Perhaps you never thought how significant the impact of your own random words can be on your child’s little mind. So, what are the words that should be erased from our brains forever?
The five worst words
1, “How come the older you get the more ……”
If a six-year-old cries because he can’t get what he wants, it’s because he’s only six; if a four-year-old can’t always stay quiet in his car seat, it’s because he’s only four. While we always want our children to act more mature and obedient, here’s the thing: kids are always going to go through those years of stubborn, naughty, self-centered, hyperactive, etc. behavior that is necessary for them to grow up.
It’s easy for many parents to forget this fact, because these “misbehaviors” always irritate them. However, when such words are spoken to a child, they express only empty rebuke and ignore the reasons why the child is doing what he or she is doing. When you yell at your child, “You’re getting older and older,” you are only focusing on your own feelings. We recommend understanding the feelings of young children and using more compassionate sentences to communicate with them when you can’t help but reprimand them.
- “Don’t run, you’ll fall.”
This is certainly well-intentioned, as parents, always want to protect their children. However, we would still like to say that warnings such as these are rather more likely to frustrate the child, and you know what, when you say this you are actually sending the message to the child that the child will definitely fall. For a child who is trying to become independent, such a message is certainly a heavy blow. So a better way to say it might be, “Make sure you remember to tie your shoes before you go out to play.” That way you emphasize the shoelaces, not the child’s clumsiness.
And, when parental warnings don’t turn out to be true over and over again (Watch out, the juice will spill! You’ll break the cup! ), the child slowly shows disdain for the parent’s advice, because he thinks it’s just random talk.
- “I’m just teasing you.”
Do not expose the baby in front of outsiders.
Perhaps think that it’s no big deal to joke with your child, and that you can also develop his sense of humor. But ever thought that when a parent says this to a child, “If you don’t listen carefully to what mommy says, next time I’ll glue your ears shut.” Have you ever thought that the child might actually believe that he or she will do that? As a parent, the responsibility is to love and help your child, not to make yourself appear so humorous and funny with words that seem humorous but are actually insulting. Therefore, some words are not serious, it is best not to say.
- “Why can’t you be like someone else?”
Comparisons such as these can only lead to one thing: making your child feel like a second-class citizen, and can also lead to animosity and fighting between children. If you want your child to always get the red flower like the next child, or to be polite like his little cousin, using such comparisons will never work and will only serve to undermine your child’s self-confidence. Remember, the more you tell your child that he is not as good as others, the more he will believe that he is not good enough. Therefore, it is wiser to accept your child’s strengths and weaknesses with tolerance, and then encourage him to grow happily in a direction that best suits him.
- “What did I just tell you?”
Such a question, of course, you know the answer. So, this kind of question with a little bit of mocking tone is actually a kind of accusation. If a parent really wants to blame a child for not doing what the parent wants, it would be better to say clearly, “I’m upset because I’ve told you three times. But I’m going to tell you one more time to put the toys you don’t play with back in the box.”
Even if you are trying to say the same thing, the type of expression and the words you choose will have a big impact on your child – even if it is assumed that they sometimes don’t even hear what you are saying.
In the process of interacting with your child, whether it’s making a request, giving an answer, or talking terms with him to reach a compromise. The statements you use may make your child more willing to cooperate and more confident, but they may also make them feel frustrated and disillusioned.
So, which words will bring the magic of problem solving and make your child happy?
The five best phrases
- “You make your own decisions.”
If you want your child to do something, or to stop doing something, we suggest you say this. Saying so is to let your child understand: he is responsible for his own actions. As an example, say to your child and his buddies, “You make the decision, do you want to stay here and play quietly, or do you want to go outside?” After five minutes, if the children are still loud, you can tell them again, “I see, it seems that you have decided to go outside.” In two simple sentences, the child not only understands the relationship between cause and effect, but is also not seen as a “bad cop” – he clearly understands that he made the decision and chose the outcome himself.
- “Mommy loves you, but Mommy doesn’t like what you’re doing.”
As a parent, it is always inevitable that sometimes the child will be blamed. At this time, the most important thing is to separate the thing itself from the person who did it – so that the child will know that he or she did something bad, but it does not mean that he or she is a bad person. By telling your child “Mommy loves you” while criticizing him, you also remind yourself that the purpose of criticizing your child is to help him distinguish between right and wrong, not to punish him. If you can think this way, it will be easier to stay calm in front of your child’s mistakes.
- “What are you actually trying to say?”
There are times when a small child becomes so angry or excited that he becomes emotionally out of control, he can’t articulate his feelings and just keeps yelling, “I don’t want you!” “I hate you!” In that moment, the only words the poor little one can think of are these. At this point, it’s up to the parent to help the child better understand and express his or her emotions. Besides gently asking, “What are you actually trying to say?” You can also give him some reference answers, “Are you angry because Little Brother Ming has revealed your secret?” When the child gradually learns to understand his inner feelings, then, even if the parents are not around, he can clearly express his feelings to the people around him.
- “You try to help me solve this problem.”
If the child does something that makes the parent angry – keeps humming a new song learned in kindergarten during dinner, or tries to draw a picture with the greens in his hand – say so. Say it as if the problem is your own, and then ask the child to help the parent come up with a solution. For example: The solution is to wait until dinner is finished and you start washing the dishes before he sings to you.
This is a magic sentence that makes the child feel welcome and respected for his behavior and allows him to not see the parent as his antagonist. If the only solution that satisfies the parent is for the child to completely stop what he or she is doing, then together you can figure out what the child can remember what not to do at what time.
- “Different people have different needs.”
“Sisi has dolls, so I want one too.” “Little Ming’s dad lets him have ice cream, so I can have it too,” is the simple logic most commonly used by young children to bargain with parents. In such cases, be sure to tell him clearly, “Different people have different needs.” Make sure the child understands that “everyone gets only when he really needs it.” For example, just because the young lady next door gets glasses doesn’t mean all the kids in the building can get them. Just because a cousin’s shoes are small doesn’t mean all of his siblings need to buy a new pair of shoes.
It’s best not to blame your child for problems, because problems always find a reason from the parents. How a child is is extremely relevant to the language of the parents. One should be careful in expressing our words to our children and expect that raising good children starts with the words and actions of parents.
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