Children are always the treasure of their Parents‘ hearts, and they are afraid of melting in their mouths and falling in their hands. Parents want their children to grow up in a happy environment, but I do not know how much impact some of the performance between parents will have on the psychology of children, parents and parents to be parents to understand the following eight things, so that they put up a good example in the hearts of children.
1, parents quarrel
There was a child psychology research institute on more than 3,000 school-age children conducted a psychological survey, one of which is “what are you most afraid of mom and dad”, the most answered: “I am most afraid of mom and dad angry, afraid of their quarrel. One answer sheet was very vivid: “I am most afraid of my father being angry, he looks so fierce when he is angry! Put mom are angry cry, I was scared like a little mouse, heart straight flutter, can not eat ……”
Parents think that children are still young, what the couple say and do, it does not matter to children. In fact, the children’s big, bright eyes have long recorded everything their parents say or do in front of them. Some families, couples quarrel endlessly, full of foul language, and even manual, the Family atmosphere is often in a state of tension, which forms a huge pressure on the child’s psyche; some parents, long-term emotional disagreement, few words at Home, the children living in this atmosphere is very depressing, over Time is bound to damage their mental health, will make the child become indifferent, lonely, obstinate, rude, become psychological aspects of the The child will become psychologically deformed.
Therefore, to create a good family atmosphere for children, is every loving young parents should keep in mind.
2、Parents lose their temper
The child is simply like the Crayola, again in the prank, when you have urged ten times he still does not move the nest, tired parents are often difficult to control their emotions, the child yelled up. Losing your temper with your child will indeed make your child afraid. In fear, those behaviors of the child that upset the parents are temporarily invisible. But what will happen to him? There are several possibilities such as.
-He does what you tell him to do;
-He is stunned and freezes in place.
-He cries out and won’t do what you don’t want him to do, or what you want him to do;
-Like you, he gets angry and throws your beloved vase to the ground.
Children are very sensitive to human emotions. Therefore, a parent’s temper tantrum will definitely affect the child’s behavior and emotions as well. However, the child is still confused as to why the parent is throwing a tantrum. In other words, in many parental tantrums, children do not know what they have done wrong, although they stop the behavior that their parents do not expect.
In Life, it is best not to lose your temper with your child, but if you do accidentally lose your temper with your child, it is best to explain clearly to your child after the tantrum what the child’s problem is and what to do about it, and also to make your child feel cared for and loved through your actions. If possible, it is best to give a warning before losing your temper, such as: “I can hardly hold back my temper, can you hurry ……”, “I am in a bad mood today, you better not… …”. But never because of the guilt after a tantrum, you can relax the requirements of the child, the insistence must be insisted on.
3, eccentric, can not give the same love to children
Last year’s hit movie “Tangshan Earthquake” plot we should still remember, in the Tangshan earthquake, a pair of children were crushed under the same concrete slab, facing only one of the difficult choice of the mother painfully chose the son Fangda, lucky daughter Fangdeng later also survived the disaster, was adopted by a couple of PLA as an adopted daughter. But the daughter resented her mother’s eccentricity, resented the words “save her brother”, experienced a lot of things outside, suffered a lot of hardships are not willing to return home to recognize their relatives, and family separation for a full 32 years.
Parental eccentricity, so that some children grow up in the afterglow of their parents, the same pair of parents of children, pocket money, clothes, trips …… treatment is not the same, which will bring a shadow to the child’s growth. Numerous studies have found that parental eccentricity can have a negative impact on children’s mental health, triggering behavioral problems in childhood, adolescence and even adulthood, and the effects remain even after they have grown up and lived away from home for many years and established their own families. Moreover, children who perceive their mother’s eccentricity can be damaged, whether they are favored, left out, or on the sidelines. The left out child will resent the mother or the favored child, and the favored child will incur the hatred of his or her siblings.
- Parents break faith and lie
Parents don’t keep their word, mostly because of learning. Some parents verbally promise certain conditions around learning, but when the child completes the parent’s request, the parent pushes and pushes when it comes to cashing in. For example, some parents say: hurry up and do your homework, finish your homework and watch TV, but the children finish their homework, parents will leave some learning tasks, so that children continue to learn; some parents promised their children as long as the test scores reach the top, what rewards, the children really test well, but do not get the right reward. Children hate it when their parents make easy promises and fail to keep them, and fail to keep their word and “trick” themselves.
