As a divorce lawyer, from 2018 onwards, Wang Qi began to receive frequent divorce consultations from the post-90s, and the original “seven-year itch” of Marriage has rapidly compressed its shelf Life to one year or even shorter. The reasons for divorce have also changed from the usual personality disagreements, economic problems, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflicts to things like asymmetrical breasts on the woman’s side and the man not washing his feet in bed ……
Wang Qi does not want to use the “siege” to describe the marriage relationship, she said that it is too cruel, and does not meet the post-90s understanding of marriage. It is essentially more like a contractual relationship, right? You want a divorce, you want to apply for a dissolution, pay the price agreed in advance, and then leave. “
China’s divorce rate has been rising for 16 years in a row, and the post-90s, who have been in their thirties, have become the protagonists of the “divorce”, joining the vast army of divorce.
As a divorce lawyer, from 2018, Wang Qi began to receive frequent divorce advice from the post-90s, the original “seven-year itch” of marriage, the shelf life is rapidly compressed to one year Even shorter. The reasons for divorce, also from the previous common character incompatibility, economic problems, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflict, into such things as the female side of the breast asymmetry, the male side of the bed does not wash feet …… make the older generation jaws.
“They are not so heavy moral shackles, and not like the fathers have such and such marriage taboos. Divorce is all based on emotional preferences and seems more ‘free’. “
Wang Qi wondered, the last straw that crushed the marriage after 90, what is it?
1
Divorce season
The law firm was filled with couples who came to consult, and at a glance, almost all of them were young people.
The scene was quiet, and the sound of hurried footsteps in the corridor was clearly audible. As the people who were once closest to each other, each couple deliberately kept their distance when choosing their seats, and then each put their heads down and played with their phones.
A few sobs came from the corner counseling room, and the crowd raised their eyes.
The crying party is a full-Time wife, tied with twisted braids, deep sunken eyes, holding a child less than 4 months old, with a sobbing voice kept mumbling: “I have given so much to this Family, what makes him do this to me “The woman’s picture is in his phone countless times, and he never changes. …
Chen Xin sat in the consultation room, did not show too many mood swings. As a professional divorce lawyer, after 3 years in the business and handling more than 300 divorce disputes, Chen Xin firmly believes that: in a failed marriage, “tears are the most worthless thing. “
In the nearly two-hour consultation, the woman never left her husband’s accusations, from extra-marital affairs, mommy and daddy, to recalling their struggles and counting their own contributions to the family.
The woman finally put down a harsh words: “I want a divorce. “
“She will not leave for the time being. “Chen Xin initially concluded. He has seen countless unfortunate marriage parties, and accordingly formed their own judgment guidelines: generally in the marriage before the end of a cry, three hanged, lost voice accusations, most still have expectations of the other half. “They (they) are just waiting for the other person to come back to them. “
Chen Xin was right again. A few days later, the woman deleted Chen Xin’s WeChat, but he did not care, no results is the norm for divorce advice. “The probability is to make up,” he guessed.
Chen Xin wouldn’t think twice about it. Another phone call entrusted with divorce rings. Right now, it is the peak divorce season of the year.
For many years, regardless of a few zeroes, going Home for the New Year has been the catalyst for divorce for Chinese couples. The brief time spent in the same room often intensifies the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, sisters-in-law and even various conflicts. As a result, every March, divorce law firms see a surge in the number of consultations, with the commission rate being about 30% higher than usual. From property distribution disputes with over a hundred million dollars of property, to family matters such as in-laws and daughters-in-law, Chen Xin sometimes receives more than ten or even twenty divorce consultations a day.
In the past two years, more and more post-90s are visiting the divorce law firm. “The ancients talk about thirty and now the popular thirty and divorce. “Chen Xin joked. According to the official website of the State Ministry of Civil Affairs, in 2019, the proportion of the post-90s in the divorce population is nearly 65%.
“If you can live, you can live, and if you can’t live, you can leave. “This sentence in the 70s and 80s seems to be common between the husband and wife tossing gas words, has become the real picture of the current post-90s young couples.
2
Fast and accurate
On January 1, 2021, the Civil Code was officially implemented, and the time cost of divorce increased.
A cooling-off period is set for divorce by agreement. Article 1077 of the Civil Code states that an agreed divorce can be revoked within thirty days. The divorce becomes effective only after thirty days when both parties have not revoked it and have gone to the Civil Affairs Bureau to obtain a divorce certificate in person.
