You can go on without friends
Do you think you are a failure for not being able to make friends successfully? Or are you struggling with too few friends, or even alone? Let me be frank, this kind of thinking is not necessary. The so-called “friends” are just optional. Even if you don’t, it won’t cause you any inconvenience. In my opinion, the essence of a “friend” is…
worthless
Trouble
You can’t get anything out of being together
In other words, even if you give something, you don’t get any value. Just being together doesn’t help in any special way. This is the existence of what is called “friend”.
A friend is not something that can be obtained through hard work. I look back and realize that friends are the guys you “don’t hate to be with”. To trust each other, to cherish each other, to talk about any troubles, to open yourself up – maybe you think that’s what real friends are. However, this idea is not very realistic, and can even say that the difficulty factor is too high. Such a person is already unattainable, not to mention that building a relationship is no easy task. So, try to aim for a relationship where you don’t get bored of spending Time together, even though you don’t have a lot of fun.
The so-called “friend” is not an important existence. Of course, it doesn’t mean that you don’t need friends either. In everyday Life, adults don’t see their friends very often. It’s good to see them, but it’s okay not to see them. It’s easy to get along without getting bored when you see them, and it’s not a problem when you can’t. It’s not a problem in life. Friendship in the adult world is nothing more than that.
Getting along with “others” other than yourself is a painful thing, and it cannot be explained in just a few words. The “other” has a different upbringing, educational philosophy, and mindset than you do. If you do not feel the pain of living with such a person for a long time, it is also very valuable. As long as the condition of “being together” is met, it is enough to establish “Friendship” is enough.
People who are frustrated that they don’t have friends are, if you ask me, just too idealistic in their criteria for friends, wanting to be friends with people who can bring excitement, share joy, and make them feel calm. However, the gap between the ideal and reality will make him repeatedly frustrated.
However, it is also important to look at reality. Relationships are ever-changing, real and palpable and evolving over time. No, I should say that constant change is the norm.
When you enter high school, it’s natural to make different friends than you did in middle school, and it’s not surprising to see relationships change drastically. In just three or four years, your surroundings will be completely different. You’ve had friends you used to play with who have moved to other classes and become distant and don’t even talk to each other, right?
Are you relieved to think so? Even if you don’t have any friends now, you don’t have to care, and you don’t have to sigh when you have few friends, and you don’t have to force yourself to try to make friends. Low self-esteem and self-denial are meaningless.
Forcing yourself to make friends?
I want you to think about it again. The people you are associated with now are not of your own choosing, right? Your classmates, people don’t have any choice, they are assigned together at random. Since they are not of your own choosing, those who like and hate, those who get along and don’t get along are mixed together. Don’t you think it’s like a pipe dream to build ideal relationships among this group of people?
So at 14 years old, you don’t need to worry about a friend, if you think “it’s not going well, it’s troublesome”, just let it go. It’s not helpful to try to fix it, because a relationship that doesn’t work is still not going to work. The relationship will fade away without you realizing it, and the friend will gradually disappear from your life. As you grow up, relationships will naturally change.
However, if you talk to a teacher about your friend’s troubles, the teacher might say something like this.
Think about what you need to improve and try to re-establish your relationship. If you solve the problem, you can be as good as before.
Most people would give this advice. However, once there is a crack in the relationship, the foundation is destroyed, and the relationship will naturally end. The actual fact is, if you don’t want to keep the relationship no matter what, then you don’t have to force yourself to let go. When you are over 20, you will gradually begin to look at your own circle of people, and gradually you will be able to judge “whether this person can become a long-lasting friend”.
You will also get a variety of knowledge and inspiration from the relationships you have experienced. After gaining a lot of experience, you will be able to think about these issues. You can decide for yourself to “stop hanging out with this person,” or you can choose to “Be friends with this person”.
What kind of person should I be friends with?
For me, changing schools can be physically and emotionally exhausting. Moving to a new environment and making up your mind to enter a new school is not just about not being able to enter your circle of friends, not just about not being able to fit in with your class, but every day, every day, somehow being picked on by everyone. The way I chose to carry through this painful day was to follow the strongest person.
Even if you’re just a follower, it’s not a bad thing to be part of an existing power relationship. I met a group of people by chance and fit in, and coincidentally, they were the ones my peers admired. That made things better (for the bullies). As long as there is a strong person with influence looming behind you, the attitude of your opponents will change completely. This is not uncommon in the adult world.
Take an example. There is a despicable guy in the workplace, but when it is known that this guy is actually very favored in a very powerful leader, people’s attitude will be a big turnaround. While this may seem weak and not smart, it is a common occurrence. “It’s mean to take advantage of the powerful people around you”, drop that assumption. It is rare to have such powerful resources around you, or make good use of them. This is also a kind of wisdom.
When you are forced to be at a disadvantage in a relationship, take a hard look at the relationship you are involved in and find the strong person in it. Then, consider what you can do to partner with that person. In short, just stay by that person’s side. It is an iron rule in relationships to keep an eye on the strong object and to be in the company of the strong person, and it is not some despicable practice. I hope you must take this into account.
However, what I hope you must understand is that following the strong is not the same as bullying the weak. Bullying the weak is a despicable act, please be sure to distinguish clearly and never do that.
Of course, being a follower is not a fun thing to do. You are constantly being called around, and you have to suffer. Such a situation, to put it bluntly, is simply lame. You have to look at people’s faces and encounter a lot of pain. Even so, I urge you to join such a power relationship for the time being, because I know very well that such a relationship will not last long. Sometimes seniors who clearly seem to be very powerful suddenly fall to the point of being ignored by everyone, and the opposite happens from time to time.
Being isolated by the whole class, or even the whole year, you can probably guess that there are some reasons for it yourself, but if there are still people around who you can relate to, there is no need to deliberately salvage anything or sulk. Stay with those who are willing to communicate with you first and see what’s going on after a while.
Behind the phenomenon of bullying and being bullied is the emotion of “I don’t know why I just hate that guy”. So yeah, if you’re being bullied, whether it’s for two weeks, or a month, just hang in there for a while. Don’t get confused, you just have to wait and one or two people will come along and establish a normal friendship with you.
Leaving a friend
When a friend wants to leave you, you can only let nature take its course and let the friendship end there. On the other hand, what would you do if you started to get bored with a close friend? Do you leave of your own accord? What can you do to stay away? Maybe you will struggle with these questions.
It is not so easy to erase the disgust in your heart, and it is almost impossible to erase it. So, when you feel disgusted with your friend, it is best to silently pull away. It’s hard to say things like “I’m starting to get annoyed with you,” and it’s even harder to hide dislike perfectly. But at least don’t make it difficult or demeaning, or lie to the other person, just leave in silence. That’s my advice.
A friendship that was hard to build eventually chooses to end because you can’t continue to be happy together. Even then there is no need to worry, it won’t be long before a new relationship emerges. The next encounter is waiting for you.
“Knowing Society at 14” is a set of 8 light and cute library books on topics such as fun, friendship, animals, reading, work and the meaning of life. Suitable for young boys and girls who are confused about the world and life, and of course, maybe you can too.
This article is an excerpt from “Why Don’t You Have Friends” by Toru Hashita, a lawyer whose views are somewhat solid but not without merit. Do you have the courage to read on?
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