If a parent does not keep his word, he will not only lose his prestige in the eyes of the child, but also be detrimental to the child’s growth and even affect the child’s own image. It will make children who have not yet formed the concept of trustworthy feel that a person can speak irresponsibly, and promise others things can not be done, so that children will easily develop the bad habit of “rash” and “no credit”, and when they become adults, this habit of “losing trust” will make As an adult, this habit of “losing trust” will cost you many friends and opportunities.
To be a parent who is a man of his word, we must not make promises easily or make wishes casually; we must not casually agree to our children’s requests in order to achieve our immediate goals; when our children make requests, we must seriously think about whether such requests are reasonable and whether they can be honored, and if they are reasonable and can be honored, we must seriously commit to them and must honor them.
5, not patiently answer the questions raised by the child
Curiosity is human nature, especially in childhood, curiosity is particularly heavy. But many parents do not pay attention to their children’s problems, not as a good child’s first teacher in life.
Some parents are too annoyed with their children and send them off with a few words. The child may be very young, but he can also feel the attitude of his parents, and the parents’ indifference will make the child think that he should not ask questions, or should not ask this kind of questions, so that he loses confidence in his own abilities. The perfunctory attitude of parents will also make the child gradually lose the enthusiasm to ask questions, but also gradually lose his curiosity and desire to know; half-understood, credible answer, the child is always convinced of the words of parents, you give him the wrong answer, the child will take it as the truth and remember, the wrong idea into the mind, and then to change back is difficult. The excuse of not having time to answer the child’s question is just an excuse and should not be used as a reason. If the parents do not have time to answer the child at that time, they should first affirm the child’s question, then explain to the baby that they are really not available at the moment and promise the baby that they will answer the baby’s question at a special time.
The question is a manifestation of the child’s curiosity, and generally speaking, the child who is good at asking questions is diligent in thinking, loves to do things, and has a strong desire to learn. Parents should give timely affirmation to the child’s questions, so that the child feels that asking questions is a happy thing, and is often proud to ask questions. This has a very good effect on the development of the child’s thinking.
6, unwelcome friends of the child
When children grow up, they also want to have a few genuine friends to share their joys and sorrows with, and I believe that mothers should also want their children to have good interpersonal relationships. But some parents may dislike their children’s little friends because they are not very polite, or are too calculating, or can be bullies, lie, and other shortcomings.
However, as children develop physically and mentally, parents are expected to treat them as “adults” and respect their children’s independent opinions in choosing their friends. If parents keep disciplining and intermittently or uninterruptedly express their dislike for their children’s best friends, it will inevitably cause resentment among the children, thus gradually increasing the gap between the two sides.
Parents should respect their children’s choice of best friends. Parents should look at their children’s best friends from their children’s point of view, be good at role reversal, and respect the choice to maintain their children. Parents need to acknowledge the differences in their choice of friends with their children and respect that difference. Sometimes give your child enough face, and your child will give your parents enough face.
A child’s ability to establish good friendships with others is one of the most basic relationships in human relationships, and it is important to respect the child’s freedom to choose according to the wishes and preferences of both parties.
- Ignore your child’s strengths
As parents, we always want our children to be the best. However, in our eyes, our own children are always not as good as other people’s children. Why is this?
It comes from the mindset of parents who want their children to be the best. However, everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and so do children. As parents live with their children every day, they seem to see their children’s flaws and ignore their strengths.
In real life, parents often compare their children’s shortcomings with other children’s strengths, and even over-glorify and exaggerate other children’s strengths, in order to set an example for their children, but in fact, they bring great harm to their children, and may even affect their children’s life.
Every child has his or her strengths and merits, and although children have different natural abilities, learn things quickly and slowly, and have high and low academic performance, judging a child’s goodness cannot depend on only one aspect.
As a parent, you can’t just rely on a certain aspect such as looks and grades to determine that your child is inferior to others and has no future, but should be good at finding their strengths and discovering what makes them different, always believing that your child is excellent and leaving praise to your own children, so that they can continue to develop their strengths and strengths in the sound of your praise.
- Accuse your child in front of guests
When people come and go, friends and family meet and talk about their respective children, it often becomes one of the important topics.
Many parents like to reveal their children’s shortcomings in front of everyone, as if they are complaining to others, saying how difficult it is to educate such a child. But who knows, they only focus on fault-finding his shortcomings, to win the praise of others some parents, simply said the child into “tofu dregs”. This invariably makes the child feel that he can’t do anything, no one appreciates him, such as learning can’t, looks can’t, socializing can’t, doing housework can’t, let the family suffer for him, also feel that parents are not satisfied with themselves, and parents gradually distant.
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