It was an evening in October when Li Guohua went out for a walk after dinner as usual. Shanghai was at its most comfortable temperature, and the leaves of the paulownia trees winding in rows along the roadside were slightly yellow and swaying in the evening breeze. Li Guohua was in a good mood, calculating his son’s match tomorrow. 15-year-old son Li Ze is participating in a national tennis tournament in Fengxian District, just won the doubles semi-finals in the afternoon, the next day will be the doubles final and singles semi-finals, it is said that the opponent of the singles semi-finals is a professional player from Shenzhen, Li Guohua was a little worried about his son.
Just thinking, his son’s phone call suddenly came, with obvious crying: Dad, I want to go back. Li Guohua was shocked and asked what happened. His son said that he had met two hooligans who had been pestering him, not letting him go and beating him. The son opened the video, pointing him to the people pestering him, two adults wearing T-shirts, a white dress, a black dress. The other party found Li Zetong video, close to the camera, Li Guohua hurriedly said to one of the black clothes: brother, what is not difficult for the child! The words did not fall, the video hung up. Call again and then no one answered.
Soon, Li Guohua received a phone call from the police, the police told him that someone called the police to say that they were injured by Li Ze in the hotel, people have been taken to the police station, please accompany the family to go to the statement. Li Guohua and his wife Wang Dan rushed to the police station when it was more than 8 p.m., only to see their son standing silently and calmly at the door, his reddened right hand being held by his left hand, not daring to move. The other side is said to have gone to the hospital to examine the injury.
What happened is not complicated: that afternoon, just after the game, Li Ze to the first floor of the hotel to wash clothes, waiting period saw a black man in the lobby in the indoor smoking, so go forward to remind to dissuade, the man in black got up and shoved, the two therefore a physical confrontation, the man in black was hit by Li Ze’s fist in the left eye, Li Ze’s right hand was also injured as a result.
The transcript, a police officer called Li Guohua alone outside, proposed Li Ze suspected of brawling, the best way to deal with mediation, otherwise Li Ze may face detention. Although minors are not enforced, but there will be a previous record and a file. He said.
But for the brawl argument, Li Ze has another explanation while Li Guohua was called out of the gap, Wang Dan and his son had time to talk privately son told his mother, he did not take the initiative to do, he went up to persuade to put out the cigarette, a drunken opponent reached out to grab his clothes, he retreated to the bookshelf, the other party and white friends came around and threatened him that today you are dead, he was very scared and wanted to escape as soon as possible, they swung a fist haphazardly and hit the other party.
On that highly emotional night, Li did not have time to calm down and deliberate the details. His mood was initially occupied by worry, after knowing the truth, especially after seeing his son’s right hand, which was badly injured from the beating, was then filled with anger. Why meddle?
Like all parents who are scared for their children, his starting point for thinking at the time was to push forward from the outcome. From the police station is already early in the morning, as soon as the car Li Guohua can no longer hold back, began to criticize the son education. Why do you want to mess with a drunken socialite? Why do you want to pester people to go up and hit them? Have you ever considered how much the injury affects you as an athlete? In the mood of the moment, this barrage of questions is not meant to be answered, but rather just out of blame.
Many parents would have understood Li’s anger, and that day should have been a watershed in their son’s life. That morning, Li Guohua had just sent his son’s passport and information to a tennis school in Europe, and he had already contacted the school there, and without incident, his son would soon take a break from school and embark on the path of a professional tennis player.
Li Ze started learning tennis at the age of 7 and has been training after school, now he is a senior in a key high school in Shanghai. He has good qualifications and originally Li Guohua only wanted him to develop a hobby, but Li Ze has gotten better and better, beating the professionals in national tournaments and winning the junior championship many times. A month ago, he just made up his mind to turn from amateur to professional.
He is already 15 years old, and time and health are the two most valuable things for athletes. But now, because of the move to ban smoking, he may have to lose both.
Li expects his son to understand from his criticism what an adult understands about self-preservation, and he expects him to give this conclusion: I’ll never meddle again.
