Recently, the hit drama “Little Shedder” has sparked a public discussion about education anxiety, with many school parents unable to accept that their children are school dregs and desperately trying to chicken out. There is even a topic on Weibo that reads, “Can you accept that your child’s achievements are not as good as your own? “
Education, like the two sides of a coin, reflects the expectations of countless parents of class crossing, one side of the coin may be a fast track to a decent job, the other side is like a bare-bones fight with fate, and ultimately remains ordinary.
Over the years, parents of different generations have had the same educational philosophy for their children: even if you can’t change the outcome, you can’t give up trying.
Deep Burn talked to six parents about the “failure” of chicken children The “failure” of those things. The “failure” here The “failure” here is not that the child did not learn anything, but that the child invested a lot of time and money for a certain purpose, but in the end, not only did not achieve the purpose, but also the money was wasted. Among them, some parents spend tens of thousands of dollars a year on early childhood education, not to mention the lack of results, but also by the institution ran away to cut leeks; some parents were charged IQ tax for early childhood quality education, learning two or three years of piano, painting, tennis, elementary school all wasted; some parents spend hundreds of thousands of dollars for their children to learn math, English, cramming primary school, and finally the child’s math test 15 points; there are parents, decades as a day to train Some parents spend hundreds of thousands of dollars for their children to learn math and English, and in the end, their children scored 15 in math.
Perhaps, in the end, we should realize that in the education of children, on the one hand, know how to look up to, on the other hand, learn to accept mediocrity, is the most suitable state.
1
Spending more than 200,000 to learn piano and painting
All abandoned after elementary school
Xiao Ru|
Shanghai Internet practitioner
I think the quality of education in kindergarten is rather pitiful. Our oldest is 9 years old, he learned piano for two years, then found it too time consuming and he was not willing to stick to it, so he didn’t take it anymore.
Piano lessons for two years cost about 40,000 yuan, and buying a piano cost 10,000. The two years he learned he could play, but now that he hasn’t played in two years, he doesn’t know how to play at all. Almost all the kids around us gave up on piano by the third or fourth grade because it really takes a lot of time to practice, and the more you go to school the harder it gets, and when you go to elementary school, it’s impossible to ignore the language and math. Our sister performed in kindergarten after she learned the violin, and she was very happy to be recognized.
The same goes for painting. The child studied for three years and spent more than 30,000 yuan in total, but he didn’t have time for that after the first grade. On top of that, there was once an art organization that made us pay over $10,000 at a time, and then they moved to a remote location and didn’t give refunds, and there were $3,000 to $4,000 down the drain.
Also, we are still learning tennis, tennis a lesson will cost three to four hundred dollars, tennis skills are very strong, need a lot of time to practice. We don’t have time, we can only go once a week, and now it’s basically useless, and I’m thinking of stopping.
My feeling is that this type of quality education program, continued long-term investment is okay, to interrupt the equivalent of a waste of learning, not to mention spending more money, taking up the child’s time, it is better to let him really do something he can persist, meaningful.
Over the years the child has spent more than 200,000 on extracurricular training, but in elementary school these quality courses are abandoned, and the skills learned are slowly rusty, and the money is wasted.
I have now learned that it is almost impossible for a child to get into a university that is better than his father and me. We both graduated from East China Normal University, I have a master’s degree, my husband has a bachelor’s degree, and it’s too difficult for our child to get into a 985 school like ours.
We are in Shanghai and it’s super hard for kids to get into high school in middle school, and students who can go to 985 schools basically have a monopoly on 10 or so high schools. According to the ratio, he can’t get into a 985 institution now even if he is number one in his class, he has to be ranked number one in his entire grade to make it, which he obviously can’t do at the moment. So we already have every expectation that our kid won’t get into a school as good as ours.
There is a story about a village with 10 kids, only 2 of them can go to college, and everyone is just pulling out birds, catching fish, climbing mountains, collecting rocks every day, and the village is laughing. Suddenly came a training institution said, I give you training can make your children go to a major university. These 10 children have gone to training, from then on the family chicken, the end is still only two children went to college, the ratio has not changed, the process so that parents, children are very painful. This is the inner volume.
We have no obsession with 985 schools, people with average education around us, feel that their lives are not as good as they want because they did not get into a good university, but we have gone to a pretty good university, and it is not better than others.
I think it does not matter whether the child can get into college, but he can not give up trying, the child has not yet entered the age of choice, or first efforts, or later do not know what they can do, only be forced to push forward. After doing your best, even if you can only get into an ordinary university or vocational school, at least you have tried.
2
The training of OU and primary school has no effect
Also by the tennis training course cut leeks
Zhang Yong|
Beijing enterprise employee
Our child is in his second year of junior high school and has enrolled in many classes, the most useless being the OU class and the junior high school promotion class.
The child from the fourth to sixth grade has been in the OU class, once a week, two hours each time, three years down a total of 30,000 to 40,000 yuan, the results of the child’s math scores did not improve at all.
