His words revived their withered spirits and revived their fading hopes. –Milton: Paradise Lost
In the winter of 1970, when Duoduo and I returned to Beijing on leave from the production team, we no longer had a Home. We were a Family of nine, my Parents and my second brother Mang Mang, who was studying at Tsinghua University, lived in prison, Doduo, my brother and I had gone to the countryside to join the brigade, and my elder brother, elder sister and second sister were working in factories abroad. It’s a neat family-less three-three system. The organization’s argument is: there is no one in Beijing, so there is no need to make a home. So, having a home is entirely up to the revolutionary arrangement.
Mao Mao said, “Let’s live in our house. The home Mao Mao said was not the original home in Zhongnanhai. Deng Xiaoping and his wife were isolated at this Time. But they had a grandmother at home. This old lady could not go to the mountains and the countryside, not good enough to do factory work, nor was it appropriate to arrange to go to prison. So, the Central Office gave them two bungalows outside Xuanwumen, so that the old lady to live down.
Grandma was hale and hearty, her face was kind, and she was a hardworking and frugal person. To us, there were always clean beds and hot meals in her house. When we pushed the door in or opened the door out, there were always grandmother’s kind and quiet eyes in front of us and behind us. Especially, Grandma’s Sichuan Food was the most delicious food in the world to us. Living here will forget the cold and turmoil outside, because grandma’s face is always overwhelmingly calm and peaceful. The warmth of the two small bungalows in Fanghuzhai, outside Xuanwumen, brought us comfort and calmness during one of the most chaotic times in China, when we had no home, and I will never forget it. The fact that a person as kind and pure and simple as my grandmother had such great spiritual strength was also something I needed to recognize and understand for the rest of my Life.
At that time, there was a five-story residential building in the Hepingli residential area, and people in the neighborhood called it the “gangster” building. It was named after the families of some “gangsters” who lived here. The so-called gangsters, not the gangsters we now say murder, arson, smuggling and drug trafficking, but the era of the capitalist road to the powers that be alias. The children who lived in the “gangster” building were roughly the same age as we were, except that they had some reason for the revolution to give them a place to stay in Beijing, unlike us who had no reason to have a home here. The place received us very warmly and naturally.
Our real base was the home of Lin Feng’s sons and daughters. The Lin family lives on the third floor, and the fifth floor in the same doorway is the home of Ulanhu’s sons and daughters. The two families are close to each other, and when they are happy, the two families plus the friends of the two children are united into one family, eating in one pot and drinking Soup in one pot. Often, the plan failed to catch up with the change, and a large group of guests crowded in the door just as the meal was being cooked. The owner’s scalp is hairy, but there is no starving people. The most frequent type of meal in the “gangster” building is fried noodles, noodles can be put into the pot at any time, fried sauce can be salted at any time. It is recognized that the salty and bitter fried noodles eaten in the “gangster” building were the most memorable.
The children who frequented this place were the ones with “problems” in their families, and their fathers were some of the most famous “capitalists” at that time: Liu Shaoqi, Deng Xiaoping, Peng Zhen, Bo Yibo, Luo Ruiqing, Yang Shangkun, Lu Zhengcao, etc. These children were all 15 years old at that time. These children were all between 15 and 18 years old at the time. Living a communist life together. In particular, Lin Feng’s daughter Lin Jingjing, who was only 16 or 17 years old at the time, with her nine-year-old sister, lived on 25 yuan per month per child, which was deducted from her parents’ frozen salary by the State Council Administration. Jingjing also regularly visits her brother, Lin Yanzhi, who is suffering from a serious lung disease at the time. The juvenile detention center is located in Xiyuan, Beijing, and its full name is the Beijing Juvenile Management and Education Center. I don’t know when this institution began, but during the Cultural Revolution it became a place for the children of “gangsters”. As far as I know, many people have been imprisoned here, the oldest being Zou Jiahua, son of cultural celebrity Mr. Zou Taofen, son-in-law of Marshal Ye Jianying and former Vice Premier of the State Council.