But Li Ze is not.
What did I do wrong? I’m not wrong!
If it were you, wouldn’t you care?
Li Ze was so emotional that he punched the car cushion with his hand while almost hissing at Li Guohua.
I wouldn’t have cared! What does it matter to me if he smokes? Why should I care? Li Guohua was also very excited.
He smoked me!
He smokes you, won’t you go away yourself?
He did something wrong, why doesn’t he go away and make me go away?
Li Guohua felt with this child how can not make sense, angry anger, shouted: where is your future? Is your goal in life to be a tennis champion, or do you want to be a non-smoking administrator? Volunteer?
What should you do next time you encounter this situation? He asked his son again.
I’ll sit down and smoke with him! The son disliked back angrily.
During the hour-long road trip to the hospital to see his hand, father and son argued with each other, neither of them convincing the other, and finally Lize was so aggrieved that he broke down and cried in anger. You are all cowards! I despise you all! he said in despair.
The car stopped in front of the hospital, Li Guohua felt his emotions were about to get out of control, and got out alone and went to a distance to calm down for 10 minutes. He stood in the cool autumn morning air, watching people come and go in the emergency room, people passing by in wheelchairs, people covered in blood being pushed in, feeling angry and panicked.
Father and son never spoke again that night. Li Ze’s first metacarpal bone in his right hand was diagnosed as fractured, requiring surgery to recover, and doctors said he might not be able to participate in training for six months.
It’s all about right and wrong
After entering adolescence, Wang Dan rarely saw his son cry. He has grown into a big boy, with his latest height measurement reaching 187CM and his right arm strong and powerful from years of swinging. In the eyes of his parents, he was rebellious, silent and unexpressive.
But in those two months, Wang Dan saw his son cry twice. The first time happened on a Sunday in September, she drove her son to school (he went to boarding school), the car just drove out of the neighborhood, after the first traffic light, her son said to her: I have something I want to discuss with you. I want to go professional. Wang Dan immediately pulled over to the side of the road and asked him: What do you think? They had asked her son this question before, but he never gave a clear answer.
What surprised her even more was that her son did not answer her question, but bawled his eyes out. Maybe he was too emotional and had suppressed it for too long. She later guessed so. After crying for almost ten minutes, her son calmed down and expressed his thoughts, which he had already thought through, including the thinking process, his studies, his future life, and his goals. I could see that it was the result of careful consideration.
Once again it was the night she came out of the police station, driving in the front row and having to look after her three-year-old second, not participating in the father-son arguments. Their family is a typical strict father and loving mother model, Li Guohua graduated from one of the top universities in China, working as a programmer in a foreign company, with relatively free time, responsible for his son’s education in academics and tennis, mainly in the form of correction and prodding, Wang Dan takes care of the children’s life and living more, better at listening, she believes that the children have their own judgment.
After that night, her son’s words always echoed in her head I despise you. She was so shaken that for days afterwards, as soon as she crossed the street, she would remember the time she almost ran a red light and her son pulled her back and said she couldn’t do that. Keep justice, that’s what they taught him since he was a child.
The day after the incident, Li Ze was admitted to the hospital to await surgery. A week later, the police called, saying that the other party’s diagnosis was a minor injury, offering to claim 50,000 yuan in compensation, including the cost of treatment and lost wages.
50,000 yuan for a settlement was the easiest solution for the family. When they asked their friends for advice, they also advised them to pay the money and forget about it. If you don’t give in, you’ll end up with these results: a lot of time and effort, but in the end, it won’t work out, and it may even leave a record for the child, which is not a small thing. Besides, even if the video confirms that the child was acting in defense, what can be done?
The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers, and to provide the best possible service to its customers. 15 years ago, Li Ze was just born, Li Guohua went to the computer city to buy a DV record of the child’s growth, because the business did not accept the forced purchase, the two sides had an argument, the business picked up a chair and hit Li Guohua head, sent to the hospital when Li Guohua face blood, tear ducts broken. He did not remember that he fought back, but the other side said he had a broken nose, the police found that they were a fight, not self-defense. In my case there is no self-defense Li Guohua clearly remembered the police officer at the time gave him this statement. It took a year of persistent complaints before he finally received $15,000 in compensation through mediation, but was still not found to be self-defense.