First of all, the child struggled to learn in the class, he could understand when the teacher talked, but it was more difficult to do it by himself, and I wasted a lot of time tutoring him. I also wasted a lot of time tutoring him. Moreover, there is not much direct connection between AoM and in-class math, so it didn’t help him in in-class math, and he is still relatively poor in math.
Also at the beginning of primary school, there are institutions that say they can give your child a boost, they can help you plan, and most importantly, they imply that parents have a chance to get into a certain secondary school. We went to a year, a lesson more than 600 yuan, spent 30,000 to 40,000 yuan, and finally did not get into that middle school, even we do not even know whether this institution worked, how it works.
This institution is the knowledge of the elementary school level to speak about the dry goods, when the propaganda is the course is for a school knowledge to break down the lesson. Of course, they did not give a clear promise that the probability of getting into that high school, so in the end we had to eat a dud if we could not get in.
In addition, we have also been fooled by tennis lessons. We took tennis lessons for two or three years and spent about 10,000 per year. The organization we were attending at the time was called Dynamic Sports, but then the store near our home closed, and the organization told us to go to another store in the East Fourth Ring for lessons, or switch to badminton, and asked to finish spending within a year.
There is too far away, we do not want to go, and finally 7,000-8,000 yuan short, they are not willing to refund, but also can not take classes, the two sides back and forth for a long time. I also called 12315, but also useless, and finally we are really tired, this thing will not be settled.
After encountering these relatively pit things, I am very cautious to enroll in institutions, I have recognized their nature, is to make money. And enrolled in the class can not improve, so later I am not too looking for institutions, are directly looking for the approved teacher to teach.
3
Spent tens of thousands of dollars
The child’s math test only 15 points
MeiMei|
Full-time mother in Shanxi Province
Our son is in his second year of junior high school and ranks at the bottom of his class most of the time. In a recent midterm exam, he scored 15 in math and 30 in English.
Over the years, we, as an average county family, have invested more than 100,000 RMB in our children, and we can say that it has not worked at all.
From the second grade onwards the child is in a care class, with language, math and English teachers to help with homework, 1200 yuan per subject per semester. After the third and fourth grade, they attend extracurricular classes on weekends and during the summer and winter vacations, and they send gifts to teachers every semester in the small county.
Because my child is shy and introverted, I enrolled him in elocution classes in the fifth grade for two years, about 2,000 yuan a year, and drums, also for two years, 2,400 yuan a year tuition.
The child’s own qualifications are average, or even a little stupid, and lazy, a little interested in music, but not willing to insist on good practice.
When the junior high school, I was worried that he could not pass the junior high school, I hired a separate tutor, 60 yuan an hour, two hours a day, more than two months of continuous tutoring, this alone cost more than 10,000 yuan. Then he barely got into junior high school, but his grades have been bad.
I think we’ve mixed badly enough, so we can’t let our children be worse than us in the future, and we can also say that we’ve not achieved anything on our children, right? But over the years, no matter what efforts I made, it did not work. I think as an ordinary family, the time and money invested are considered great, but the child’s learning has not improved at all.
Sometimes, the child’s attitude is fine, and he also learns, but he just can’t learn well, and soon forgets what he has learned. He once told me, “You can’t push me too hard, you have to let me grow up, you can’t even give me a choice. Give me. “
So now I’m also a little hesitant, thinking that it’s not possible to take an artistic route, or go to a specialist. I later reflected on the fact that he is 15 years old and is approaching the age where I can’t control him, so what I say and do won’t help much, so I’m not going to do what I did before.
The money spent on the child’s education is indeed a waste of money, but I do not regret it, because if I do not do this I may later regret, regret. Now that he has been raised for so long it is almost time to die, let’s just let nature take its course in the future.
4
The tens of thousands of dollars of early education is not a bit useful
The company also often encountered early education institutions run away
Yang Yang|
Beijing Internet practitioner
Our child is 3.5 years old, and we have enrolled in early education classes, AI classes, art classes, math thinking, and English. The early childhood education is once a week, a one-time payment of 26,000 yuan, AI class, mathematical thinking, English, art about 600 yuan per subject, two times a week.
The child began to enroll in early education from one and a half years old, mainly to exercise social and sports, for a year, and then the early education institution ran away, losing more than 10,000. The overall feeling is not much effect, is to find a relatively good environment to play with children.
I signed up for AI classes because my child was not yet old enough to go to kindergarten, so I wanted to give training in advance, plus I saw a lot of advertisements and parents around me said that their children were also taking them, so I bought them. However, I found that my child was too young and it was hard for him to concentrate on the lessons quietly and carefully. I think 3-6 year olds taking AI classes is actually a false proposition, caused by parental anxiety.
Personally, I don’t think early education is too useful. Children at the right age can exercise in life with movements such as lying and walking, while cognition and music can be mastered in the home environment. Many parents hope that their children can be exposed to other children in advance and exercise socialization, but the real situation is that children go to early childhood education are held by parents to do all kinds of interactive actions, and did not play a big role, more people are anxious under the herd behavior.