Jing Jing’s home is a paradise for all the children of the “gang” who do not have a home or have a home but do not want to go home. I don’t know where she learned to run the household, but as soon as you enter her door, she has the skills to keep you fed and watered, and smokers can find a good cigarette. But you’d be wrong to think she’s a gentle girl who only does housework. Jing Jing is more often a heart of the sword, the sea of righteousness, the image of the warrior woman.
During the Cultural Revolution, the capitalists were the first target of dictatorship, and the “gangsters” in this building were naturally the first place the police paid attention to. In good conscience, the police officer in charge of this area is a good-looking person, fair-skinned, with decent features. Just because the chin is longer, we were nicknamed “pistol grip”. The pistol grip is always coming to Jing Jing’s house. If you see someone he doesn’t like, or someone with a raw face, take them to the police station for questioning. I think he did not really upset us, at most to take to ask questions, and then put back. Sometimes he would ask these children about their parents to satisfy his curiosity. We weren’t really afraid of him, but we hated him because he always seemed bored and made us think he was coming or taking people away just because he was lonely. So, we tried to avoid him as much as possible.
One time he came to check on the night, and the police came to check on the night all late at night at two or three o’clock, when people were most asleep. When he heard the knock on the door, Jing Jing jumped up from the bed with a carp, dragged me to the floor in the same bed, and before I knew what was going on, he shoved me three times to a top cabinet that was more than one person high from the ground, and threw up a big bag to cover me, and then closed the cabinet door with his hand. Only a minute or two before and after. When I was in shock, Jing Jing had opened the door. I experienced this kind of thing for the first time, I was very nervous, and the big baggage squeezed me even more I could not breathe. But I vaguely heard Jing Jing talking to them, calm and serene, responding in a measured manner. Before leaving seems to be talking and laughing up.
But there were times when the pistol grip got the better of me. Once we were eating, the pistol grip came up and insisted on taking away a boy named Xi Xiuming, who was younger than us. Strangely enough, Xiuming was not a “gangster” son, his father worked in the Liaison Department of the Central Committee of the Communist Party of China. When important leaders of the communist countries came to China, such as Ho Chi Minh and others, Xiuming’s father came out to accompany them, and his father’s name could often be seen in the newspapers. But I don’t know why Xiuming keeps hanging around our pile. Jing Jing said he, people have no home to live, no food to eat only to come to us. Your father is not a “gangster”, you have food and shelter, why always here to mix? Xiuming does not care, come when you have the opportunity. He thinks we are here without parental control, fun.
This day the pistol grip somehow look at Xiuming displeased, had to take him to questioning, because Xiuming’s father is still a revolutionary cadres, so he was taken away by the police everyone is not really nervous. Jing Jing is bluffing on the lanai shouted at the pistol grip: “You can watch this kid, legs fast na, slipped you can not find again.” The pistol grip originally walked in front of Xiuming, hearing this hurriedly walked behind Xiuming, we are upstairs laughing stomach ache. We have not yet finished eating, Xiuming back. Sure enough, when he entered the police station, the first thing he asked was, “Who is your father? Xiuming threw a copy of the day’s People’s Daily, pointing to the news of Ho Chi Minh’s visit to China, using the popular phrase of the year, “Find out for yourself, my father, surnamed XI.” The pistol grip found the name of Xiuming’s father in the People’s Daily and had to let Xiuming back in. Before leaving, he also told Xiuming in short sentences, “Don’t hang out with them, go home, listen to me, yes.” Later, I couldn’t see Pistol Grip’s face, and heard that he had gone to join the police choir. We said the pistol grip can’t stand in the first row, or the conductor will touch the pistol grip once he stretches his arm. Now that I think about it, Pistol grip was not a bad cop, he was quite loyal to his duty, and in those lawless times, he tried to keep all his activities within the limits of the Constitution and the law.
