From the fifth grade until I graduated from high school, many people said to me, “You’re a special person. Or, when teachers and Parents who wanted a well-behaved child wanted to express the meaning of “strange,” they would euphemistically replace “special” with “maverick.
I was comfortable with this half-complimentary, half-derogatory word. Indeed, in those days, when I was struggling with the monotonous and tedious pursuits of my adolescence, when I was judged by my achievements and success or failure by my performance, “special” was a word that gave me some comfort.
If the price of being “special” is a little hysteria, obsession and pain, it’s not really a big deal.
In fact, when I was growing up, I met many children who could be called “special”. For example, in elementary school, the girl with the glasses who could write well. The handsome girl who drew amazing cartoons in junior high school, the singer-songwriter who sounded like Faye Wong in high school, or the strange boys who did a good job with Flash in junior high, were not tall but were never timid on the basketball court, and knew the five thousand years of China like the back of their hand.
I don’t know what people expect to be “special”. Anyway, many people once told me, “Li Zi, you are a special girl, you will definitely have some achievements in the future.”
I don’t know if this is comforting, encouraging or complimentary, and I don’t know how they will feel when they learn that I am spending my 22nd year in a boring-sounding graduate school with no fuss.
Growing up, or society, always leads people to mediocrity. The scarce resources of this society, the need for a universal standard of judgment, in the countless “success” writings, people play over and over again, constantly expecting the fate of the green.
So, they, including me, may be in the GPA and scholarships, internships and interpersonal relationships, bosses and subordinates, economic and money, a little bit of their own “special” left behind. They put down the semiconductors and model airplanes that they once loved, closed the flora and fauna illustrations that had nothing to do with their major, got rusty with their paintbrushes, and stayed away from their sneakers.
When I think back to that “special” self, in my senior year of high school, I had to set aside my homework to obsessively work on a blog that only my friends would observe, I could not restrain my desire to perform and sing loudly when I returned to my dorm room at night, and I gave up my lunch break to sweat on the basketball court at noon. -I was dancing in a cage and burning myself in the darkness. I thought I would be free when I got to college and entered society, but I found out that the price of freedom may be too heavy to be compensated for by the Time I lost.
Those days that can be called “youth”, in the continuous imitation and learning growth, gradually become indifferent and cruel. We practice a neat and tidy smile, in the standardized assembly line, gradually become successful or unsuccessful professionals. When “special” is replaced by “successful”, our lives are finally left with empty chases, and countless complaints and dissatisfaction.
However, few people know that “special”, in fact, is not a criterion for judging, but a person to become a person’s existence. It is just some small persistence, some self-confidence and capriciousness. In fact, everyone can have their own charm, have the power to complete their own expectations of themselves, have the ability to make their own Life complete and complete. Each person may need to quietly think about how I can independently and peacefully survive in this treacherous world, not dependent, not subservient.
I can think independently, rational and calm; I have my own hobbies and can sink my teeth into a good thing. I have my own little fun, little fantasy, little indulgence, always sometimes do not have to worry about whether success favors. Doing this is not easy than doubling your salary in three years or being a director in five years.
Perhaps in this society, the flood of reality and materialism makes people unable to resist. But at least, wisdom and humanity, no matter how always through the dangerous shoals, carved in the middle of life.
I have also thought of being a great person, or I am also thinking of being a great person. But I cherish the word “special” in life, or appreciate those “special” people around me more. They have strange interests and specialties, even through the small evil small sultry, but it does not matter.
The most important thing is that we, ourselves, are the most appreciated things in life.
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