Now I have stopped the early childhood education and the rest of the courses, and take my child everywhere to play, to build enough security for her in the parent-child relationship, and then give her some guidelines for self-discipline habits, guide her curiosity about knowledge, and let her explore on her own to build confidence.
Also, I think dancing, painting, roller skating, and Lego are all IQ taxes. I still hope my child can have a healthy body, a lively and cheerful personality, a good upbringing, and can develop good self-discipline habits. As parents, we need to protect our child’s curiosity about the world and knowledge, don’t push her, let her have her own hobbies instead of plucking them, and I accept her mediocrity and ordinariness. My own biggest anxiety is the conditions for further education, which is actually determined by the parents’ economic power, so I have to work hard to create good economic conditions for her.
5
My child’s college entrance exam scores are getting lower and lower each time
Years of painstaking investment wasted
GardenBoy|
Hangzhou self-employed
I am a small self-employed person who came to Hangzhou from the countryside to work, and I have been doing business here for 20 to 30 years. My daughter is 23 years old and we have paid special attention to her education since she was a child. As soon as she was born, we enrolled her in swimming and painting classes, and in elementary school and junior high school, all of which cost more than 200 yuan a class ten years ago. However, the child’s performance was not too good.
Later, I also found a relative’s child from my hometown to tutor her in the summer and winter, the relative’s child is a bully, studying to graduate school, but the effect is not obvious after tutoring.
The child’s personality is not very social, so I enrolled her in some speech and dance classes, hoping that she will communicate more with her classmates. In junior high school, she could still rank about 10 in her class, but in her second and third year, she probably had more things on her mind and her grades kept declining, especially in math.
Even so, I still had great expectations when she went to high school, enrolled in the New Oriental special training classes in Beijing, participated in some national essay competitions, and so on, and as long as there was an opportunity, I gave her a chance to fight for it, sparing no money. After high school, although she also studied very seriously, every night to 11 o’clock, also enrolled in a lot of classes, but she began to read novels at that time, before learning good English also failed, math is still not good.
Finally, in the college entrance examination, she did not get into the undergraduate program in the first year. Later she repeated the year, also took a lot of online classes, the college entrance exam score is lower than the first year. Finally, she had no choice but to go to a remote place to attend a specialist college.
Over the years, I don’t know if it was because I put too much pressure on my daughter, so that she was often not affirmed, or her own personality, she has not been very good at getting along, and often had conflicts with her classmates and teachers when she was in high school.
Over the years, I’m sure I’ve spent more than 200,000 on my child’s education, and it’s all down the drain, so to speak. Now I’m relieved, and I don’t expect much from my youngest son when he enrolls in a class once in a while.
6
The chances are that my child will not be as good as me in the future
Accept that the child is an ordinary person
Xuan Yi|
Shanghai University Professor
Our child is in the 6th grade and has studied piano for a while, but we didn’t keep an eye on him to practice and he didn’t like it for a while so he stopped learning.
Then our school opened a basketball class, so I enrolled him in it. Before that, when I was busy, I was giving my child a night class, but now I’ve stopped. What I’m currently doing is giving my child math tutoring once a week.
Over the years, the investment of more than 100,000 yuan is definitely there. Training classes are much more expensive than in the public education system. A class at our university costs about 80-120 yuan, while the child’s after-school class costs 400 yuan a class.
The child’s grades were not very good until he was 10 years old. We always felt that the child’s age was small for his age, and he was a boy, so he would lag a bit. Of course, we can’t rule out that individual little boys are very smart, but I have clearly realized that our child is not outstandingly qualified, so we are willing to give him time. We prefer that he spend more time on sports, especially outdoor sports, or his own hobbies.
We are more able to perceive ourselves as average people, and so is the baby. We accept that our child will not be as good as me afterwards, because I find that my students are basically not as good as me now, so it is unlikely that we hope our child will get into our school in the future.
I am actually quite open-minded, after all, China’s population is less, the children’s economic pressure is not so big, the house is always there, the future skilled operators will also be scarce, read a second and a third school is not as good as learning a skill to the real.
I later rejected that environment and became more and more Buddhist.
I’ve been a teacher and have seen too many students, and there are really big differences between people’s qualifications, so it’s okay to help your child improve under the right conditions, but it’s unlikely to expect a big transformation. The reason why parents chicken children, it is because the children do not have the ability to make their own decisions, parents try to wait for the children after puberty and then chicken children how. In fact, no one wants to be so chicken by others, chicken parents try to try to change positions with the child will be how. Those parents when their own career development is not much space how not to chicken themselves? The effect of education is reflected through others, and education is the most personalized thing, different from person to person. The most effective way to educate a child is to arouse the child’s self-drive. Therefore, good education should help children build self-drive and guide them appropriately according to their own conditions, interests and hobbies.
At the request of the interviewees, Xiao Ru, Zhang Yong, Yang Yang, Xuan Yi, Mei Mei and Yuan Bo are pseudonyms in the article.
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