My colleague died suddenly. We used to be in a group sometime last year, and she was very good and loved her job. I vaguely remember that we used to have dinner together.
Sometimes I would meet her downstairs when I clocked in, and she acted very enthusiastic every time. Even though she was very busy, she insisted on wearing makeup every day, very delicate and beautiful.
It is such a girl.
Today a friend sent me a weibo, said xx project in Xinjiang a person died suddenly.
I said hell, no way, I have a colleague there, I go ask.
WeChat asked, by hand, the screenshot dumped to a friend: this is my former colleague, I asked her.
The friend said, the dead seems to be this person in your screenshot.
A moment of blank brain.
The last thing I asked her was, I want to go to Xinjiang to play, Xinjiang is not cold?
She said, minus 13 degrees.
I said that forget it, wait for the day to warm up and then go. When the time comes, we will meet for dinner.
It seems to be such an ordinary conversation.
In fact, when you do not realize, have seen the last side of many people.
Dying a person may seem heavy, but it happens all the time. It’s only because the person you happen to know that it leaves a deep impression.
I resigned in October.
It just so happened that the monthly report was due that day.
We asked for the monthly report to include our hours worked for the month, and if we didn’t exceed three hundred hours, we would take the blame, the leader would talk, and performance would be minimal.
I had worked 300+ hours in the previous months.
The only disadvantage was that I didn’t dare to take leave, and if I took leave, I couldn’t reach it in any way.
When the epidemic was at its worst, the leader called and told me to go back to work, so I went back to Shanghai.
I worked six days a week and took a day off on Saturday to lie down, not wanting to do anything.
Fifteen square meters, watching the sky darken a little.
Wake up on the bed to play with the phone, play tired to stare at the ceiling, the whole day.
Order a takeaway to get up and eat, and then continue to lie.
The room is so messy, but I don’t want to clean it up, I have to go to work again tomorrow.
At four o’clock in the afternoon, I will suddenly be particularly sad. My own day is just wasted. No more.
Maybe I should go out for a walk. But I don’t want to go out, I’ve lost that courage. I’ve lost my energy, I’ve become a loser.
There’s no way out. It’s hard to change.
There are so many people in China, there will always be a million people who can replace you. You do not want to be 996, and there are many people who are happy to ask for 007 and do not want to pay overtime.
Just like you did not want to be a slave, but there are more than a hundred want to be a slave to you enviously, at any time want to replace you, always eyeing your slave status …… does not feel the shackles on your hands than the Tiffany limited edition also shiny?
What can I do?
There are many people who envy me, they feel that the struggle of life is the most meaningful. They want to get into a big factory but they can’t.
Can I explain to them how hard I’ve worked? I can’t.
As long as they live in the world, who does not work hard? The stall sellers do not work hard? Sanitation workers do not work hard? Isn’t it hard for those who move bricks on construction sites?
All people work hard, but few people seem to forget the feeling of happiness because of their work.
There is nothing wrong with struggle itself, but the most unacceptable thing is.
The most unacceptable thing is that you have to suffer, but you are still an ordinary person.
At that time, I was so tired every day that I would break down and cry.
Sometimes I worked late into the middle of the night, then went to the toilet and cried, not in a whisper, but in a bawl. People look at me, I do not feel.
Suddenly feel no point in living, feel good to die.
People live in the world, is to suffer?
One time, the subway broke down and was late for work. I was late.
A minute late to deduct about half a day’s salary, that is my hard-earned money.
Everyone was furiously asking for proof of lateness at the desk, except me, who was bawling away from the crowd.
The station manager of the Loushanguan Road subway station came out to comfort me and asked what was wrong.
Everyone was looking at me, but I was still crying, as if the situation would improve if I fell into some kind of self-pity and self-hurt emotion.
Thinking about everything for over a year was like a dream. The past ten months or so have felt like a month to me intuitively.
One time I worked late until after four o’clock and felt particularly uncomfortable. Chest tightness, can not get air.
I went back to sleep and went back to work the next day.
By the afternoon it was unbearable, almost crawling downstairs to take a taxi to the nearest hospital for emergency treatment.
When I got out of the cab, my feet slipped and I almost fell on the ground of my country.
After going to the hospital, the sister who drew blood for me while telling me: New Year’s Eve day she was on duty, a young man came to the hospital by himself with great vigor, after registering in front of the clinic waiting for the number to be called, the result collapsed, the moment he fell down and began to drag directly into the clinic resuscitation, or died.
I said right, so in time to have fun, what you want to eat, it may be the last meal.
Do the ECG, the doctor’s face gloomy look for half a day, said, you this is no problem, go back to rest on it.
I repeatedly confirmed: I will not die, right? Is it really okay?
The doctor said, “Look at the EKG, it’s not going to happen.
I was prescribed heart pills.
I didn’t mention this to anyone until I left my job.
I put the vial of heart pills on my desk and showed it off to my colleagues like a medal, and joked, “You all have to get on good terms with me so that I can give heart pills to whoever is failing you. Otherwise, hum, wait for death!”
They all laughed: “Where did you buy this stuff?”
I laughed and said I bought it for fun.
Sometimes I ask myself, “Is what I’m doing really meaningful? Is my contribution meaningful? Even if the company becomes the number one company in the world, what does that have to do with me?
Often people think I shouldn’t quit or something. I think that my previous company is so powerful, continue to work in the future will certainly have a future, there is money.
Maybe it’s true that I’m a loser, I’m a coward, and I’m making excuses for my incompetence.
But I always feel that people should always cherish every day of their lives.
Even if you are poor, even if you don’t have any great achievements, what passes is the moment you will never come back.
Time is the wealth that belongs to you alone.
The most important thing is to try to live happily and live up to yourself.
Always think about living up to the expectations of others, in fact, it is very tired. The reason is that no one can really know how you feel, and other people’s feelings can’t replace your feelings.
Someone always says every day that you have to work hard, you have to struggle, you have to improve yourself when you go to college, you have to improve yourself after you work, you have to improve yourself when you have free time.
It feels like a waste not to improve yourself, to improve yourself is a meaningful life.
Why must we improve ourselves, people this life is so short, do what you want to do more good.
Elevated particularly high, suddenly hung up is not a white elevated.
When you die, a few words of light, staged sensationalism, there is no meaning.
Life is short, do not waste it. Cherish every day, cherish the people in front of you.
Just like the song in “Tourbillon
“I’ve got a lot to offer.
The fact is that I have used up everything I have.
I’ve given a few heartbeats.
I’ve given a few heartbeats in exchange for a bunch of invoices.
One is worth a few seconds less in life.
Buy an extra watch.
The seconds are caught tightly.
And the skin is secretly loose.
Why do you use it up?
I know what is important.
Remember the lesson about time.
Turn back. It’s dark.
You have given ten inches of time and minutes.
You’ve given ten inches of time and minutes, and you’ve gotten ten inches of gold.”
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