Love is a positive, not a negative emotion. In general it can be expressed in another way, that love is first and foremost a giving and not a getting.
What is “giving”? This question may seem easy to answer, but in fact it is complex and has a double meaning.
A very popular misconception is to interpret “giving” as giving up, having something taken away from you or making a sacrifice. This is how a person whose character has not moved beyond the stage of acceptance, exploitation or greed understands giving.
A “mercantilist” is also ready to give, but always through exchange. Only “giving” without “getting For him it is cheating. Those who are basically non-productive in character structure have a feeling of having something taken away from them. Therefore, most people of this type refuse to give anything to others.
Some people, however, turn “giving” into a self-sacrificial virtue. They believe that because “giving” is painful, they should do it. The virtue of giving is to be prepared to sacrifice, and for them, giving is better than For them, the rule that “giving” is better than “getting” means that it is better to endure loss than to experience pleasure.
Creative people have a completely different understanding of giving. They believe that “giving” is the highest expression of power, and that it is precisely through It is precisely through “giving” that I can experience my power, my “abundance It is through “giving” that I can experience my power, my “abundance”, my “vitality”. Experiencing the sublimation of my life force fills me with joy. I feel alive, and I rejoice. “Give” is more pleasant than “get ” brings more joy, not because “giving It is not because “giving” is a sacrifice, but because by “giving” I express my vitality.
It is not difficult to recognize the validity of this principle if we use it to explain various special phenomena.
The most basic example can be found in the category of sexuality. The culmination of a man’s sexuality is an act of giving: the man gives his sexual organ to the woman, and at the moment of orgasm he gives his semen to his partner. He must do this as long as he is not impotent. If he cannot give, he is impotent.
The same is true of the woman, only the expression is a little more complicated. The woman surrenders herself, she opens the door to the female interior, and while receiving she also gives, and if she is incapable of giving and can only receive, she is impotent. The act of giving in the woman is also expressed in her role as a mother. She gives her nourishment to the fetus in her womb, and later to the baby for breastfeeding and giving maternal warmth. The inability to give is extremely painful for the woman.
To give in the context of the material world is wealth. It is not the one who has possessions who is rich, but the one who gives to others who is rich.
The miser who fears to suffer loss, no matter how many possessions he has, is a poor and miserable person from the psychological point of view. The person who is willing to give what he has to others is rich, and he feels that he is a person who has the ability to help others.
Only those who do not even have the necessities of life cannot experience the pleasure of helping others. But everyday experience tells us that the measure of having enough necessities depends on both the actual possessions of a person and the nature of his character.
It is well known that the poor are often more willing to give than the rich. Nevertheless, poverty beyond a certain point often prevents many people from giving, and this is precisely what is so frustrating – not only because the poverty of the poor can be seen in it, but also because the poor are deprived of the joy that giving brings.
But the most important category of giving is not the material one, but the particular one that people have. What can a person really give to others? He can give to others the most precious thing he has, his life. But this does not necessarily mean that he must give his life for others, but that he should give to others what is alive within him.
He should share with others his joy, interests, understanding, knowledge, humor, and sorrow – in short, everything that is alive in him. By his giving, he enriches others, and at the same time, as he increases his own sense of life, he also increases the other’s sense of life. He does not give in order to gain, but through his giving, he inevitably evokes something vital in the other person.
Thus his giving also consists in making the receiver a giver, and both parties are filled with joy because of the awakening of a certain vitality within them. In the act of giving something new is born, and both the giver and the receiver are grateful for this new power.
This is expressed in love: to be without the life force is to be without the ability to create love. Marx expresses the above idea extremely beautifully. He said: “If you take as a prerequisite that man is man and that his relation to the world is a relation full of humanity, then you can only exchange love for love and trust for trust.
If you want to appreciate art, you must be an artistic person; if you want to influence others, you must be a person who can facilitate and inspire them. Every relationship you have with people and nature must be a specific expression of your true personal life, in accordance with the object of your will.
If you are loving others but not evoking them, that is, if your love as a love does not produce love in the other person, if as a person who is loving you cannot transform yourself into a person who is loved, then your love is weak and a misfortune. “
Not only does “giving” in love mean “getting “. The teacher learns from his students, the actor is inspired by the audience, and the psychoanalyst heals himself by healing others’ illnesses, the prerequisite is that the person who gives should not see the other person as an object of his help, but should establish a real, creative and close relationship with him.
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