The story about the woman in her 50s who drove herself away from home has been in the news repeatedly for the past two days. Sometimes I wonder why home can be so exhausting and depressing, and why people feel so imprisoned.
I’ve seen a lot of unhappy marriages, and while both men and women may feel unhappy, there are so many similar links and factors in the unhappy marriages I hear from women.
When you think about it, it’s these men who are not made in the mold of their partners, and really, if you look at them from the lover’s point of view, they’re terrible. These men, without even thinking about it, have been spoiled, and neither society nor their families have thought about how to mold a man who is truly fit to be someone’s husband.
Most of the unlucky marriages they talk about look like this, where the man is so lazy that he can’t be bothered to move once he gets home. The socks are thrown around, the clothes are left lying around, the wrinkles are asked to be ironed by you, and the holes are asked to be sewn by you. Shoes are not shined, sneakers are not washed. You can’t go into the kitchen, and even if you do, it’s better not to go into my soup.
Not only do they do nothing, they create all kinds of trouble. They make you feel that one day is enough just to deal with the garbage he makes and to clean up after him. Opening the closet door and never knowingly closing it. Open the bag of melon seeds and never know how to tie it. After eating melon seeds, the rinds pile up in this pile and that pile in that pile. Throw the TV remote control here today and there tomorrow. Don’t cover the toilet seat when you go to the toilet. After taking a bath, they go around ticking water.
While they are lazy, they don’t relax their standards for you, picking on the saltiness of the food, picking on whether the clothes are ironed neatly, picking on the dirty floor, picking on the child who hasn’t bathed in days, picking on the child whose homework isn’t tutored properly, picking on you who didn’t say this, picking on the relative who didn’t respond well.
They lack understanding and compassion for you. When you’re not feeling well, when your stomach hurts, they come back and complain that the food isn’t on time. When you are in a bad mood, they call you a liar.
They have bad tempers and are violent with words and actions.
They are uninteresting, unable to express love, unable to express emotion, unable to say warm words, unable to amuse you, unable to give you an orgasm.
They don’t want you to spend money on them.
……
Of course there are many, many more. Think about how our families have raised men. Especially the older generation. Boys are born into the world and pampered, not allowed to work, believing that it is a disgrace for a man to do housework and that men should be waited on. These boys grew up seeing women who worked quietly and diligently, but of course he thought that’s how women should be. If the family has a yell, disrespectful women who do not move to domestic violence, the boy can moreover learn from childhood, what good can be learned. Demeaning women, contemptuous of the atmosphere of the girl, but also make them feel no need to respect women, how can they suddenly will respect and understand the wife. Men should focus on their careers, and as long as you can make a lot of money, what kind of women don’t. Men with this kind of viewpoint, how can they respect their wives? With this view of the man, how can from the heart willing to go into a woman’s inner world, to understand their emotions, to communicate with them as equals? A woman should do housework, a woman should have children, which women do not. The man with this idea and how can he empathize with a woman’s hardship and want to share her sorrows?
It is really difficult to find an ideal partner in such an environment. Because he can’t just pop up out of nowhere. Most of my girlfriends whose partners are not too bad have gone through a lot of hard work. The process of getting together is also very difficult.
There are many who just get by. By middle age, many of them can’t take it anymore. ……
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