In the face of reality, what do parents have to do to be a better education for their children? After calming down, they began to think about this issue. The result of the thinking is that, at least in one point, they and their son’s ideas are the same: the starting point of the move to ban smoking is not wrong. As for the details of what happened, you can’t take the word of either party, you must see the surveillance video and give your son an explanation, at least on a factual level. Li Guohua therefore wrote a letter to the authorities, and almost 2 weeks after the incident, on October 26, they saw the surveillance video at the police station, a total of 5 perspectives.
One of the perspectives of the video was later put online by the account Police Direct – Fengxian, as seen in the video, Li Ze went forward to dissuade the man in black after reaching out his hand and pulling, Li Ze shrugged it off and retreated to the bookshelf where he was originally sitting, the man followed closely and pushed Li Ze with his hand, Li Ze pushed the other party away with both hands and threw a punch. Afterwards Li Ze wanted to go back to the room, was blocked by the man in black trailing, during which Li Ze and the man in white threw chairs at each other, without hitting.
In Li Guohua’s view, the video at least confirmed that his son did not lie, he went up to ban smoking out of justice, and only when he felt his safety was threatened, he struck out against it. He felt some regret, that night should not be so harsh, his son must be very aggrieved.
After watching the video, Li Guohua refused the other party’s claim of 50,000, and offered to pay for medical expenses, which the other party also refused. On November 24, after nearly a month of stalemate, Li Guohua and his wife decided to turn to public opinion.
The next day, he put together his experience and recording of the incident and posted it on his microblog, along with the guidance on self-defense just released by the two high courts (High Court and High Prosecution) and the Ministry of Public Security in September this year. I think that my son belongs to legitimate defense. He concluded at the end of the article.
The tweet has had more than 6,500 retweets so far. Some people have kindly explained that a situation like this, where they push each other and both sides are hurt, is generally not considered self-defense.
We consulted two lawyers, who gave different opinions. One believes that Li Ze’s anti-smoking behavior has a legal basis to fight back when personal safety is threatened, belonging to self-defense; the other believes that the two sides have a period of sustained conflict, mutual aggression, and therefore do not belong. But they also mentioned that under the current law in China, judicial practice generally uses the standard of hindsight rational man, the determination of self-defense is extremely harsh, many simple values in the defense are difficult to be identified, unless life is threatened.
Li Guohua did not hire a lawyer, but simply read the Law of the People’s Republic of China on Public Security Administration Punishment many times by himself. My son was typically punished for his bravery, he was still a minor, and it happened in the most civilized city in China, so I wanted to try and see if my persistence could give a little push to the law. He said.
Some people advised him in the comments: your purpose is not to give your child a good result? The other side is angry, angry with the police, for a moment of pain, do not regret ah.
He replied: I have no regrets, is not a detention, anyway, my son so nosy look, the future can be a civil servant?
Another person reminded him: now generally who is injured, who gets compensation. The reasoning is on who, it does not matter.
Li Guohua replied: indeed the reality is this. But I am a stubborn person, we have to share a right and wrong, if the police found that we assault, I am sure to review the appeal, if all lost, it is also considered to my son to do a social education, to everyone to do a warning, never meddle in the future.
More people expressed their support, hoping that the brave teenager will be treated fairly and not to pour the hot blood of justice. Some people said this.
You guys are so cool.
Li Ze was taken away by the police in gym class around 2 p.m. on Nov. 26. Li and his wife only found out about the situation after a phone call from the teacher. The police’s story was that they took Li Ze to the police station for a routine investigation.
Taken away by the police at school, they felt that their son must have been terrified, and on the way to the police station, they deliberately bought him a burger.