There is an additional link for filing for divorce: after the first filing for divorce is dismissed, a second filing is required to meet the requirement of one year of separation from the date of the first dismissal.
Since this year, how to get a quick divorce and how to get a quick agreed divorce have become the most common problems faced by divorce lawyers. “All things require a ‘fast and accurate’, tens of thousands of dollars of legal fees, after the 90s to pay completely without delay, both flash marriage and flash divorce. “Chen Xin concluded.
Divorce for a variety of reasons.
Because the woman’s breast size asymmetry and refused to breast augmentation, the man sued twice in a row; the husband did not wash his feet in bed, sleep snoring, the client proposed divorce; dissatisfied with the wife to go to the bar, the husband slapped her in public, and finally to save the marriage, only to relocate 10 million properties to the name of the woman …… thousands of sails, Chen Xin has long seen the strange. .
The German philosopher Hegel said that marriage should be unbreakable, with ethics as the ultimate goal and inviolability. But in the view of the “thirty and divorced” post-90s, marriage is not a walled city, whether children, property or both families, which can not become a restriction on the existence of the freedom of divorce. The “30 and divorced” post-90s are not a walled city.
The people of our time, treating marriage like a refrigerator, when it breaks down, they repeatedly repair it, always thinking about fixing it. Unlike you young people nowadays, when it breaks down, you always want to replace it. The “refrigerator theory” of the movie “33 days of lost love” Behind, is the fierce collision of two generations of Chinese people’s view of marriage.
The traditional Chinese marriage relationship, “marriage is the union of two families”, must be the right family. Divorce requires more thoughtful consideration, always repeatedly weighing the pros and cons before choosing to give up or give in. When it comes to property, the post-70s and post-80s often have many entanglements, houses, cars, savings, almost everything is difficult to clarify the boundaries; children are another major concern, most Parents, like warriors, decided to stay until their children’s high school entrance exams and then divorce.
“Where there is interest, there is humanity. On the contrary, divorce in our generation is much simpler. “Chen Xin was born in 1991, after so many years as a divorce lawyer, in his opinion, the post-90s divorce only consider one thing: I still have no feelings for you.
Divorce court, Chen Xin often heard one party shouted: children, real estate all do not want, just please you can let me go. “Whether it is marriage or divorce, it can be seen that young people now treat marriage is more personal. “
In the delivery room, the woman in labor, along with the birth of the ten sharp pains that she wailed; outside the delivery room, the doctor recommended a planed birth, but the husband hesitated to sign, because “I heard that normal birth is good for the growth of children The reason is “I heard that normal delivery is good for the child’s growth.
The classic scenes in family ethics dramas actually happened.
The child was eventually born with defects, and the wife ran back to her mother’s house in anger, shouting “to divorce” across the air. The man insisted not to leave because he needed the woman’s help to take care of the child.
This is the ‘capricious’ side of marriage after 90. “Take the case of 95 divorce lawyer Wang Qi said,” in fact, I can understand her feelings, children and wife are on the fire when the husband chose to sacrifice the latter, but the child is not protected. “
The woman found Wang Qi entrusted, all aggrieved. She insisted that the man sign the divorce and apologize, or she would not assist with anything about the child. “The child is caught in the middle, as if a bargaining chip. “
When a family dispute rises to the legal level, it means that the couple has given the right to referee the divorce to a third party. The wife filed a divorce suit, the man also commissioned a lawyer to “fight”, the procedure is a few months. The child has been brought up by the grandparents, brave theory to receive treatment.
If this is just a drama, the pop-ups that keep crossing the screen are probably: “What odd plot, is not the first priority to treat the child? “
The reality is much more cruel than the drama.
Whether the child is healthy or not, the 90-year-old wife decided: “This can not be a reason to limit my divorce. “Personal interests are above all, and the freedom to divorce is too important for post-90s. They do not want to condescend to themselves, yet they do not love their children either.
Why should I have to put up with it? Why should I be the only one to compromise? Not happy with you, not playing with you still?
3
Throw 4 months’ salary to hire a divorce lawyer
The South China Sea in March is stifling. In the court’s family dispute mediation room, men and women sitting on the same sofa, although less than half a meter apart, but already like strangers. For ten minutes, no one spoke, and the atmosphere was close to freezing. On the wall, the four words “peace is precious” were hung high.
