Having recently read most of your public posts, thank you for putting aside moral judgement to rationally express your views and point me to the confused crowd.
Like you said, my story may be a bit clichéd and different, so I’m here to send you a message for help.
I’m a 30-year-old woman who has been married for two years and has not yet had children, and I cheated on my immediate supervisor this year. The leader is 44 years old, has three children at home, and lives in a tier one city.
This company is a system within the enterprise, the leader in the inside work for 20 years, for internal and external are able to navigate, wise and intelligent, have the power and take care of subordinates, so I have long admired adore. Currently he is vice president, I am the department head.
In May this year, the leader took the initiative to find me to talk about work with ambiguous jokes, I every day like in love with the little girl holding the phone looking forward to information. Eventually fell into a relationship. At that time I was not aware of the extramarital affair, think it is their own crush for a long time to confess, excited excited, turned around to face the husband at home to face the guilt of self-recrimination to know that he had done something wrong.
Guilt blame did not stop the pace of mistakes, and the leadership will date every week, either together on business or in the local, at least two days a week to eat and live together. The leader came from home on Monday and came home on Friday. As we spent more and more time together, my possessiveness began to kick in, and I was particularly unhappy and even depressed when he came home on Friday, crying several times.
By this time I was actually falling in love with him myself.
He made it clear from the beginning that the reason he wouldn’t look for a young girl was that he couldn’t handle the responsibility and he wouldn’t divorce. In August and September I wanted to stick to him every day, hoping that the divorce with him to have a family and children, even if not to give me the name can be, he firmly replied that I could not. Finally, one day after drinking too much wine in his house downstairs waiting for him, he finally did not want to hide it, his wife followed out to see me.
After that is his wife made a scene, he did not say separate, but very sad to alienate me cold me, for fear that I make him responsible.
Two weeks later, he found that I did not stick to him, resumed before working hard, no longer fantasize about having a home and children with him, but began to have sex with me again, arrange business trips together, accompany me a few days a week just like back to the beginning of the same passion. But only if I had to come home on Friday to spend the weekend with the kids. His wife checks in very strictly as well.
I, on the other hand, my husband found out about me, read all my conversations and took pictures, and didn’t mention divorce. But I can see a lot of doubt and fear in my husband’s eyes. My husband’s science and engineering, honest and stable, earned no more than I, good for parents, good character. Before thinking about an extramarital affair more did not think about divorce, but now I do not think I love my husband. It is not willing to part with such a good person, or fear of divorce after the sad days of unknown fear ….
Currently still struggling with leadership and we have almost high density interactions at work.
So it takes a lot of gumption on my part to want to separate, and I’m resigned to the fact that I’m dragging him along even though my marriage is dying, so now I’m logging every time we’re together and feel like I’m going to tear it up sooner or later. On the one hand, I’ll still be unhappy that he can’t talk to me anytime on the weekends.
Leaving the job is a bit hard for both of us. He has a lifetime career, and I just got a promotion with great potential. The most important thing you can do is to make sure that you’re not going to be able to get rid of it.
I let him buy a package to buy tens of thousands of bags, usually thousands of hundreds of even a lot of do not care. And recently I said I want a divorce, a net, no place to settle down, to buy a house down payment you help me, this is my only request. He said, he even borrowed money to put me down payment to buy a house.
The leadership side of the mind I can see through, keep the relationship, do not disturb his family, work together with efforts (we have many opportunities to earn money together).
On the one hand, I think he hurt me, no longer so infatuated with him, I think he is an irresponsible person, not the kind of workplace with a halo of power and responsibility. I no longer fantasize about having an endgame with him, but I still can’t let go of the fact that he’s still not happy when he comes home on Friday. On the one hand, I started to save up evidence, planning to get rid of him finally….
I admit that I’m not noble and I don’t follow the rules of the game, but right now in the maze, I just can’t think straight. So, fire raising, what should I do? Please advise and bother you.
-Permission to disclose-
My response.
Hi, thanks for the trust. You women ah, it is so easy to put yourself in a good marriage made no, the man is very clear that he just want to develop a sexual relationship, that is, without threatening his marriage relationship, a disclaimer in the beginning, you yourself still so put up, who can blame?
Collect evidence and turn him in? Don’t be ridiculous, okay? What can you do? At most is a peach incident, kill eight hundred, self-inflicted losses, unless you are now immediately divorced, single again, and then do not work, may be a little bare feet are not afraid to wear shoes of the momentum, it is estimated that men will be afraid of a little bit.
But ask yourself, is it worth it? For this man, I don’t want to get married, I don’t want to work, and then I want to die for the sake of sex, I’m 30 years old, don’t be so childish, okay?
Your husband in the middle of men is very good, good character, good work, know your things did not push you much, just some hard, also want you to go back, also did not say let you how, look at my tree hole in the extramarital affairs of those women were known, to kill ah, to the other side of the net ah, to find a third party ah, character has not known how many times better.
If you really want to fall in love, also simple, anyway, now also no children, then divorce, go to a few big love, whether it is 44 years old, or 54 years old, or 64 years old, talk hard, talk about the end of the world, the whole world knows you are in love is that.
But don’t ever think about getting married, because marriage is something that, from what you describe, is not for you.
The 44-year-old man, the disclaimer also has, obviously is a man just want to develop a sexual relationship, but the woman put his whole life in the round, woman ah, can not be so stupid, a little bit longer wisdom ah.
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