That day Li Ze was acting very abnormal. When he saw his mom and dad arrive, instead of being calm like last time, he glared at them fiercely. Li Guohua and Wang Dan both noticed. Later when they were alone in a room, Li Ze suddenly said he hated them, hated the way they argued with the police and fought over every cent. I don’t want to be the center of attention. He said.
They then realized that before they arrived, the police had told their son what they had posted on the Internet. Li Guohua and Wang Dan didn’t quite understand their son’s reaction the same way. Li believes that his son simply does not care about the matter, has felt impatient and just wants to get it over with. Wang Dan, on the other hand, felt that the incident had caused great psychological damage to his son, and that the impatience he was showing now was an instinctive escape from the trauma.
At home, they never actively mentioned the progress of the matter to their son, and he never actively asked about it. In this way, they are more inclined to think that their son does not want to talk to them about it. Don’t cause secondary damage by reminding him of the unhappy incident again. Wang Dan always said so.
On the evening of the 26th, a new result was formed. The police imposed the following penalties on both sides: Li Mou was given a fine of 200 yuan for the lesser offence of assault. For Yue’s illegal act of disturbing the order of public places, a warning penalty was given. (In early December, the Fengxian District Culture and Tourism Bureau issued an administrative penalty against Yue and the hotel involved Yue was fined 200 yuan for smoking in a non-smoking place and not listening to advice; the hotel was fined 5,000 yuan for failing to fulfill its obligation to discourage smokers.)
Li Guohua was not satisfied with this. He believed that the conflict was provoked by the other party, and his son should not be punished out of self-defense. A few days later, he filed an administrative reconsideration with the Fengxian District People’s Government, intending to fight to the death.
Li Guohua’s more serious side seemed to have been awakened. While reflecting on the incident, he suddenly realized that the lesson he had taught Li Ze on the day of the incident was almost exactly the same thing his father had said to him back then.
In the early 1990s, Li Guohua was also a teenager, he remembered that he always saw on TV news about theft thieves on the coach blatant theft, the people on the bus saw but did not dare to speak out, all silent. Why did no one come forward? Li Guohua felt very puzzled, he clearly remembered his conversation with his father at the time. If I encounter this situation, I am sure to go up and beat him. Sitting in front of the TV, Li Guohua said.
Do not. His father immediately refuted him: you are brave to get hurt, no one will care about you, and then the consequences will have to help you bear. His father gave him a list of those who stood up for others but themselves fell into a big bad luck news, to educate him. Li Guohua thought back, at that time, although he expressed understanding in the reasoning, but in the emotionally always could not accept. He and his son thought the same thing, so why should he be harsh on his son today?
The first time he saw someone’s wallet being taken away, he saw it. He saw someone’s wallet stolen by a man and woman with a child on the road, and after two unsuccessful attempts to call the police, he decided to act on his own. He remembers being so scared that he stuffed his cell phone and bank card into his breast pocket beforehand to protect his heart, then stopped a passing police patrol car and rushed up to grab the thieves himself, pretending to be a police officer, then brought them to the patrol car.
Later, he and his wife were walking down the road and once again ran into the pair of thieves, his heart suddenly very frightened, rushed a few steps faster to distance himself from his wife, walking away before looking back at the thieves and found that the other party was also looking at him. At that time I was afraid that they knew she was my wife and came back for revenge. He said he instinctively began to consider the safety of his family and became a cautious adult.
After that, such things he never wanted to bother with again. Especially after becoming a father. He mentioned a news story that frightened him about a woman pushing a stroller who got into a dispute with a man over giving way, and then the man brutally dropped the 2-year-old child in the stroller to the ground, killing him. This is a lesson for us parents. No reason is as important as a child,” he said. He said.
In his long years as a cautious adult, there have been occasional moments when he just couldn’t look away. He said. When a driver refuses to carry an out-of-town passenger because the journey is too close, he also steps in to help, taking pictures and pretending to complain while stuffing the passenger into the car.
These serious sharpness, based on the real consequences of considerations, by Li Guohua gradually put away. Because he has more responsibilities and concerns, there are more want to protect things. He was also once a teenager, a Li Ze. From son to father, it is a universal process of gradual socialization of people. But when his son asked the question you just say I did right or wrong, the rules of adult society began to waver a bit in his heart. This is a question to which he cannot give a negative answer.
