It is said that Chinese families are more affectionate, I think: not necessarily.
In fact, each society has its own set of guidelines, a dead line, this dead line once crossed, the so-called affection will not need to talk about.
And each society’s dead line is different.
When I was a child, I read a story in the United States “READER’S DIGEST” (“Reader’s Digest”), and I was very impressed.
A family of two brothers, the brother is a rule, normal work and marriage kind.
The younger brother ate, drank, and took drugs to become incompetent.
One day, all of a sudden, the brother was sick, uremic syndrome, the need for kidney replacement, the brother and he was successfully matched.
The brother was ambivalent: should I donate?
Their mother said: Of course I want you to donate, but it’s okay if you don’t.
Every doctor and social worker said the same thing, all sounding exactly the same.
Finally, after thinking it over, the brother donated.
Then that Christmas, the brother drove back to his parents’ house happily, found his brother smoking, and broke down.
–The person who has received organ donation, to stop smoking and drinking to live a healthy life, because after all, it is not the native organ, every day to eat anti-rejection drugs, where can withstand such destruction.
He accused his brother: that’s my kidney, why don’t you take care of it?
The brother said: Then you take it back.
In a fit of rage, he turned around and drove back to go on his own.
On the way, he cried uncontrollably, and happened to pass by a church, so he went in to pray, and finally said to himself: “What is given to him is his, and his brother can treat his own body.
And drove back to his parents’ house, only to find that his brother was also crying.
And the mother told him: the brother has been trying to get rid of drugs and alcohol, but also often go to a variety of quit quit group, but also participated in psychotherapy.
So the brother was reunited.
When I told this story to my friends, almost every one of them had the same reaction: I shouldn’t donate it to my brother. Where do you take a healthy person’s kidney and give it to a drug addict? It’s a mess.
Others said: It was the mother who favored her youngest son and must have done a lot of convincing. She was selfish and pitted the older son.
— that is, in China, drug use is a dead line that cannot be touched.
When it is touched, the family is supposed to disown all six relatives. Tolerance for drug addicts is unwarranted.
Western society, on the other hand, is far more tolerant of drug use than China is.
In Dewey the Cat, the author ends up writing about her older brother who died of drug addiction with a lot of emotion.
Another thing that I feel is a dead line for Chinese families is the sexuality of underage girls and childbirth.
Oprah, the talk show diva, has had divorced parents since she was a child; she was raped by her cousin at the age of twelve or thirteen and had a child (who later died) at fourteen.
She was sent to her father’s home by her mother at the age of fourteen, and her father and stepmother were strict with her, requiring her to recite 20 words a week or not eat. Her father created a syllabus for her education, on the basis of which he would oversee, structure and guide her growth, reading, reading and reading again. Each week, she had to complete the requirements of both her parents and stepmother – and she quickly stood out.
Would a girl who is so “degenerate” at such a young age in China be loved and nurtured by her family?
I once wrote on Weibo about a story that happened in the United States, about a young girl from the lower class who fell in love with her boyfriend and had a child at the age of 15 or 16, and whose family (including her parents, grandparents and sisters) helped her take care of the child and encouraged her to continue her education.
Not only did she take over the child’s child, but she also understood that it was just a thought she had, and that it did not mean she was a bad child, and that “no one can be a good mother and a good student at the same time,” and took over the burden of raising the child to assist her in her future path.
Could this story happen in China?
I really don’t know.
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