In the early 1990s, Li Chunbo’s song “Little Fang” flowed through the streets and alleys of the city, and every day when I walked to and from work, my ears were filled with this song in the vernacular: “There’s a girl in the village called Little Fang, good-looking and kind …….” This song reminded me of someone, and I don’t know if she is considered to be Little Fang.
Her name was Xiu’er. Because of her family’s poverty, she was married at the tender age of 17 to a useless man in the production team where her brother had settled. On the day of her wedding, she did not “cry” like most girls do. She really cried and quietly let her tears flow, causing the aunts and sisters-in-law in the courtyard to blush one by one with her new daughter-in-law, saying that a flower was stuck in a cow’s shit.
Xiu’er’s in-laws are in the same compound as her brother. Every day at the end of the day, people walk into their homes, then turn out again with their rice bowls, squatting in front of their homes or in the courtyard to drink porridge loudly, except for her brother, who is starving and busy with the cold stove.
The first time Xiu’er walked in her brother’s doorway, she had a look of sympathy on her face. She didn’t say a word, just took her brother’s bowl of rice and went to her own house and brought over a bowl full of sweet potato gruel. From then on, she often came over to help with the cooking, and gradually, she also did the mending and washing.
My brother thanked her and said that when he returned to the city, he would buy her a flower cloth, a hairpin or something to give her. Xiu’er shook her head and said she didn’t care about that. My brother was a little puzzled, which young woman does not like to wear red and green? He wondered what was so important to you, she said. She said she wanted to hear stories about the city.
Her brother was delighted, so he told her stories about the city and about books in a colorful manner. Xiu’er listened with rapt attention, her eyes glistening, and from time to time a string of tears hung on her face, sighing, “It’s so nice in the city, it’s so nice outside. My brother was amazed that a girl in the mountains could have such a delicate and easily moved heart.
The summer was busy with farming, and men, women and children were all mobilized to harvest and plant. One day at noon, as soon as people took their rice bowls, the heavens suddenly changed, a gust of wind blew over, and dark clouds rolled over the sky, making it look like a rainstorm was coming. The production captain threw away his rice bowl and raced to the drying field, shouting all the way to the drying dam, “Go and grab the grain!
The drying field was filled with the rations that had been handed over to the state and the rations for the whole team, which could not be spoiled by God. When the last basket of grain was carried into the temporary storehouse, the rainstorm brushed the ground and cascaded down like a waterfall.
On a whim, my brother rushed into the rain and said, “Which one of you is coming with me? Which one will be my wife?”
Unexpectedly, Xiu’er, who was sheltering from the rain in a temporary warehouse, responded brightly, “I’ll go with you ……”.
The local custom was extraordinarily tolerant of married women, who were free to joke with men other than their husbands without any inhibitions, and no one took them seriously. Everyone started to laugh, saying, “Hui, you’ve gotten lucky, and Xiu’er is the number one beauty in the bay. He realized that Xiu’er was not joking, which made him excited and confused, and stood still in the rain with his face red.
Xiu’er was anxious: “Come in quickly, what are you doing? Turn around and yell, “What are you laughing at? Unlike you, they are not like you, with a head full of tofu dregs.
Hearing this, my brother almost burst into tears. In those years, he was used to being treated as a “son of a dog” and scorned by others. The lonely and young heart of the young man was burnt to the bone by the respect and hot affection a girl from the mountains had for him. Perhaps, this is what first love feels like?
However, the “feeling” of this first love is very heavy and helpless. After all, Xiu’er was married, and while it was common for couples to fight to the death for hundreds of miles, divorce was unheard of; more importantly, my brother could not shake off or give up the hope of returning to the city, which had disappointed him so many times.
He began to run away from Xiu’er.
That night, everyone in the courtyard was gone. The production team held a distribution meeting, and no one, young or old, cared about their own bellies. It was dark, there was no moonlight, and the harvested fields were silent, leaving only the monotonous chirping of autumn insects in the grass. Xiu’er came knocking at the door. My brother tried his best to ask in a very indifferent tone, “Xiu’er, why don’t you go to the meeting? Xiu’er said coquettishly, “I’m not going. I want to hear your story.
He hesitated for half a day before the brother opened the door. Xiu’er wore a red bright clothes a fire like a group of people jumped in, hot eyes directly forced brother, she wordlessly jumped in his arms. The young man was silly. He just felt blood rushing to his head, his heart was pounding wildly, and his throat was so hot and dry that he couldn’t breathe. He froze there.
After what seemed like a century, or just an instant, his brother calmly pushed Xiu’er away, though he had subconsciously hoped for this moment more than once, but he could not. Xiu’er’s face brushed white, and tears gathered in her wide eyes, slowly trickling down her cheeks like a river.
She mumbled, “I know I’m not good enough for you, I’m not …… I just want to ……” for a long time, she suddenly flew out and said, “Actually, I haven’t broken yet. ” He turned around and ran out, drowning in the unfathomable darkness outside the door.
……
My brother was finally transferred back to the city, to a coal mine where people with good “ingredients” would never go. Early in the morning on the day he left, he caught a boat to the county town. As the boat was leaving, he put his luggage down and looked up, and suddenly saw Xiu’er, still wearing her red blouse, standing far away on a rock. The boat drifted very fast downstream, and Xiu’er and the stone beneath her quickly became a distant exclamation point, forever frozen in his brother’s memory.
That year, my brother, who was already a university professor, made a long trip back to the place where he had settled. He said he could not forget the bright red exclamation mark on the green hills and rivers, nor could he forget the scene where Xiu’er stood by the river.
He brought back a picture of Xiu’er. She looked old. As many years of coarse life has worn away her looks, only the eyes are still unchanged kindness, still reveals a few sadness, a few helplessness.
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