He was willing to stand in his son’s shoes, affirm him and support him, just as he understood his younger self. This social education lesson was not only for his son, but also for himself.
So on the night of the 26th, because he could not agree with the other side on mediation, he was adamant that he would not budge, and they ended up in an unhappy and decisive way, leaving with their son. On the way home, they received the official notice of punishment for their son.
The son’s reaction once again left Li Guohua puzzled. You guys are so cool! In the car on the way home, Li Ze suddenly became happy, and for the first time in his memory, Li Guohua heard his child praise himself after his adolescence.
That late night became extra cozy because of his son’s sudden recognition. The usually silent teenager suddenly cheered up, happily telling them in the car about interesting things in school, some views on classmates, and back home, he even vividly imitated Ma Baoguo’s five-linked whip to them, making everyone laugh.
The mediation failed and the son was punished, but it unexpectedly brought the family a rare moment of joy. Li Guohua was really baffled.
What was the son thinking?
What was the son thinking about?
In the past, Li Ze sat in his room all day, with his back turned, calling for dinner and not coming out, talking and not answering. His rebellious period started at the age of 13, when he became impatient and uncooperative in talking to his father. Li felt as if he was deliberately avoiding and would not eat at the same table with himself. These he had gotten used to. But occasionally, he couldn’t help but wonder what this little teenager was thinking.
He described the relationship with his son as very bad. Because of the freedom of work, when Li Ze was a child, he was the one who took him to train and compete more often, and they spent more time together. But at the beginning of adolescence, he suddenly felt that his son was distant from him. He was very strict father, losing ball games or studying badly, he would lecture him, why can’t you do well? He often said this.
Li Guohua was very anxious during the midterm. He hoped that his son could get into the key high school that accepted tennis students, and with Li Ze’s grades, that was the only key high school he had a chance to get into. But Li Ze didn’t seem to be in a hurry at all. During the first half of the epidemic at home, he often locked himself in the house and secretly played with his phone. Li Guohua reset the password of the router at home, and his son set it back. He confiscated his son’s phone, and his son used his paypal to secretly buy a new phone himself. The two quarreled countless times over the phone.
Li Guohua is the kind of traditional father who is not good at praising his children. He is critical of his son and has a quick temperament because he is too afraid that he will learn bad things. In his expression, his son has many, many flaws. He said he was grumpy, sleepy, unhygienic, and unreliable. Whenever he sees his child sleeping or throwing paper balls on the ground, he thinks of those idle wastrels in the news, as if that is the future end of his son.
Li Guohua found that he had rarely seen his son’s smile. He found two photos of his son being secretly photographed while laughing and teasing his brother, and sent them to me, saying they were the few times he had seen his son smile in a long time. There was a hint of heartache in the language. I’m really a failure as a father, aren’t I? He said.
In order to figure out what his son was thinking, Li Guohua tried for a while. In August this year, after the midterm, he decided to adjust his relationship with his son, and found a counselor online who specializes in parent-child relationships, chatting for 40 minutes and spending 800 yuan. The counselor told him that his child was under too much pressure and suggested that he relax his discipline. He tried it for a few days, his heart was in a hurry, he couldn’t help it, and he soon reverted to his old patterns.
In her interactions with her son, Wang Dan, contrary to her husband’s output-based education, advocates listening. She does not want to force her child to express himself, always waiting for him to think about it and come forward to confide in himself. During a period when the father-son relationship was at a low freezing point, her son once told her when she was home alone that he was sometimes studying and when he saw his dad coming, he would deliberately put his phone out and act like he wasn’t serious. He didn’t like it when they disciplined him too much and it backfired.
In the matter of the smoking ban as well, Wang Dan judged that the reason why her son never mentioned it at home was because of the tremendous damage, and I wanted to wait for him to slowly digest it in his own heart, and after five or ten years, when his healing was over, he would give us his own words. She therefore repeatedly refused my meetings with Li Ze.
