Before this, although I hesitated for a long time, but finally decided to write down this seemingly ridiculous, but actually sad years. Regardless of the scar was opened the moment of the pain, because, less and less informed people, and friends can chat sincerely the opportunity is not much, I do not want it to be annihilated in the memory. My “associates” and friends were not named because they did not want to look back on the pain of the past.
When we from the beginning of the Cultural Revolution that kind of body facing turbulence, the tide of change before the advent of the hormonal expansion of the fever gradually awake, they began to hesitate. From the response to the call to care about national affairs began, the documents learned, the quotations back. In accordance with the “suspension of revolution” notice, we do not lag behind, also took to the streets to sweep a pass of the four old, wrote a few big posters, a few times the teacher, everything to listen to the instructions, step by step are closely followed.
As a result, we were unceremoniously kicked out of the game circle and had to pack up and go home by the farce of “recommending a higher education” with a show of hands after turning over the archives and checking three generations. Unexpectedly, two newspapers and a periodical issued a message that we should go back to school to make a revolution. Difficult for the teachers from door to door mobilization, drawing a can not quench hunger cake, to pull back to the school, free and easy is not when. In fact, the resumption of classes is a cover, the textbook did not, the teacher pulled over, who give you classes?
Our group, as the third year of junior high school graduating class, plus the black five family background, waiting to pick up the book fantasy has become elusive. The farce of the “recommended study”, although it has been “passed” in the past, but for us is not a “warning”.
A few of us “fellow sickers” used to loiter about the old streets, listening to our own confused footsteps on the flagstones. Also often in the dark night, lying in bed with eyes open, staring at the ceiling number grid, looking up to the day, the day high beyond a helping hand, overlooking the ground, the ground wide beyond support. We are united by a common destiny, and despair and uncertainty about the future, like a scorpion, devour our hearts all the time. We sigh, we cynicism, we hope, we grieve. We begin to drink in sorrow, learn to smoke in confusion. All this happened around the turn of 1967 and 1968.
“Liangshan is forced on”, this word after thoroughly tempered, reasonable. In no way to go, no way to retreat in the dilemma, we happen to think of a person, think of a word, think of a picture. That man was Zhou Enlai, who said the words “you can’t help yourself, you can choose your way”. The picture was of him holding his back and smiling with a group of female educated youth in Shanghai, talking with sincerity and sincerity (maybe that’s what he said) at the Shihezi Farm in Xinjiang Province.
We seem to be in the long dark night, suddenly appeared in front of a bright gap, “Xinjiang” “Shihezi” suddenly became our ideal of Xanadu. With this person said this sentence, there certainly will not be “discrimination” “exclusion”, we almost at the same time thought of going to the “Shihezi Xinjiang” idea. We are confident that “as long as we have a red heart, we will make new achievements for the people”. Our hearts suddenly rose a “go to Yan ‘an” like solemn and solemn.
The idea set, we will be busy planning. After the Cultural Revolution series, we have some travel experience. We settled on a route from Chaohu Lake to Bengbu by climbing the “tantrams” (open trains that carry coal). Buy a platform ticket and catch the bus from Shanghai to Urumqi every day, which stops at Bengbu. It’s easy to get on the bus as long as you squeeze on. We decided to start in August, which is the best weather time in Xinjiang. A painstaking action plan came out from then on. We thought it was perfect. The song “Xinjiang is a good place” hung in our mouths all day long.
The last part was the most difficult. In order to ensure a smooth trip, we agreed to keep the secret from our families and tell them when we got there. But we need basic financial support, at least food for a week on the train, and we won’t be able to get there quickly. So we started splitting up to go home and make excuses to get some money.
My mother is a village teacher. Since my father “went away”, my mother took me and my sister to live together. Being a bad liar, I could not stand being questioned by my mother and had to tell the truth. My mother did not blame me, she only sighed deeply, said that we were young, social experience, such a blind choice is too hasty, advised me to wait patiently. I also said a lot of empty talk about “as long as the green hills are there, there will be no shortage of firewood”, but I was determined to do it and would not turn back no matter how much I advised.
Finally, my mother said she would go to the city to inquire about the situation there and make arrangements. I don’t know who my mother asked about it (it turns out she didn’t ask about anyone at all), but when she came back from the county, she told me that it was on the border with the Soviet Union and was now very tightly controlled. The army reclamation farm will not accept foreigners casually, and will be returned as “blind”. The news completely crushed me.
In this way, in the mother’s tears and “lies” block, our action plan eventually aborted, other several “associates” and I have a similar fate. We lost a possible to become xinjiang person, become a “soldier of farm cultivation” opportunity, notice a “soldier” name is to us, it is to have how old allure!
The “escape” attempt, to the mother brought a deeper concern. Before long, my mother sent me to a small private clinic in the county seat and began my apprenticeship. I was “out of the classroom” in less than two months. Originally, there is a new spirit above: rural students return home, urban students jump the queue, a thunder world ring, all when farmers, the country is the same.
It seems that the tempo of the “Up the Mountain and Down the Rural” movement in the big cities lingered until the second half of 1969. In October 1968, we sent away the first batch of educated youth who jumped the queue to settle down. In fact, we were in such a hurry to make beds and seats for primary school graduates who had been “left behind” for three years.
It was two months after he left for the countryside that the great maxim about the “necessity” of re-education first appeared in the headlines of party newspapers. It is said that some hesitate to enjoy the “glory” of the students, street units will be “beating gongs and drums” to “send glory”. If there is a “toast do not eat”, simply moved to the household, cut off for food, and finally “poor figure dagger see”.
I was quite active, fearing that I would not be “honored”, and finally made it into the first batch of the red honor list, which was easy. The day of the farewell party opened very warm, red flag flying gongs and drums noisy sky. Finally looking forward to our “wave” “forward” happy moment, we seem to be about to go to the front of the soldiers, feel a kind of never experienced pride. A bundle of festive sunshine, a sweep earlier “fugitive action” after frustration pressure in the heart of the depressing and grievances.
When the farewell party was over, instead of chasing the noise, I immediately followed the departure of the motorcade, but left alone. My heart is reluctant to give up, in the acceptance of my nearly six years of the long campus wandering aimlessly, always want to find something worth remembering. In the classroom, doors and Windows were broken, tables and chairs were broken, grass knee-deep in the nursery, flowers and trees were haggard. Several old staff feebly dragging a big broom……
At last, there was nothing left but a clean empty space.
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