The new rules of the Education Bureau in many places have started to strictly prohibit “parental correction of students’ homework”. Ming Li (a pseudonym), a 34-year-old single mother from Nanchang, Jiangxi, is relieved to see this change. She had to submit a handwritten certificate to the teacher because she couldn’t correct her child’s homework, and eventually she was “overwhelmed” and chose to break the news to the media.
From the previous Parents quit the parents group, and now the concern of “student homework parents change”, the fragile side of the Home-school relationship is again in front of people.
The following is the oral statement of Ming Li]
“How much homework will there be in the third grade? “
On the night of November 3 around 8 o’clock, I was working in the factory when I suddenly received a call from Doudou telling me that the math teacher needed to submit a handwritten version of the situation explaining why he didn’t help him correct his homework last night.
On the phone, Doudou’s voice sounded weepy. I told Doudou that I would text the teacher directly later to explain the situation. But Doudou insisted that no, the teacher said it had to be handwritten. The company’s main goal is to provide a solution to the problem.
Because of this “I’ll copy it up for you”, my emotions broke down and I remembered many nights before when I was lost because I couldn’t finish my homework. He could not finish his own homework, but he had to make Time to copy such a meaningless thing I thought? Thinking about this, I began to shed tears.
I wasn’t afraid of choosing to speak to the media. Some parents worry that their children’s education will be affected after the revelation, but I really can’t help but stand up and tell everyone that there is something wrong with our education and that children are just children, not tools for doing homework.
Doudou is now in the third grade, what is the extent of homework? One intuitive feeling is that when you get home, you can rarely finish your homework before 11pm.
On top of that, we parents have to sign all of our children’s homework, which is really unbearable.
For example, the language assignment includes word formation, sentences, and recently, a new one, journal writing. In addition to the in-class workbooks, there are also extra-curricular workbooks for both language and math classes. Sometimes the language course alone is divided into homework number one, homework number two, and homework number three, as well as a large composition book, a diary, and a correction book.
In addition to these practice assignments, there were also texts that needed to be memorized on a daily basis. Sometimes the teacher will ask the child to recite the Psalms. Recently, the child was asked to recite “Wang Feng – Kibi”, a poem in the Psalms, the name of which I do not know. It may take about 3 hours to finish the language assignment.
While the child is doing his homework, we parents are responsible for supervising and tutoring on the side. We have to take our phones and shoot videos of him reciting and reading the text aloud to upload to the App to punch in.
By the time all this is done, it is sometimes late at night. I now try to get him to bed by 11pm. Before, I thought it was because my child was slow in doing homework, why homework must be done so late, whether he really couldn’t understand or some other problem. Then I talked to the parents of other students and found out that their children were the same way, and since they started third grade, their children have rarely gone to bed before 11pm.
In order to try to get him to bed before 11pm, I would help him finish his homework that he couldn’t finish.
Some time ago, I watched “Talk Show Conference” and I liked the segment where Li Xueqin tells about doing her homework as a child. She said in it, “When I was a child, my mother taught me to write my homework, my mother thought I was too stupid, and finally my mother finished my homework. “This narrative is particularly relevant to the current reality, but now is too much homework for children to finish, I help him to finish it.
Sometimes I reflect on the fact that children really need to do so much homework in order to improve their grades? And does it have to be so much homework to educate this child well?
“I’m an imperfect mom.”
The elementary school Doudou attends is the largest one in the district, itself a staff school, relying on an aircraft manufacturing plant that runs a staff elementary school itself.
In 2016, my husband had a lot of gambling debts because he gambled a lot, and eventually I chose to divorce my husband and live alone with Doudou. My and Doudou’s account settled in the local collective account, the local elementary school enrollment, in the first three categories are not full, we collective account of the four categories, five categories can go in to enroll.
Even with the divorce from my ex-husband, I don’t think Doudou’s personality has been affected too much, his personality follows me, cheerful and sunny, and I do my best to take care of him in Life and living, but when it comes to academics, especially homework, I seem to have become an imperfect mother.
I also have the selfish thought that I have given birth to a child and my identity has become a mother, but without the name “mother”, I am just an ordinary person. I sometimes secretly wish I could lie down comfortably after work and rest a little, or have a meal first. But the real situation is that many times I can’t have a meal in time, and the first thing I do when I get home is to read my child’s homework first, because if I don’t, he can’t go to sleep, he is waiting for you.
And when I was doing homework with my child and helping him correct it, my relationship with Doudou would become very tense, and sometimes I would even get into hysterical arguments about the homework.
I would put pressure on him, telling him “no sleep when you don’t finish”, and sometimes I would even slap the table. I didn’t realize this side of me at first, but recently my child wrote a diary entry and I realized that there was a different side of me in my child’s eyes.
