My maids were off and I waited downstairs for my daughter to come home. When she returned, we both went upstairs in silence. At the stairway, she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly, signifying to say good night to me. I seemed to have a lot to say to her, I wanted to tell her how much I loved her! How precious she was to me, a comfort to me. But a cloud of miserable and sad emotions clogged my throat. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to say anything, so I didn’t say anything.
“I’ll never forget today’s birthday.” My daughter said quietly.
When she went back to her room, I closed the window to shut out the noise from the road. This seemed to lighten the sound a bit, but the room was stuffy and familiar because the cool breeze couldn’t get inside. There was a constant parade on the road. The sound of young men and women chanting slogans and taking revolutionary steps with fervent revolutionary enthusiasm still came into the room in bursts.
I went into the study and pulled a book off the shelf, but couldn’t read a word of it. I put the book down and wandered aimlessly around the room. I re-arranged the flowers in the vase, cleaned up the ones that had withered, added some water to the vase, put the painting on the wall in place, and caressed the finely carved patterns on the tooth carvings, while the parade outside continued, and even if they didn’t pass by my door, I could still hear the ear-splitting sound of gongs and drums. I wandered aimlessly around the room and paced to Manning’s room. She did not hear my gentle knocking, I gently pushed the door open and found her asleep. Her black hair was scattered on the white pillow, and her sweet face looked so calm and peaceful. The soft light coming through the door shone on my husband’s face embedded in a silver photo frame placed on the cabinet by her bed, and I gently closed the door behind me.
I have only two loved ones in my heart, one is dead and the other is still alive, but what awaits her in the future? Fate, it is unpredictable.
“Take care of yourself and take care of Manning, I’m sad for having to leave you both so early.”
I remembered again what my husband said to me in his faint voice when he was dying. It was nine years ago. He asked me to take good care of Man Ping, and I have done so. I have watched my daughter grow into an adult, and my heart was filled with infinite comfort, she was very intelligent, beautiful and enthusiastic, and I was very relieved for her. But now, since the Cultural Revolution began, a dark cloud has been hanging over us. When I think of the future, I just feel that nothing is certain. For the first time in my life, I feel unable to take the wheel of my life or to guide my daughter. These thoughts terrify me.
I had lived my life by constantly overcoming obstacles, meeting new challenges, adapting to new situations and having fun. After the death of my husband in 1957, my heart was broken and I almost felt that I had no confidence left to live. I believe that the only way to heal my wounds and regain my courage is to adopt a positive attitude and to overcome difficulties one by one.
In China, since ancient times, when a woman loses her husband, she also loses the value of her own life. In fact, they are no longer “human beings” and are only laughed at by their neighbors, and there is the saying “there are many wrongs in front of a widow’s door”. Although the People’s Government enacted a new marriage law in 1952 to protect women’s rights and oppose patriarchy, there was still a certain prejudice against widows and spinsters. Chinese society, it seems, does not welcome or take pride in women who can stand on their own feet.
When I first started working at Asean, the senior Chinese employees were surprised to see a woman with no business experience leading their work. I had to repeatedly demonstrate my ability to earn their respect and trust. Nothing interested me more than taking on new challenges and overcoming difficulties. I am happy and proud that I was able to maintain the same standard of living after my husband’s death. But never in my life have I been more confused and frustrated than during the Cultural Revolution. As far as I know, whenever a Chinese person is assigned to a senior position in a foreign company, he or she must first be vetted by the Federation of Industry and Commerce and the Shanghai Public Security Bureau. Since the Public Security Bureau has everyone’s file, the government should have had a thorough understanding of me. There seems to be no reason to vet me. Vinnie, Li Jing and Mr. Hu, on the other hand, all decided that I was in danger and would be the target of this campaign. I really didn’t know what I should do, except to resolutely refuse to write a false account. But if I did, it would definitely put me in confrontation with them, and what would be the consequences of such confrontation? What would be the effect on my daughter? I stood outside my daughter’s bedroom, in a state of despair, with no way out of heaven and no way in, and all I could do was pray and plead for God’s protection.
In the days since Chairman Mao received the first Red Guards in Beijing and praised them, the roads of Shanghai became a world of Red Guards. It was announced in the newspaper that the Red Guards’ task was to sweep away the Four Olds – the old culture, the old customs, the old ideas, and the old habits. There was no clear concept of the word “old”, it was all up to the Red Guards to decide. First, they changed the names of the roads in Shanghai. The largest road along the Bund of the Huangpu River was renamed Revolutionary Avenue. Another major road was also renamed to commemorate the August 1st Military Day. The road where the Soviet Consulate was located was renamed Anti-Revolutionary Road. The road in front of the British Consulate was renamed Anti-imperialist Road. I also found out that the road where my house is located was renamed Ouyanghai Road. This was in honor of a soldier, Ouyang Hai, who gave his life to pull away a horse that had scurried onto the railroad tracks because it was frightened. The Red Guards were also discussing whether to reform the red and green traffic lights as well, because, they thought, red should mark the revolution moving forward, not stopping. By this time, the traffic lights had also stopped being open.
They smashed the flower stores and craft stores because they thought that only the rich had money to buy these boring things. They inspected all the other stores one by one, and destroyed or confiscated any goods that they did not like, or that they considered unsuitable for socialist society. Their demands were extremely strict. Because they believed that a socialist should not sit on a sofa, all the sofas, at once, were like beasts of prey, not to be approached. In addition, such as Simmons mattresses, velvet satin, cosmetics, Western fashionable clothes, all thrown on the road, waiting to be pulled out and burned.
According to Chinese practice, the store in the name, often take the auspicious signs, such as “rich” silk store, “delicious thought” food store, “Tianlu” shoes and hats store – -Even in 1956, when the government put the stores into joint ventures, the names of the stores were not changed. Now, the Red Guards ordered them to change their names to revolutionary names. Many store managers did not know how to choose a new name, but the most popular name was “Dongfang Hong”, the title of a song in praise of Mao Zedong, which almost replaced the Chinese national anthem during the Cultural Revolution. The merchandise displayed in the windows was removed and replaced by portraits of Mao. So when people walked in the commercial district, the stores with the same name on both sides of the road made it confusing as to what they were selling, while at the same time giving people a very nervous feeling that there were hundreds of pairs of Mao’s eyes on them.
Every day, my maids always brought me information about the Red Guards’ terrible actions, and I was so curious about it that I wanted to venture out and see for myself.
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