Qi took the lead in breaking the deadlock: “Mr. Li, the last time we talked about the terms of how to consider? “
Ignoring Wang Qi’s question, the man clutched a red paternity certificate in his hand and began to read to his wife: “Two children, one 6 years old, one 3 years old. I have inquired about the children of divorced couples in the village, either on drugs or in prison. You can’t be so heartless and leave them behind” “I admit I was wrong about some things, but 9 years of relationships have come so far, and families need to work together ” ……
“It’s the same old rhetoric again. “The woman tilted her head slightly to avoid the tears that were playing in her eyes from dripping down. Her name is Zhao Jia, 28 years old, not tall, there is a Hunan Hunan girl’s strong and spirited. Nine years ago, just 19 years old Zhao Jia met a man 14 years older than himself and had a son. After a few months of dating, they got married in a flash.
“At that time, the head was hot to tie the knot. “The beginning of such a marriage, very 90 years later. In the mediation room, Zhao Jia recalled the two sides in the past all, no half-hearted. She compared her marriage to an absurd farce and confessed that she “had to stop in time”.
Initially, the marriage rift originated from within the family. Including both parents, almost no one is optimistic about the couple, Zhao Jia herself in her in-laws is not well received. “How your mother pointed at my nose and scolded me to get out. You were standing right next to me and didn’t say a word. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services. In order to get out of the family, she had five times to the Civil Affairs Bureau to make an appointment for divorce, all because the man temporarily changed his mind, but it did not end.
Finally, with a monthly salary of 4,000 yuan, Zhao Jia found Wang Qi commissioned divorce. The lawyer’s fee was 15,000 yuan, and Wang Qi was somewhat surprised by the courage of the young woman in front of her.
“Even if I sleep on the road and work as a cleaning lady, I still want to sue for divorce. Immediately! Immediately! “Zhao Jia does not want to stay in this marriage for a second. Whether it’s giving up most of her property or not wanting children, she will accept any condition and just wants a quick divorce. “Most post-90s divorce clients are like this. They are very purposeful and once they make up their mind, they can’t even pull back,” Wang Qi said.
Zhao Jia still has a thorn in her heart, she can’t accept that her two flesh and blood don’t get the attention of this family. As a generation of family planning, the post-90s grew up with exclusive parental love and protection. “Every time your so-called ex-girlfriend comes over with that baby boy, your whole family is more than welcome. What about me and my two kids? Instead of being cared for, we look like outsiders. “
There were no lights on, the mediation room of less than fifteen square meters was dimly lit, and you could still see the man’s face turning red from the words being held in. “Unreasonable! ” The man tapped the table and tried to fight back, “I’ve sent my older children to boarding school, what more do you want from me? “
“It doesn’t matter, I have only one request left for you: divorce. “Zhao Jia’s tone of voice, with a deathless determination. The divorce war has been dragging on for two years since the birth of her daughter in early 2019, and she just wants to make a quick end to it. “I’m a pair of shoes you wear fit, you’re a pair of shoes I look diarrhea! “
The man is unwilling to leave. He privately find Wang Qi, let her help persuade Zhao Jia, “do not play children’s temper”. Once the words were out, Zhao Jia picked up the duffel bag and headed out, “See you in court.
Zhao Jia walked out of the mediation room relieved, happy to have finally taken the first step. In fact, the divorce case is just the beginning of another tug-of-war.
“The first divorce petition, as long as there is a party to oppose, and does not involve domestic violence, cheating, such as major marital fault, the judge usually will not decide the divorce. “Wang Qi calculates that it takes about six months from the first filing to the end of the trial. After the court decides not to grant the divorce, according to the rules, you have to wait for another 6 months after the judgment takes effect before you can sue for divorce again. The second trial, again, takes about 6 months.
“A divorce lawsuit, not a year and a half is impossible,” Wang Qi said, this is still the normal situation, if the other party only want to delay, is a huge Torment. Card materials do not sign, deliberately play missing …… are common tricks.
“There is no worse mentality than, you do not want me to get better, I will not let you get better. “In Wang Qi’s view, divorce is not the worst outcome, both losses are.
4
Net for freedom
Li Xing has been away from home for two whole years. Wife Lin Meng kept calling and texting to beg him to come back, he did not step into the house again.
