The best comfort is not in the words, but in the actions that show that I am with you. The best comfort is also not the comfort itself, but to raise each other’s expectations for the future.
How can we tell if a girl is an ordinary girl or a standard woman? The criterion is not their muscle content, facial contour or hair length, but what she will do when she complains to you if you offer a solution?
The average girl will complain even more and even turn to blame you, crying bitterly, saying that you don’t understand her at all and making you deeply hate yourself for being talkative. And once the female man accepts your suggestion, she starts to analyze the feasibility with you and then gets up and goes to implement it.
From a male perspective, any complaint behind implies a specific problem that should be solved by please the intellectual part of the human being. And there is no doubt that out of male arrogance, he is of course the obvious choice for this intellectual character. So, all kinds of tragedies come from this, and men have to take a bowl of oral donkey liver and lung soup to heal their internal wounds.
Identify the problem, clarify the problem, find a solution, this is the male thinking. The vast majority of women do not follow this path, and how to solve the problem compared to their own feelings are more important. What she needs is not a method, but for you to know how upset she is at the moment and how much she is hurting inside.
Many philosophers have taught us that when they complain, just be patient and listen. However, this is an extremely difficult thing for most men to do. Because the problem is right there, like a dull, fat deer standing just twenty paces away that can be easily pounced on with a bow and arrow, javelin, blowpipe, rope pocket, or flying axe. Then it can be braised, stewed, cassoulet, charcoal grilled, air dried …… such a strong temptation to speak up: why don’t you ……
And on the girl’s side, when she feels aggrieved and sad, it will be very natural to think that she should be right in the center of the stage. The spotlight hits down, and from this moment to forever, it’s time for her monologue. And you repeatedly interrupt her, ask all kinds of questions and suggestions, simply an unlucky audience who does not know what to do, completely corrupted her state of mind, you can not hold tears gently nod and applause?
The reason why a woman is a woman is because her emotions and thinking are similar to men, listen to you a few sentences, actually get up and leave the stage, looking for a blade to go out, which is the rhythm of chopping the chicken head and burning yellow paper to worship as a brother. When a girl can see her self-feelings as a result of a problem, then she is unlikely to have too many moments to complain, because she has the ability to solve. And when a girl doesn’t have a problem, what does she need a boyfriend for? This is the fundamental reason why it is difficult for a girl to find a boyfriend.
Back to the point, when a girl complains, the right choice for the average male is to be a comic relief actor. Simply say the following over and over again, paying attention to the rhythm and not saying too much.
Huh?
Oh!
Ugh!
Really?
And then what?
Is that so?
That’s so unbelievable!
You’re right!
I support you!
Advanced level men can memorize some Lu Qi quotes and choose the right time to read them out. If the other party looks at you with a strange look, then hurry up and stop talking. If the other party looks at you with teary eyes, with a grateful expression and says: Yes, you said it so well! How do you know so well? The next thing you can do is ask her to borrow money or ask her to take you to dinner.
Elite level men can be antelope in this regard, without a trace, but it can bring back a lifetime of memories. Many years ago, there was a girl who had just lost her next of kin. It was a winter night, and the house was full of people coming in and out to help with the funeral. She ran to the backyard alone and sat on a bench looking at the bare persimmon trees in the yard.
At that moment, a male classmate, with whom she seldom spoke, came in and sat side by side with her on the bench. She thought he was going to say those comforting words again, they were so much that she felt bored, so she didn’t say anything. The male student was equally silent, and the two sat side by side for a long time in the cold winter night.
Finally the male student broke the silence by pointing to the persimmon tree in front of him and saying, “Are these persimmons sweet? She didn’t know why, so she opened her mouth with the topic. So the two of them discussed persimmons for half an hour, until they discussed whether they should be pruned and grafted tomorrow in the spring. Then, the male student got up to say goodbye, without saying a word of condolence or comfort from the beginning. Twenty years later, whenever she recalls that scene, she feels that it was the warmest comfort she had ever received.
The best consolation is not in words, but in actions that show that I am with you, like sitting together on a bar stool in the winter night. The best comfort is also not the comfort itself, but the one that raises the other person’s expectations for the future, even if it is for a persimmon tree.
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