I finally met with Li Ze when he was out of school for a review of his hand injury. It stemmed from my suggestion that Wang Dan ask her son for his opinion that perhaps he was not what she thought he was. Wang Dan carefully dialed her son’s phone, repeatedly confirming: you do not want to refuse, it’s really okay. But to my surprise, my son immediately agreed.
He has a bad temper, I’m afraid he will be rude to you. Before meeting, Li Guohua gave me precautions several times.
Li Ze was very decent. He was a little nervous at the first meeting, and his ears reddened briefly for a moment, but he quickly adapted. He seemed a little shy and his eyes were averted, but he was polite and because of the overwhelming height difference, he would lean toward me and bend slightly when speaking for fear I wouldn’t hear him.
When his father was not present, he was very willing to express his thoughts and loved to laugh.
After the incident, this little boy used to lie on his crib in the dormitory, thinking over his every move, and wondering if he had done wrong. But he thought about it and really did not know where he was wrong.
I feel like every place I could have made a choice, I made the best choice. He said he hesitated before going up to dissuade him, and thought it over and over again to make sure he was right and not acting recklessly. At that time, he threw that punch because the other party had made a harsh statement and moved his hand, he was too nervous and thought the other party was going to hit him, and he just wanted to get away.
He didn’t regret going up to the smoking ban, the only thing he regretted a little was getting himself injured and affecting his career path, something he hadn’t considered at the time.
In the end, he figured out that he really didn’t do anything wrong.
He wasn’t at all shy about talking about it, and even felt a little proud of himself. At school, he told a few of his close friends about the incident, and they all said he was so cool, and pestered him to act out the scene, which he recreated a few times in fights with his friends.
Regarding the glance at his parents at the police station, he explained that the police told him that his parents had publicized the incident online, and he thought his information had been exposed, so he was a little upset. But then he looked at Twitter and found that they only told what happened, no personal information about themselves, so he thought it was nothing.
There were no cell phones at school, and when he came home from the weekend break, he had a sneaky look at his dad’s post online, and he said he didn’t expect so many people to support him. It used to be said on the news that there were still more good people in society, and I didn’t have any special feelings about it, but now I seem to feel it. He felt quite happy.
As for the administrative punishment, he does not care at all, what does it matter? He only cares about his right hand now. The doctor ordered him to move around from time to time, and he used to go to the tennis court every day after school for an hour to train, but now this time is replaced by homework. But he will take time to run to the playground for 40 minutes every day in order to keep himself in good shape and resume training soon.
When it comes to his relationship with his dad, he admits that he was indeed very nervous during the midterm exams, and he felt that the adults were making too much of a fuss about it. He was confident in himself that he could definitely pass the exams, both in terms of his studies and his professional level. He didn’t have to be like that. He said.
After this incident, Li Ze found that he had some misunderstanding about his dad. He had long known that his dad was a serious person, but he used to think that serious was a derogatory word, not knowing that there was another side. When he played in the past, the referee’s decision was a bit problematic, and his dad asked him several times to argue with the referee, which Li Ze felt was unnecessary and quite humiliating. Dad used to do things, he also knows some.
The word “serious”, used in the small matter of fighting for their own interests, can easily be interpreted as calculating. But now, Li Ze found that it seems to have another interpretation. For example, in this case the truthfulness, Lize said: I am proud of it.
So mediation that day they turned their heads and left, he found his parents peculiar ideas, peculiar principles, very happy. That night was also the happiest moment he had felt recently. He felt that the three of them were united as a whole like never before. He was happy that his parents were finally on his side, and was very grateful for their efforts on his behalf, which he knew were not easy. Next time he comes home, he wants to tell them a funny story about how he and his friend recently lost their meal cards at school, so the three of them shared a meal card, which was really funny.
As for how he would handle a situation like this the next time he encountered it, he said he would definitely still walk up, but keep himself safe. What can I do to protect myself? This question is so difficult that he hasn’t thought about it yet.
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