sister-in-law, who gave birth to a child, but still has bad habits and the house is like a garbage dump. I can’t imagine what will happen in the future. Nowadays, many parents do not realize that they have a great responsibility before they have children, and they do not realize that it is important to educate themselves and improve themselves while educating their children.

The second thing is education and interaction. My parents were strict with my education and raised me to be self-taught and self-disciplined from a young age. For example, my parents let me make my own plans for winter and summer vacation, study, rest and recreation according to the plan, and self-reward and punishment. Even when it came to studying abroad, my dad listed more than a dozen indicators for me to evaluate myself and let me decide whether I wanted to go abroad or not. Without strict and fair discipline as a child, children will lack a sense of self-discipline and grow up to be a big worry for parents. Education should not be left to classes or schools, because they are all test-based and purposeful, not to mention that children are not happy about it, and they don’t know if it will be useful in the future, because after all, what they learn is quickly forgotten if they don’t use it. In addition to knowledge and books, education should also take children to nature and play in the wild, so that they can get to know flowers, birds, insects and fish, the simple face of nature. Unfortunately, parents nowadays do not pay attention to this step, or let travel replace it. I still remember very clearly that I went to the countryside with my father on a bicycle and a ferry, pedaling in the fields and studying the lotus flowers, lotus ponds and leaves at the lotus pond. This is something that can’t be replaced by sightseeing, where parents and children learn and interact naturally in nature. Inspiring a child’s curiosity to learn and leading them to spontaneously know more can have a profound impact than making them learn decathlon. Education should focus on character and temperament development, not just life skills.

Equally important is the love of parents. Love is not blind indulgence or compensatory giving. Many parents like to say, “I worked so hard so that you wouldn’t have to go through the pain and hardship that we did, just for you. It may seem great, but when you peel back the layers, you are actually being selfish. Many parents do not give up their jobs, not only from economic considerations, but more because they are not willing to be so silent. Of course it is hard to work, even if there are no children, in the country or abroad is hard. Because they are busy, they can’t spend much time with their children, so they send them to training courses, go abroad, hire nannies, let them study abroad, and provide all kinds of material things. These are not the same as love, and they may not be what the child needs. It’s ridiculous to use the excuse that couples have to work and don’t have time. (And the material conditions were much worse than now, there were no nannies, and even less parents to take care of the children). What children need more than anything else is time for their parents to interact and communicate with them, a bedtime story, gentle touch and hugs from their parents, and their parents’ moral encouragement and support. Parents should let their children know that no matter what happens, their family will not give up on them, and that they have a home and loving, supportive parents; but that they are responsible for their own behavior and the consequences of that behavior as they grow up, and that they are responsible for the good and the bad, and that their parents are not responsible for them. This is an important message to send, but most people are biased.

Finally, what happens when a child grows up. Recently, I have felt that it is inevitable that one day everyone will have to earn their own bread, and the hardest part is the first step, that is, the first job, the first step into society. No matter what you learn in school, what is more important in the process of earning a living is personality, human charm, reaction and diligence. The experience gained in the workplace has little to do with what you learn in school, and it is the softer factors, namely personality and quality, that are more important to develop better. Many children who are privileged in life, despite having various skills, have a bad personality and fall behind others. People have different natures, and even if they lack conditions as a child, they can still develop them later in life through hard work. For example, my mother, who could draw without teaching herself at a young age, but did not have good conditions and left it behind for decades, has started learning now and her progress is amazing. Talent is like a seed that has been sleeping in the soil, but when it is nourished, it immediately grows and sprouts, breaks through the mud, and grows into a big tree. And in the end, these strengths only make people live a more enjoyable and happy life, not many of them are directly linked to money.

Parents nowadays are too eager to arm their children from the age of three to the teeth. It is better to educate and love children naturally before they reach adulthood, and when they become adults, they are sent away like dandelions with their seeds, and are allowed to venture out and touch. People are only in the world for a few decades in a hurry. It takes at least 20 years to be armed, then 30 years to earn bread, and only in old age to be so-called free and enjoy it? It doesn’t make sense, right?

To borrow a verse from cry on my shoulder to say something about the role of parents in children, although it is not entirely appropriate: “If the hero never comes to you.

If the hero never comes to you.
If you need someone you’re feeling blue.
If you away from love and you’re alone.
If you call your friends and nobody’s home.
You can run away but you can’t hide.
Through a storm and through a lonely night.
Then I show you there’s a destiny.
The best things in life. they’re free.
But if you wanna cry.
Cry on my shoulder.
If you need someone who cares for you.
If you’re feeling sad your heart gets colder.
Yes I show you what real love can do.

If your sky is grey oh let me know.
There’s a place in heaven where we’ll go.
If heaven is a million years away.
Oh just call me and I make your day.
When the nights are getting cold and blue.
When the days are getting hard for you.
I will always stay here by your side.
I promise you I’ll never hide.
But if you wanna cry.
Cry on my shoulder.
If you need someone who cares for you.
If you’re feeling sad your heart gets colder.
Yes I show you what real love can do.

But if you wanna cry.
Cry on my shoulder.
If you need someone who cares for you.
If you’re feeling sad your heart gets colder.
Yes I show you what real love can do.
What real love can do.
What real love can do.
What love can do.
What love can do.
Love can do