Li Xing has his own plans: separated for two years, and then dissolved the marriage. “To be honest, he was a bit naive. Separation and divorce must be determined by the court as a prerequisite for the breakdown of the couple’s feelings to take effect. “Wang Qi said.
In October last year, the divorce can not Li Xing found Wang Qi, the first thing he said: “I can not stand marriage, I will never get married again. “The woman’s intuition tells Wang Qi, the man in front of him,” some debauchery “. Later, she confirmed her suspicions from the mouth of Li Xing’s friends: Li Xing has a stable lover.
Wang Qi found his wife Lin Meng, told part of the truth. Surprisingly, the 92-year-old young girl in front of her did not immediately agree to divorce. Lin dreamed of grinding a little more, perhaps her husband could come around, the reason: love.
“There are compromises in marriage after 90. Before they really make up their mind, their repeated are driven by their own emotions. Their own feelings are most important. “In the two years when Li Xing disappeared, Lin Meng was alone with her children. She dreamed of the day she would come home and push open the door to her room and her husband would be standing in front of her.
It was only when the divorce agreement was sent to her in black and white that Lin Meng realized that the marriage was irrevocable.
As the lawyer entrusted by Li Xing, Wang Qi negotiated the divorce terms directly with Lin Meng. “Emotional indecision will instead lead to a deeper and deeper trap. Respect the rules of the game of marriage, both to talk about feelings and money. To reach a reasonable divorce price for both parties is the duty of divorce lawyers mediation. “
On her way to receive the court summons, Lin Meng sent out a circle of friends. “Baby and mommy are now going to do a very serious thing, cheer up! “When she arrived at the court, looking at the empty plaintiff’s stand in the courtroom, she suddenly burst into tears: even for such an important occasion, Li Xing was still a full 30 minutes late.
“Party, do you need to reconsider? “In the face of the judge’s inquiry, Lin Meng shook her head: “Before I regret it now, hurry up and sign it. “Together with the presence of the two 5-year-old child. The child was lying under the table, staring at the surrounding area with wide eyes, and his father, whom he had not seen for two years.
The hammer fell, ten million property, 90% were awarded to the woman, Li Xing to almost net the cost of the family in exchange for freedom. In front of the court, he suggested to his wife for the first time: “Take the children, let’s play together for once. “
The two took the child to the mall. Not long after, the child made a fuss to eat the bread left in the backpack yesterday, no one could persuade. Li Xing gave his ex-wife a wink, then squatted down and whispered to the child, you accompany Dad to go to the toilet, okay?
The father and son just left, Lin Meng took out the bread after the foot and threw it into the trash.
Wang Qi curious, two years without seeing, why the two can still understand each other in seconds? “The tacit understanding between husband and wife is engraved in the bones, a hand up I know his mind. “Lin Meng said.
“Love a person, traces are always there. “This is Wang Qi’s intuitive feeling after handling many divorce cases, and his own personal summary.
Three months after becoming a divorce lawyer, Wang Qi broke up with her boyfriend of 8 years in a long relationship. The two sides have good feelings, just different expectations for the future. “He went back home to Chaoshan, I stayed in Guangzhou to die. “
Moving, furnishing, boyfriend helped Wang Qi placed everything, embarked on the shuttle back to Chaoshan.
A week later, Wang Qi sick at home, found a box of drugs left by his ex-boyfriend. “Gifts, love words, he left nothing, left a whole box of drugs. “Wang Qi said the two will still talk about some trivial matters of life,” divorce to see more, talk about a relationship breakup and how? More importantly, save the decency of two people. “
Previously, Wang Qi’s expectations of marriage is “hope that the other half to their own standards,” and The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers.
Today, Wang Qi’s standards are significantly lower. “No cheating, no domestic violence, just don’t make mistakes of principle”, “The two sides of the household chores together, even if the other side only wash a bowl can, as long as there is a sense of participation in the common business on the line”, “no longer forced you I have to understand me, just accompany me”.
There is no perfect marriage relationship in the world, more is the friction and understanding. “After seeing so many marital tragedies, I only have two choices: either learn a lesson or become like them. ” Wang Qi said.
“So do you still believe in love? “
“Believe. “
(At the request of the interviewee, all characters in the text are pseudonyms)
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