Today there is a turn outside the network of the video is quite hot, probably a girl in the bar, the same table some just met with the boys drinking together. As a result, when the girl turned around, she covered the mouth of the glass by hand, the defensive meaning is obvious. There are a lot of boys commented that this is very offensive, if I were I might have smashed her cup, such as the cloud.
This reminded me of a lot of little stories all of a sudden. About how it would be better to respond to obvious defensiveness and possible offense.
About six years ago, I was recording a show with my brother Biao, and there was a female guest on the show. The dress that was chosen for her backstage that day, the skirt didn’t look too short to me, but she was very uncomfortable when she sat down, rushed and wary, constantly changing her sitting position. Truth be told, even these details only came to me later when I recalled that I was almost completely unaware of them. What made me aware of all this was that at that time, sitting in the last row, it is said that the least likely to notice the girl’s shortness of breath gradual Biao brother, take off his jacket, please hand it to the girl in front, resting on his lap, recorded that episode.
earlier, Vivian sister write a small article, said that the deacon high school principal in the room need to find someone to discuss things, but where the object is a girl, will certainly leave the door open, and as long as it can be avoided, will choose a common area outside the room.
Also earlier, when I was a student, I participated in an international tournament, and after a certain game, because it had nothing to do with winning or losing anymore, I was invited to a dinner party. It was basically the judges and coaches, who I’m sure were well-meaning and welcoming, but apparently I couldn’t get used to this other level of partying and struggled to cope, and I guess I must have looked a little embarrassed. When I picked up my glass again, not knowing how to fight, Yiming, who was also at the table, said, “Luo Miao, don’t drink anymore, your school has important things to do tomorrow. I was so grateful that I hurried to get off the slope and prepared to slip away. What I didn’t expect was that Brother Yiming then said to the other two people at the table, “He’s drunk and not familiar with the place, so you should send him back. –Those two are the volunteers of the competition, girls.
I’m ashamed to say that I was so tired of dealing with Big Brother that I didn’t even notice their shortness and uneasiness more than mine. How retarded was I? At that moment my first reaction was roughly: no need, I had a little wine, which to let two people take me back. (Fortunately, I was not stupid enough to say so.
These three little stories make me feel lucky that the seniors I met in this small circle of debate taught me that there are much more subtle ways to deal with a situation when it might be subconsciously guarded as a danger, when you obviously did nothing and the other side is a bit upset just because of your presence, besides anger – others There is no need to forcefully rationalize your own precautions and uneasiness, and you, there are still ways to show kindness and eliminate precautions and uneasiness, which is much more brilliant than forcing a glass to prohibit uneasiness.
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@kidneybeanandrainybean
In fact, girls in the face of male “fear”, if men can understand a little more, for men, it is also good.
Before I know a wash hood, wash the air conditioner are very sharp male cleaners, used several times, business ability is not to say, wash clean and fast, the price is also cheap, I also introduced him to several friends of the work.
But the first time he came to my house to work, I was like all the more cautious female friends living alone, deliberately stressed a: “ah, I live with my boyfriend, only he is still working, will be back later. “He didn’t say anything, but later I think he took that to heart.
After he came to my home to work a few times, I feel more familiar with me, in a recent washing air conditioning, suddenly I do not know whether intentionally or unintentionally said: “In fact, you live by yourself, right? Look at your home, there is not even a pair of men’s slippers. “
To be honest, I think the odds are that this repairman doesn’t have any particularly bad intentions. He had previously worked normally, and the end of that day’s work also normal charges away.
However, only girls should be able to clear, I heard that sentence when a moment of creepy!
You will understand the kind of thinking, back chills.
On the bright side, the master may be the door-to-door service, the girls encounter this kind of a bit of a cover-up situation is more, they will also be a little sensitive and calculating to feel a sense of distrust, a slight upset. So after familiarity, will deliberately poke each other’s lies.
But they simply do not understand that this thin layer of lies, for girls psychological protection is how important.
They probably think that this observation and piercing, just like the man to man “you can not buy that pair of sneakers, right? The other party will only be embarrassed, and then they will be proud of themselves.
They do not understand that this is not a concept at all.
The psychological impact on the other party is not of the same magnitude.
After that day, I never looked for this master, originally intended to introduce him to several big jobs I also did not introduce.
Including the female friends I had introduced him to work before, I made a point of telling the story. Without exception, all the female friends said: “Damn! That’s a really horrible thing to say! I’ll never look for him again! “
Yes. Maybe the master was innocent, he meant no harm, maybe he just said it casually.
But I, and we, are not likely to take such a risk again.
If this master can understand a little girl’s fear, willing to consider each other’s mood from a girl’s point of view, even a little male in the face of solitary women’s sense of proportion and distance, silent work to collect money to leave, I will probably work with him to the end of the earth.
He lost the client this time, and his professional skills have nothing to do with it, just because he does not understand this simple truth. It was an irretrievable loss for him, too.
That’s why it’s so right for women to open up as much as they can and talk more about their inner fears and concerns. Because when men finally start to understand this sense of proportion, it’s good for those normal men, too.
Don’t be arrogant and feel that these little things are none of your business and don’t matter at all. Don’t feel that girls are all petty and delusional. A little bit more empathy, it’s not hard.
Only you know, understand, avoid, have the measure also have the scale, is the win-win ending for the benefit of others and themselves.
Please respect their fragile little sense of self-preservation and defense.
After all, you just have a trace of “not trusted” feeling of discomfort.
But some of the girls who give trust, but it is possible to lose their lives.
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