Life’s friends can be roughly divided into four types: those who do not think of us when they are happy, but come to us only to share their pain when they are helpless. This kind of friend is also often the least able to share the pain of others, and only wants others to bring him joy. He pours out all his pain on others, but quickly forgets it himself.
One kind of friend is the one who seeks out a friend only when he is happy, but buries his pain inside himself, and this kind of friend usually understands the pain of others. He catches the pain when we throw it away.
One is that he needs to share with others whatever the moment and whatever the mood, believing that it is better to be happy alone than to be happy with others, or to be sad alone than to be sad with others. He will always have peers, but he is also curious and nosy and always wants his friends to be like him and confide in him about everything that is most private.
There is another kind of friend, who is not particularly close to anyone, who has his own unique way of life, who is happy and sober alone, who is broad-minded and thoughtful, and who has some unfathomable mystery about him. The greatest benefit of their friendship is that they are good listeners, and like the ocean they can accommodate the outpouring of joy or pain of others, but they are not shaken. Because he knows the key to solving problems, he encourages others in their joy and helps them in their pain.
To use water as an analogy, the first type of friend is the river type, who flows all the garbage of their own making to the sea; the second type of friend is the pond type, who is good at collecting the pain of others and their own; the third type of friend is the wave type, who always finds their way to the shore in waves and never stands still; the fourth type of friend is the ocean type, who is open to all rivers, but never loses himself.
Of course, it is not absolute to classify friends in this way, because there are thousands of faces of friends, but this is just a general type. What kind of friends do we really want to have? Or, what kind of friend do we want to be?
In The Friendship of Gibran there are two passages: “Your friend comes to answer your need; he is your field, which you sow with love, and reap with gratitude. He is your table and your lamp, for you go to him when you are hungry, and seek him for peace. “‘Give your best to your friend, and if he must know your lows, let him know your highs too!’ What’s the point of looking for your friends if they’re just there to pass the time? Find him and share your life! Because he satisfies your needs, not fills your emptiness, let there be laughter and sharing in the sweetness of friendship! For the mind is refreshed as it finds its morning in the dewdrops of trifles. “
In an agrarian society, friendships are pure, because there is little at stake. In adolescence, friendships are pure because there is more of a spiritual and spiritual connection and less of a desire to be entangled. In industrialized middle-aged people, friendships are often complicated and the word “friend” is overused, and it is hard to walk along the shore with someone and listen to each other. In a tea house with a person, talk about something pure. Friends become a community, to be poured into a beer house, to be gulped down in a restaurant, to be yelled at, and even to be sung to in a dark place like karaoke.
Once upon a time, we found clarity of mind, comfort and care, wisdom and peace in places of friendship; now, friends make us cloudy, indifferent, lost, foolish and restless. Modern man has become a “river type” and a “pond type”. The “wave” pattern, look for the sea. It’s hard to be open-minded.
In modern society, solitude and solitude become very important. The so-called “solitude” is when one is alone, also can be joyful, have the fullness of soul and life, even if one sits quietly all afternoon, also can be at peace; the so-called “solitude” is when one is not alone. To be “awake alone” is not to be confused by the pleasures of the crowd. The way of life that everyone thinks we should live is not always right for us.
Only when we are able to be happy and awake alone can we become oceanic people, able to tolerate the rushing of rivers, the fullness of ponds, and the pushing of waves without compromising our own purity.
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