“What do you want?” A man’s voice asked.
“Can I go to the bathroom?”
A woman came and opened the door and led me to a courtyard at the back, past a row of dormitory-like bungalows with rows of bunk beds lined up next to each other. I later learned that since 1966, that was where the old Asia staff had been segregated. They held classes there, giving never-ending explanations, and working at the same time. But at this moment, the place was empty. In the distance, there was the sound of someone making a report. I think this effort, the people inside about to drive to a conference.
When I came out of the toilet, I was not taken back to the small room full of large-print posters, but to the meeting room where the head accountant of the fight against Asia in 1966 and myself were. At this point, the man behind me pressed down hard on my head, and two other women grabbed me by the arms and pushed me forward, causing the handcuffs on my wrists to strangle me with pain. This violent behavior was a manifestation of some Chinese women’s desire to highlight the revolution.
They half pushed, half threw me into the meeting like a sack, and because I was still pressed against my head, I could not look around at my surroundings. When I was made to sit on the floor, they sat behind me and still pressed my head hard.
Before I sat down, I saw out of the corner of my eye that the floor was full of people. This practice is an insult to human rights. According to Chinese tradition, only slaves, convicts serving sentences, or captives, sit on the floor. The slogans that rose and fell in the room were the same set that had been heard for a long time. The whole atmosphere meant that I was to be knocked to the ground and trampled to pieces. Then a footstep, someone paced to the front of the meeting room, the slogans gradually stopped, and a young postulant began to lead the meeting.
“That’s her!” He shouted vociferously, and I think at this point he must have been pointing his finger at my pressed head. “We brought her here today and put her true face in the light of day. We want her to understand that we’ve got a clear picture of this card of hers. All of you, all of you, are involved in the imperialist conspiracy to destroy socialism in China. Therefore, to varying degrees, you are all guilty people, and you have also served the imperialists who invaded and exploited China at the beginning of the twentieth century. Asia Inc. was a secret service organization that collected information exclusively for the imperialists. But the depth of your guilt varies according to your position in the company and how much you served the imperialists. The higher the position, the more serious the crime. We rebels are absolutely impartial; if you commit 30% of the crimes, we will not sentence you to 50%. Of course we have a standard for measuring crimes, and it is based on the teachings of the great leader Chairman Mao.
“For two and a half years, we have given you concentrated study classes to reform your minds while participating in labor again. Many of you have made progress, raised your consciousness, no longer resisted reform, and dared to come forward to expose the enemy, and that is praiseworthy. But there are others who are hesitant, like squeezing toothpaste, squeezing a little to get out a little. If you squeeze heavily, more will come out, but if we don’t squeeze, nothing will come out. Well, if you still resist, naturally we will have to apply pressure to squeeze more tightly until all is squeezed out.
“Soon, we are going to allow some of you to go home. That’s good news for you. But you must remember that only those I think can be approved will be allowed to go home, and the rest will have to continue their studies. When you are permitted to go home, or to remain here to run classes and labor, that is entirely up to you.”
The man was all talk and no talk, shouting at the top of his voice, seeing that he was an uneducated worker who had become a rebel with some prestige just for the sake of following the ultra-leftists, the guys who most embraced the Cultural Revolution. Because the Cultural Revolution brought them personal prosperity that they had never dreamed of. They regarded leftist leaders such as Jiang Qing as saviors because they were the ones who lifted them out of the mediocre and incompetent reality of their lives.
I understood from his speech that most of the people sitting on the floor were old employees of the company, and now they were being encouraged to rise up to expose and criticize me as a way to save themselves. Although everyone expressed willingness to do so, but I know that everything has been prearranged. Some of the speakers had been identified and authorized by the rebel faction to speak, and their speeches had been approved by the rebel faction before the meeting. Even before the Cultural Revolution, in China, any conference speech had to be approved by the organization of the unit.
One by one, my old colleagues, with whom I had met every day and worked for eight years, stood up and began to expose and criticize, repeating what had been written in the large-character posters in the small room. They looked dejected, timid and frightened, stammering out absurd fabrications, using words that were so out of proportion to their own. I know that they were ashamed and pained in their hearts. It was painful to me that those brutal rebels had driven these people to such a state of degradation. But I listened carefully to their denunciations, so that I could gauge the true intentions and purposes of the extreme leftists.
The floor was very hard, and my head was still pressed down by the people behind me, making my head and neck sore. I moved my body and bent one leg to lean my head on the knee. This way, I could see the corner of a man in a blue top to my left. Because I did not want to raise my head too high, rather low hanging head. So the person behind me gradually released the hand that was pressed against my head.
The statements of the old Asiatic staff, which seemed more and more inaccurate, and which anyone with a little knowledge of the foreign world would find absurd and unbelievable, were all in all like a poorly made, untitled, unthemed spy thriller.
I heard the young man presiding over the meeting, calling on Tao Fang, the former accounting director of our company, to speak.
The man in blue cloth who was sitting next to me stood up in response, and for some reason, the ultra-leftists seated me next to him.
Tao Fang said in a trembling voice: “As you all know, I was arrested at the beginning of the Cultural Revolution and imprisoned in the Second Detention Center. There, the interrogators and guards were very kind to me, and they helped me to raise my socialist consciousness through study. I slowly began to realize my crimes and the heinous crimes I had committed against socialism and the Communist Party. I sincerely pleaded for leniency. Just then, the rebels, who were so caring and considerate to me, brought me back here and had my family visit me ……” He was obviously very excited, shivering, and was actually speechless for a while.
“My eldest son and daughter-in-law, both are party members. My son was trained by the government and had the opportunity to receive higher education. Our whole family would like to thank the great leader Chairman Mao for his kindness. Whenever I see my wife, my son, my son-in-law and my little grandson, my remorse for my crimes is indescribable.”
He let out a long breath and began to sob.
The whole room held its breath and was silent. The indifferent spring sun, cast through the open window, reflected in front of me, and I watched the light move slowly across the floor, wondering when this endless meeting would come to an end. I just felt tired and hungry, but I secretly warned myself never to let up on my guard. For some reason, I always felt that Tao was ordered to speak, not as a kind of quintessential touch to me, because I had no children to be trained by the Communist Party’s focus.
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