However, there is always only one first place

Have you ever wondered? Why do we have a sense of gap?

Look at the kid next door, how good his grades are; why don’t you learn from your sister, it’s good that you know half as much as she does.

90 points? Why is there 10 points missing? Why can’t you get a perfect score?

You are familiar with this, right?

Since childhood, both parents and teachers at school always compare us. We were asked to work harder, to improve, to struggle, or else we would not be able to make a living in society in the future. So we did as we were told, and we worked hard, waking up at 6:00 every day and going to bed at 12:00 every night. The weight of my school bag bent my waist, but I felt that I had not worked hard enough, and I wanted to put more exercise books in it, because it was loaded with everyone’s expectations. This includes teachers, parents, relatives, friends, and even I think so.

However, there is always only one first place.

Even if I improve from 80 to 90, my parents still compare me with others and ask me why I have 10 points less and why I can’t get a perfect score.

It’s true, we still didn’t work hard enough, so why did we lose 10 points?

So we continued to work and work hard …… we were always in a state of “I am not good enough “, I have to keep working hard state.

I thought my childhood was like this, but I never thought it would be the same all my life. For a long time, the inertia of such thinking has put us in a state of denial and extreme anxiety at the sight of someone’s success. So much so that when the gap between my ideals and reality arose, I remembered the test paper that I used to take. I tried to ask my parents and teachers, and they told me, “You have to keep trying.

But why didn’t anyone tell me that I should learn to “accept myself”?

Is this the answer?

I planned to buy a house with a down payment after 8 years of work, but I couldn’t do it due to various factors. Well, I accept that I will never be able to afford a house in my lifetime.

On Saturday, I planned to study, work out and read, but I slept until 12 noon, and I was recommended by the TV series on the Internet, so I didn’t do anything but catch up with the drama on vacation. Well, I accept that I am just too lazy and not disciplined enough.

I quarreled with a friend and got angry and said a lot of unpleasant things. Well, to accept their own temper is so bad, who let him upset me.

When you understand “self-acceptance” with such an attitude, you are very wrong. Self-acceptance is not an excuse for not wanting to change, not wanting to take responsibility.

It is self-acceptance, not self-abandonment, that we need to achieve.

What is self-acceptance?

–Acceptance of the way things are now, and acceptance of the life you would prefer to change for the better.

Psychologist Maslow talks about self-acceptance.

First, a self-accepting person can accept themselves and others, not bothered by their own or others’ shortcomings, feel internal embarrassment and uneasiness, they can openly accept their current situation, including their own needs, levels, and desires, and likewise tolerate the weaknesses and problems of others, and live with ease.

To first admit their own shortcomings in a certain area, indeed they are the existence of a certain area of shortcomings. Then to the issue itself, through a more complete understanding, and get along well with it. It is part of your life, or in the perspective of certain things, not all of them are shortcomings.

I have a friend who has a social phobia.

His biggest fear is that at noon, the group called him to eat lunch together. It’s not that he doesn’t like friends, nor is he introverted and afraid to talk, but he wants to eat alone and quietly.

He would be troubled by this character for a long time, because he is an entrepreneur and needs to face different customers every day. Every time he failed to negotiate cooperation, he would always think, this damn personality and get in the way.

He would even fall into a time of confusion and self-doubt, “Am I not suitable for business? Not suitable to face so many strangers? “

Later, he made a “reconciliation” with himself, admitting that he did have social phobia and that it was a part of him.

You may think, then he gave up his business?

Not really.

Many people think that social phobia is not good at talking, but on the contrary, social phobic people are more empathetic and more receptive to each other’s emotions. Some “rough” character friends read books on user psychology every day, but just can’t get into it.

Later, because the partner company felt he was sincere enough and understood the user, the final project was also negotiated.

Accept your current situation, and you will gain great energy.

When your starting point is no longer “I am not good enough, I have to keep trying”, but through self-acceptance When your starting point is no longer “I’m not good enough, I want to keep trying”, but through self-acceptance, “I want to be better”, the behavior and results you get will be very different.

I love a book called “The Courage to be Hated,” which includes a quote that describes how

Self-acceptance is not saying to yourself that you got a 60, “It was just bad luck this time, you could have gotten a 100”.

Instead, it’s about accepting the 60 points honestly and thinking hard about “how to get closer to the 100 points”.

How can I accept myself?

How do we accept ourselves when there is a gap between reality and the gap? The following suggestions are given.

① Identify yourself first.

Write down the reasons why you can’t reach the ideal gap, the more detailed the better, and be careful not to bring emotions, but the objective facts.

② Admit that you are lacking in a certain area.

After writing out the reasons, compare your own progress. Remember, it is a comparison of yourself, not a comparison influenced by the outside world. No one is perfect, shortcomings are bound to exist, compared with the past, when you will find that you are indeed making progress, it is worth praising and encouraging. It’s okay not to make progress, there are always more ways than difficulties.

③ What are the places where you can improve and enhance?

In response to the analysis of the causes, go to perfect each step of your weak ring. You don’t need to take one step to get to the top, but plan your progress in a structured way, and you can feel better and better about yourself.

Maybe at first there will be a bit of heart but not enough power, is normal, like driving, once you take action to step on the gas, the back will be more and more smooth, more and more good.