Around October of this year, the school required children to write a diary, almost every day. The other day Doudou wrote a diary called “Mom’s Weather”, and there was a passage in it that I was particularly moved by. He wrote, “Mom’s temper gets bad, and every time she gets angry, I know without a weather forecast. ‘A thunderstorm is coming soon.’ I often think that my mom’s short temper is when (I) get angry when I don’t listen and when I don’t do my homework. I don’t want my mom to be angry. In the future, I want to take care of myself, finish my homework on time, make my mom happy and not be angry anymore, and hope that the weather will always be sunny and sunny for my mom. “
When I saw what Doudou wrote, I started to think about whether there was something wrong with Doudou’s education.
I thought about when Doudou first started first grade, he had a very fresh attitude toward school, was happy every day, knew what he had to write and how to do his homework when he came home, and was very proactive. Slowly I noticed that his interest in learning began to decline, and in the second and third grade he often said to me, “Mom, I’m tired. When I asked him why, he said, “I think my world is nothing but homework and school, I have nothing else. “
This feeling also makes me feel unusually tired.
One time Doudou was doing his homework and was silent for a long time and suddenly cried. I sat next to him and asked him why he was crying. I took a picture of him crying and asked him as I did so, “Why are you crying? Why are you sad when you are writing? “
“I got sad and thought of someone (laughing) at me. ” Doudou said.
“What did he laugh at you for? “I asked.
“The bad test scores, writing so badly, reading me every day. “Doudou said.
After talking to Doudou I found out that the reason he was crying was because another student in his class scored 92 in math and scored higher than him and laughed at him. In their class, a math score of 90 is considered a pass, and if you don’t pass, you need to rewrite. I can’t imagine, is 92 points not enough?
The “inside roll” will only make the child’s performance not go up, but more tired
When Doudou was in the second grade, I started to focus on this aspect of home-school co-education. I was thinking about how parents and schools could work together to create a more harmonious learning environment for children.
From my perspective as a parent, since Doudou kept telling me that he was tired, I started to focus on his mental health instead of “whether he finished his homework”. What if he gets depressed?
When I was in first grade, I took him to the second affiliated hospital of Nanchang University to see a psychiatrist, and he came out after talking to the doctor for about 40 minutes. The doctor told me that there was nothing wrong with Doudou, but I had a bigger problem. The doctor said, “When communicating with the child most of the time, he always said that my mother was pushing me to do my homework and was putting too much pressure on him. “
After the doctor’s reminder, I began to reflect on whether there was something wrong with my education style that was putting Doudou under double pressure from school and home.
I thought back carefully, in the process of urging him to do his homework, my usual expressions were “you can’t go to sleep” “Don’t go to sleep until you finish”, and several times it might have been 11:00 or 12:00 at night, which was too much pressure for him.
Why did I do this at that time? I was afraid that the teacher would find me in trouble the next day and put me under pressure.
I came across the article “Education Inside the Volume in the Eyes of a Haidian Mom”. In my understanding, the most intuitive manifestation of education in-roll is the highly monolithic way of competition, which is intuitively reflected in the parent group chat, where one parent mentions that he or she has enrolled in a class, after which other parents will surely be curious to ask and then follow one after another.
Do parents have this need? Every child’s situation is different. Should parents who take the lead in something be blamed for such a situation? I don’t think so. Because the parent who initially proposed something, they must have done it because they had a need for it, and their initial intention was not to influence others.
This highly monolithic way of competition, the child’s performance will not improve, but more and more homework. Before Doudou scored 85 points, other children are 100 points, 90 points, he came home with 85 points, his eyes are afraid to look directly at me. As a parent, you will feel that 85 points is not enough, you need to test to 98 points to be enough. This 98 points now seems to be not your own expectations of him, but the expectations given to him by teachers, and even society.
Also, in the article also mentioned the Nobel Prize winner in economics Daniel Kahneman proposed the concept of “loss aversion”, I looked up, the general meaning is that people When faced with the same amount of gains and losses, they believe that losses are more unbearable to them.
In the past, I always forced Doudou to finish his homework, but I didn’t know how to do it properly. Now when I supervise Doudou’s homework, I use this psychology of his. For example, if he can’t finish his reading homework after about half an hour, I will tell him to finish reading this article and we will play a game of checkers. If you don’t finish reading, you don’t play first.
When the child hears this, he will subconsciously think that if he doesn’t read it, he will lose the activity of “playing checkers”, so he will finish reading this article right away.
However, sometimes the cooperation of the school and the teacher is needed to educate the child. I think the most harmonious home-school co-education is that teachers do what teachers do and parents do what parents do.
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