I was born in the eighties in a small city in the north. Like most children of the 1980s, I was an only child.
In China in the 1980s, every family was a worker who ate a big pot of rice, and there was almost no gap between the rich and the poor.
At that time, my mom and dad were also ordinary working people, mom in the factory, dad in the office. My family was of medium means, not much different from most people of my age.
When I was young, the adults’ monthly salary was not much left over except for paying the necessary household expenses. And they have to save a little money to pay respect to their parents, to buy household appliances. The family’s electric fan ah TV ah are mom and dad just married so save money to buy, the refrigerator washing machine is a later thing.
At that time, the children’s snacks ah toys ah not now such a wide range, when I was small kiosk is even very little, in the summer there are very old grandfather riding a bicycle, the back of the car put a foam box, foam box wrapped with a thick cotton pad. The box is our favorite children eat white sugar ice-cream.
When I was a kid, there was little entertainment on TV except for two fixed TV channels to watch. So the elderly and children of every family came out in the summer after dinner to cool off in the family courtyard. The old people sat around with small benches and chatted, while the children ran around, girls jumped on the leather bands and boys played marbles, or boys and girls played hide-and-seek together.
At that time, the grandfather of the ice cream seller always in the summer sun shining hot afternoon, riding or pushing the ice cream cart shuttle in various buildings, full of energy and rhythmically shouting: ice cream – sugar – ice cream!
Whenever they heard such a shout, the children in each household began to beg the adults, and the adults were really annoyed but gave a dime or two of change, they leapt out clutching the money, and then responded loudly: Ice-cream sellers! I want to buy ice cream! I want to buy ice cream!
Every neighborhood, the ice cream truck always surrounded by many people, there are old people and children, and girls and daughters-in-law, everyone laughing and joking, while eating ice cream while dispersed.
Just sometimes, business will also be bad. I don’t know which day inexplicably, the people who buy ice cream will be few. Then the old grandfather is very anxious, because there is no refrigerator to save, the ice cream melted off for nothing to lose money. So he would work extra hard, shouting desperately around the small children playing: ice-cream – big pieces of ice-cream! Sweet and cold ice-cream!
Often you can see because adults do not give to buy and stand by the ice cream truck refused to leave the little children, pulling the adult’s coat corner skimming mouth begging, adults are determined not to buy, the little children began to sob, not long before they began to bawl. Many adults feel humiliated, and finally frowned to buy, the child broke into tears and smiled. But from then on, it began to learn to blackmail adults in this way.
Because they are only children, adults are very spoiled for children.
Growing up my mom and dad spoiled me. The cooking is always her and dad eat two vegetables fried a little bit of meat, and then cooked a small portion of meat dishes specifically for me. Sometimes it was meat stew, sometimes it was scrambled eggs, sometimes it was a small portion of pork liver. In short, I grew up eating a small stove, and my mom and dad loved me in this way.
But when it comes to asking for things, my mom once told me, using the example of other children, that when adults can’t meet your requests for some reason, when there are things you can’t buy, you should never pester adults to ask for them endlessly. On the one hand, this will look very humiliating outside, and on the other hand, mom and dad will not only not buy you, but also think you are a child who will make things difficult for people, which will make us feel angry. For example, when you see people selling ice gourds from carts in the evening in winter, they walk through a lot of dusty roads all day, and the sugar-covered ice gourds must be covered with a lot of dust, so they won’t buy them for you. But if you cry at this time, your mother will only be angry, and you will still get nothing in the end.
So from that time on I understood that sometimes, what you can’t get is not so good, and it will be difficult for others, and you won’t be able to take advantage of it.
So I would never embarrass my mom and dad by crying for a thing.
At that time, the neighbors were very familiar with each other. We knew each other well enough to know who had a fight and who was making dumplings tonight. When my aunts and uncles came back from work, I would always greet them loudly. They would often buy snacks and fruits to bring to the children in the family, and some of the children playing in the family courtyard would stare at the bags they were carrying, and when the adults were embarrassed, they would take some out of their pockets to give to the neighbor’s children.
Mom once told me privately: baby, if this is the case, aunts and uncles to give you something, you want it? I looked my mom in the eyes and hesitantly shook my head.
Mom said: Why?
I said: I don’t know.
Mom said: because that is the adults had to give you because of the face, because you saw, do not give said.
I nodded my head.
Mom said again: people buy a little something for the children to eat, not really give us, so we can not take.
I nodded again.
I said, “Mom, who can give you something?
Mom said: relatives, such as grandparents, grandparents, and aunts and uncles, they are sincere in giving you.
I nodded my head again.
From then on, no matter what good things people bought, I knew they were not mine, and my eyes would not stay on them for more than 3 seconds. Neighborhood aunts and uncles will sometimes stuff my hands, I will put the original back into their bags. I don’t want anything that is not sincerely given, and I don’t want anything that doesn’t belong to me.
When it comes to childhood, there are so many so many warm memories. However, these two simple truths were taught to me by my mother when I was 4 or 5 years old. They played a very important role in my later growth, especially in the relationship.
Many girls, will cry and say they can’t let go, not willing, I want I want so bad. Maybe that’s because you grew up learning to cry and blackmail adults while getting ice cream. And you forget that only your mom and dad in this world will spoil you, others do not.
There are also many girls who see something good and feel they must get it, even forgetting if the other person is sincere about giving it to you. Nor do they even know what kind of embarrassment and pressure they are bringing to others.
There are some things that are really so simple, so simple that it is just a matter of an ice cream. It’s like a very popular saying that says boys should be raised poor and girls should be raised rich. The purpose of poor parenting is for men to know how to build up a sense of responsibility from a young age and know how to fight. Girls should build up a sense of self-esteem from a young age, so that one day they will not run away with someone else for an ice-cream. I do think, rich and poor are not the most important, the important thing is your perception. Your perception will create the way you act.
Those who will roll around as a child, when they grow up, is not in the same way in the relationship roll around the ground?
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