We didn’t have a home, and in addition to landing at Jingjing’s house, we went to other people’s houses to hang out. Once I went to the homes of Liu Shaoqi’s children to play. Their house was a dozen floors above a newly built high-rise near Beijing Station, which was considered beautiful at the time. Not only were the rooms well laid out, but their house had very expensive furniture that I was told belonged to their grandmother, and since it was privately owned, they were allowed to bring it out. That day the power went out, the elevator stopped opening, I was excited to pick up hundreds of steps up, knocked on the door and went in, like entering some kind of beautiful palace. I remember that day their elder sister Aizhen, as well as Yuan Yuan, Ting Ting, Xiao Xiao, and Aizhen’s sister’s son Soso were all there. They were kind and attentive as hosts, but I always felt that they were a bit distracted. Due to the power outage, the room was very cold, and the lighting in the room did not come on until after dinner. For a while for some reason everyone got cold field, when I heard a train passing outside the window, I suddenly felt that the train was very lonely, so cold day, where is it going to drive to.
Garden took a deep breath and lit a few candles. Each of our glasses were refilled with wine, the air was suddenly heavy, and I had a feeling something was going to happen.
Garden raised her glass and said, “Today is Daddy’s birthday, let’s wish him peace.”
My heart was in my throat, surprised, shaken, or moved, I can’t tell what it was like.
Yuan Yuan said one more thing: “Dad is revolutionary, the people will not forget him.” These words were like thunderbolts to me.
Since the early spring, three years ago, when the Cultural Revolution had just begun, when I made that cold decision before the sunset: to draw a clear line with Dad and all those in power on the capitalist road, I had never thought of stepping out of this line of thought. Even though the events of the Cultural Revolution around me had become more and more bloody and comical, exactly like a horror joke. But I did not make any attempt to understand them other than making myself understand them as much as possible. Yuan Yuan’s words woke me up like a dream, or maybe I was just sweating! It was the first time I thought I could understand everything from a completely different perspective. Of course there were still many obstacles in between for me, but I felt completely different from the moment I heard those words, a thousand pounds of weight dropped from my heart, and a warmth returned to my blood.
It was late at night when I said goodbye from Liu’s house. My mind was still rumbling, my feet were light, and I was amazed at how I had been so strongly shaken. For a while I didn’t want to go back anywhere, just to stay in the cold air for a while longer. As I walked near the Taiki factory, I suddenly saw the light in the window of a house, through the dense branches of the trees in the courtyard and a low wall, the light was so warm and familiar. I looked at it with fascination, and suddenly I remembered our warm home in Nanchi, our courtyard and windows with great clarity. I also thought of my parents, who had not been heard from, my brother Mang Mang, who had suddenly disappeared from school, and my siblings, who were scattered. I was in tears in the dead of night, fully aware of how comforting it is to cry in the silence of the world. For the first time in three years, I cried for myself and what I had lost. I touched the cold tears on my cheeks, but my heart felt warm. I was reminded again of the fairy tale of the Snow Queen. When she was moved to tears by the love of mankind, her icy heart melted. I felt like the melting ice queen, with tears streaming down her face, but her heart was warm. More importantly, I suddenly realized that from now on I could listen to the call of my conscience again and not have to let the rigid, cold logic force itself on me. When I thought that my parents weren’t necessarily bad people, that my home shouldn’t have been lost at all, or at least that I had the right to grieve for what I had lost, instead of joining the crowd in chanting “the Cultural Revolution is good is good”, my heart was filled with a great joy.
It was late when I got back to Jingjing’s house. When Jingjing opened the door for me, she asked, “Why are you so late? I froze for a moment, thinking that I should not disturb her so late. Jing Jing looked at me and hurriedly said: I didn’t sleep, I mean it’s so late …… I went in, touched by Jing Jing’s thoughtfulness. Jingjing wrung me a hand towel to wipe my face, I realized that my tears had not dried all the way.
Yuan Yuan said, “Today is Daddy’s birthday, let’s wish him peace.”
But just as he was saying this, their dad was no longer alive.
Excerpted from Point Luo, “The Red Family Archives,” Nanhai Publishing Company, January 1999.
Recent Comments